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Hazy's (Hazy on UKA) UKArchive
136 Archived submissions found.
Title
Thrilled (posted on: 19-12-08)
For the prose challenge. Rushed, so might amend... "Your messed-up life still thrills me" Hazy x ===========================

You always were a bad boy. Should've been a dirty, insomniacal rock star. Instead, you lived on the Sunrise Estate with the rest of us. But you stood out. Always did, always will. Everyone knows your name. Jimmy Cole. The one with the deathwish. Looking out from under that long scruffy hair with your seemingly black eyes, fag permanently hanging from those plump lips. The way you spoke, your lips twitching back and forward but your mouth barely opening. Slurring slightly. The Jimmy Dean of our time. I worshiped him too. It was about eleven o'clock in the Estate pub one night. Seventies' type place. The frontage full of tall windows - two boarded up. Had been for years. I was there with Cathy. A smile prickled my face at the roar of your bike. My fingers crossed in my denim jacket pocket. Please come in. You didn't disappoint. Was like a Western when you stepped foot inside. My mind's eye sees wafts of smoke around you, gun holsters at your side, swing doors and a fat cigar in that gorgeous mouth. Of course it was your usual Benson and Hedges, but that's how I remember it. Everyone watched as you swaggered over and put your arm round me. Fag in mouth as you spoke. "Alright, Babe." You didn't look at me. Didn't get me a drink. From that moment, we were some sort of item, but we never really spoke. Friends told me I was the luckiest girl alive. When I whinged, they silenced me before I could finish. "Do you know how many girls fancy him, Lana?" You never asked my name. I presume you did know it but I was too ashamed to check. You never phoned. Never knocked at my door. Never bought me anything. But I loved you. Deeply. You moved on six months later to Chantelle Simmons. The pretty blonde girl who dressed like Madonna. You still get dead phonecalls. Still answer the door to pizza deliveries and taxis at three in the morning. I watch you from my balcony. Skinny girls come and go. I see you every hour of every day. Not only when you're at the shops, the pub, even the hairdressers, but in my three year old son's eyes. You'll always thrill, excite and captivate me. One day, I'll tell you.
Archived comments for Thrilled
Rupe on 19-12-2008
Thrilled
I think this works really well as it stands - a good piece of flash fiction with no words wasted and an unsettling surprise ending that opens up a can of worms. Good stuff.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Rupe. Wasn't sure if anyone would think it'd worked! First thing I've written in donkey's years, and it was a bit of a rush job to say the least!

All the best,

Hazy x


RoyBateman on 20-12-2008
Thrilled
Ah, why do the women still go for this type? It was never any use me trying... Anyway, that was some time ago! Yes, as Rupe says, you could well go on from that point to all sorts of dirty places. Why not, eh? Good to see you back!

Author's Reply:
Good to see you too, Roy! Yep, I suppose it could go on... definitely another chapter or story in there somewhere! Ta for commenting.

Cheers.

Hazy x

Sunken on 20-12-2008
Thrilled
Hello Ms. Hazy. It's me, sunks. Where have you been!? You treat this site like a hotel! It's fetch me this and fetch me that! Well I've just about had a bloody nuff of it! Ahem. I guess I can let your off tho, if I try. Especially when you come back with such a strong piece. Muchly enjoyed. I could see it all, even your visible panty line. Oh... you didn't mention a visible panty line? Ahem. I best leave. Thank you.

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infra fred does eveything by remote

Author's Reply:
'ello, smunk ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for commenting! Good to see you're still here.

Will try not to treat it like a hotel in future lol (unless someone promises to start leaving a choccie on my pillow!). Sorry, Mister ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy, with no VPL :-p x

Kazzmoss on 20-12-2008
Thrilled
Oh I do love flash fiction like this and I wasn't disappointed. This was the bad boy that girls fall for and Lana was no exception. Love and leave 'em type and that just what he did. And to make it really interesting, you throw in the three year old at the end - me thinks there is another story here - can Lana snare him in the end? Does this bad boy turn?

Author's Reply:
Cheers for commenting, Kazz!

I remember boys like this too. Used to go ice skating every week in my mid-teens and there was this boy, Danny, who everyone fancied. Not so much of a bad boy, more of a heartthrob. Someone said something about him wanting to snog me and we walked to the back of the ice rink, hardly spoke, and snogged lol. Nothing happened after that... very weird. I'd tell him to fk off now and to come out from being up his own arse lol. Were a few others like that who I idolised but probably best keeping the full stories to myself lol.

I might one day start another story or chapter on the back of this!

Hazy x

chrissy on 21-12-2008
Thrilled
I think this is a really well written piece. How you manage to get so much accurate and incisive detail into so few words amazes me. These are all characters we can recognise and relate to without being stereotypes. A really good piece of writing and a jolly good read.

Author's Reply:
Blimey. Was expecting lots of crit lol. It was a very rushed piece, something I banged out straight away and had NO idea where it was going until it got there!

Cheers, Chrissy!

Hazy x

bluepootle on 21-12-2008
Thrilled
Lovely detail to this early on that really sets the scene well. I think you could embellish the detail in the final para to match, and that would give the whole thing a complete, and realistic, feel. But very good as it is, and gave me a shiver... I suppose I assumed she was going to do something very nasty to him...

Author's Reply:
It was the final para that was decided as I wrote it - I had absolutely no idea where I was going with it. Had about two minutes left at work and was typing like mad to finish it as I was out late that night and wouldn't have had time to sub! Left about 3 mins late in the end!

Ah, she still might do something horrible... I dunno yet lol! Nice idea!

Ta for the comment!

Hazy x

discopants on 21-12-2008
Thrilled
Good to see you hanging around these parts again, so to speak, Miss Hazy.

I can picture Jimmy Cole and this unspeaking relationship. There's scope to finish off by showing more of how his life thrills her now and what she does to see that (rather than inconvenience him with fake deliveries/calls etc) or a darker hint of how she might end his 'thrills'.

I'd planned to write something for this challenge but just didn't get around to even thinking about it really...

dp
x

Author's Reply:
'ello deepee ๐Ÿ™‚

Yeah I'd like to tell more of the story. Was just short of time and scribbled down all I could manage just so I could sub something! I seem to write better when I'm rushed lol. Might do a rewrite or another version... yeah, darker could work well, I think.

Take care,

Hazy x

Kazzmoss on 22-12-2008
Thrilled
Hi Hazy, apart from the reference to Madonna, I could see this set in the 70's, when I was a teenager and your reply reminded me very much of those hey days too. Just reading Rupe's reply, have you been missing a while? Me too, first time back since probably the beginning of the year. It is nice to see the same people here, like returning home! (Or checking back into a favourite hotel)

Author's Reply:
Maybe it's the reference to the '70s style estate pub.

I think it's probably something most of us relate to, and see it as set in our own era! I was born in '70 so did my going out in the '80s. I suppose in my mind's eye, I see it as that kinda timezone.

Yep, I've been missing probably more or less for the whole year too. Just been 'frying other fish', really. Got meself a lovely fella and we're getting married in April! Mind you, didn't meet him 'til Aug(!) so he's not really the reason I went awol. Bit of writer's block, me thinks. My dad's been ill on and off for a couple of years now, been preoccupied with that, and been quite involved in a 'smart car' club. Got fed up of all the bitchiness and gossiping on there though!

Good to see you back. Hadn't known you'd vanished! Yep, it is like coming home. I'm really hoping for some inspiration to write again. I hadn't realised how much I'd missed it!! 'tis good to see familiar faces ๐Ÿ™‚

Cheers,

Hazy x

uppercase on 22-12-2008
Thrilled
This is really good. I think I know this person lol...erma

Author's Reply:
Ah, I reckon we all liked someone like that at some stage lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers for the comment, erma. Good to see you ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Anyone But Me (posted on: 21-04-08)
Feeling cynical. Hazy x ======================

She'll not want a future Will live for today She'll work on a checkout for minimum wage She'll never get trollied Or show herself up She'll make no demands And stay happy enough She'll never want out Of her comfortable shell And going abroad Will scare her to hell She'll never want jollies City breaks, she'll detest She'll be scared of flying (in planes, or the nest) She'll share all his interests Do things in a crowd She'll never ask questions About 'us' out loud She'll love him in silence The three words, a waste Uncomfortable moments No longer in place I hope she exists Or he'll end up alone She's probably twelve Or a hundred and one
Archived comments for Anyone But Me
artisus on 21-04-2008
Anyone But Me
wow, very interesting poem, and of course poignant! very nice ending! cheers x

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Nic ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope all's okay with you!

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad ya liked.

Hazy x

Ionicus on 22-04-2008
Anyone But Me
An insightful observation of someone who is not very outgoing and adventurous but don't forget that some people feel safer (and happy) living in their own cocoon.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Luigi,

You have hit the nail on the head. Just about sums up my boyfriend. He hates change. Loves his comfort zone/cocoon (with parents). Has never made a decision (except which car to get, maybe!)/taken responsibility for anything in his life. Everything in that poem is him.

I'm more of an independent spirit. Whether I can kick his arse and he can soften me... well, who knows... but sometimes I feel like I'm dating a teenager :-/

Anyway, it's not like he wants someone like that *points up* but it's what the devil on my shoulder tells me ๐Ÿ™

Hazy x

Elfstone on 22-04-2008
Anyone But Me
Wow, cynical indeed. I liked this though and the material suited the short punchy lines and tight rhythm/rhyme scheme. I wonder if it might be possible to rearrange the last stanza so that the poem ends with the line "Or he'll end up alone." that being the punchline I think; - just a thought/suggestion. Elf.

Author's Reply:
Ta for commenting, Elf ๐Ÿ™‚

I tried to make 'alone' work as the last word, but I couldn't make it fit. Decided the age thing was a bit of a reflection on the poem and it wasn't so much the 'end up alone' that was important, more the fact that any 'average' woman wouldn't want to be with anyone like that. It's something a teenager or someone over 100 might be happy with, but certainly not me!

I just presumed he'd 'grow', but the more I know him, the more sure I am that he's never, ever gonna leave his comfort zone :-/

Hazy x

Rupe on 22-04-2008
Anyone But Me
I liked the way you turn it around at the end. I was thinking, this is a depressing person, but then it's clear she's only a projection of what 'he' might want. Made me think of Lee in 'The Office'...

Rupe

Author's Reply:
The thing is, Rupe, it's not who he wants. He'd be bored stoopid. But he can't see it's how he portrays himself. He needs a giant kick up the backside, or he really will end up with someone like that. He ain't like that... not really... he just doesn't know how to make decisions or take a chance on anyone/life. Gambling's one thing... but taking a calculated risk is another.

Hazy x

Sunken on 23-04-2008
Anyone But Me
Hello Ms. Hazy. I agree with Mr. Luigi's sentiment on this one. Mr. Rupe's comment has also enlightened me a little. I think I'm clearer now than I was when I first read it. I seem to be commenting on comments? I blame coco pops. Anyway, good to see you posting again.

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in his pants

Author's Reply:
You sure lol? My replies will prob confuse you further!

Hope you're doing well, Mr Munk. Not Harry is it? That would be most unfortunate :-O

Coco pops. Hmmm. Yep, I'll blame them too. Guilty as sin.

Take care, hunnybunny,

Hazy x

barenib on 23-04-2008
Anyone But Me
Hello Jo, yes a lot of men seem to conjure up their idea of a perfect woman (I'm sure some women partake in similar idealising) which of course is totally unrealistic and indeed rather dangerous, as they'll never find her. Your poem puts the pitfalls and the sadness of it all very well - John.

Author's Reply:
But you know what, John? It ain't his perfect woman. He just can't move out of his comfort zone. It's who he'll end up with if he's not careful, and be the most bored, regretful, remorseful, unhappiest man alive.

If I told him he'd be best off with someone like that *points up*, he'd flinch and run a mile. I just don't think he sees himself as that. But he really ain't that far off. At least, he ain't doing a bad job of pretending to be someone who's like that.

It's a shame. There's so much to him, but he really doesn't like himself. Doesn't matter who loves him, he's stuck in his own little cocoon.

Ta for commenting,

Jo x

Sunken on 24-04-2008
Anyone But Me
You're right, Ms. Hazy. I am more confused than a penguin with a peanut up his bum. Harry?

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renting a room with duffy on warwick avenue

Author's Reply:
Mr Munk? Harry Munk? Don't tell me you never heard of that LOL.

Oh dear. I'd best go lol.

hazy, in a lower case mood x

RoyBateman on 24-04-2008
Anyone But Me
Oh, cynical indeed...but from your replies, based on fact. We were only chatting here this morning about how different this generation is - generally speaking, we had parents who did a good job and made sure we could set up by ourselves when the time came, and that generally didn't allow for indefinite staying at home. It's where history is so fascinating - you look back to say, 1914-18 and so many of that generation married at 20 or lower (Often 16/17 for girls) and expected to stay married...yes, there were bad marriages, but in most the couple learned that life's about compromising and making the best of it, not just packing it all in if it's not perfect. (We have experience of this attitude and its grim results within our immediate family, so this isn't all hot air!) There's much to be said for leaving home and accepting that it's up to you from then on. Anyway, that seems to be no longer the norm for a lot of young folk. Pity. Oh, good poem - sorry, I got carried away!

Author's Reply:
Well, don't matter now much anyway...

I'm totally with you. At 38, I guess I just slot into the older generation. The 'EX' was 28. Lived with his parents, had never taken responsibility for anything in his life, never even made his own bloody bed.

I moved out at 21. 17 years ago... I never stayed with the bloke I bought a flat with, lasted 7 years in total, lived with him for about 3. But I've always been independent. Was meant to be going away with the ex in May for 4 nights, and he was gonna stay at mine a few days after. Said to me 'that'll be the longest I've ever stayed away from home'. OMFG. A week? At 28? The world's gone mad, I swear.

No more toyboys for me. I want a REAL BLOODY MAN!! I swear to God, he could have been 14 (except for the driving license). Never again...

Hazy x

orangedream on 24-04-2008
Anyone But Me
Golly-gosh, Hazy - I missed this one before and when I read it just now I thought - wow! Hazy's written a poem about me - especially about the flying thingie.

A home-spun lass at heart I guess - boring as I may be, but at least hubby hasn't got fed up with me yet, even after 40 years!

Good poem - expertly penned.

Tina;-)

Author's Reply:
Ta, Orange Tina ๐Ÿ™‚

Have you been tangoed, btw?

Well, I guess there's someone for everyone. I obviously ain't his 'someone'. Was never gonna be. We're worlds apart.

Boring? No way. I love a lot of those things myself. But somewhere down the line you made a commitment to a man. My (now) ex couldn't/wouldn't think further than the end of his nose. I loved him for him. But it obviously wasn't enough. Binned him tonight. He's way too stuck in his 'comfort zone' to fit me in too or consider a future with me.

Ta for commenting,

Hazy x

discopants on 24-04-2008
Anyone But Me
This reminded me of 'Stereotype' by The Specials where they end by concluding that that 'he (the stereotype) doesn't really exist'. I could probably post a link to the song on Youtube but, frankly, I can't be arsed.

OK, so I might have defended him for not saying 'the three words' but if that's *points up* what you more or less think your fella wants, then that's another matter entirely...

Mr Pants

Author's Reply:
If I could be arsed, Mr Pants, I'd google it myself lol. Unlike me not to. I google EVERYTHING! I'm the world's best googler, don't ya know.

Tonight, he lied to me. I know he lied cos I'm a snooping nosy cow lol. It does me no favours, it really doesn't. Anyway... not my fella anymore. Someone else is welcome to him. I binned him, then he said about 'going back to being friends and seeing if he wanted more' (or words to that extent). Fuck that!!

He's a muppet. One day, he'll realise.

Ta for leaving your pawprint. And a very nice pawprint it is too. Always did like a bit of disco...

Hazy x

discopants on 24-04-2008
Anyone But Me
Down girl!

Author's Reply:
*always does as she's told*

:-p

(or should that be :-O) lol

x

Sunken on 24-04-2008
Anyone But Me
What the fcuk? Who's Harry Munk? Are you purposely trying to confuse me? Perhaps this will all make sense after sellotape therapy. Good day!

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ouch, ow, ouch...

Author's Reply:
Oh dear. Perhaps you'd best check out: http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/h.htm (and go down to Harry Munk).

I can't believe you of all people haven't heard that expression lol. Must be a Lundun fang.

(Sorry for delay in replying!!)

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 25-04-2008
Anyone But Me
Poor Hazy,

Nice write on a crappy subject really.

Sorry you felt you had to ditch the guy, shame but that's life-you have to move on and you cannot stay with somebody if you cannot move on together.

Keep smiling.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Si ๐Ÿ™‚

Sorry for the delay!

Yep, I'm very stubborn and impatient. If I feel someone's wasting my time, they're history. And he was not only wasting my time, but his own too.

Grrrrrrr.

Smiling now though ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Romany on 27-04-2008
Anyone But Me
Very bitter but excellent poem.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Aww, cheers for commenting, Romany ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta,

Hazy x


Silly Little Girls (posted on: 21-04-08)
Bitches and muppets. Hazy x ====================

Silly little girls Playing silly little games Injecting suspicion and doubt Into jealous boyfriends' minds Side by side with other men Heads thrown back in laughter Tactile and flirtatious Reel them in Then shove photos in boyfriends' faces All for a bit of finger-bling Leaving poor hapless fools Thinking their luck was in That they stood a chance Were more than a reserve Or a pawn in their game But the smiles meant nothing Eye contact and racing hearts Oblivious to being played The rumours, quashed The connection, faked Occasional texts drip through Promises of lunch or coffee Enough to keep them to heel Puppy dogs on tight leashes And for every dozen of these Silly little girls There's one who's real Who knows how to love Who won't trample over hearts But hapless fools Only want what they can't have And don't appreciate reality They wonder what they did wrong How they misread signals From these silly little girls Or they believe it was real But the timing was shot Deep down, they know the truth They never stood a fucking chance And silly little girls Will keep on playing silly little games
Archived comments for Silly Little Girls
e-griff on 21-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
while superficially this has an apparent meaning, I'm not sure what the point really is. (forgive me) - and poetry? I liked the rhyme of 'bling'/'was in' but searched in vain for some other instances of word-weaving.

It's sort of okay, but leaves me wanting. (more poetry?) G ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:
Probably more my usual thing where I'm writing out what I feel/observe. I'm not much of a rhymer, I'm afraid so you won't find many, just the odd one or two to keep a bit of rhythm. My other one rhymes (as much as I want it to - unlike me not to be pedantic with 'true rhymes/syllable counts') but you certainly won't find rhymes in many of mine!

What's the point of any poem? It's not like a story, you won't find meaning in a lot of them. This one's fairly blatant which is more than most. It's more of an observational poem. 'Some girls' and all that. Sooz did something similar recently where she was generalising 'a certain type of girl'. It's that kinda thing, I guess. Not meant to be particularly ambiguous, or to have a beginning, middle and end.

Ta for commenting,

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 22-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
As a focus point for what certain members of the female clan get up to I thought it worked rather well-however for me it seemed a tad long, just going over the same points. I apologise as I haven't been on and writing for some time so didn't want to annoy you in my observation, you know what I mean..."what the hell does he know" lol. Not that you would be like that Hazy, cos your a good girl and nice ๐Ÿ˜‰

Si...banging on about nonsense ๐Ÿ™‚







Author's Reply:
Nah, that's okay, Si - ta for commenting!

It's one I just can't chop. Can't rewrite. It's personal, and every bit counts. But you know me, I do listen, do take things on board. Trouble is, 'cos this is a personal one and not fiction, there really ain't much I can do with it :-/ I blurt it out, and it tends to stay that way.

In a nutshell, the BF used to like some girl. Was told by others that she liked him back. But the girl was just flirting/playing with him, using him, having her photo taken with him lots, taking pics of him, making him want to do errands for her... and all the time, she was still seeing a BF she'd led him to believe she'd split up with. Been together years. Then she gets a ring on her finger and drops my BF like a tonne of bricks (before we'd properly got together... although we had met once or twice by that time).

He won't/doesn't/can't see it. Thinks she was a friend. Denied liking her. Bollox. I know for a fact that he liked her back. That's not an intuition thing, it is absolute fact.

She still makes contact now and again. I think she's keeping him dangling and would quite happily use him again if her BF wound her up or if they split up. It would really rub his nose in it. Don't think for one second she'd actually be interested in him or would want anything long term, but the BF is a little naive and flattered when a girl like that supposedly fancies him.

I'm older, wiser, more cynical... I know what girls like that are all about, if he chooses not to see it, it's his problem.

I'm just a little pissed off at the mo. I want him to turn round and say, 'You know what? You're right. I wouldn't touch her with a fucking bargepole even if we were both single.'

Men, eh?! lol

Hazy x

Elfstone on 22-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
I read this yesterday, before anyone had commented, but I didn't have time to write anything. It's interesting because I agree to an extent with the 2 comments above. I think there is a very good poem trying to get out of this. Unlike griff I don't think the lack of rhymes is a problem (most of my poems don't so I can understand "I'm not much of a rhymer"), but I do think that it would benefit from tightening up - it would pack more of a punch.
Elf.

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Elf. Do appreciate the comment.

If it was made up, I'd write it completely different. But it's one I've spat out, I think, and there ain't much I can do with it. Explained more above.

Ta muchly!

Hazy x

Rupe on 22-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
I think there's a good idea here, but I'd like to see it as a prose piece that exemplified the theme. It conjures up an image for me of a group of people standing round in a pub and everyone laughing at something that's not particularly funny, and maybe two people sharing the awareness that it's not particularly funny but not quite making the connection between them. If that makes any sense. I suppose I'd like to read a scene like that instead of what seems like the analysis of a scene like that. Mind you, it's good analysis - I can definitely see what you mean.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Cheers for commenting, Rupe. Good to hear other people's perceptions!

Yeah, maybe I'll write something up as prose, who knows...

Hazy x

Sunken on 23-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
Hello Ms. Hazy. My name is sunken. You might know me from the following weather conditions -
Slightly damp, a little on the chilly side, or my favourite - terribly overcast. I personally enjoyed your poem. It put me in mind of a bloke I know named Trevor. Trevor comes in the following flavours - Chipmunk and marmalade, salt and comatose, or my favourite, lipstick Barrymore. I realise that so far I have neglected to abide by commenting rules. I blame this particular anomaly on the following - Ill fitting underpants, pandering to the wants of a rather needy canary, and of course, turnips. A full transcript of this critique will be made available on ceefax (page 222) within the next few days. Further information regarding my medication can be sought from Boots the Chemist. I sincerely hope that this meets with your approval and that with love, compassion and a little bit of seasoning we can both face the future with the kind of vigour previously thought unattainable by organisations such as NASA, Esso and Lloyds TSB. And now, as is customary when the snooker is on, let us singโ€ฆ 'Ooooooo snooker loopy nuts are we, me and you, and you and he, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaa, boiled beef 'n carrots, boiled beef 'n carrots, once had a love and it was a gas, five minutes and you're almost there, eez a good, eez a goodโ€ฆ"

Thank you.

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introducing lipstick Barrymore, the new flavour from walkers crisps

Author's Reply:
Ah, yes. Sunken. I remember you ๐Ÿ˜‰

Can't say I've tried chipmunk and marmalade. Will look out for it though...

I wonder, would that be Drew Barrymore, or Michael? Hmmm.

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 24-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
Hello Hazy Wazy, quite contrary, how does your poetry flow?

I see what you're on about now. Yeah, I suppose it is one of those gut chucked-spilled out pieces-not a very good image there lol! From the heart writes shall I say.

And what the eck is Sunk on about? Bless him...

Si:-)





Author's Reply:
It flows like water down a drain right now lol.

I've binned the BF.

Jeez... back to square one lol.

Gimme an older man any day :-p I'm done with bloody toyboys!!

Hazy x

Macjoyce on 24-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
Dear oh dear, Hazy-kitten. You and your Welshmen, eh? Nowt but trubble, all of them.

I can see this is a bit of a rant, so I won't suggest any changes, though I do think it's rather literal and tell-not-show, with too many adjectives. Like Rupe, I think it'd work better as a story, though not necessarily in prose. Anyway, you're not going to rewrite so I won't bother saying any more.

23 days I lasted, off the site. I'm as addicted as you...

Iachi Da, Boyo.



Author's Reply:
Ah, maccydoodle. I've binned the BF.

Lying fking wanker. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Waste of bloody space. Grrrrrrrrr.

Better off without him.

Yes, it was a rant. As is all I write lately. Hopefully I can now enter the maudlin stage and write something less ranty lol.

23 days? Oooh, I did far better than you last time round!

Good to have yer back. And yer front :-p

Hazy x

discopants on 24-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
I took this to mean that despite these silly little girls, if the guy keeps looking, he'll find his golden nugget amongst the crap...which I suspect it does, in part...

dp

Author's Reply:
Ah, he's a fking muppet. Doesn't know what he wants. Suspect he's made a big mistake, but there you go. He's too blind, blinkered, naive, whatever. Good luck to him. I hope he finds what he's looking for, cos it certainly ain't me!

Hazy x

Sunken on 24-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
Dear Ms. Hazy, Which particular muppet is he? Are we talking Kermit, Fozzy bear or Animal? I need to know for my graph. Thank you.

Mr.

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universal camping stoves now available in the foyer

Author's Reply:
Not sure he's got Kermit's intelligence. Nose ain't big enough for Gonzo, not cute n cuddly enough for Fozzy, not wild enough for Animal. Hmm, what was Kermit's nephew called? He'll do!

Ta ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Romany on 27-04-2008
Silly Little Girls
This made sense to me, and I agree wholeheartedly. There are far more of these girls than there are of the other; initially anyway, until they've been burned themselves, and then I think they see things differently. Sad thing is, by then it's often too late.

I sense bitterness and even anger in this.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
I think that's the trouble with dating these young boys. There are always these types of girls around. Part of the reason I binned him was because this girl kept inviting him along to things (without me) right under my bloody nose!!!! How rude!!!! She knew he was seeing me, yet she'd go 'is Nick going?', he'd say yes, then she'd go on about how she'd save him a seat next to her on a bench. Grrr. That was the 2nd time she did it, and then to boot she started insulting the words 'strawberry blonde'. The ex lied about defending me - I didn't ask him to contact her - so that was that. Lying pathetic fker.

Yep, they'll learn once they've got their fingers burnt. And I'm sure he'll learn too, maybe after one of 'these girls' have shat all over him a few times.

Bitter? Angry? Moi?

lol, yep, too bloody right. It's still there. But I've moved on... no point in wasting emotions on wastes of space.

Ta for commenting!

Hazy x

jay12 on 23-05-2008
Silly Little Girls
Bless those silly little girls.....

...despite my years of torment when I was young enough to care!!!

Nice poem Hazy!!!!

Author's Reply:
Now you're just old and cynical like the rest of us, eh?!

Good to see you around and smiling, young Jayster.

Hazy xx


Parrot Fashion (posted on: 07-04-08)
Three little words sat on my window... 'til I opened it to let the sunshine in, and they blew away. Hazy x =================================

I love you, she says He says it too She says it again Whispered words through smile-shaped lips His words mirror hers She says it again and again And again for good measure Until she no longer chews the words first He parrots her each time But she wants a boyfriend Not a parrot So she stops saying it And so does he
Archived comments for Parrot Fashion
artisus on 07-04-2008
Parrot Fashion
very interesting Hazy! i liked it x

Author's Reply:
Aww, glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope all's well with you.

Hazy x

e-griff on 07-04-2008
Parrot Fashion
this worked, I liked 'chewing words' - nice meaning. Overall, complete message/reflection on a (certain kind) of relationship. Very well executed, IMO.

You got the muse, kid!

but ---- I didn't like the one place where you used 'parrot' as a verb. I think he parroted her words is allowable (not that I'm suggesting that as an alternative) but 'he parrots her' is cutting it too much, je crois. not nice .... but the only wee thing I'd protest about.

best JohnG

Author's Reply:
Cheers for commenting!

Yeah feel in a writing mood - but not really for the right reasons lol. Things in my head.

I think I prefer 'parrots' as a verb than something like parroted. I do that a lot, turn words around into verbs. It sounds 'right' to me - but then I do seem to say things differently to most people LOL.

Adios,

Hazy x

discopants on 08-04-2008
Parrot Fashion
Finally, a Hazy sub! Nice piece too- if the woman isn't chewing over the words then maybe she doesn't really mean them either. (Also reminded me of my own poem 'Mirrors')

take care

dp

Author's Reply:
Yep, sometimes a poke does the trick :-p

Glad you like my piece. Ahem!

You remember what it's like to be in a fairly new relationship when you get to the three little word stage? Do you say it first? Do you keep on waiting? It doesn't mean you don't mean it. I stayed awake half the night with the words like toffee in my mouth. He'd implied as much before, but never used the three words together. I like steady ground. I like to know where I stand. I don't like feeling vulnerable. But, apparently, he's never said those words before. Not even to his family. I'm really not sure I see it as a relationship any more. I need to move forwards, not backwards. Tough call...

Will go look up 'mirrors'.

Ta for commenting!

Hazy x

e-griff on 08-04-2008
Parrot Fashion
sorry, I wasn't clear. it's not using it as a verb, it's using 'her' as the object of the verb. You don't 'parrot' people, do you? (well, I don't).


Author's Reply:
I think you're being a bit too literal. No, you don't parrot people themselves, you parrot their words.

But if you know what's being talked about ('I love you' in this case) then say that someone parrots you, it's obvious what you mean. Well, at least, I think so!

Like talking about an exam or something, then saying 'so and so copied me'. It'd be pretty obvious they were saying they copied their answers rather than cloning that person, wouldn't it?

It's staying. So there :-p

Ta for coming back to me, dunno if it's any clearer though lol.

Hazy x

delph_ambi on 08-04-2008
Parrot Fashion
Of course you can 'parrot' people. I reckon you've used the word correctly, Hazy.

Love the poem. Great metaphor. Even works if taken absolutely literally.

Author's Reply:
Ta for the comment, delph ๐Ÿ™‚

And glad you liked the poem!

Hazy x

discopants on 08-04-2008
Parrot Fashion
Interesting comment, Haze. So much so, I've decided to add some disco wisdom (if that isn't an oxymoron).

My family (as in my folks and sister) don't tell each other we love them and never have. It's understood that we do- after all, why/how couldn't we? My wife's family, on the other hand, are saying it all the time (or so it seems to me). I don't really say it to my wife but it doesn't mean that I don't love her and I expect her to know that I do from my actions...and she does know but still likes to be told it.

I suppose another point is that you've noted you don't like to feel vulnerable but maybe saying those words makes the guy feel vulnerable, like he's losing control (and us fellas are generally encouraged from a young age to keep them in check).

So anyway, don't judge on those three words but on the evidence of your own eyes. There end the disco sermon (there was some 70s music playing in the background)

By the way, I agree that 'parrots' in its context as a verb is absolutely fine.

dp

Author's Reply:
I think there are different types of people in this world. I'm with the gang who say they love someone in phone calls, texts, when they're going out the door... it's just natural to me. Maybe we're the pessimists of the world who worry that person will be squished by a bus, I dunno.

Other people don't feel it needs saying. Maybe they've not grown up hearing it... Yep, I agree they might still love someone and you can usually tell by their actions, etc... but it's not enough for me. I know that.

If someone feels vulnerable with me after saying they love me, they don't know me very well and the relationship's doomed from the start. I'd hate someone to be too 'macho' to tell me how they feel. Not my kinda bloke. It should give them strength, not make them feel weaker, loving someone, being loved, and feeling like you're with your other half in a literal sense.

No right or wrong here, I think it's just two different types of people. I can't bend so either he learns to get over whatever hangups he has, or it's over. I'm seeing him as weak, not manly, for not saying it ๐Ÿ™

Ta for coming back to me... very interesting!!

Hazy x

Sunken on 08-04-2008
Parrot Fashion
Hello Ms. Hazy. Smashing to see you back. I like this very much. It deserves the nib and will also be getting a smelly Bernard. He is afraid of cats, so you might have to chuck yours out. Incidentally, did you know that boiled parrots are a good cure for piles? It's true I tell ya. It's a lot of hassle though. I'd recommend cream from the chemist. That's if you have piles of course. You probably don't. I don't either, just in case you were wondering. Ahem. Right, I think my work here is done. Thank you.

s
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Author's Reply:
*sobs* - a smelly Bernard? Just for me? Oh, that's just too much...

Mwah, you. TY for commenting. Sorry for the delay in replying!

For the record, nope, I don't have them lol!! Will bear the parrot thing in mind though should it be a future problem ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Romany on 09-04-2008
Parrot Fashion
Familiarity breeds contempt, and that's also true for words too easily said, too often. I can identify with this Hazy,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Ta muchly for commenting, Romany! ๐Ÿ™‚ Very true, very true *nods wisely*

Hazy x


Happy-Shaped (posted on: 07-12-07)
My belated effort for Elfie's 'pattern/s' challenge on the poetry forum thingy. Sorry it's late! Hazy x =================================

Squish it into something happy-shaped So it moulds against your body and lifts the corners of your smile Comfortable and snug As content as cats languidly lazing in sunbeams Overspilling baskets filled with catnipped pleasures Happy-shaped sounds as you lean against their bellies While a favourite song peppers the background Try lying in a buttercupped field Dancing to happy-shaped cloud-beats Finding the rhythm As you decipher kaleidoscopic patterns Memories of primary-coloured telescopes Shishing like maracas at a Brazilian Mardi Gras Dance as though it's your first time (Or your last)
Archived comments for Happy-Shaped
Jack_Cade on 07-12-2007
Happy-Shaped
'Shishing' is a really nice bit of onomatopoeia, Hazy!

Lots of pleasant images and ideas in this, stacking up neatly, but I think the last line is a little heavy-handed - without it, there'd be room for a little more interpretation perhaps. I also think you could experiment with linebreaks to perhaps unearth some more off-kilter rhythms in there. As a suggestion, maybe something along the lines of:

"content as cats languidly lazing in sunbeams
Overspilling baskets filled with catnipped pleasures, happy-
shaped sounds as you lean against
their bellies
while a favourite song peppers the background
Try laying
in a buttercupped field, dancing
to happy-shaped cloud-beats..."

Author's Reply:
Hi Jon

I always do that with my last lines. I can't help it lol. Started off ending after the maracas line but I always get this urge to remind people they could be dead tomorrow. I do it on so many things, like I say nice happy things, but then add this cynical killer line at the end. I really must try and get out of the habit.

Yep, I totally agree with the line ends. I'm just crap at it. I chop them and change them then go back to single lines cos I'm not confident enough to trust my instincts.

I'll try and have another look at it soon.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Sunken on 07-12-2007
Happy-Shaped


Squish is so you Ms. Hazy (-: A smashing little piece and no mistake. Hey, the poem's not so bad either (-; Cheeky munky. Hope you is well and that you have a happy shaped weekend.

All of my prozac enriched goodness,

s
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k
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the usb socket on his neck alerted her to the fact that he might be upgradable

Author's Reply:
Glad you liked my little piece and thought that squishing was so me. Does it match my new shoes though, that is the question? Hmmm?

The weekend's surprisingly happy-shaped. Hope yours is too.

Hazy x
PS Does the upgraded version come with a vibrate setting?!

artisus on 08-12-2007
Happy-Shaped
Jack_Cade wrote: Lots of pleasant images and ideas in this, stacking up neatly, but I think the last line is a little heavy-handed - without it, there'd be room for a little more interpretation perhaps.

And I agree with him.

I like your poem Hazy! cheers,
x

Author's Reply:
Hi. Hope you're doing okay ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for the comment - I agree re the last end too. I can't seem to end something on a nice note, I have to imply everyone might be dead soon. I really don't know why I have such a morbid streak, I really don't.

Anyway, ta again!

Hazy x

delph_ambi on 08-12-2007
Happy-Shaped
Very likeable. I would suggest dropping the start of lines capitals, which only serve to break up the text.

I love the first line. Really sets the mood.

You don't need 'languidly'. Superfluous. Try lazing in a non-languid fashion. Impossible.

I'd remove the repetition of 'happy-shaped'. It was so effective in the first line, you don't want to dilute the impact by re-using it.

You need 'lying', not 'laying'. You lay a table, but you lie in buttercupped fields.

More 'happy-shaped'. I'm not convinced. If you repeat it often enough, I suppose it becomes a pattern, but I'm not sure it works.

'shishing like maracas' is good.

I would drop 'one' from the last line. It upsets the rhythm, and is suggested anyway by the context.

Author's Reply:
Hiya

Yep, you mentioned the caps before. I seem to go through phases with them. I don't particularly like them so will take some of Jon's advice re breaking lines up. I don't like not using them at all, but I think they can work well to improve the flow where necessary. Not on every line though, I agree. I've got into a bad habit with that one and do it automatically.

Laying. Hmm, wasn't it obvious it was about a chicken-cum-girl? Hmm? Laying eggs in fields under clouds? Ahem. I'll change pronto (actually had 'lying' but worried it might be misinterpreted and it sounded funny. It's one I'm never sure about but your 'table' quote's got it straight in me head now.

The repeat of happy-shaped is, however, staying. Didn't think everyone would like it but I'm inclined to keep it this time.

I think the last line might go altogether but agree that 'one' ain't needed.

Cheers, delph. Appreciated.

Hazy x

e-griff on 08-12-2007
Happy-Shaped
oh bugger!

and I had this great line about what are you, a hen? (for the 'laying in a field' ) but bloody delph_ambitious beat me too it. Have I become redundant - or simply irreverent?

Author's Reply:
Hi griffy - hey, check out my reply above. Wasn't it obvious it was all about chickens? Hmmm?

I've got that one straight in me head now. Ahem lol.

Hazy, clucking x

teifii on 15-12-2007
Happy-Shaped
Great images. I was worried about the chicken too but see tat's been dealt with. A worthy answer to the challenge.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Sorry for the delay, Daff, didn't see this comment - must've missed it in my inbox!

Cheers for leaving some words. Yeah, the chicken's sorted. Ahem lol.

Take care,

Hazy x

jay12 on 28-01-2008
Happy-Shaped
I always dance as if it's my first time - cus I'm so damned awful!!! Sorry I'm a bit slow commenting, this one seemed to have past me by. It's a lovely poem, very well constructed.

Jay.

Author's Reply:
I love people-watching when they're up dancing lol. Don't you just adore it when people don't give a toss and dance like nobody's watching? Is that you, Jay? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad ya liked.

Hazy, having a bit of a shimmy ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

reckless on 03-02-2008
Happy-Shaped
This is a ray of sunshine, a lovely poem. You've managed to squeeze in many fine and positive images. It reminds me of the Notting Hill Carnival, I get the same feeling when I go there.

Author's Reply:
Aww, ty, what a lovely image! Never been to the Carnival, but am sure I'll get there one of these days...

I'm tempted to go write a carnival poem now!

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


UGLY (posted on: 09-11-07)
Made a comment recently about feeling like a square peg in a round hole in my teens. Felt it again today. This poem just fell out tonight as a result. Hazy x ===============================

Jollying along like you belong Until the penny drops Lands like a lead balloon You're not who you thought you were A stranger to yourself And everyone else Your reflection's alien Mirrors lie, along with people Now you know, every step Is that of a three legged rhino Every laugh, hyenas on speed Every joke you ever told Belongs on a comedy club stage Except you're the punchline Not the comedian
Archived comments for UGLY
Jen_Christabel on 09-11-2007
UGLY
I have felt like this at times, so I can understand where this is coming from. Great little piece.
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Oooh, I'm glad ya like my little piece :-p

Ta muchly for the comment, Jennifer.

Hazy x

Bowlie on 09-11-2007
UGLY
hey, it's me the professional punchline ๐Ÿ™‚ oh yes, been there done that, still go back for high days and holidays. Hopefully these kinds of days are few and far between, not much comfort at the time but aaah fuck 'em. Anyway I liked it, I related to it, can't ask for more than that ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a good weekend.
beks

Author's Reply:
Guess we've all felt like it from time to time. I seem to be going from one extreme to the other at the mo. Real highs to complete lows. Thankfully there are far more highs ๐Ÿ™‚ but the lows take the wind out your sails for an hour or so at a time, and I'm starting to get a tad seasick.

Ta for commenting. Enjoy your weekend too!

Hazy x

Sunken on 09-11-2007
UGLY


Ok, who's upset you Hazy? You just tell me and I'll knock their bloody block off. A smashing little poem, in my sunky opinion. Bernard thinks so too. Sadly this means you having to put up with one of his tacky awards. It's just not your week is it? Just humour him, it's for the best.

s
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k
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Author's Reply:
Blimey, way too many people for a smunk to wallop, that's for sure!

*pats Bernard* - "gee, thanks."

S'later, Smunk. Enjoy 'The Kylie Show' tonight! (I'm sure you must know it's on.)

Hazy xx

Jolen on 10-11-2007
UGLY
HI Hazy:
I think many can relate to this, I sure as hell could. But then I think, as Beks says, 'fuck 'em' and too, it's ultimately up to us how we 'allow' others to effect us, and if these thoughts are our own, truly, or we just shoulder them from someone's input. I have grown used to being the punchline and find that its a fine job.

It's a fine poem, short and powerful. Like me...lol just kidding.

Thanks for posting this, as it certainly struck a chord.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hi Jolen

Yep, I agree, for sure. But I is a sensitive soul ๐Ÿ™

Half like me too - well, the short bit. More of a pussycat than powerful :-/

Cheers, m'dears for commenting!

Hazy x

Sunken on 10-11-2007
UGLY


I didn't know anything about the Kylie show Ms. Hazy. I shall go and check the listings. As for there being far too many people for a sunk to deal with - You haven't seen my menacing stare. I learned it from Paddington of bear fame. I'll sort those horrible people out and no mistake!

s
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k
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he prefers being in with the out crowd

Author's Reply:
It's on at 9.35pm I think (give or take 10 mins) on 3.

There's a pretend scrap between her and Dannii in it. And she recreates her neighbours' character, and she does a sketch with Jason Donovan where he pretends not to remember her. Other special guests, lots of singing and a few other comedy sketches.

Anyway, basically lots of Kylie so I'm sure you'll be a smiley smunk tonight if you're not going out! ๐Ÿ™‚

Sounds like good fun. I'll be watching it.

It wasn't all about horrible people, btw. Just about me being sensitive and also fancying someone I'm not sure fancies me back ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Ionicus on 10-11-2007
UGLY
Surely the fact that Dylan considers you DMH must be a boost to your morale. Sensible males are of the same opinion.
Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi

It ain't really to do with feeling literally 'ugly'. It's just sometimes you feel rejected or undesirable. Thought my last BF was pretty wonderful but he was seeing someone behind my back. It made me doubt everything he ever told me. He used to rant on about how cheats should be castrated or locked up and he was just lovely to me. He was so bloody fake. Also, I fancy someone for who he is, not what he looks like, and I don't know if he fancies me back. Not the physical me, the whole me. We're really good friends and it's sending my heart all over the place right now. Known him for years and I don't want to misread any signals. And I was leaving a rambling comment on a forum the other day and some bloke came along and told 'me' (indirectly) not to leave long personal rambling comments (so to speak) and to stick to the discussion in question. I'd been feeling like part of the crowd there for a while and it was a bit of a slap round the face - that was the final straw that sparked the poem off. Cried, I did, like a big girl and wrote the poem pretty much straight off with a few tweaks. They've no idea what I look like, so it wasn't about looks. It's just sometimes how I feel - like you think you're accepted, that you belong, are liked, fancied or loved, then someone says something that makes you doubt you ever were ๐Ÿ™

I is a sensitive soul, Luigi. It often creates what I write. I don't like writing for the sake of writing. It pours out of me along with tears some of the time.

Take care,

Jo x

teifii on 11-11-2007
UGLY
Well it certainly seems to bring out your talent, Hazy. This is a favourite for me.
Daff
http://www.merilang.co.uk/shop.merilang.htm

Author's Reply:
Aww, thanks, Daff. This is the sort of poetry I like writing. When emotions just spill out of me. Been up and down a lot lately, mainly worrying about my dad, and have been far more sensitive than usual. One sarky or snappy remark from one person just sets me off even though I think I'm fine.

Thanks so much for the favourite thingy.

Take care,

Hazy x

artisus on 11-11-2007
UGLY
I think it's a very good poem, Hazy. cheers
x

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much, Nic. Ta for the favourite thingy too.

Glad ya liked and hope all's well with you.

All the best,

Hazy x

discopants on 11-11-2007
UGLY
Particularly liked 'Your reflection's alien/Mirrors lie'. People see us differently from how we perceive ourselves. It's like hearing your voice on tape and claiming you don't sound like that.

I have nothing more enlightening to say than that!

dp

Author's Reply:
'ello D.I.S.C.O ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope you're okay.

Know what you mean about tape. That's a really good way of summing it up. Sometimes you have a thin day, feel like something fits and looks gorgeous, then you see a photo of yourself and think JEEZ... Yeah, that kinda thing lol. Oh and when you think you sound just like Mariah Carey then hear yourself back... OMG lol.

Ta for dropping in!

See ya,

Hazy x

freya on 11-11-2007
UGLY
Wow Hazy, this packs a powerful punch.

I'm absolutely taken with the dry tone, the self-reflection and candor turning in on itself in the voice of your narrator.

Particularly impressed with your clever extension of images here:

Is that of a three legged rhino
Every laugh, hyenas on speed

Gosh, I kind of agree the title is harsh though. But still, do realize when we write stuff like this it doesn't mean the poet is personally locked PERMANENTLY into feeling this way. To me, this kind of poem reflects just one facet of our viewpoint, one side of multiple sides to our experiences and how we felt while going through them. I'm sure most of us relate. And there's the power in sharing this poem with us. Thank you for that. I like this. Shelagh ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi Shelagh

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

When I'm talking about myself, it's often all of those things (dry, self-reflecting and candid!).

The title more or less came to me first. I knew what I wanted to express but the only way I felt was 'ugly'. Not literally, not personally, just that uncomfortable feeling when you no longer feel you fit with who you're out with. Imagine if you were out with good friends and went to the loo, and heard someone saying things about you like 'how can we lose her' or 'how can we tell her that she's cramping our style' - that never happened btw, but it's the only way I can describe it. Bit like in Muriel's Wedding when she's on holiday with the girls and they turn round and tell her she's not good enough. Or to be a cat mixing with dogs and not realise you're a cat, then you catch sight of yourself in a mirror, or a dog whispers to you 'hey, you're a cat'. Hmmm. You'd suddenly feel like an outsider. Like the dogs had maybe been talking about you behind your back.

Anyway, 'ugly' was what came to me and the poem more or less wrote itself in minutes.

I don't think people realise how sensitive I am. I've been in tears before here on UKA over comments on subs/forums. I take things personally. Weird cos I don't expect everyone to like me - here or say at work or out with friends of friends. What I can't cope with is when someone, or a crowd you liked, says something that hurts or shows you up and you're not expecting it. A virtual slap round the face. Kinda happened to me on another forum (not UKA) and I just slunk away like a wounded cat. It wasn't even anything personal really, just me being sensitive to feeling like I was told off!

And you're so right. It's not a permanent feeling. I'm actually a happy bunny most of the time!! Trouble is, I don't feel the urge to write when I'm feeling chirpy! I can do it, but it's not the natural stuff that comes out of me.

Anyway, cheers again.

Hazy x

reckless on 03-02-2008
UGLY
Great last line, strong sentiments, beautifully expressed; a very good piece of writing.

Author's Reply:

reckless on 03-02-2008
UGLY
Great last line, strong sentiments, beautifully expressed; a very good piece of writing.

I should have said: the title's already gone! Have you read that book? That woman is amazing.

Author's Reply:
Hi reckless,

Sorry for the delay in getting here!

Nope, not read the book! Had to google it. For one horrible minute I thought it might be Jade Goody's lol (her salon was called Ugly or Uglies or something).

Glad you liked, ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Fucking Blonde (posted on: 05-11-07)
For my sestina challenge on the forum. Hazy x ========================

So fucking blonde Legs wide open They lead her along And give away nothing 'til they've had enough One big fucking act But she can also act The not-so-dumb blonde She's taken enough Fed up of being open In return, getting nothing As they string her along So she played along Continued to act At first, taking nothing Let them fuck the blonde Her eyes wide open 'til enough was enough One-forty, just about enough To play along Their wallets wide open For this classy sex act The talented blonde Sure to regret nothing But still she has nothing Money, not enough The oh-so-skilled blonde Sick of playing along It was all an act Stage curtains wide open At least she's now open Hides nothing Even forgets how to act She's taken enough No more stringing along This self assured blonde Her heart now open, she finds love, sure enough Insecurity, worth nothing, after he came along No need to act – this brunette won't die blonde
Archived comments for Fucking Blonde
Jen_Christabel on 05-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
A good example of the type. Very strong piece Hazy.
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Jen. I found it really hard to adhere to the rules - I'm crap with poetic forms, much prefer freestyle. Dunno why I set the bloody challenge actually LOL!

Take care,

Hazy x

Bradene on 05-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
Lol well it's very eye catching and in your face, no one can deny that. I quite enjoyed this hazy and after all it was very imaginative. Val x

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Val. Not my favourite by a long shot ๐Ÿ™ But I think it's 'finished' and I've lost the desire I was harbouring to write another sestina so I suppose all's calm with the world once again!

Ta for the comment - will get to yours and the others over the next day or so.

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 05-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
Definitely very in-yer-face, as Val says, but you managed a difficult form very well. Particularly neat last line, I thought - and there's a pun (die/dye) there too!

Author's Reply:
I love 'in yer face' ๐Ÿ™‚

The last lines are very restrictive as you have to use the ends of first stanza in certain orders over three lines. Arghhhh! Yep, a gold star for spotting the pun ๐Ÿ™‚ Wasn't sure if anyone would. The title's a bit of a pun too and can be read a couple of ways, maybe from her POV or his.

Anyway, ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Jolen on 05-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
I love 'in yer face' too and this is very much dead on...I don't know how to do these forms but I sure appreciated your poem.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Thanks for the comment, Jolen. Can't beat a bit of in yer face ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad ya liked!

Hazy x

Ionicus on 05-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
Ooh, you are awful, but I like you. You may be too young to know it but this was Dick Emery's catchphrase when something capable of double meaning was said in one of his sketches. Well, this can't be said to contain any double entendre and it is very frank and straightforward and you handled it with aplomb. Well done that girl.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
I like you too ๐Ÿ˜‰

Nah, I ain't too young. Unfortunately. Can hear him saying it...

Cheers for the comment, Luigi!

Hazy x

SugarMama34 on 05-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
Hi Hazy,

I gotta be honest I haven't a sodding clue what a sestina is but thought this poem was good. It's harsh but also close to reality, maybe more than some people know. There are people out there like this. You conveyed the feelings well.

Lis'. xx

Author's Reply:
It's a bloody nightmare, that's what it is! I'll keep it brief and let you know cos I think a lot of people who've read everyone's sestinas haven't noticed the repetition throughout. If you check out the last word of each line in the first stanza, you'll notice they're used for the end of every stanza except they follow a strict order. The final block of three lines uses all six words too in a set order, one in the middle of each row and one at the end.

Arghhhh! See? Nightmare.

Glad you liked my little offering!

Hazy x

barenib on 06-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
Jo - not my favourite form, the sestina, but here you've managed to dominate it and whip it into shape... ๐Ÿ™‚

Seriously though, if the reader forgets that they're reading a sestina then you've succeeded and I think you've done a pretty good job here. John x

Author's Reply:
Ta, John. Yep, I agree that if you forget it's a sestina, it works. I think maybe I just about got away with it but my lines are on the short side and don't follow on much so I do feel like I took the easy route!

Glad ya liked.

*puts whip away*

Jo x

delph_ambi on 07-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
Tough crit warning... I do actually like this one, but I've thought of a few odds and ends that might improve it.

First sestet doesn't actually make much sense until you've read the second. It needs to make sense right from the start. Maybe re-word that first one, or use a bit more punctuation. Damned if I can work out the syntax as it stands.

Third sestet is in the wrong tense, in my view. Would be much stronger as:

so she plays along
continues to act
at first, taking nothing
let them fuck the blonde
her eyes wide open
'til enough is enough

(note the lack of caps also - these are very intrusive in a contemporary poem of this nature)

The line length you've chosen is a problem, because it means the final tercet looks like a sestet written without three of the line breaks, rather than a half length stanza, which is how it should look.

Having said all of that, this is certainly a striking example of the form. It needs greater clarity in some of the wording (longer lines would help) but it tells its story with conviction, and the repeated end words are never instrusive.

Author's Reply:
Fine with me, delph... bring it on! More people should be offering detailed crit and people should be listening! It really helps to have several opinions on where something could be changed/improved. If one person says it, the writer can't really take it as gospel. If another or more agrees, people's writing could greatly improve. Where's the harm in that?!

Glad you liked overall. It definitely ain't gonna reach the top of my faves list!

The first thingy reads okay to me but if I come back to it in a month maybe I'll be able to see where it's not working. I'll try and make it wordier in a para and maybe that'll help:

She's so fucking blonde. With her legs wide open, men string her along (hmmm maybe I should change 'lead' back to 'string' - I changed it as I didn't wanna repeat 'string' in the first two thingies. They give away nothing until they've had enough of her (ie they're all over her until she shags them then they come out with they're married or only looking for fun, or they can't handle a relationship, etc). It's all one big fucking act by some blokes to get in a girl's knickers.

Dunno if that helps. Maybe it's an Essex thing... I'll have a think about making it clearer for others. Hard when you can't change the last words though. Grrr.

You're right about the 3rd stanza. I changed all the tenses after midnight the other night and struggled with that one. Turned it back and forward so many times I lost sight of what was right. It jumps around a bit still. I wasn't sure if I wanted to purposely send it back in that thingy, but if you noticed it then as far as I'm concerned it needs changing back.

Oooh, not sure about the lack of caps. I'm a bit of a caps freak. I'll have a think about that one (I do tend to agree with you, I just find the proofreader in me wants to go back and put them all in!).

The line lengths are why I'm not keen on my poem so definitely agree. Lack of time and concentration, I'm afraid. If it was a normal sub day, there ain't no way I'd have subbed. But seeing as it was my challenge I didn't have much choice lol. Was up til gone 1am as virtually rewrote it and still far from happy.

Anyway, cheers for taking the time to crit! Appreciated.

Hazy x

Romany on 07-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
I thought this a strong write. Wouldn't dare to crit the form as it is alien to me!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Beginning to think it's alien to me too, Romany lol. Wish I'd just set a freestyle challenge!

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Sunken on 07-11-2007
Fucking Blonde


Hello Ms. Hazy. I thought a sestina was a nap that those Spaniard types take in the afternoon? I'm prone to the odd nap myself of late. I blame numerous things, none of which will endear me to you in anyway whatsoever. I like your sestina very much. Tell me, how many miles to the gallon are you getting. My late aunt's Ford Sestina averaged about 50. I hope this has helped. Nice one Hazy. Sorry about the comment.

Rate: Inflatable cartoon character of your choice.

s
u
n
k
e
n


Author's Reply:
Yep. It is. You take a short nap and write out whatever comes to you from your dream. Tada! Easy, eh?

I'm afraid I'm almost running on empty, smunk so in need of filling up. Been a while since I was filled up so obviously getting quite a few miles for me money!

Think I'll have the Pink Panther, ta. Will look kinda cool next to me in my pink smartie ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Griffonner on 08-11-2007
Fucking Blonde
I enjoyed the 'brazenness' of this, and then, returned for a second dose.

*admiringly*
Griffonner
(still giggling @ Sunken)



Author's Reply:
Not the best sestina but brazen, yep ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers, Griffonner ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad ya liked.

Yep, smunk cracks me up too. The nutter!

Hazy x


Limerick Challenge (posted on: 15-10-07)
A couple of limericks for Luigi's challenge on the Poetry Workshop forum. ("...about yourself and the place where you live") Hazy x ===========================

(1) On a scratch card, a girl wins a pound So she sets off, the newsagent bound But she's blissfully unaware Of the level crossing's repair Now all that remains is the lipstick-kissed ground (2) In Highams Park once lived a girlie Whose hair was exceptionally curly So she ironed it flat And stayed up with the cat And reached work incredibly early
Archived comments for Limerick Challenge
e-griff on 15-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
Blimey! and you critted teifi's dog one! ๐Ÿ™‚

second one's fine, though, rhythm-wise, and made sense, and was about you and was funny. so well done. Didn't really understand the first one, though (the newsagent bound? eh?)

best G

Author's Reply:
Oi, nowt wrong with my first one lol!!

No, I wasn't tying him up. Although there's a thought...

I was going to the newsagent. Would it be better if I said newsagents? Or would you then think I'd tied up a few of 'em? Blimey! *rolls eyes*

If you win on a scratchcard, you have to go collect your winnings from the newsagent. Easy!

I thought the first one was funnier! Just goes to show my sense of humour...

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Andrea on 15-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
Means she was bound for the newsagent, silly. Obvious. Or maybe she was bent on tying him up ๐Ÿ™‚

Nah, good fun, I love limericks, me - meant to enter meself but forgot ๐Ÿ™



Author's Reply:
Gawd, some people lol... ๐Ÿ˜‰ He's Trubble with a capital Trrr!



Yep, I'm off to the newsagent (not tying him up lol). Well done ๐Ÿ™‚



I love 'em too. Make me laff.



Ta for commenting!



Hazy x

Amended: 'to' the newsagent. God, sounded like I'd gone off him. I'm adding to confusion lol

Romany on 15-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
I thought the second one was more 'about you' (and your cats!) if you know what I mean. Good fun!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Aye, yeah, I guess so. Although with the first one, I was trying to include something 'local' which is the level crossing - which I suppose nobody's actually gonna know about lol!

Ho hum.

Ta for commenting.

Hazy x

Bradene on 15-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
I Lol at the first one, I could just imagine it, Do you kiss the ground on saturday nights after a few G&T's too (-; Good stuff Hazybelle. Val x

Author's Reply:
Moi? Drink enough to end up on the floor? Oh, do behave, Val!! As if!! (I always find a bed/bathroom floor :-p)

Glad ya liked. Nobody else seems to get/like the first one ๐Ÿ™ I think our sense of humour's warped or something.

Have a happy day,

Hazybelle xx

Ionicus on 15-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
Don't let them put you off. If you feel like tying up the newsagent, go ahead. Seriously though, I prefer the second one; more personal methinks.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Cheers, m'dears! Ta for the challenge, I enjoyed!

I'll never be able to look the newsagent in the eye again ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Elfstone on 15-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
I'm also going to vote for the second one, because the rhythm works whereas in the first ther is something not right with the last line - just too many syllables to cram in. May I suggest:

On a scratch card, a girl wins a pound
So she sets off, TO the newsagent bound (get's round the tying up problem!)
But she's blissfully unaware
Of the level crossing's repair
All that's left is the lipstick-kissed ground

Elf.

Author's Reply:
Hi Elf

Gawd, I seem to be the only one who can make the rhythm work in that first one. Must be me Essex accent or something!

Not sure about 'to the newsagent bound' as it don't really make sense. I did think about changing that line to 'So she sets off, the corner shop bound'. That might solve the problem!

Cheers,

Hazy x

Perrorist on 15-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
I prefer the second, too. (That's the problem with readers - you can't tell us which to like.)

The first could flow better. My take:

On a scratch card, a girl wins a pound
and soon she is newsagent bound
But she's blissfully unaware
Of the level crossing's repair
All that's left is the lippy-kissed ground

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Perrorist.

Glad people are paying the first one so much attention! I'm sure we'll get there eventually! I still kinda like it and can read it with the right rhythm, but nobody else seems to say it like I do!

Anyway, ta for the time/read/comment!

Hazy x

pencilcase on 16-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
First one's a good idea but doesn't scan as a limerick.

Second one works both in terms of scanning and having that great ingredient of a limerick, whereby it connects unrelated events which are playfully humorous and yet in the end it has a kind of off-the-wall logic about it which we would like to deny but cannot quite do so!

I'm having trouble with a limerick myself...any chance you could help me out with the last line?

There once was a poet from Herts,
who lived for his muse and the arts,
he liked bitter too
and the odd vindaloo,
but now he just sits and he ...

Any ideas?

Steve

Author's Reply:
Hiya Steve

Think Daff (below) might've solved my first one. Might change the second line though... will give it some thought.

I'm really fussy with my limericks and can make the first one work. I seem to be the only one though ๐Ÿ™

For yours, I'd suggest 'crafts'? Or 'blarts' (as griff would say)? Or change the last line to: 'but now he just goes and plays darts'.

See? Not so hard. NORTY NORTY BOY!! tsk tsk

Laters,

Jo x

teifii on 16-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
I like number two definitely. Less gruesome. Like the idea of staying up with the cat.

My take on number one would be a slight change to Perrorist's version.

On a scratch card, a girl wins a pound
and soon she is newsagent bound,
blissfully unaware
Of the level crossing's repair.
All that's left is the lippy-kissed ground

Daff



Author's Reply:
Thanks, Daff. I think you might've nailed it!

Might change the second line to 'cornershop' instead of 'newsagent' though. It scans better and hopefully won't confuddle people so much!

Ta again,

Hazy x

barenib on 16-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
There once was a young man of Ware
Who used fruit for washing his hair.
A melon, sultanas
two big ripe bananas,
and for rinsing a nice juicy pear!

See - you've started me off now...

Author's Reply:
Blimey, what's with all the shower talk, melons and nice juicy pears. Tsk tsk, you fellas can lower the tone anywhere ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment. Enjoyed your limerick (was that about you or Steve, btw? ;-))!

Hazy x

e-griff on 17-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
OK - every other bugger has had a go (which I manfully restrained myself from initially) - so here's mine ๐Ÿ™‚

On a scratch card, a girl wins a pound
So off she goes, newsagent-bound
Now she's not aware
Of the crossing repair โ€ฆ
All that's left is the lipstick-kissed ground

I think this illustrates the rhythmic question. ๐Ÿ™‚


Author's Reply:
Aye, that works (too) ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers, Griffy! Will answer your other post rather than rabbiting on here.

Hazy x

delph_ambi on 18-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
Neither scans, and none of the suggested re-writes scan properly either, if one is going to be pedantic. However, they can both be read as if they scan, in the original versions, if the reader takes care to hurry through some of the excess syllables.

Okay, I'll take my serious hat off now. Thought the first one was hilarious. Definitely my fave.

Author's Reply:
Blimey, you're more of a pedant than me lol. Beg to differ about the second one not scanning, but agree with everyone that I'm pushing my luck with the first lol. I think it's probably cos of my Essex accent that I can make it work. It's slightly (ahem) over-syllabled (I know that ain't officially a word) but I drop so many letters and join them together that it works perfectly fine for me ๐Ÿ˜€ (glad you can hear it too!)

Glad you liked the first! We're in the minority though!

Cheers for commenting, etc!

Hazy x

e-griff on 18-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
bit of a ramble coming on here. ๐Ÿ™‚

I think you are too mechanically strict sometimes, delph. It is perfectly acceptable (as I have done in my version) to run together 'On a', 'Of the', and 'all that's' into notional single unstressed syllables to meet the classic limerick rhythm, as should be apparent reading it aloud. It works when read, which is the test. ๐Ÿ™‚

- / - - / - - /
- / - - / - - /
- / - - /
- / - - /
- / - - / - - /

The same is true in Hazy's second limerick with 'so she' and 'and stayed' (and the ie, y endings don't count). This reads perfectly well, IMO. - er ... as does barenib's (except 'used fruit' does wobble slightly but not enought to lose it as he has established a strong rhythm overall to hold it together in the reader's ear)

The problem with analysing rhythm is there are so many small 'rules' which allow for the fact that syllables in english are of variable length and stress (unlike Latin and Greek where syllable count is all). At the end of the day, if it reads well, it's right. And Hazy's second one is 'right' IMO ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy: 'to the newsagent bound' is perfectly correct grammatically (if inelegant rythmically) - your versions 'she sets off, the newsagent bound' simply makes no sense grammatically. 'She sets off, bound for the newsagent' is what you mean. (no, that won't fit rof course)

On your first one, when you see debates on these pages about rhythm, it usually comes down to the author hearing it in their heads a certain way. If the author reads it to an audience, say, it sounds fine to the audience because they (the author) present it their way. When printed on a page, however, you are relying on a normal interpretation by a reader, and you lose those corrections and tweaks the author supplies to cover deviations from 'normal' interpretation . Note that successful poets choose words that avoid such dual interpretation, it's part of the writing process - just as in prose some phrases are perfectly acceptable to the author, but inexplicable to the reader (which is what an editor weeds out).

It would be very illuminating to see (or hear) how YOU read the first one as first presented ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi

As stated in the PM, you really need to get out more ๐Ÿ˜‰

Think Delph was saying *she* could hear how the first one worked but that, if one were to be pedantic, then yes, in theory, it shouldn't work because of the syllable overload.

Bound. Hmmm. I still think 'to the newsagent bound' is wrong as 'to' and 'bound' are saying the same things. But can see the last two words should probably be hyphenated. 'So she sets off' doesn't necessarily need anything after it. I think you're reading it without the comma, as a flowing line. I agree that 'So she sets off, bound for the newsagent'. I still think that can be turned round to say 'So she sets off, newsagent-bound.' If I was to turn round what you're saying it should say, it'd be like saying 'So she sets off, bound for to the newsagent. The 'to' is superfluous because of the 'bound', surely?

Anyway, it's only a bloody limerick LOL ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ain't gonna win no prizes that's for sure!

I'll definitely put up a recording of the first (maybe both).

Cheers for the indepth analysis!

Hazy x

e-griff on 18-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
ok really last comment here ๐Ÿ™‚

'bound' on its own is the past tense of tied up
'bound to' means inevitable, or off to a certain destination
'bound for' is preferable in the second case above

newsagent-bound is acceptable shorthand (but has to have the hyphen) 'the newsagent-bound' is unecessarily awkward, As written, with no hyphen, it makes the newsagent the subject of the verb 'bind' - eg: the newsagent bound (the papers together).

sorry I wasn't clearer first time. If I'm not this time, fair enough.

Author's Reply:
Yep, I just ignored the hyphen. I'm phobic about them, y'know... It has cropped up a few times with my work in the past. They're considered 'old fashioned' by some when the meaning should be obvious. I used to shove 'em in everywhere but my apostophe fetish has taken over and I now, sadly, neglect the hyphen. Tragic.

Ta,

Hazy x

Jen_Christabel on 24-10-2007
Limerick Challenge
The first one had me laffing out loud - great stuff!
I once knew a girl from Plymouth...lol lol.
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:


Booyakasha! (posted on: 08-10-07)
For Kat's 'Happiness' poetry challenge. A recent family gathering at my Mum and Dad's. Thanks, Kat. I'm glad I got this one down on 'virtual paper'. Hazy x =======================================

Your turn, Nan, come on! Okay, 'animal noises' Barks, bleats and miaows formed a round Contributions by all A Chinese-scoffing farmyard In the formal dining room Twelve year old nephew mooing as tear-trails stained rosy cheeks 'Gangster shouts' came next Something so wrong with your mum Smacking up someone's bitch Echoed by an eight year old's Booyakasha (Gesticulating accordingly) Her sister injecting Yo! on alternate beats To a crescendo of accompanying hollers Embarrassment quashed by laughter Not wanting the good times to end Snapshotting, as I always do For the years ahead When one will be missing
Archived comments for Booyakasha!
Sunken on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Yep. I've been thinking along these lines of late Ms. Hazy. Can't help but feel that I've taken my last snapshot though. I blame life and the delicate thread by which it hangs. A smashing little write and no mistake. I have a special Beagle award for my fav poems, but I'm not on the right computer. I blame Monday mornings, tiredness and pot noodle decadence.

s
u
n
k
e
n

loosely based on the three minute warning

Author's Reply:
Hi Smunk

Ta for your comment.

Our lives are one big album of snapshots. Some on paper, some in our heads. Treasure them x

As I've got older, I've learnt to take more.

Take care, smunky darling. Keep that camera with you at all times. We don't always get warnings when we ought to start snapping.

Hugs,

Hazy xx

Jolen on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Even without a camera, you have captured this moment with style. Very well done, Hazy. I enjoyed the view.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Jolen! Glad you enjoyed ๐Ÿ™‚

You don't always need a camera to snapshot a moment. The ones in your head generally last longer than the ones on paper. I take lots now.

Take care,

Hazy x

Sunken on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Ahem. Bernard is insistent that I give you his special award Ms. Hazy. And lets face it, you need more dogs in your life. He'll soon sort those cats out and no mistake!



Author's Reply:
Oooh, lovely. TY so much! An award? Me? Well... I'd like to thank my, erm, well, okay... just me then!

The cats'll beat the shit outa that dog and no mistake ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

e-griff on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
What a strange family you have! ๐Ÿ™‚

Nicely captured, with a bittersweet ending. Liked the embarassment (know what you mean)

Author's Reply:
Yep... a tad on the strange side lol. Some was elaborated on ๐Ÿ˜‰ but the rest was true!

Sometimes it's just so cringey but they do tend to make the fondest memories so I just hide my blushes, take a deep breath and join in!

Ta for the comment,

Hazy x

SugarMama34 on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Hi Hazy,

An interesting poem. I liked the creative and imaginative way it's written. It shows a lovely snapshot of your life and sweet memories that will never be forgotten.

Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting, Sugar ๐Ÿ™‚

Was a recent event last month - my twin nieces' eight birthday (and my mum and dad's anniversary). We had 'weird sounds' too, and colours, and god knows what else, oh, and each of us took the piss out of things my mum says wrong - she wasn't amused with that one. One started, then the next joined in, then the next, until we'd gone round the table and were all at it. Humiliating, yep. Embarrassing, yep. Cringeworthy, yep. But a happy memory nonetheless. We laughed until we cried - especially the kids.

Tata,

Hazy x

Macjoyce on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Wotcher, Kitten.

This is a strong poem, especially the final three lines. It's a terrible thing, old age, as Fagin said.

I think you mean 'interjecting', not 'injecting'. Otherwise you make it sound like Yo is a new drug that all the gangsters and cool kids are taking.

'Booyakasha' apparently means 'Kill all white people', which is nice.

Smack your bloke up,

Mac the Injecter xx


Author's Reply:
Alright, Tiger

Ta for commenting.

Not always old age either. Death gets us all... we just hope we reach old age before the Reaper comes for us. Who knows who might be missing from that table...

Injecting isn't all about needles. It can mean to 'bring in' or 'insert' or 'introduce' (so Word spellcheck tells me). Interject is when someone interrupts or butts in. I'd say either works. Although I agree I probably did mean interjecting ๐Ÿ˜‰

Nice indeed lol. I think it was me who said either Yo! or Booyakasha... I can't remember what the others went for. I'm sure as hell sure my mum wasn't really smacking up someone's bitch though ๐Ÿ˜‰ Poetic license n all that...

Will only smack him if he asks nicely.

Hazy xx

delph_ambi on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Good one, Hazy. Makes my family gatherings feel terribly boring. You're so right though - take those snapshots. Keep them.

Author's Reply:
Cheers for commenting, delph.

Mine aren't usually boring as such, just noisy! My sis has a very noisy family who seem to argue most of the time. This was a rare occasion when they weren't fighting (probably to do with the fact that my sis's other half wasn't there that night!).

Ta,

Hazy x

Ionicus on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Nothing to be ashamed of, Jo. When children are involved we all revert to type and we too go back to childhood. There is nothing like silly games and weird noises to engender happy moments.
The joy of the moment is nevertheless tempered in the following lines:

'For the years ahead
When one will be missing'

They are redolent of the saying: Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die.

A nice family portrait, thoroughly enjoyable.

Luigi xx


Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi

My sis's kids adore playing games. Trouble is, they always bicker and cheat so much that so nobody wants to be on their teams!

Eat, drink and be merry, indeed. For when your number's up, your number's up. No turning back clocks.

Ta for the comment,

Hazy x

Romany on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
I have a very sweet, small neice who is constantly repeating pop verses that are utterly inappropriate and sound all the more vulgar from her, but she thinks it's funny! Reminded me of some of my own family gatherings. Nice one,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hi Romany

I have 8 year old twin nieces. Double the trouble lol. Know all about inappropriate songs from those two!! Their 12 year old brother's worse ๐Ÿ˜‰ (my sis just caught him nosing hardcore porn sites that his cousin had told him about - arghhhhhh!)

Ta for commenting,

Hazy x

silversun on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
The poignant finish is perfect without diminishing the celebratory nature of the poem - it containing its own happiness in the shape of the memories the pictures will recall. Good job on the challenge, Hazy,
James

Author's Reply:
Thanks, James.

I do tend to often finish on a depressing note though! Being a pessimistic realist, it's kinda in my nature!

Cheers,

Hazy x

Kat on 08-10-2007
Booyakasha!
I'm so glad you managed to do a poem for the challenge, Hazy. This is wonderful - thoroughly enjoyed it - and what a brilliant finish:

'Not wanting the good times to end
Snapshotting, as I always do
For the years ahead
When one will be missing'

Kat x




Author's Reply:
T'was a good challenge, Kat! Ta.

Enjoyed reading everyone's!

Cheers,

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 09-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Yes, I see what you meant - that ending initially pulls the reader up short, but it's entirely appropriate...in a flash, we go from carefree to wanting everything to continue as it is, yet knowing that it can't. I could just see this family group, simultanously hilarious and deeply embarrasssing, as I reckon most family relationships can be. A far deeper and more complex piece than it looks at first, if the reader just lets himself wander into the scene - clever stuff indeed.

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

I couldn't have it completely happy, it's not in my nature lol! Had to have something reflective at the end! My dad's been very ill over the last year (cancer/chemo, pneumonia, pleurisy, septicemia, large hernia and god knows what else). He's kinda pulling through and has more or less got an all clear at the mo. Tough old boot lol. It's made me very reflective (I was bad enough anyway) and I seem to be snapshotting a whole load of memories in case something happens to him or another family member. Amazing how vulnerable you feel when a close family member becomes ill. So yes, your 'in a flash' comment is entirely correct. The older you get, the more you learn to appreciate the good times.

Cheers,

Hazy x

pencilcase on 11-10-2007
Booyakasha!
I think this is an effective, short expression, culminating, of course, in the moment you step aside from the fun/embarrassment of your snapshot in time and reflect on how such moments are, and can only be, unique.

I like "Something so wrong with your mum
Smacking up someone's bitch"

as the best aspect of details that draw the reader into the atmosphere of the occasion, before you suddenly leave us high and dry with your ending, which I consider thoughtful rather than morose or morbid.

Having said that, I was in a fairly good mood until I read this. Thanks.

Keep 'em peeled,

pencil
*he advocates the banning of 'Crimewatch' and a return to 'Polce 5' with Shaw Taylor as a surefire way to reduce crime rates*


Author's Reply:
Hi sweet pea

Did I ever tell you I was on Police 5? (although not Polce 5... was that the Italian version? ;-))

Cross my heart! Honest, guv! No, I wasn't a dodgy Essex girl in my yoof. I was in a Burger King with some mates and we were in the background at one of the crime scenes near Bond Street station. Claim to fame! Woohoo!

Glad you liked my mum smacking up someone's bitch. Not sure what to make of that but there y'go! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thoughtful's good! Hope your mood picks up... sorry to have dragged you down to my level lol.

And remember... don't have nightmares!

Jo x

teifii on 11-10-2007
Booyakasha!
Really conjures up the family party with all its fun and the pretty frequent [in my experience] embarrassment. I wasn't expecting the dose of cold water at the end but that really makes it.

Author's Reply:
A poem by me wouldn't be a poem by me without the cold water at the end lol.

Glad you liked. Why are they always so embarrassing lol. Why do we put ourselves through it in front of family? I remember having to do a duet with my ex last Christmas on the kids' karaoke singstar thingy. OMG. Cringe, cringe.

Ta for the comment. Sorry for the delay...

Hazy x

Bradene on 13-10-2007
Booyakasha!
This is lovely Hazybelle very poignant, a lovely memory to look back on well done Val x

Author's Reply:
TY for commenting, Val. Sorry to take an age to reply. I'm just useless, honestly!

Seem to be hoarding those memories at the mo!

Hope you're okay.

Take care,

Hazybelle x


The Butterfly Effect (posted on: 07-09-07)
Was actually gonna call this 'So Long, Butterfly' as was writing another called 'The Butterfly Effect'. But the title seemed to fit this better. I think I have a fetish about butterflies this week. Actually, now I come to remember, I had a butterfly printed on my top at the UKA do. Perhaps it's been building up for some time... Hazy x =====================================

Rumour has it, you live for a day Did you morse code it with your wings to us naive humans Did you think we'd spare you the fate of spiders Perhaps you believe it to be true And live each day like it's your last As I open my wings I'd rather be a misled butterfly Than believe I'll live forever
Archived comments for The Butterfly Effect
Sunken on 07-09-2007
The Butterfly Effect
Hello again Ms. Hazy. I wrote one with this title a few months ago. If you think I'm changing said title you have another thing coming and no mistake! (-; I think it had that title anyway... or was it The button fly effect? Anyway, that's not important right now. A top ickul piece. I always say, nice ending. It is though. Thanks.

Rate: All tomorrow's parties.

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elvis fries tonight

Author's Reply:
You seen the film, smunk? I watched it last week and loved it. Button fly, huh? Sounds intriguing :-p

You can copy my title if you like ๐Ÿ˜‰ I won't sue you.

Glad you liked my end :-p

Hazy x

reckless on 09-09-2007
The Butterfly Effect
It's a hard message to take, that, but maybe it's one we need to think about. Nothing is forever, everything passes, as the buddhists remind us. I uppse the problem is that we tend to see the passing away of something as a loss, when it isn't, or needn't be, it's just something passing away, and something else coming along. Desire, loss, gain - these are human contsructs, and so it is that language confounds us. I liked your poem, made me think.

Author's Reply:
Glad it got you thinking ๐Ÿ™‚

Have you seen the film of same title? Loved it. It really got me thinking!

Guess I just believe people should live for the day and try not to put off what they'd love to do. Life's too short. It's the only certainty in life, but impossible to prepare for in many ways.

Ta for commenting!

Hazy x


The Voyeur (posted on: 07-09-07)
Bloody perve lol. (Erotica or just poetry? Ah sod it. Erotica it is then) Hazy x ========================================

Sneaky upskirt glimpses On black patent shoes Camera phone low To later amuse At crossed legged tourists In tiny wee skirts Intake of breath At skin-tight teeshirts Look for revelations In curved tube windows Images dance Behind eyelids now closed Whilst opening the paper They're peeking at you Fucking your mouth In porno debuts Minds beg to be let in On others' secrets Skinny-rib tops Reveal more than their tits Twitches under trousers On rush hour trains Up close and personal Only fantasy remains
Archived comments for The Voyeur
e-griff on 07-09-2007
The Voyeur
Good God - you shouldn't be let out!

Author's Reply:
LOL - only at weekends ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for visiting!

Hazy x

Sunken on 07-09-2007
The Voyeur
Disgraceful behaviour! Where can I catch this train? Where will it take me, and should I bring a packed lunch? There are so many questions raised by your poem Ms. Hazy. I just hope you're happy with yourself (-;

Rate: Cherry Bakewell.

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closed university

Author's Reply:
'ello Smunk,

A well packed lunchbox is always a good thang, surely :-p

See you on the train ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for commenting!

Hazy x

Macjoyce on 08-09-2007
The Voyeur

Yes, this poem is about me. Iโ€™m always ogling women via their reflections in train windows, so they donโ€™t realise Iโ€™m doing it. Iโ€™m leching in a not-leching kind of way.

I found the first verse a bit confusing. How is he ogling upskirt? Would black shoes reflect anything? Is he firing the camera phone at his own shoes, which have mirrors on, thus reflecting knickerage? Thatโ€™d be a massive feat of scientific endeavour, and heโ€™d have to be walking pretty close behind too.

Or does the woman just have shoes up her arse?


Author's Reply:
Oh, believe me... we do realise when people are ogling lol.

The patent shoes came from a memory of childhood - rumour had it that at a school near mine, the girls weren't allowed to wear patent shoes as it would reflect their knickers!! I think that was common in a few schools!! I bet if you stood behind someone on an escalator and put one foot up behind/between hers, if you had patent shiny shoes on you might get a bit of a blurry glimpse (was gonna say 'fuzzy' glimpse but worried it might be misinterpreted!!).

This poem was sparked off by reading about some bloke who was locked up last week for taking upskirt pictures on his camera phone on the underground. I suspect he bent down on busy trains or took them on escalators. Very easy to do, I'd imagine. Nope, not photographing his shoes, going directly for the knickers/commando shot.

I do hope I'm not giving you ideas ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Abel on 17-09-2007
The Voyeur
So you know when we ogle? Damn, thought I was keeping it a secret. Oh well. Back to the drawing board. Well done, Miss Jo.

Wardo

Author's Reply:
[see below! x]

Abel on 17-09-2007
The Voyeur
So you know when we ogle? Damn, thought I was keeping it a secret. Oh well. Back to the drawing board. Well done, Miss Jo.

Wardo

Author's Reply:
Of course we know ๐Ÿ˜‰ If you can see us, we can see you. Just remember that!

I'm always noticing people's eyes glancing downwards when they think I'm not looking lol.

Nice to see ya, Wardo. Ta for commenting. Hope you're okay!

Jo xx

jay12 on 01-10-2007
The Voyeur
You horny devil hazy!!! I can see what goes through your mind now!!!

jay.

Author's Reply:
Hi Jay

So long as that's all you can see ๐Ÿ˜‰

I deny everything, btw!!

Horny devil? Okay, you got me there lol.

Hazy x


Check In, Checkout (posted on: 20-08-07)
Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Hazy x ==========================

She's a blue gingham overall Blonde; brunette; but not red. They notice red Monotonous bleeps And nasal tannoys Ricochet round aisles and industrial ceilings She's impenetrable. Even words recoil REM-flicks on dead eyes As though weighed down by clotted mascara Glazed over, like the iced buns relayed between dirty hands Life: unrequited conversations 'Twelve, sixty four' Last words on that tragic Tuesday
Archived comments for Check In, Checkout
Macjoyce on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
"Life: unrequited conversations"

Fantastic turn of phrase. I know all about that. I've worked in supermarkets before and it's infuriating watching all the interesting-looking people, and women with large breasts, just pass you by as you ask them if they've got a Clubcard. It really is a waste of life and talent.

What happens at the end of this, then? Does she get murdered? Or is it just every day that's tragic?...

I think 'nasal tannoys' would be briefer and better.

Throwing my briefs at you,

Mac the Magic Dragon


Author's Reply:
Oooh, sorry, I didn't hear when you asked if I had a clubcard ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ahem...

Did flirt with 'nasal tannoys' but it just sounded wrong. Like 'nasal hairs' or something. It seemed to take it out of context. And I do add '-ly' on the end of quite a lot when I talk so it seemed somewhat Hazy-esque to say nasally.

Hmmm, I'll have another little think though.

Ta for the briefs. I'll treasure them forever.

tbh, I'm not sure what happens to her (although I think she tops herself). I want to kill everyone off (not literally, don't panic!) when I write. It's rare if someone's still breathing at the end of a story/poem lol. I like making the reader decide what's happened to them sometimes so I can see where their head is so I can psychoanalyse! I think I'm a tad 'gloomy' inside, actually!

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy, feeling lazy x

Hazy on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
Blimey. First nom for a while. Many thanks to whoever!!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

e-griff on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
I agree with MacJ about 'nasal tannoys' - nasally is completely wrong - it is an adverb here and makes you think SHE 'nasally tannoys' which then destroys the meaning of the suceeding lines ๐Ÿ™‚

I think the hint at the end is excellent - we don't know what it means, but we do know our girlie is in for it, one way or another - or maybe she goes doolally and throttles the manager or the old lady who stands delving for change in her back, then discovers she's short, then spends 10 mins putting all her bits and pieces in her purse and checking the bill, blocking the aisle.

see - all human life is there!

Author's Reply:
Cheers for commenting, Griffy.

Okay, two against one. I'll change it lol! I do see where you're both coming from, I just can't seem to make either way sound right in my head now. Alternatives most welcome (although I would like nasal and tannoy in there in one form or another!).

Glad you liked the end being ambiguous. Love your version of events ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ta again.

Hazy x

Kat on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
This is excellent, Hazy - right on the nose - good to see it's got a nom.

The 'Twelve, sixty four' is so effective in emphasising the mundanity of her life and the one-sidedness of the 'conversations'.

Kat x

Author's Reply:
Oooh ta very much, Kat (and for the hot story thingy).

I think I have a bit of a number fetish. Do love using them!

Glad you liked, ta for dropping in!

Hazy x

Ionicus on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
Congratulations on the nomination, Jo.
Excellent piece. I don't know why but I often seem to disagree with other commentators. I think that 'nasal' in the context of tannoys is absolutely spot on.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Thanks muchly, Luigi!

Erm, yep, Griffy's right with his comments later. Mac and him said 'nasal tannoy' worked better than the 'nasally tannoy' I had originally. I changed my poem for those two 'cos they both had their bossy boots on. Arghhhhhhhhh, I hate it when fellas are right, it ain't often I admit it ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers, m'dears.

Hazy x

e-griff on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
Hah-hah! ๐Ÿ™‚ Luigi, put your specs on mate!!!!!

*Blimey!*

Author's Reply:
*lends Luigi hers*

Cheers, Griff ๐Ÿ˜‰

x

Ionicus on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
I have them on and my 'vision' doesn't change.

Author's Reply:
Should've gone to specsavers ๐Ÿ˜‰

Awww, take no notice of 'that Griffy'. Bossy boots kinda suit him but those glasses don't *sniggers*

Jo x

e-griff on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
but you agreed with us commenters! (sorry if I did misunderstand)

Author's Reply:
Enough bitchslapping on my fred. Shoo shoo, be gone with you and your thigh-length bossy boots ๐Ÿ˜‰

(by God, they do suit you though :-p)

xx

Rupe on 20-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
Once saw a row of ripped-out checkout units lying on a piece of grass behind a warehouse in an industrial estate. They looked so odd and sad out of their usual context that it took me a couple of seconds to work out what they were.

I liked this poem. It really gets at something essential about modern life - the disconnected inhumanity and sheer tedium of it.

The mention of tannoys was good & if I had a criticism it would be that you could have a bit more concrete detail like that. Maybe something about the checkout conveyor belt & the way people grab those funny triangular divider things as soon as the checkout person puts them on the side & then carefully section off their purchases from the next person's - it's always struck me that says something about modern life ('Mine! My tins of tuna! Get your pre-cooked chicken out of it'). Just a thought...

Rupe

Author's Reply:
That would have made a fantastic photo, Rupe! Sad, indeed. Like when you see shopping trolleys in rivers!

I did think about making it longer, but didn't want to say too much about the supermarket itself. Was very reluctant to mention the word 'supermarket' or anything too 'solid'. It's more about her really, in a world of her own with the background noises blurring around her. Her swapping the iced buns from one hand to the other was my way of dealing with the conveyor belt - you know how they pick something up from one side then put it on the next conveyor belt with the other.

I think I might try writing about a supermarket in general though so your comments have given me some food for thought. I do think it'd be a very different poem to how this one panned out though.

Cheers for commenting!

Hazy x

bluepootle on 21-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
I particularly liked the iced buns relayed between dirty hands. Brought back a strangely vivid memory, like the best poems do! Good stuff.

Author's Reply:
Ta very much, pootle.

Wasn't sure if anyone would see the 'relay' image as literally as I meant it. Wasn't just a loose use of 'relay' to say 'passed between', it was more literal image of being like a relay race. And the rush of it, trying not to drop things (bit metaphorical, juggling life, etc) and being relied on.

Anyway, really glad the image worked for you. Always good when someone actually 'sees' your poem!

Hazy x

Sunken on 21-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
Hello Ms. Hazy of successful uka meeting organisation fame. I've been watching the videos and have a strong urge to hug everyone. Is that really so bad? Well done on the pome. I agree with Luigi (it's for the best, I swear he has mafia connections). Well done on the nom. Drink water and consider radox shower gel as opposed to the traditional salts. I hope this helps. Good day.

This week I am using a system of rating previously made famous by John Logie Baird of televisual invention fame. In his spare time Mr. Baird ran a small, but highly successful, stationery store. It was here that his controversial assessment system was both conceived and implemented. Thank you.

Rate: Pocket sized telephone pad (with memo section at the rear)

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his external hardrive occasionally experiences nocturnal fluctuations (i blame power surges)

Author's Reply:
'ello smunky

Dunno about 'successful'. I passed it all over to David once I'd sorted out the order! Far too shy to be in charge in public! :-O And I forgot to print out said list, etc... muppet lol.

I'm sure they'd all appreciate a hug from a munky.

Totally agree, shower gel over salts any day. 'orrible things. Get in all the wrong places...

Thanks for my telephone pad (with memo section)! Just what I've always wanted ๐Ÿ™‚

Mwah!

Hazy x

discopants on 21-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
Do you know what- when I read the 12.64 bit, I was thinking 'What sort of time does Hazy work to?' then realised that in fact it was me who was having a blond moment. I see that tesco now have those tills where you scan through your items yourself- I really shouldn't feel so thrilled to be doing their work for them. Ho hum. Good poem- deserves the nomination.

dp

Author's Reply:
'ello deepee

12.64? That ain't even a proper time! Jeez lol. And I thought I was blonde ๐Ÿ˜‰

All very scary stuff those tills. Got 'em in M&S near me at work but I've never dared use one. I'd be over-exaggerating everything I did so they didn't think I'd be nicking anything! Sarnie out of basket, waved around my head like a white flag, scanned, then put into the carrier bag like a mime artiste, only without the mime. Hmmm. No thank you, siree.

Anyway, ta muchly for the little chat n all that! Glad ya liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

e-griff on 22-08-2007
Check In, Checkout
yeh disco --- others have had it for ages - it gets you through a special checkout VERY quickly - that's why you 'do it for them'

Author's Reply:
You again!! Arghhhhhhh!! God give me strength!!

๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x
PS thigh high boots and a whip! Blimey!

Jolen on 05-09-2007
Check In, Checkout
Excellent, Jo. I think you hit a chord we're all familiar with, congrats on the nom and on the wonderful poem.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Ta very much for commenting, Jolen ๐Ÿ™‚

Suppose we can all relate to some extent. Am sure we've all felt invisible or undervalued/unappreciated at times!

Hazy x


Mickey Mouse Knickers (posted on: 20-07-07)
Don't stick me in a box and label me. You don't know what's underneath. Dunno why I have the urge to start everything with 'And' though. Resistance is futile so I surrender... ho hum. Hazy x =====================================

Box me up And send me first class No, make that second class (Is third class obsolete?) In a small box A very small box A matchbox With no fucking airholes And corporate corners Suit me and Boot me. From here to there There being here Fuck it Let's stay put Let our roots grow out We'll drink beer And peel off labels You, deliciously quirky in your Superman pants And me, in my Mickey Mouse knickers And polka dot bra
Archived comments for Mickey Mouse Knickers
Sunken on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
Dear Ms. Hazy, How lovely to see you back. I hear your front's not so bad either (-; You must tell me where I can get a pair of Superman pants from. I had a pair years ago, but they went missing from my washing line. I suspect the window cleaner to be frank. Seriously though, if you know where I can get a pair I'd be very grateful. I loved those pants. They were of the Y-front variety and very comfy. Just the job for a superhero. Smashing poem Ms. Hazy. Hope you're going to sub more? Have a good weekend.

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superman or superted? you decide

vote brian

Author's Reply:
'ello smunky darlin'

Well, I can get you some tight stretchy ones off ebay? Erm, it does say 'gay interest' though. lol oh I got the giggles now - take a peek: http://tinyurl.com/yrxfsj. Or they do nice normal boxer shorts... Oh, stop it lol.

Trying to write again but it don't always go to plan! (goes to pot alright, but not plan!)

Ta for the comment and the number!

Hazy x

PS Definitely Superman ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sunken on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
Hazy - I apologise for giving you a ten. I have an anon rating stalker who always lowers my rates as soon as I give them. I really shouldn't bother rating. Dick heads. Why do we have anon rating. They are gutless fuckers if you ask me. Thanks.

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wanker or arse hole? you decide

Author's Reply:
Smunk



Sad fkers indeed. What's the world coming to *rolls eyes*



Ta, The Smunk.



The Haze x



PS Wanker, for sure lol!

PPS That PS was in the nicest possible sense lol!!! Nowt wrong with that, eh. Call a spade a spade n all that ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

delph_ambi on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
Sweet poem. Enjoyed this. Hope you'll post plenty more.

Author's Reply:
Cheers, delph. Glad ya liked! Might have exhausted myself of poems though. Got tonnes of oldies but the newies don't seem to form...

Take care,

Hazy x

e-griff on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
does your BF wear them outside his trousers then?

Hah hah! Fun ... ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:
But of course! Where else would you wear Superman pants?! Gawd... some people...


๐Ÿ˜‰



Ta for the comment.


Hazy x

Abel on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
Fascinating piece, Jo. In-your-face and to the point. Rock on!

w

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Wardo!

Ta for the comment. Hope things are alright with you.

Take care,

Jo x

Sunken on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
Dear Ms. Hazy. This is a serious matter. I don't mind the gay tag, I just really want a pair of those pants. I can't save the world in my current pants as no one takes me seriously in them! That link says 404 not found. Story of my bleedin life(-;

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Rate -10 (mess with that fucker!) thanks.

vote brian

Author's Reply:
Just for you:

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Superman-Returns-Boxer-Shorts-Scally-Gay-interest_W0QQitemZ280133554581QQihZ018QQcategoryZ313QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Hope that works!

They're only a 'small' though (although I'm sure I found some mixed size ones earlier) - and not Y-fronts (thank God!). Mind you, small tight pants aren't necessarily a bad thing...

I'll leave you with that thought lol.

Hazy x

Sunken on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
Ahem... if they're on ebay... surely they're second hand (or should that be second scrotum?) - I'd prefer the pant type to be honest. My quest shall continue. I just hope I get them in time to save you all from global warming.

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bucks fizz or abba? you decide

Author's Reply:
Well, apparently they're 'new without tags'. Hmmm. I see... *strokes chin*

This made me giggle from the ad: "The item for sale is not the item modelled in the galley photo." (teehee - I bet he was getting lots of private messages from ebay users LOL)

Is this Frank, your window cleaner? http://flickr.com/photos/lomokev/167159835/ Perhaps he's gonna ransom them back to you...

Hazy x
PS Abba ๐Ÿ™‚

Macjoyce on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
What are you talking about?

I don't wear them over my trousers at all. I wear them round my ankles.



Author's Reply:
Just so happens it's where I wear my halo too ๐Ÿ˜‰

Laters, Paulo.

Jo x

Ionicus on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
Hi Jo. So it was you! No, it can't have been: the knickers I remember had teddy bears on them.
Enjoyed this piece; very amusing.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Wasn't me, guv! Honest!! Don't own nowt with bears on. Too weird, for sure lol.

Ta for the comment, glad you enjoyed ๐Ÿ™‚

Jo x

Romany on 20-07-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
You seem to have a rebellious streak! And I love polka dots,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Nah, it's a chocolate streak (wipes face). Hands up. I had chocolate buttons (large) and a fudge today.

Tsk tsk.

Ta for the comment, Dotty ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Jolen on 09-08-2007
Mickey Mouse Knickers
Hello there, Hazy. Loved the poem and the anti-establishment voice. Being a rebel myself, I really appreciated this.
blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Glad you enjoyed and got it! It was written on a day when I was feeling, and looking, particularly 'hippyish' at work. And everyone in their suits was pissing me off, making you feel like you've got to look just like them (and aspire to be them). Yuk, yuk, yuk. I just wanted to kick my shoes off and walk round barefoot lol. Some people at work won't even hold a bloody door open for you, let alone say thank you if you hold it open for them.

I was also remembering my last job where the Chairman and Directors got to fly business class and their wives sat in peasant class lol. If us office minions had ever had to fly, I seriously think they'd have been asking if we could go in the hold!!

Cheers for commenting. Glad ya liked!!

Hazy x


In The Beginning (posted on: 19-03-07)
Things have a tendency to develop into something bigger... Especially with regard to sexual deviance. Hazy x ===================================

I reached for a mansize Kleenex to wipe the pearlised spunk from my chest. Black hairs lying flat, soaked in sticky, globby cum. Temptation had been too intense. I'd have loved for them to scream when they saw me, but they giggled nervously. A tale to tell their friends, full of bravado and humour. People's eyes and hands reveal their true emotions. Panic, in their case. The redhead fumbled for her key's central locking button. The car, swiftly secured again from the inside. A chunky click-clock clearly audible throughout the car park. I swaggered towards their Volkswagen, cock in hand, unable to hide the smirk slapped across my face. Not sure what they, or even I, would have done if their car hadn't started. I know I'd promised myself never again, but when I saw them ahead of me on the steps of the multi-storey, I couldn't resist. It's impossible to describe the initial adrenalin rush. No doubt, I'll be wanking over that latest memory for weeks to come. But that sickening feeling once they'd gone and my hard-on subsided, that's the worst feeling in the world. So disappointed in myself and my lack of restraint. Each time fails to be the last. Promises are jetwashed from my mind like filthy graffiti. It's only been in the last twelve weeks that I've actually exposed myself to them instead of wanking in my car, or behind a wall or vehicle. I'd always thought of it as 'voyeuristic tendencies' but just watching's no longer enough. I need 'reaction'. Everyone at the office has noticed a spring in my step. I've pretended to have found myself a girlfriend. Described her in detail. But she's not really with me. She wouldn't even recognise me. But I know lots about her…
Archived comments for In The Beginning
Rupe on 19-03-2007
In The Beginning
Scary stuff. The bit about the imaginary girlfriend is particularly effective.

I think what struck me about this piece is that you obviously have a good fix on this character - you've got him well worked out in your head, and that comes through in the writing. He does come across convincingly (though I found the cock in hand bit a little surprising - I'd imagine a character like that to be more furtive).

But I think the way you present him to the reader needs a bit more structuring & should be done at greater length. At present we've got a single incident, which starts halfway and then loops back to the beginning, and a bit of 'telling' about the history of it. So we get the character, but the story doesn't have as much dramatic impact as it should have.

Just a personal opinion, of course, but I'd prefer to see a clear start-point and end-point in the narrative, at least one scene described really fully, and a gradual escalation in his behaviour from a mild problem to something scary and out of control.

All of that is implicit in what you've written - I just feel it needs a more carefully structured approach. Actually, the approach you took in your prose challenge piece might work well for this piece too: there was a clear sequence of events.

Worth working on, I'd say - the ingredients are there.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Rupe. I didn't know where to take this one and wasn't sure if it could stand alone so any advice or opinions gratefully received! I'll have to have a think about the order of events... I quite liked the 'in your face' beginning lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

It was sort of based on a personal experience (no, I've not taken to flashing in car parks ;-)). My mum and I were shopping one day when I was in my teens and some bloke came out of the stairwell with his hand round his cock 'going for it' in the multi-storey. He'd probably followed us. I remember the emotions clearly. We were embarrassed, nervous, laughing, scared, etc. I remember the panic welling up through the giggles and I think I might have cried later to release the shock although it's something we laughed about after.

My friend got flashed before when a group of them were out on their horses. It's the kind of thing we all laugh off at the time but, often, these people go on to commit other sexual crimes.

Anyway, cheers for the comment and insight... I'll see what the others say and give it some more thought!

Hazy x

Rupe on 19-03-2007
In The Beginning
Blimey! That must have been really disturbing. Fact really IS stranger than fiction then. I take it all back...

I see what you mean about a shock opening, but I still think it'd come out better with a clear start-end narrative thread.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Aye, it was. This bloke just appeared out of nowhere, smiling and wanking (and walking towards in the direction of my mum's car)!! Not sure if I was more embarrassed at seeing it, or the fact I was with my mum when it happened lol!! Oh the shame!!

Still thinking about the order ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for coming back to it...

Hazy x

discopants on 20-03-2007
In The Beginning
I hope it doesn't develop into anything too big...

Author's Reply:
Oooer lol ๐Ÿ˜‰ Well, that'd all depend on what your kink was I suppose! Some things get bigger than others!

Cheers for the little comment... I'm sure it had the potential to be something bigger...

Hazy x

littleditty on 21-03-2007
In The Beginning
Hi Hazy - i loved the details in your last piece too! I have more time on line these days and it's a pleasure to leisurely read yours - this isn't all that disturbing while reading, perhaps that is what is disturbing after reading, hif ya know what i mean...insightful, true, honest character study - best line for me 'Promises are jet-washed from my mind like filthy graffiti.' what about a little hyphen? Well done Hazy :o) xxldx


Author's Reply:
Cheers ld ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for saying what you liked... it always helps! Yes, it should really have a hyphen. I'm phobic about such things and tend to hover over every one and join up far too many words lol. This little piece already has 3 and I didn't wanna over-(ouch)hyphenate ๐Ÿ˜‰

Must admit I have wondered from time to time if that bloke went on to commit more serious offences...

Ta!

Hazy x

TheGeeza on 24-03-2007
In The Beginning
Well, the opening couple of sentences took me by surprise, that's for sure! Have you been reading naughty books?!?!

I think you captured the character well. Also, you showed a convincing male voice, there. Possibly with the exception of "lack of restraint". That sounds like a shrink or woman reporter talking. Think "not being able to control myself" is more wordy, but seems more appropriate.

I think you need to lose "or vehicle" - it sounds a bit technical.

Seems like a real snippet of a dysfunctional person.

Steve.


Author's Reply:
Ooops, sorry for delay!!

Hope all's well with you.

Norty books? Moi? As if :-p

Yep, you're totally right about that 'or vehicle' but 'car' is in the same sentence and I wanted to add it in, not just 'behind the wall'. I'll have to think about removing it altogether though as it jars with me too.

I'll have a think about that 'lack of restraint' as I'm not sure which I prefer...

Thanks for commenting. Appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

sirat on 25-03-2007
In The Beginning
It's certainly an involving piece but I think structurally you've got it the wrong way around. I think it would be stronger if we had him coming to work with the spring in his step at the beginning, boasting about having found a girlfriend, maybe telling them quite a bit about her. They ask if he's meeting her again tonight. He says yes. Then the scene where he follows her, exposes himself and wanks. I think it works better if his victim is alone. It wasn't at all clear who was meant by "we", I took it to be a courting couple, but whoever it was the girl on her own produces more dramatic tension I think. That structure would also help to lessen the "tell" in this version. It's an interesting idea though, particularly doing it in the first person. It could be a lot longer, building up to the car park scene.

Author's Reply:
Ooops, another sorry! Blonde mo...

You're not the only person to think it's the wrong way round so it's one I'll come back to and jiggle with.

The girl he boasts over isn't the same girl from the car park. It's another one... The car park wanking is kind of his 'kink' but it's about to develop into something more. He's become a bit obsessed with some local girl that he knows an awful lot about... In the car park, there are two women rushing to their car, not a couple. Thought it was obvious enough with things like 'giggled nervously' and 'a tale to tell their friends' and 'The redhead (implying one of them had red hair, probably meaning they're the same sex, no?)' - plus the fact that he'd followed them and wanked in front of them, didn't expect people to consider it might be a couple but might think about making it more obvious. That bit's definitely staying as it was true and happened to me and my mum. It was the inspiration for the story - I have since wondered if he went on to commit sexual offences or if it was just a one off.

Also, the beginning bit was set back at his house but I'm pretty sure that everyone who's read it thinks it's in the car park. I have this tendency with short stories to keep things a bit too brief!

I'm definitely gonna try it your way round and add in some more detail...

Cheers for commenting!

Jo x

sirat on 13-04-2007
In The Beginning
Hello Jo. I'm just going to stick my nose in again to make a point that I think is quite important. You say "That bit's definitely staying as it was true and happened to me and my mum", and I understand what you mean, but in fact that is a very BAD reason for keeping something in a story or for making decisions of any kind about stories. A work of fiction isn't a piece of journalism it's a STORY, an artefact that owes nothing to "truth", only to "art". If real events inspire you to write a story that's great, but you have no duty whatsoever to remain faithful to those real events. You should be asking yourself what you can do with them, how you can bend them to your purpose. In this particular instance IMO the presence of two females in the car park adds nothing to the story, in fact it distracts from what you want to say. Similarly the idea that the girl he exposes himself to isn't his fantasy (or real) girlfriend but somebody else adds nothing to the story: it's far more powerful dramatically if there is nobody else in his life and he has this mixed-up delusion that a girl he has exposed himself to must therefore be some kind of "girlfriend". Short story writers shouldn't be trying to tell the truth, they should be trying to make stuff up. Good stuff.

Author's Reply:
(**sneaks a break from GD proofing to answer - don't shoot me, mister** ;-))

I worded my reply badly, I think. I absolutely totally agree that real life situations shouldn't be reproduced fact for fact just because they happened that way. Didn't mean I wrote it that way because it happened that way... merely that it was an inspiration/base for my story. It's all about the flasher, not some sexual predator. Something people used to laugh about back in the 70s/80s, but now we know a lot of these people go on to commit far more serious offences.

You said two women distracted from the story and made it less threatening - but that is what I wanted to convey. I didn't want real suspense, or for the reader to think he was about to kill someone or anything. I wanted two people in the story with literally just a flasher (well, okay, a wanking one!) and not someone who'd committed other sexual offences at that time. I wanted it as light and probably non-threatening as possible at that stage. Two girls who could laugh about it with their friends later was less scary than having one lone female in a car park. Still not sure I'm explaining this very well... I'll give a synopsis of what I was trying to say:

- bloke's wanking at home thinking back to the most recent time he'd flashed/wanked in front of two girls. He was never gonna do any more than that. He'd never met either one before and wouldn't see them again
- He felt incredible guilt at what he's been doing, knowing it's wrong. He'd promised himself never again, but the temptation grew stronger.
- He felt totally sick about what he was doing. His sexual urges are stronger than his willpower. He knows this but thinks he has it in check
- It's got worse though. He needs more each time to get that sexual kick. Used to just watch women, now he's flashing and even wanking in front of them. He knows he's now craving more of a reaction from women for his kicks
- It's almost like he's accepted it now. Enjoying it, even. There's another girl who perhaps works in the library, at the corner shop, at the barbers... wherever. He's been fantasising about what he'd like to do to her.
- He's been happy at work thinking about his flashing, etc, and has used her as an excuse for his smiles, even though she'd probably not recognise him. He's now somewhat fixated on her.
- Does something happen? Does he rape, kill, abuse her? Even I can't answer that one lol...

Ta for the follow up!

Dunno if it's any clearer or not... just wanted to explain I don't want to add suspense or horror to the story, want it to make people think at the end...

Hazy x


Jagged Edge (posted on: 16-03-07)
Written in response to Griffy's prose challenge (albeit a late entry!!). The words in bold are those Griffy supplied. The rest's my own. Thanks for the inspiration! Purposely haven't read the others yet but will try and do so tomorrow/soon! Hazy x ============================================

I didn't like him. I handed him the gloves and he nodded. I didn't like that smirk. He said nothing, just turned away, his broad back mocking me. Tomorrow, I promised myself. That night there was a storm – violent, tropical. Lightning rent the sky, thunder crashed and rain sleeted down, oppressive. I couldn't sleep, thinking of the next day, as the water gurgled in the gutters and pipes. The next morning, I went out early. The previous night's rainwater sloshed over the clogged gutters creating long, dirty stripes alongside the drainpipes. For years he'd promised to clear out the debris and paint the outside of the house. Surely, his side of the bargain when I kept things immaculate inside. I stood outside for a while just staring at the house, remembering how different things were twenty-odd years ago. Before the car. When he still put me first. Behind those heavy garage doors sat his beloved E-Type, snug beside my boring, beige Fiesta. Loved more than me. More than our house. Our kids, even. But it no longer upset me. This was to be my day. One to remember. One to change the course of my life; my future. He was going out at two to meet his car club cronies. I had the entire morning to myself. Time to put the wheels in motion. The guy I'd spoken with on the phone the day before certainly appeared to know his stuff. I realised I'd have to hold my reserve; put on a brave front; not allow myself to feel intimidated. Something I'd been practicing for years. That selfish, pig-headed husband of mine had taught me how to be strong. His family were probably to blame. Their social skills left much to be desired. He'd been barking orders at me for nigh on thirty years. Putting his treasured car before me. Well, I'd had enough. Taken all I was prepared to take. Some 'me' time, long overdue – and much deserved. I felt no guilt in giving up on him. He was never going to change. I'd wasted the best part of my life realising that. So I set off to meet 'Ron'. Pulled up in my practical Fiesta, much to his obvious distaste and we shook on our deal. Seven thousand pounds passed between us. He eyed me like I was a cop but obviously decided to trust me – or perhaps he was just plain greedy. Midday. Time to be heading home. Time to start the ball rolling. I inhaled deeply and phoned 'Mark'. "It's Sandra. I've done it. I'll meet you in the designated car-park at four." I hung up with no remorse. My new leather gloves perched on top of his on the kitchen table. With my heart beating as high as my throat and with a close eye on the clock, I headed up the stairs to remind him he had to be out in half an hour. His back was facing me and I could hear the customary smirk in his reply. "Yes, dear. I think I'm quite capable of reading my watch." I trotted back down the stairs, teeth gritted. Not long now and my life would be my own. As the kitchen clock struck two, he appeared in the doorway. Prompt as ever. His ever present driving gloves donned his underworked hands. Flat cap rested on his balding head. "Don't wait up, dear, you know how it is." I followed him through the internal door to the garage. There, he got the biggest shock of his life. Totally unaware. Totally unexpected. His eyes bulged and random words stuttered from his fat face. I dangled my car keys in front of his reddening features. "Take as long as you like, dear. It's my first MG owners' club meeting at four, so don't wait up…' I still don't like him. But at least the feeling's now mutual.
Archived comments for Jagged Edge
Rupe on 16-03-2007
Jagged Edge
Very enjoyable. You led us right up the garden path with this one & that's a great trick to be able to pull off - really difficult not to give the game away by mistake somewhere along the line. I was thinking 'Oh no, surely not...' until the penultimate paragraph, and then it all made sense.

I think the last line adds something too. There's a dash of sobering realism here. She's had her moment of revenge, but in fact nothing is going to change - or is this just the rehearsal for something more sinister?

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Rupe. Value your opinion so ta for the words.

Twists ain't really my thing but this one just headed off that way. Didn't know where it was going when I started writing, but that's often the way it goes with me!

Glad you liked the last line, I do tend to add those sorts of final lines to my stuff - often a contentious point lol.

And nope, nothing's going to change. Some people just resign themselves to a crap relationship! Or maybe I should have her mow him down in her new MG ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta again,

Hazy x

TheGeeza on 16-03-2007
Jagged Edge
A bit of a twist to what I had expected, but I think there was a sad undertone to the story as well as it being a slightly humouress and gentle revenge/lesson.
I was happy to see it didn't reference the story in the papers this week of the freakish fella who (erm) does personal things to cars...!!


Author's Reply:
Howdy

Yep, I do love a sad undertone!! My characters are rarely happy. Not sure what that says about me!! Even when I'm really chirpy and smiley (more often than not these days), I want to write about unhappy people!

Missed that story in the papers but am very curious now!! Might go have a google...

Cheers m'dears. Thanks v muchly for the comment.

Hazy x

Claire on 16-03-2007
Jagged Edge
Not bad, you could delete griffy's beginning and this story would work well without it. Actually, I feel this could be stronger shorter--could work well as a standard length of flash fiction of 500 words.

I was expecting him being murdered or his car being trashed, not that. I suppose it is something that is more likely to happen in real life... I wonder how many women have done that!

Only thing that jarred me is the section where she's handing over the money--I presume he's meant to be dodgy, but now that I've read the end I don't understand this section: 'He eyed me like I was a cop but obviously decided to trust me โ€“ or perhaps he was just plain greedy.' -- if it's just a car sale why would he eye her like a cop? I sense from her character she wouldn't be the type to buy a nicked car. This section to me doesn't flow well with the ending.

Author's Reply:
Cheers for the comment, Claire.

Yep, the beginning was more of a 'setting' really. Carried on some of the style later on and mentioned the weather and gloves. The gloves were the inspiration for the story, really. 'Driving gloves' that is!

If I could have chopped off Griffy's bit, I would've done lol. Not sure there's much else I could lose though and can't stand word limits as it can make things appear choppy! I was really surprised this was only 600 odd words when I ran a word counter over it, thought it was longer! Doesn't bode well for finishing my book lol.

With the money section, nah it ain't stolen! Blimey! He just does them up on the side, as do a lot of people. The tax bods would be after him like a shot if they found out. You often see cars for sale in the same place by the side of a road, like it's a private sale when, in fact, they do it regularly. And now that many people are using ebay, etc to buy/sell cars, there's a fair bit of 'extra cash' being made on the sly!!

Anyway, ta muchly for the comment. Catch you soon.

Hazy x

delph_ambi on 16-03-2007
Jagged Edge
Very enjoyable tale, and nicely unpredictable twist. Subtle.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for leaving a comment, delphi. Glad you liked!

Hazy x

JeffDray on 18-03-2007
Jagged Edge
And there was me thinking that you were going to get her to trash the E type. Nice one.

Author's Reply:
Aye, it was meant to look predictable - that she'd trash it, or bump him off...

I like to surprise ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment and the number ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


''Richaaaaaaaard'' (posted on: 09-02-07)
A 'rap poem' for Romany's Poetry Workshop challenge (that's 'rap' with a silent 'C'!) btw, I know none of the iambic wotsits/meters/inches, whatever add up properly. Just a bit of fun - it ain't gonna win no awards lol ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hazy x ===============================

Those immortal lines uttered once again The site's gone down and we need his brain So we put out a shout and await his reply But, for all we know, he could be one of McFly... Where's Richard? Where's Richard? An elusive bloke when the timing suits Leaving Andrea to sort out ongoing disputes He's one of a kind, or so we've been told A perfect adonis, or p'haps frightfully old... Who's Richard? Who's Richard? A creditless task from behind the scenes Our Wizard of Oz hid behind his machines A few have wondered, is he Andrea's disguise But she don't know jack when the website dies... Yo! Richard! Yo! Richard!
Archived comments for ''Richaaaaaaaard''
Bradene on 09-02-2007
Richaaaaaaaard
Good one Hazybelle, though I'm no expert on rap whatsoever as my puny effort reveals. I'm off to read Romany's now Take care. Val x (-;

Author's Reply:
Oh, I think everyone did far better than me lol. Don't think Eminem has anything to worry about just yet ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers for commenting, Val. Will get to the others soon - been off to sunny Florence and just catching up on bits n bobs.

Take care,

Hazybelle x

Romany on 09-02-2007
Richaaaaaaaard
Yo! Yo! I can just hear a crowd joinging in on the choruses! Good fun,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Ta, Romany! The challenge was fun. Not my cuppa-writing, and, like I said, it ain't gonna win no awards, I just wanted to join in the party ๐Ÿ™‚

Fanking you.

Hazy x

Ionicus on 09-02-2007
Richaaaaaaaard
Very amusing Jo. You caught the spirit of the challenge. Well done.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Luigi! Glad you enjoyed. Was a bit of a 'different' one!

Take care,

Jo x

richardh on 09-02-2007
Richaaaaaaaard
erm!
Am I being applauded or insulted (or perhaps both)?

I reckon this is becasue I've gone quiet on the button front. ๐Ÿ™‚

Whatever the case... very amusing.

Author's Reply:
'Applauded'!!

Oh I'm sure you have plenty of buttons yet to be pushed ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers,

Hazy x

admin on 09-02-2007
Richaaaaaaaard
Gawd, the kraken wakes...

Only a 7, Richard?

(Pssst, I think it's a compliment)

Author's Reply:
Aye, a compliment indeed!

7's fab! Considering rap ain't my thang and it's hardly the best out of the bunch lol!!

Cheers, Andrea.

Haze x

Sunken on 12-02-2007
Richaaaaaaaard
lol. Stop ganging up on Richard you lot. It can't be easy dealing with that Andrea on a daily basis (-; Poor bloke. Very amusing Ms. Hazy. Sorry I missed it, I blame being fik. Thanks.

s
u
n
k
e
n

shades of confusion masquerading as apathy

Author's Reply:
Only gangs of support ๐Ÿ™‚ He's my hero, dontcha know? How do you imagine him, Smunky? I bet he's lovely. Dark hair, bit of grey, tall, big hands. Mmm. Maybe I'll just stick with my little fantasy lol...

Ta for the comment. Hope all's well with you ๐Ÿ™‚

The Hazy Girl x

jay12 on 12-02-2007
Richaaaaaaaard
Praise be to Richard for his efforts! I'm glad you aint Eminem Hazy else we'd have to listen to this on the radio!!!!

*sighs*

(Only joking)

take care,

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Lordy lordy lordy (no, not the Eurovision band lol). Eminem can sleep safely, believe me. I ain't no rapper lol. Was a fun challenge nonetheless!

Take care,

Hazy x

pencilcase on 12-02-2007
Richaaaaaaaard
hi 'Aitch - hope all's well.

I hate (c)rap, but I love that line

But she don't know jack when the website dies...

Ha-ha!!! There, you made me laugh at 04:30, so well done you!

Why don't you record it?!

Cheers,

pencilpoised

Author's Reply:
Hiya

Sniffing, coughing and spluttering here and feel like Shite (with a cap S). But, never mind, could be worse... Hope you and yours are doing better!

Can't quite see me doing my 'MC Hazy' bit on the mic, but you never know lol. A recording might be on the cards ๐Ÿ˜‰

Keep that pencil poised, pencily person.

Take care,

Hazy x


Ten Pounds Richer (posted on: 26-01-07)
It's a funny old world. Hazy x =============================

Twenty years back I lost a ten pound note Not just any ten pound note My lucky ten pound note I'd found it, see My lucky note When my head hung low There it was Right under my nose But I was careless with My ten pound note Spent it without realising its true value Spent lots of ten pound notes Over the years But none so lucky as the ten pound note I'd found Then lost Funny how twenty years later It's back in my hand What's the chances of that? I'll try not to spend it this time Ten pounds suddenly feels like a lot of money I'm rich again
Archived comments for Ten Pounds Richer
Bradene on 26-01-2007
Ten Pounds Richer
Unusual poem Hazybelle written with your special flare. Nice to read your work again Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Val. 'tis a little unusual for me, yeah!

Hope you're okay! Good to see you. Ta for commenting!

Hazy x

red-dragon on 26-01-2007
Ten Pounds Richer
Yes, good to see you again, Hazy, with a thought provoking little number. Wish I had a lucky tenner, but I never have them long enough to find out! Ann

Author's Reply:
lol know the feeling! Glad it got you thinking...

Good to see you too ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

KDR on 26-01-2007
Ten Pounds Richer
Wish I had a tenner full stop! lol.

But how did you/the narrator know it was the same tenner? You keep a note of the numbers or summat? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Karl (still not doing poetry that well...)

Author's Reply:
Oh Karly, Karly, Karly. What are we to do with you lol (*ducks*)

No need for numbers. I'm not even sure it's recognisable. But the feeling I get from it, I just 'know' it's the same lucky tenner from 20 years ago. If you weren't confused now, you soon will be lol.

Perhaps the lucky tenner is metaphorical, non? *rolls eyes*

Ta for venturing into the dark abyss that is poetry!

Take care.

Hazy x

Rupe on 26-01-2007
Ten Pounds Richer
There's something definitely here. Not sure that you've quite nailed it, but you're loitering in the vicinity, possibly with intent...

I suppose what I'm looking for and almost finding here is the idea of money being worth more 'back then' & that idea in turn being linked to a feeling of lost innocence, or at least the slight sadness that one feels at the mere fact that the past has gone & however vividly we remember it, it cannot be retrieved.

I don't know if that's exactly what you were getting at - it's just the way it occurs to me.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Hi Rupe

I don't mind spelling my stuff out. It kinda goes like this.

I was friends with a boy at school. REALLY good friends. I was seeing someone for the last 2 years of school (not from our school) and so me and this boy ended up losing touch. I hadn't realised he fancied me back then. I have thought about him since and his name has cropped up on several occasions. He's contacted me recently and we've connected beyond belief, absolutely immediately. Like there hasn't been a 20 year gap, only it's better now. We're older, wiser, etc. Neither of us want to lose each other again. It's all a case of shite timing though... but I believe in fate and think he's back in my life for a reason.

Ta very much for commenting, it's really appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚ I love how other people see my stuff so ta for sharing that too! Hope it makes a bit more sense! It's more 'simplisticly written' than the rest of my stuff I think, possibly because I wanted that childlike feel about it. We knew each other from the age of 11.

TY ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 27-01-2007
Ten Pounds Richer
Ah, this could be read so many ways - real or metaphorical re. loss and finding? Oh, who cares - it's a deliberately simplistic tale with great impact anyway! Bet you're gong to be more careful in future, eh?

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Roy! Must catch up with some of your stuff, know I've missed some popular tales!

Will definitely be more careful with anything that's worth something!!

Cheers,

Hazy x

Jolen on 27-01-2007
Ten Pounds Richer
Is it really the same one? What a wild turn, if so. I think your fine poem has some wisdom for us all.
blessings,
JolenPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Author's Reply:
Ta for the comment, Jolen ๐Ÿ™‚

Metaphorically, it's the same one, yep lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Don't intend to let it slip through my fingers again...

Take care,

Hazy x


Dinosaur Footprints (posted on: 08-01-07)
It's whatever you want it to be... Hazy x ===================================

[IMG]http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/HazyJo/bySaraScharf.jpg[/IMG] ฉ photo by Sara Scharf Ambling, head down, across leaf-stained pavements Three-toed dinosaur tracks amid concrete jungles Extinct emotions. Retrograde steps along familiar paths Ambivalent regarding destination Disorientated, shadowed by tall, glass structures Alongside ancient, chipped buildings Beautiful to some Unsteady, after being led for so many years Time to walk unaided To think. To get lost in wild abandonment Alone
Archived comments for Dinosaur Footprints
Rupe on 08-01-2007
Dinosaur Footprints
Liked this a lot. It's what I'd call a proper poem, with a sinewy interplay of thought and concrete imagery, and very well-chosen vocabulary. There's a kind of 'knottiness' to it - there's nothing unclear about it, but the reader has to do something (i.e. think).

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Rupe ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad ya liked!

I've been trying to write somat for yonks about those leaf imprints on pavements. Make me smile whenever I see them (quite a lot on the way to work)!

I have my own interpretations of this poem, but I do like it when people find their own meaning (although some don't!). This seemed to fit the bill for others' interpretations so I'm leaving it ambiguous!

Ta.

Hazy x

Slovitt on 08-01-2007
Dinosaur Footprints
Hazy: Perhaps 'leaf-imprinted' instead of 'leaf-stained' and then perhaps 'tracks' for your 'footprints' in the next line. Do you need 'amid concrete jungles' and 'along familiar paths'? Perhaps 'disoriented' instead of 'disorientated' which grates.
Perhaps instead of back-to-back lines with double adjectives before the noun,

Disoriented, shadowed by tall, glass structures
Alongside buildings ancient, chipped
Beautiful to some

Anyway, forgive the liberties I've taken with your poem, and which I hope may be of help. Swep



Author's Reply:
Thanks for that, Swep. No worries, I have no probs with any suggestions!! I'm flattered. Any advice is good advice, even if I don't take it lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

I do prefer 'tracks' and, even though I don't often change poems once I've written them (kind of the way I operate, I'm afraid, like they've been written in stone), I will take that piece of advice!

Didn't know disoriented was a word instead of disorientated. Just looked it up... why's there 2? Isn't the shorter one American or something? Oh, I dunno. Ho hum. Wasn't keen on 'disorientated' myself either (considered putting it on a line of its own) so might take you up on that. Will give it some thought and see if I can maybe come up with another alternative...

I'm a bit fick when it comes to things such as 'double adjectives' and 'back to back lines'... I just write where it takes me! Nothing structured about my stuff. Just flows where the mood takes me.

Anyway, ta muchly for that. Appreciated.

Hazy x

Sunken on 08-01-2007
Dinosaur Footprints
I would like it be Jaffa Cake Ms. Hazy, if that's ok? I love a Jaffa but have not indulged for sometime. Why I have abstained from said chocolate delight for such a long time is, to be quite frank, beyond both my good self and my live in chameleon (formerly known as cushion). I hope this helps. Thanks.

s
u
n
k
e
n

he might take his pills, he might not

Author's Reply:
OMG you know what happens when you forget those pills :-O

Ta for the comment, Smunky baby. I used to hate jaffa cakes but have indulged quite heavily of late. Might be somat to do with the BOGOF offer in whichever supermarket I got to deliver around that time!

Anyway, hope you, Cushion, Munky, Rudy et all are well. Love to all. Got quite a houseful, it seems!

Mwah.

Hazy x

barenib on 10-01-2007
Dinosaur Footprints
Hazy, I like this amble through the concrete jungle and a few other places too, I reckon. It has a dream like quality to it and plays around nicely with the mixture of real time and the time in your head. I generally agree with Swep's suggestions, if that helps. HNY - John.

Author's Reply:
Cheers, John. HNY to your good self too ๐Ÿ™‚

It's really unusual for me to go back to a poem and change it. Not cos I think it's perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but the way I write is a bit like the way I draw (or paint, if I ever got back into that!). Once it's done, it's done. If you pick up that brush (pen/whatever) again, you'll be at it forever!

Funny gal.

Ta for commenting, appreciated. Trying hard to ease myself back into writing, been out of it for far too long. Enjoying it, but feeling a tad rusty (nowt to do with being a ginger lol).

Take care.

Hazy x

pencilcase on 10-01-2007
Dinosaur Footprints
Aitch, I read this poem the other day and have read it a few times this evening. I find that it grows on me the more I tune in to the pace you intended. I don't have a problem with 'disorientated'. In fact, when the poem is read at the pace I believe you intended, I think that 'unaided' provides a pleasing distant echo of 'disorientated' and I think that these two words are important milestones in a personal journey.

I'm sure you have written something else that refers to leaf imprints as dinosaur tracks?

A thoughtful and interesting poem - I hope you didn't bump into a lamp post!

Steve

Author's Reply:
'ello sweet pea

Hope it grows on you in a good sense. Not like a verruca or somat :-S

Blimey, you read so much into my rhythm n all that. Ahem! I just go with the flow and, if somat sounds right when I read it out loud, it's what ends up in ink, so to speak.

I don't even know where this one went or what it meant. I just thought it was 'interesting'. Seems people have interpreteted it their own way. Was desperate to write about those leaf stains! And nope, I've never written about them before, but might well have blethered on about them some time in the past lol.

Bumped into many a lamp post in my time! Spend so long looking around that I seem to forget to look where i'm going ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take good care of you.

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 24-01-2007
Dinosaur Footprints
Hi Hazy,

Going to keep this short...I like it very much.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Hi Si ๐Ÿ™‚

To follow your lead of shortness...

"Ta muchly" ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy ๐Ÿ˜‰ x


''I Don't'' (posted on: 05-01-07)
Wedded bliss. Not. Hazy x =============================

"I do" Do wish I was somewhere else Do wish it hadn't gone this far She stands beside me Weeping emotion Overwhelmed Expressing her love and commitment I'm here in body. Clad in dark velvet But my mind's in a seedy hotel room Burying panic beneath serene smiles My eyes scream liar in every photo It seems the camera doesn't lie Unlike me Sly glances And whispers in oak-panelled corridors Denial: stroked away with a tender touch By her We smile knowingly As my new wife tiptoes round me In gold brocade. It might as well be sackcloth I know now what the future holds As clear as her tears I fucked up But love counteracts betrayal For a while, anyway
Archived comments for ''I Don't''
Ginger on 05-01-2007
I Dont
This is a powerful poem. Took a couple of reads, as I expected the narrator to be female. But it works so well.
Cheers,
Lisa

Author's Reply:
Ta muchly for the words and number, Lisa ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked.

Hazy x

discopants on 05-01-2007
I Dont
Good to see you subbing and I particularly like the line 'Burying panic beneath serene smiles'. I'm still mulling this one- at first, I took the line 'love counteracts betrayal' to be referring to the narrator's love, but there's little evidence of it elsewhere- after all, he can't even keep his mind out of a 'seedy hotel room' for the wedding ceremony. I'm also wondering if it is her love, the depth of which will forgive his indiscretions until she gets so worn down that the inevitable will happen. Actually, it's the second interpretation that makes more sense (I think). Hmmm...

Author's Reply:
Cheers, D.I.S.C.O ๐Ÿ™‚

Was kind of a true story (well, poem). I'll simplify it: me, my wedding, hubby: having affair with a guest (his secretary) who he eventually left me for. The love counteracts betrayal line was him loving her and betraying me. Might make more sense now! His eyes didn't smile in any of the wedding pics.

Just thought it might be interesting to write something from his POV rather than my own (for a change lol). Six years ago. Still hurt, still mad, but relieved and happy and in a funny ol' way, I'm glad it happened. Things definitely happen for a reason ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta.

Hazy x

discopants on 05-01-2007
I Dont
I thought there might be some truth behind it but thought it would be indelicate to ask. I have to say i admire you for writing about it, particularly from his point of view. Thanks for the explanation- does this mean I can't have my own warped interpretation now??

Author's Reply:
I love 'warped', so you just carry on, honey ๐Ÿ˜‰

Love other interpretations of poetry. Yep, it's nice to know what something's about, but I find it's something that we all 'see something' in, don't always matter if it's 'right' or not!

Ta!

Hazy x

Sunken on 06-01-2007
I Dont
Hello Ms. Hazy. Isn't it warm for January? Your poem puts me in mind of a gay I know named Robert. He can win anyone in an arm wrestle and can also wear whatever he likes without looking daft. He also has a PhD in S Club 7. I realise that this is hardly the kind of critique you may have been hoping for, but you must understand, I'm shit at that kinda thang. I hope this helps. Wear green today, I predict a contrast. Thanks.

s
u
n
k
e
n

banned from motivating pigeons in public places

Author's Reply:
Hi Mr S. Munky ๐Ÿ™‚

Very warm, yes. Although that might be somat to do with having the heating on. Hmmm *strokes chin*

Hope you're having a lovely weekend wrestling with Robert!! Oh, and I did happen to be wearing green today! A contrast definitely happened with my pink trackies ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ty very muchly for the luverly comment ๐Ÿ˜€

S'later.

Hazy x

glennie on 06-01-2007
I Dont
Enjoyed your poem very much Jo. At first I thought it was from a female VP and had a second read. I hope it was't your personal experience. Glen.

Author's Reply:
Cheers for the comment, Glen!

Unfortunately, it was real! Was with him 6 years, got married, split up 3 months later! He'd been shagging his secretary (one of our guests at the wedding, hence the stanza that begins 'Sly glances'...). Oh well, life goes on and I figure he did me a favour in the long run!!

Ta ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Kazzmoss on 06-01-2007
I Dont
Gosh, the few words say such a lot. It has great depth, says so much more and really gets the imgination going. I like this Hazy. - Kazz

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Kazz ๐Ÿ™‚

Was a truey, unfortunately. Blurted it all out on here years back on one called 'Exorcising Ghosts'! Sometimes I get reflective about it still. A friend's going through something similar at the moment (although they've been married for donkey's years and the bastard still won't admit to it even though there's evidence staring them right in the face!!) and I've been bringing up my own experiences so it's kinda been in my head a lot again.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope you're enjoying being WOTM!!

Hazy x

Kazzmoss on 07-01-2007
I Dont
No matter what happens in life, its a wonderful gift to be able to write about it so well, Hazy - Karen

Author's Reply:
*goes all embarrassed*

Ta. Catch you soon.

Hazy x

Kazzmoss on 07-01-2007
I Dont
No matter what happens in life, its a wonderful gift to be able to write about it so well, Hazy - Kazz

Author's Reply:
Hmmm. Deja vu!

Ta again!

Hazy x

Kazzmoss on 07-01-2007
I Dont
No matter what happens in life, its a wonderful gift to be able to write about it so well, Hazy - Kazz

Author's Reply:
Blimey. Enough already ๐Ÿ˜‰

Erm, ty! lol

Hazy x

Kazzmoss on 08-01-2007
I Dont
Hey, strange. I didn't do nuttin! Must have been a sticky button, honest!! - Kazz

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 05-10-2007
I Dont
Gordon Bennett, Hazykins. This bit really stings:

โ€œmy new wife tiptoes round me
In gold brocade. It might as well be sackcloth.โ€

Ooh. I felt that. Interesting that you chose to write from the bastardโ€™s point of view.

Mac the Dratsab xx


Author's Reply:
Yes, well, my ex-bastard still sneaks into my head from time to time.

I've psychoanalysed him and the whole situation many times and tried to imagine what he was feeling on what was meant to be the happiest day of our lives. It seemed kinda natural to write it from his POV. Perhaps it's therapy and allows me to guess at what he was thinking.

I'll never know for sure.

I'm still so pissed off that he went through with the wedding. I can't look back with fond memories. It was all just a sham. 'tis why I don't give my heart out now (even if I seem to). I wear it on my sleeve, granted, but nobody gets inside.

Hazy the cynic x


Crescendo (posted on: 08-12-06)
Joint effort by me & Shywolf for Luigi's recent "blind date" Poetry Workshop challenge. We each composed alternate lines with a very weeny bit of tweaking at the end. Hazy x ================================

Like a wizard before the elementals, the conductor raises his baton.
    Her reading of him commences, under his guidance,
Then begin the violins with a high C# tween
    With fingernail scratches against unblemished skin.
Violence to the violas contend the octave,
    Staccato-spanks, against chocolate covered harmonies
Which the double bass brings from the ground.
    Sounds lick teasingly against each other, converging with
The pied piper flutes' clean methodical melody,
    Surreptitious passion. Veiled beneath clandestine notes
Followed by the hollow haunting oboe.
    The final ensemble, brought to its conclusion
And the French horn's B-flat beacon,
    Against lounged-legato touches, the cadence slows...
By the boom boom doom of the drum.


Archived comments for Crescendo
Romany on 08-12-2006
Crescendo
Sexy little number this - talk about making music! A collaborative effort in which you two were very obviously in tune.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Romany!

Actually, I came up with the subject and title, Wolfie wrote all his lines, then I fitted my lines inbetween. It was gonna be music/emotions but (I blame that Wolfie leading me astray) it somehow turned a bit 'something else' ๐Ÿ˜‰ There wasn't really very much communication over it at all, we each did our own bit, but somehow we were definitely in tune lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad you liked. Ta for commenting!

Hazy (& Wolfie) x

discopants on 08-12-2006
Crescendo
I can see now why the two of you were delayed in posting. Preoccupied elsewhere, were we? Not sure who was doing the leading astray here.

Good poem, the intertwining of the themes and writing works really well.

Author's Reply:
LOL, oi! Cheeky sod ๐Ÿ˜‰

I'd forgotten the sub date! That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it ๐Ÿ˜‰ Actually, we did finish in time as I rushed my half of the poem last Sun night but we were just a bit too late to sub!

Glad you liked!

Hazy (& Wolfie) x

e-griff on 08-12-2006
Crescendo
Boom bang a bang, boom bang a bang when you are near,
Boom bang a bang, boom bang a bang loud in my ear.

.... traditional Eurovision folksong

Quite interesting when you see it as a him/ her conversation. ๐Ÿ™‚ Good idea, I think, to 'interleave' - that keeps the essential message of the poem in a single pair of hands, while the second provides counterpoint. Worth waiting for! ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:
Oh no! You'll start Smunky off again with his "What did you learn at skool today..." eurovision song!!

Ta for the insightful comment, Griffy ๐Ÿ™‚ Pleased ya liked!

Hazy (& Wolfie) x

Bradene on 08-12-2006
Crescendo
you two were obviously meant for each other ((-; Nice I like it love Val x

Author's Reply:
lol, nah I'd never get the housework done ๐Ÿ˜›

Ta, Val. Really pleased you enjoyed!

Love Hazybelle (& Wolfie) x

Ionicus on 08-12-2006
Crescendo
If music be the food of love....
With its 'Staccato-spanks' and 'lounged-legato touches' this is a testosterone-fuelled composition.
I am really surprised that Shy, the epitome of restraint, didn't curb Hazy's much fertile imagination.
Well done you two. The rapport was obviously there.

Author's Reply:
Luigi, the norty lines were indeed all mine lol!! I blame Wolfie though, he's a bad influence! Shy wrote his lines (starting with the first), then I filled in the blanks! His lines were surprisingly 'innocent'!!

Glad ya liked! Ta for commenting.

Hazy (& Wolfie) x

Abel on 08-12-2006
Crescendo
Impressive work, you two!!!

w

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for the comment.

Hazy (& Wolfie) x

Kat on 09-12-2006
Crescendo
A knockout poem - very skilful - a beautiful write.

Well done, Hazy & Shy!

Kat xx

Author's Reply:
Ta muchly for the comment, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad ya liked, and ty for the kind words!

Hazy (& Wolfie) x

Sunken on 09-12-2006
Crescendo
So are you the top half or the bottom half Ms. Hazy? An interesting idea that put me in mind of a girl I know named Tammy. She will do anything a lolly-pop and is currently trimming my bush back. As I said to her, 'If there's any end that needs tweaking around here then it's mine!"
I hope this helps.

s
u
n
k
e
n

regrets the coma exaggeration

Author's Reply:
I'm kinda an alternate bottom!

Wolfie did the first, third, fifth, etc - did all his lines first - then I filled in lines two, four, six, etc, working around what he came up with from my initial suggestion!

Hope Tammy did a good job of trimming your bush back. Glad you said 'bush back' and not 'back bush' :-O Had to re-read that!! Know you're from the munky family n all that, but... well...

Anyway, ta for the words.

Hazy (& Wolfie) xx

littleditty on 09-12-2006
Crescendo
I liked this - it reads really well - and it made me smile too - not sure about # tween - between? anyhow, an entertaining, well written, cheeky little number, this one -enjoyed :O) xxxldx

Author's Reply:
Hi littledee,

Ah yes, that was one of Wolfie's so you'll have to take that up with him! We didn't do much tweaking, tbh. Just a couple of his words and a line of mine, that was it! Think the # is a musical 'sharp' (if my memory serves me correctly - wasn't bad at music and its terminology but it's been a long, long time...!) and I did wonder about the 'tween' but came to quite like it so didn't question it in the end ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy (& Wolfie) x

flossieBee on 10-12-2006
Crescendo
I love 'violence to the violas' and 'sounds lick teasingly'
fB

Author's Reply:
Ooh, one of each of our lines, so ta for that! We alternated. 'is was the violas (and other instruments, etc) and mine were the nortier inbetween bits lol. He's a bad influence *rolls eyes*

Ta for the comment!

Hazy (& Wolfie) x

eddiesolo on 10-12-2006
Crescendo
Just gonna say...enjoyed it, good visual piece that works well.

Well done to the two of you!

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Not too visual, I hope ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad ya liked, Si. Y'know, you always put me in mind of that line in Pretty Woman where she goes 'Can I call ya Eddie?' and he goes 'Not if you expect me to answer' ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, ta for the words and number ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy (& Wolfie) xx


(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1 (posted on: 29-09-06)
Only posting this 'cos that Claire has my arm twisted behind my back lol. This is my first chapter for my UKAWANIAY thingy, although I do need to sort out the tenses. I'm also way under on the word limit of over 4k. Maybe I'll just halve the length of my book to get round that one ๐Ÿ˜‰ Opinions and crit needed, but please bear with me as I never thought I'd be writing a novel until my retirement, many moons from now and I'm feeling very unsure about it all! At least it's got me writing... But I'm not happy about the fact it's just one person's thoughts (as a lot of my stuff seems to be). I think I'll stick with that for the first chapter as it's kinda the way I write - more of an introduction, I guess; but will introduce other characters and conversation later on. Hazy, biting fingernails x ======================================

People mean well, but if I hear another fucking clich้, I swear I'll gun the lot of them. "He's in a better place." "Life goes on." "Things will get easier. Time's a great healer." I wonder if the families of the twelve people he wiped out are listening to the same bollocks this week. Heart attack, apparently. He'd probably have recovered if he'd not been doing seventy five down the M11. Didn't stand a cat in hell's chance. Nor did the others. I knew Simon adored the black dress I wore to his funeral. He'd hitched it up and fucked me on the kitchen worktop after dinner with Chloe and Mike, just a week before he died. Today, the dress is teamed with a dark grey jacket. A white [name flower] adorns the lapel. Dead at thirty nine. No next generation; no surprise fortieth birthday party; no more sex on the kitchen side. At thirty six, it was only three years until I caught up. We used to joke about it, as most people do. I suppose now, I will catch up. Overtake, even. Presuming I live past thirty nine, that is. It had always been a dead cert. Never questionable. Of course, we had insurances for those eventualities. But thirty nine? It hadn't even entered our heads. Simon had always been fit and healthy. Stopped smoking at twenty one in the year we met; frequented the gym at least three times a week; worked hard but played hard; downed a glass of red most nights, but wasn't one for binge drinking. He was perfect. Apart from his evidently dodgy ticker, of course. Well, now mine's damaged too. There was almost a sense of relief on learning it was a heart attack. Paranoia about suicide; reckless driving – murder even – had fogged my brain, along with imaginary whispers, questions and accusations. Once the case of doubt was settled, it didn't take long for the ramifications to hit me. The anger won't subside. My face expresses upset and loss but, inside, I'm riled. What would people think if they knew. I feel such a fraud; like I don't deserve to be here, mourning him. I haven't cried. Perhaps I didn't love him. I question that now, which only increases the sense of rage and perplexity. Horrendous guilt slaps me round the face. What a selfish bitch, I tell myself as the voices in my head shout each other down. You can only think of yourself and your future while the love of your life lies dead in his snug, oak coffin, surrounded by a huge vortex of consequence, fate and distress. Life had been blissful. Kids would probably have come along in the next year or two and we were on our way to clearing the mortgage. We did pretty well; life was as peachy as it comes. And then he died. 'Natural causes'. Well, kind of – I mean, a pile up isn't exactly your average natural cause, is it. The heart attack might have started the ball rolling but he'd probably still be here today if he'd been lazing at home, or sat in his office. Fate dealt him a shitty hand. And then wiped it all over me. Mum stood by my side during the service. Simon's mother, Jean, was civil, but not her usual warm self. I thought we'd always been close but, on reflection, Simon was always there with us. Maybe she somehow blamed me. Perhaps she felt the path which he chose to hold my hand along led to his death. I wondered if she'd keep in touch. Maybe for the first year or so. How could we stay in contact? Her nipping round for a cup of tea or Sunday lunch. Just the two of us. Simon's empty chair would crucify us both. What if I met someone else? The thoughts swirled round my mind like a wooden spoon stirring cold syrup. The temptation to lock myself away was intense. It took all of my determination to snap out of the confines of my mind. I looked forward to leaving the funeral, getting rid of guests and sitting in silence. I no longer stood on solid ground. My entire life had been flipped over and I didn't know which route I should take to move forward. It reminded me of recent games I'd played online where my cursor moved in the opposite direction to my mouse. Every movement took unbearable concentration. That's what my life had become in a matter of days. Nothing came naturally any more. If my entire family was wiped out the next week, I doubted I'd even cry. Life had destroyed me and disconnected me from those I loved. The only certainty we have in our lives is that we'll die. I no longer believed everyone would live to a hundred. That took some getting used to. In our heart of hearts, we presume nature will wipe each generation out at the end of their time. As I was only now too well aware, nature sometimes gets it wrong. We went back to Jean's after the service. A mixture of tears and joviality. Many tales were shared, along with hugs and laughter. People were wary of me though; trying to gauge my reaction as they spoke. I was conscious of the fact I wasn't giving much away. On reflection, I guess I was in shock. The urge to scream or lash out was niggling in the pit of my stomach and I knew I had to distance myself from them all. Finally, several hours later, I locked the door to my house. No longer 'our' house. That would take some getting used to. I wasn't even a widow. We'd never married. Perhaps people would take my grief more seriously in the future if I could say my husband had died. It's one of those 'skeletons' now that I'd have to decide whether to disclose. New jobs; new boyfriends; new neighbours – is it something that should be revealed early on? The thought terrified me. For any future relationships, I'd be classed as someone with 'baggage'. On many dating sites, guys didn't even tick the 'widowed' option for women. I'd be considered deeply flawed by many. Of course, I decided they'd not be worth it, but, then again, if I was ticking boxes for my Mr Perfect, would I want someone who'd been widowed? Perhaps our interpretation is all wrong. Clich้d images of wailing widows dressed in black, always comparing their latest loves to their flawless dead ones. I sat up for hours every night, no longer aware of the time. Life became a tedious existence of post-it notes and alarm clocks. I had to remind myself to eat, go to bed, get up, put the bins out, phone friends. The lists were endless. I could no longer think for myself. For the first month, people were concerned and dropped in unannounced. The phone was constantly ringing and texts and cards flooded in. But now, four weeks later, most lines of communication have quietened down. People don't know what to say and sympathies are no longer offered. They feel guilty at relaying their happy or low times. Everything must seem so trivial in comparison to my troubles so they choose to keep shtum. Maybe they hover over the receiver but reject the thought as they suspect they'll be on the phone for hours, sympathising with my broken heart. 'Fate': a word I'd used often. It helps to deal with crises; helps us believe that, for all the horrendous things that happen to us, they happen for a reason. That the reason so-and-so broke up with thingamajig was because someone better was round the corner. That the reason someone's aged grandparent died is so they'd no longer be in pain or losing their dignity. But a thirty nine year old bloke? Where's the justice in that? Who could possibly benefit? Perhaps I'm meant to understand what love is. Is this a test? A challenge? Assessing my strength of character, maybe. Forcing me to appreciate loved ones. Again, it was all about me. Perhaps I'm just a pawn in a larger game. Maybe the test was meant for someone else and I just happened to be in the way. I no longer believed in choices. Fate had taken on a whole new meaning and reckless was my middle name. I strolled to the corner shop to buy my first ever packet of cigarettes. What the hell. Something has to kill me. Nothing's infallible. I'd probably be one of the ten percent who died of lung cancer who'd never touched a cigarette. If my time's up, it's up. Fuck it.
Archived comments for (UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
niece on 29-09-2006
(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
Hazy,
A vey good start, I would say...and I do hope you will complete this novel of yours. All the best.
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Cheers for the encouragement, niece!

There's loads I wanna change now. It's very unlike me to put a rough draft of anything up and this is killin' me lol. Want to add some conversation and need to get her name in it along with more personal details about her. Some of it's needed in this opening chapter, some of it's needed later. I might even do the funeral as a kind of opening flashback chapter, then go to the present. Mind you, that would take a lot of chopping and changing and rewriting. Hmmm.

Thanks anyway, really hoping I can write more of my book!!

Take care,

Hazy x

reckless on 29-09-2006
(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
Oi! you've nicked my moniker! "reckless is my middle name". And I thought I was being original.
Anyway, I think this is full of promise, and I like it. What I like most is the sense that you are stretching out your thoughts to generalise froma particular situation, draw parallels from the micro to the macro. Don't know if you are but it seems that way, and I like that. I think good writing should do that. Also I like the opening premise, the sense that a shock , a crisis, can precipitate a change of events, or change the way we think of our lives. By the way, have you ever seen 'Three Colours Blue" the film? It struck a chord with me, as its about a death and how it changes the life of the woman character. Very good film. It migt give you ideas, justa thought. Look forward to reading more.

Author's Reply:
Ta for leaving a comment, Reckless! Sorry to nick your moniker, it was just so apt ๐Ÿ˜‰

Three Colours Blue is on a list of about twenty films the BF is getting me soon so, no, I've not seen it yet but it's been on my wishlist for quite a while now. Think I'll love it and you saying it struck a chord has made me wanna watch it even more (well, actually, the trilogy. Want all three!).

Ta again.

Hazy x

Claire on 29-09-2006
(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
Hey there hun, well I don't know what the hell you're moaning about, this ain't that bad.

First POV is a deffo for this, if you change the POV I don't think you'll get the same impact. IF there comes a chapter where she ain't in it use the POV of the main person in that scene, I've read many novels like that -- BUT, this is a big but, don't do it with several characters as you may get the reader confused.

Strongest point for me is the way you've ended this. There's nothing wrong with what you have here, it sets a nice foundation to the story. I'd deffo not add anything after that.

I see you're moaning about editing -- hun, you're writing a novel that stuff comes later -- but, if you do re-write or add bits to the the chapters you have posted on UKA give me a shout and I'll re-add your total score.

So, get started on that next chapter!

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Claire! The POV was pretty much decided, it was more the tense that was the problem. Might just stick with it in the present, but being a bit kinda reflective in places. Doubt I'll take the POV with other characters. Not unless I decide to split it into sections and start the story from another angle, maybe someone else's point of view, linking all the characters at the end. 90% won't go down that route, but it's the kinda writing I enjoy so not entirely ruled it out yet.

Expect it will be very much a one character book. Others will of course be introduced and communicated with, but it's gonna be more of a deep look inside the main character (still to be named - keep changing my mind).

You know how hard it is for me not to edit lol ๐Ÿ˜‰ Trying hard not to make it right as I go along - suppose though if it's the way I work best, I'll stick with it. Most of my stuff's done in one draft with a bit of editing. Don't like having to re-write stuff or sections so trying to make sure I'm totally happy with what I'm putting down on paper (well, screen) as I go along. This is partly why I wasn't sure about writing a book lol.

Anyway, thanks again. Some helpful and positive comments there.

Hazy x

glennie on 30-09-2006
(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
Hi Hazy. You say this is more of an introduction but maybe it should be a prologue. Technicaly it is very good and has me intrigued, but I have to say I feell there is too much back story so early on, and, perhaps, too much soul searching? I will be watching for further chapters. Glen.

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Glen. Maybe I'll consider a prologue. Like the thought of it - and every book seems to have one these days as has been pointed out on the forums recently - but it's kinda disheartening to think I've not actually really started my book in that case lol. ARGHHHH! Once I get a bit further through, I'll have a think about what to call it!

I think the whole book will be very soul searching so not sure there's too much back story. It will definitely be reflective and there'll be other incidents she refers back to during the book... I'm not entirely sure as I've not planned or written anything else yet!

Ta for the comment. Much appreciated!

Hazy x

Sunken on 01-10-2006
(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
Hello Ms. Hazy. I read this last night whilst waiting for a boil in the bag cod in parsley sauce to reach it's maximum potential with regards to edibility. I served said dish with chips, peas and a big mug of tea. Anyway, that's not important at this juncture. Well done on writing a piece that kept me good between meals. I hope the project goes well. It's a very strong start from what I can see Ms. Hazy. Will there be more kitchen based shagging? I nearly stabbed my balls once by doing it in the kitchen. Do remember to clear any surfaces of said implements if practicing your sex there in the future. I think that about wraps up my in-depth critique. Thanks.

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sun is in the sky, oh why oh why...

Author's Reply:
Aww, TY for comment and number, Smunky darlin'. Hope your cod in parsley sauce was deelish. I prefer the butter sauce meself.

No more kitchen based shagging, I'm afraid. Mind you, that still leaves the garden, lounge, bedrooms and bathroom ๐Ÿ˜‰ (and yes, there will definitely be a bit of 'action' later!! She's gonna lure a stranger or two home ;-))

Hope the stabbing incident wasn't too serious. Could've been worse - might have landed on a magimix or somat! :-O

S'later.

Hazy x

jay12 on 03-10-2006
(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
Hazy,

I agree with the others, This is a very good opening chapter. It sets the scene very well and gives us the deepest thoughts of the character straight away, thoughts about something tragic that is sure to effect her further into the story.

Keep at it, writing is as much about applying yourself and working hard, as its about inspiration, I've learned that in the last month.

Jay.

Author's Reply:
OMG, you're turning into Claire ๐Ÿ˜‰ Yes, I really must try to apply myself and get down to some work. Severe lack of motivation right now! Need a kick up the proverbial...

Cheers for leaving a comment, Jay. Yes, I expect the tragedy will hit her later on in the book. Not sure yet... Recently read a book about some girl whose boyfriend killed himself and she just disposed of the body, used his dosh, put her name to his novel, etc and partied for years on the proceeds. No tears. No guilt. Bitch ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol. Doubt mine'll go quite down that route, but it's gonna take something heavy to make her crack.

Ta again.

Hazy x

sirat on 05-10-2006
(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
You say you are "not happy about the fact it's just one person's thoughts" but I think that's the best possible format for this kind of novel. Your central character has a clear and distinctive voice, and any little grammatical points or mixed tenses or whatever that people might want to criticise are hers, not yours, so they aren't really faults. They are how this woman expresses herself.

I think there is plenty to hook the reader here, lots of potential and in fact very little that I would want change. The idea of going out to buy your first package of cigarettes in your mid thirties seems odd: if you hadn't smoked for that long you would probably dislike the smell and feel no attraction to the idea of starting. I think maybe a first spiff or a first vodka or first line of coke or something might ring more true. It's only a tiny point though.

Overall, a very strong opening.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for that, Sirat.

You've made me feel a bit easier about it being one person's thoughts. Thought a whole novel might be a bit much if it remained that deeply into one person's thoughts.

I'll think about the cigs but I want it to be so wrong that it's right for her, if you know what I mean - not just a naughty tipple or a crafty spliff. Most people start in their teens or twenties and I doubt they like the smell or whatever. She's a 'good girl' who never did anything wrong and lived healthily and I want everything she does to go totally against the grain.

I started smoking again in my 30s after having stopped for well over three years. It was definitely a psychological reason why. I'd still enjoyed a handful over the final year of having given up, but not many. But when I reached 36 this year, I honestly just felt reckless (no, not the above bod lol) and thought fk it. Felt very single (a couple of people had really pissed me about), didn't think I'd have kids and had given up with long term relationships. Went out on my birthday, drunk far too much, smoked myself half to death (first packet I'd bought for years) and erm, well, maybe I'd best not say too much more lol. Ahem! Did have a nice day/night, no regrets. Had a ball, in fact. But that kinda life ain't for me. The next couple of months were pretty 'wrong' too but finally managed to shake off the dirty great big cloud. The world turned the right way up for me again about three or four months later and I'm pretty sure I've found my feet again. Some of the book will be elements from my life, some will be fictional. Doubt I'll ever confess which though lol.

Ta very much for the words - appreciated.

Hazy x

SugarMama34 on 21-11-2006
(UKAWANIAY) Tempting Fate - Chapter 1
Hiya Hazy,
Well for the first novel written under the preasure of having your arm twisted by Claire (lol) I think you have done pretty well.
The emotions for your character are really quite strong and with me it hit a nerve as my husband turns 39 next week and I'm 34, so similar ages to your characters.

You put across feelings that I doubt many would even consider, like losing a partner when your not married to them, I suppose it would feel different, and others would probably treat you different than if you said it was your husband that died. Also the fact about being a windower puts people in some sort of catagory too..."not to touch with a 10ft barge pole" springs to mind.

I think you have hit on some really good thoughts and emotions on this and you show how vunerable she feels, angry, alone etc and this really does get the readers attention, as it should.

An interesting start to your novel - I look forward to reading more. The dialogue was very realistic and believable.

Hugs,

Sugar.xx (Lis'.)

Author's Reply:
Hi Lis'

Ta for commenting - appreciated!

I want to write and I really should sit down and get on with it, but I've never done this 'chapters' thing and am finding it very hard to carry on!

We do feel like we'll live forever. Well, at least until we're old and past it. To lose someone in their 30s must be pretty bloody tough. My cousin died of cancer in his 30s and I suppose a lot of thoughts flew through my head back then.

I do tend to write like things are true or that I've experienced them, which usually I haven't. I used to be good at drama at school, until it was pointed out to me and I was picked for a school play. I declined the offer as I was too shy! Drama was never the same after that and I never chose it as an 'option'. I can get into a character which I suppose works with writing too. I much prefer that to acting!! That certainly wasn't for me!! Love that I can use writing as an outlet for getting behind a character.

I do consider myself very psychological and think very deeply about emotions, circumstance and consequence. I've no idea where my book will go, if anywhere, but it will definitely be quite 'deep' 'cos it's the way I was made!

Ta for your encouraging comments!

Hazy x


Round The Bend (posted on: 21-07-06)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - probably affects most of us in one way or another! Hazy x ======================================

I think I hide it well, actually. There are people at work who've never cottoned on. They just think I'm partial to burgers and Maltesers. My obsession with round food started about five years ago, probably after my husband disappeared. I thought he was dead. So did the police for a while as they interviewed me half a dozen times down at the station. If they'd not found him sunning himself on a beach in Marbella with a pi๑a colada in one hand and a blonde's arse in the other, I might have been charged with his murder. Maybe it represents the full circle my life's turned around. Boyfriends hanging off my arm since I was about seventeen and suddenly, two decades later, I find myself alone and single. Eating out's the hardest to deal with. Chips are off the menu unless I make them at home. Thankfully, not everything has to be perfectly round, although if I'm having a particularly bad day or week I'll only eat spherical food, like a tomato or peach. If things are hunky-dory, flat and round is okay which is where the burgers come in. But, as life trickles on and shit happens, the rounder the food gets. I've got used to circular food at home. My diet's not that limited, really. Carrots can be sliced, along with cucumbers. Babybel cheese is man's best invention! Edam always was too large to eat in one sitting. Meat's tricky, but, so long as I'm dining alone (more often than not these days), I use the scone cutter. It means the edges are serrated, but I can live with that. I can feel other compulsions creeping into my life too. Now, I have to wash my hands twice on the trot. And I'll only answer the telephone after four rings. Has to be an even number. Don't you just hate it when it starts ringing on a half-ring? It's not that I think something bad will happen. I'm not particularly superstitious (unless you count not opening umbrellas indoors or stepping under ladders, the number thirteen, saluting a magpie, not putting new shoes on a table and I always try to eat an apple a day to keep the doctor away. Mind you, if apples were square, I'm sure I'd manage to overlook that particular one) and my childhood was what they define as 'relatively normal'. And what's the fashion with square plates lately? Now that is disturbing. They're meant to be round. Always have been, always should be. On the rare occasions I do eat out, I always ring beforehand to check the shape of their plates. Okay, so I'm obviously way past caring what strangers think, but I wouldn't have to call if people just stuck to normality. I do sometimes wonder exactly who has the problem.
Archived comments for Round The Bend
Romany on 21-07-2006
Round The Bend
Lol! Clever and catching little piece Hazy. I think this is one of the best you've written, imo.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Romany!! Flattered! ๐Ÿ˜€

Take care,

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 21-07-2006
Round The Bend
I see no problem - I think we all have curious little habits that may be borderline cases - and everyone I know beyond their twenties who never got married and had all these little quirks slapped out of them by their "better half" (Whoops, how old-fashioned!) are the worst! I think anybody, left to their own devices, falls into a whole range of habits which appear perfectly normal to them, and as long as it's not goat-molesting or worse, they usually get away with it. And that's my opinion...now, where's that bloody goat?

Author's Reply:
Borderline? Christ, they'd lock me up if they knew half of mine lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

I know I'm getting worse as I get older (and live alone) lol. And no, it's not a true account (yet!)!

Erm, was that a goat I just heard?! :-O

Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

Sunken on 21-07-2006
Round The Bend
Fuck it! Sorry. I'm eating an apple as I type this and I just sprayed my screen. Not the the first time it's been sprayed I guess. Ahem. Quite a coincidence, your piece being about round food and all. I don't think I've seen a piece dedicated to round food before. I like round things too... you can guess what I'm thinking of can't ya? Yes, that's right, I love crop circles. It's me who makes most of em ya know? Thanks. Well done on the nib. Muchly deserved.

s
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in charge of hula hoops (but only for the day)

Author's Reply:
At least you'll keep the doctor away, eh Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

Crop circles indeed lol. I know *exactly* where your mind went then, cheeky boy!! Mind you, I can see you out there dragging a large something or other round to make a crop circle...

Hmmm lol.

Ta for the words ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

jay12 on 21-07-2006
Round The Bend
Nice write!

Actually I always salute a single magpie, my lucky number is 4, and I never, ever, put new shoes on a table ever! I don't walk under ladders but that is because I dont want a bucket of water or paint to hit me on the head more than an actual problem. As for phones ringing - I just don't like answering the phone full stop!!! You never know who's on the other end with bad news, so let it ring I say!!!

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Well, there superstitious and then there's obsessive compulsive. And you definitely sound 'normal' to me!

I do think one can lead to the other, you kinda start making up your own superstitions, that's what it's like.

I don't like just having one foot on a manhole cover or different flooring. Have to have even numbers of steps on them lol. Try and avoid manhole covers where possible as it just makes life easier lol. And what's with that bobbly stuff they put by crossings? Yeah, have to have even footsteps on that too. Then there's the yellow lines, if I tread on one lot, I have to make sure the other foot treads on them too on the other side of the road. Often, I can't do it and accept it, don't fret over it or anything, but if I'm having a really crappy or unlucky day, I do think things might get worse if I don't... Have tonnes of others but will keep quiet or the men in white coats will be round lol.

Anyway, 'tis interesting - would love to study it and help people overcome their obsessions. Not sure mine'll ever go, but I can live with that lol. I hide them well and I can't think of any that would be spotted lol!

Ta for commenting, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

Neurotic Hazy lol x

pencilcase on 21-07-2006
Round The Bend


Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 21-07-2006
Round The Bend
Well at least this explains your liking for the occasional chocolate orange.

In a way, this reminds me of my poem about compulsive checking: โ€˜Just Soโ€™. Iโ€™ve just checked to see if itโ€™s still on the site. It was, but I had to check another couple of times just to make sure. I remember doing internet searches at the time of writing in order to find out more. It is interesting how OC behaviour manifests itself - often it is a step, or several steps, removed from the root cause. Compulsive checking, for example, is often the consequence of a fear of losing oneโ€™s self-control.

Iโ€™m not sure how this relates to round food. I quite agree about plates though. Possibly you had an unfortunate experience with a sausage in your youth, but then if a sausage is sliced then it appears round. Iโ€™ll have to do further research and I fully intend to do so: just as soon as I get round to it.

An interesting little piece, anyway. I must say I thought you rounded it off nicely.

Very good title, once Iโ€™d read the whole thing!

Must go now since Iโ€™m due at the pub and, apparently, itโ€™s my round.

pencil




Author's Reply:
Can't beat a chocolate orange!!! Mmm lol.

Your Just So poem was great... there's another one on here, I can't remember who by but it was definitely a blokie, about it which I loved. Mentioned something about washing.

I don't think whatever OCD tendencies I have are about losing self control. I just think I make up my own superstitions and try to create luck!!

Glad you liked the title, wondered if anyone would spot that.

Hope you got your 'round' in ๐Ÿ˜‰

Laters.

Hazy x

blackdove on 21-07-2006
Round The Bend
Hi Hazy,
Good, good, good.
The observation great. Just the right tone.
I liked this a lot. Very neat and not over done.
Like a well-played game of table tennis.
Cheers!
Jem x

Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting, Jem ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked!

Wouldn't know about a well-played game of table tennis... me and DQ have had several crap games, mind lol.

Ta!

Hazy x

Kat on 22-07-2006
Round The Bend
Hi Hazy

I also think this is one of your best and go along with Jem's comments too. Only wee thing - I wondered if you needed that very last line as the preceding sentence seems to do the job very nicely for you with the understated irony, whereas the last line perhaps overstates?

No matter, an exquisite little piece! Excellento!

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Cheers for the comment, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

I do have this thing about final lines lol. So often, my stuff creates mixed opinions over the last line or two! I'm not sure it'd be stated enough without the last line... hmm, will ponder, but it'll probably stay! Any suggestions most welcome though! Love it when people make suggestions - don't always take them up ๐Ÿ˜‰ but it's good to hear others' interpretations and ideas!

Anyway, ta again. Appreciated!

Hazy x

discopants on 23-07-2006
Round The Bend
Can I just say that having read some of your replies to comments, I think the men in white coats should have been round to cart you off already- my use of 'round' was not an intended pun by the way (honest). Liked the story- didn't notice the title (once I've clicked into a piece I couldn't tell you the title if I was asked, probably because I've got the attention span of a goldfish). As for the last line, you could go for something stronger, such as, 'After all, it's not me who has the problem anyway.'



Author's Reply:
'ello D.I.S.C.O ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for the comment!

Yeah, I never answer the door when I'm home alone lol. You just never know when they might turn up ๐Ÿ˜‰

Love your ending, too. Nearly went with it, but decided she knows she's the one with the problem, but that society might actually cause a lot of hers and that they have their fair share!!

I don't always notice titles either, forget mine half the time lol. And definitely know how it is to live with that goldfish attention span...

Cheers!

Hazy x

glennie on 25-07-2006
Round The Bend
Very nice writing, Jo. I wonder if soup in a round bowl of course might be a partial answer to your problem, you could suck it through a straw, which is round, sort of.
And thanks for the help with ykw.
Diolch yn fawr, Glen.

Author's Reply:
Croeso, Glen ๐Ÿ˜‰ Glad to be of assistance!

Erm, soup should be fine in a mug or bowl! Yeah, that'd pass as round, I think.

Erm, btw, I hope everyone knows it ain't 'biography/faction'! Might be a bit fruitloopy but I ain't quite up 'her' standards lol. Fascinates me though. My sis had a real problem when she was younger - compulsive handwashing, and everything had to be perfectly straight, etc. We were ordered to jump over the mat in case we moved it lol.

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Jo x

Abel on 26-07-2006
Round The Bend
Ha!!! Love this one, Jo. Written with confidence and humour. I'm on a "green food" diet, and (also) obsessively so.

Best to you, my friend,

Ward

Author's Reply:
Aww, TY Ward. Glad ya liked!

Was worried I might give myself more OCD ideas when writing this lol. Actually, I'm not so bad ๐Ÿ˜‰ (at least, what I mean is, I hide things well lol)

Take care,

Hazy x

calisto on 30-07-2006
Round The Bend
Very perceptive and brilliantly written. As the co-habitee of a obsessive compulsive smoker it rang a bell, not to say several!

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Calisto! Glad you liked.

I've not been quite so bad lately, maybe 'cos I've just moved house and am somewhat preoccupied with that. I definitely got far worse when the house sale was going through. Think it's something I do to bring luck/good fortune rather than being quite so obsessive compulsive. 'Quirky' I prefer, actually lol. It's definitely stopped a lot now I'm not crossing my fingers for anything!

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Here Lies William Blake (posted on: 14-07-06)
Bunhill Fields Burial Ground: A hidden gem in the City of London. Hazy x ===========================

Suit-clad bodies stretch out over the ample grass square Fighting for their very own splodge of sunlight Daisies tickle their thoughts as heads rest on books or folded jackets Dead poets and authors lay nearby, observed only by keen eyes William Blake, shadowed by the monument under which lies Daniel Defoe Spirits lifting in this sanctuary, away from the rhythmic pulse of the City Benches, shared with strangers; each sticking rigidly to their own half Picking at neat packed lunches with fingers or cheap plastic forks A slice of refuge from everyday life in the retreat that is London's Bunhill Fields Burial Ground
Archived comments for Here Lies William Blake
RoyBateman on 14-07-2006
Here Lies William Blake
A neat slice of observation...I know this place, and it's amazing what you can find in any great city with a map and two feet. There are gems everywhere for those who bother looking, as you obviously do. If only everyone did!

Author's Reply:
Really pleased to hear someone else knows of it! Lovely, innit. Ancient, unreadable headstones and a beautiful place to sit and watch the world go by. There was so much I wanted to include in this poem but decided to keep it short. When I sit there some lunchtimes (I work nearby), you can hear the kids over the other side of the burial ground (not 'cemetary' apparently!) in their school playground. I just find it such a thought provoking place. Y'know, dead people one side, kids playing at the other and City workers spread out in the middle.

Ta for commenting, glad ya liked! Hidden gems are divine. Love stumbling on places like that.

Hazy x

Zoya on 14-07-2006
Here Lies William Blake
One of my favourite poets, and the London that he wrote about was full of chimney sweeps, harlots and agony deep. I am flying to London in a couple of days, will make it a point to go and meet him. Strange, I have been to London so many times, and never knew where was his grave...I have an idea, let's meet at his grave, and recite poetry to each other, say next Sunday! What do you have to say, Hazy?
**Hugs***
Love, xxx, Zoya

Author's Reply:
Ta for the comment, Zoya ๐Ÿ™‚

Ooh, that's a very tempting offer! If I ain't moving house three days later (as planned), I'll see you there, copy of Voices under my arm ๐Ÿ˜‰

Mind you, I ain't much of a poetry expert despite writing my own version of the stuff lol.

Ta again!

Hazy x

orangedream on 14-07-2006
Here Lies William Blake
Your poem painted such a vivid picture for me. Blake is one of my all-time favourite poets, especially love 'Tyger, Tyger'. Although I was born in London (haven't lived there for years though) I am not familiar with this particular place, only now, I feel as if I have been there. Thank you for taking me Hazy.
:-)orangedream

Author's Reply:
Glad you could 'see' it. If you want a proper nose, there are some great pics here:

http://www.ukgraves.info/bunhill.asp (go to bottom and click on both pics for albums)

and

http://tinyurl.com/mbpal (scroll down to pics - 2nd pic from left shows a bit of the grassy square)

Enjoy!

Ta v much for the comment!

Hazy x

SpeedyG on 14-07-2006
Here Lies William Blake
An accurate image of a special place in the heart of the city.
As a Londoner born and bred I am ashamed to admit I've only visited once, and even on thar occasion I was taken by a visiting American friend. So who reads guide books on the city in which they were born?

SpeedyG

PS I do a great tour of Paris!

Author's Reply:
Ooh, is that an offer lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Too true! I lived in Greenwich for a few years (and have lived in the borough since 1991) and have never actually set foot on the Cutty Sark or stepped inside the Observatory, despite walking past them hundreds of times! Have done a few other touristy things there but, like you say, when it's on your doorstep, you don't wanna feel like a tourist! Next time, I'll put my 'I do live here, y'know' teeshirt on!

Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

Hazy on 14-07-2006
Here Lies William Blake
Ooh, is that an offer lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Too true! I lived in Greenwich for a few years (and have lived in the borough since 1991) and have never actually set foot on the Cutty Sark or stepped inside the Observatory, despite walking past them hundreds of times! Have done a few other touristy things there but, like you say, when it's on your doorstep, you don't wanna feel like a tourist! Next time, I'll put my 'I do live here, y'know' teeshirt on!

Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:
Oops, ignore me... put it here by mistake then pasted it above. Thought I could delete this one, but obviously not.

Hazy, 'aving a blonde moment x

Sunken on 14-07-2006
Here Lies William Blake
Hello Ms. Hazy. I like your poem more than a 99 (I said 99, cheeky munky) on a sunny day. Well done on your nib. You look great in it. Do you often eat out then? I ate out recently and got my chips nicked by a violent swan. Bastard. There's no talkin' to em Ms. Hazy. Isn't it warm? Thanks.

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he can't spell cause the checker busted

Author's Reply:
*does a little twirl* Aww, TY Mr Munky ๐Ÿ™‚

Only eat my sarnie in the sun if it's a nice day (although not too hot or I'll frazzle - have brought some suntan lotion to work now though!) and I can be bothered to go out! I like all the trees over there, they make these nice splodges all over the grassy square. Yeah, is warm today. Didn't sit over there as too busy shopping. Christening on Sunday. Not mine!

Oh bugger, it's only 5pm, I was just about to go home thinking it was 6pm! OMG nooooo!

Swans are evil! Beautiful, but evil. Really pecky. And they spit at you! Or am I thinking of llamas... mind you, they don't peck, do they... Smunky, you have this effect on me. Always going off on a tangent. I'll shut up now ๐Ÿ˜‰

Laters munkyboy.

Hazy x

Gerry on 15-07-2006
Here Lies William Blake
Hazy, A superb bit of writing here--a well deserved nib.
If you do get to meet Zoya please give her my best regards.

Gerry xxx.

Author's Reply:
Will do, Gerry ๐Ÿ™‚ Hoping to meet up, she'll get in touch when she's here, but not sure what's happening with my house yet. Might be the only weekend I have to pack stuff up if I complete on the 26th!! Arghhh!

Ta for the comment. That's very sweet ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Abel on 21-07-2006
Here Lies William Blake
Oh I really enjoyed this one, Jo. I love it when you put "place" in your work (yes, I'm a sucker for place!). Very, very well done,

from the old Strutton Ground fellow here!

Ward

Author's Reply:
Ta for the lovely words and the number, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

Got a few more places to write about, so watch this space!

If you're ever over, we'll both have to revisit Strutton Ground!

Take care,

Jo x

Bradene on 17-08-2006
Here Lies William Blake
Love this piece of quiet observation Haybelle nicely done Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Val ๐Ÿ™‚

Good to hear from you! Glad you liked my little poem!

Take care,

Hazybelle x

Macjoyce on 29-01-2007
Here Lies William Blake
This is really good. Hot story for me.

It sums up the attitude today of people generally, in Britain, towards their own culture. They just don't care. In years gone by, businessmen and lawyers and doctors would have actually read poetry. Seems mad now, doesn't it? I've heard tell that on the continent they still do. Can this be true?

This piece captures all the anonymity, indifference and self-regard of the city. Makes me want to go to Bunhill and look at the stones.

I'm a firm believer that adjectives are often superfluous. Poets are advised to try to do without them as much as possible. It's the show-don't-tell principle. And the 'brevity is the soul of wit' principle. I think there are a few adjectives/adverbs here you could dispense with:

rhythmic, rigidly, neat, cheap.

All the best,

Mac x


Author's Reply:
Thanks for that, Mac. Appreciated and flattered.

The 'suits' would probably petition to have the headstones removed so they could squeeze some more benches in lol.

I work with them (lawyers). I know! Don't wear one myself, hate all that, but see it regularly.

Take a look on google images for 'Bunhill Fields'. This image is great: http://tinyurl.com/2ho6vx

Some of the stones aren't original. The ones that are aren't particularly readable anyway. It's just a shame that so much of what's behind those gates goes unnoticed. It's just a 'shortcut' for most people.

Will have a think about changes. Agree some of those words could come out but once I start fiddling, I'll never stop. Like a painter; never happy and would probably end up scrapping it or starting again if I get my paintbrush back out lol.

All the best,

Hazy x


Replaying (posted on: 07-07-06)
Based on my favourite book, Replay by Ken Grimwood. Hazy x PS You can read up on the author and the book here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Grimwood - Just scroll down until you see the heading 'Replay'. Some great links at the bottom too. =============================

"You and I, Arjuna, have lived many lives I remember them all: You do not remember" Hand in hand, soaring high over dead – or perhaps non-existent – children Souls adrift in a parallel world Dissolved in this lifetime, found in the next Off-kilter as each replay falls into the skew History rotates, like the circles each existence forms Psychedelic memories toiled back into the land Providence altered, the present as fragile as spun sugar Wisdom and insight like no other For you and I, Arjuna, have lived many lives
Archived comments for Replaying
Kat on 07-07-2006
Replaying
I like this, Hazy, and the way you've captured the sense of replaying - a skilled piece!

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Guess this is the kinda thing that won't mean much to people who've not read the book, but am glad the sense of 'replaying' came through! Was hard to describe without being descriptive, if you know what I mean lol.

I'm just trying to get everyone reading the book, is all ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Sunken on 08-07-2006
Replaying
Ms. Hazy, I think you're crazy,
but then again, so am I.
Ms. Hazy, you are a nutter,
but your poem's kinda fly...

which is more than can be said for this comment. Nice one young Hazy. Thanks.

s
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in charge of mango's

Author's Reply:
Mr Munky, you're a star
Your comments make me smiley
Not sure you're all the ticket
With your love for little Kylie

๐Ÿ˜€

lol ta for commenting.

Hazy, hating mangoes x

Dazza on 10-07-2006
Replaying
Beautiful. Truly. Dazza.

Author's Reply:
The poem? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment... kinda cute yerself ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

niece on 11-07-2006
Replaying
A truly lovely poem, Hazy...about some of those things we are still striving to understand...
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting, niece. Glad you liked it!

If you're striving to understand it all now, read the book and your head'll be all over the place!!

Everyone should buy it. Been my fave book since I was about 18./19 years old. Currently ยฃ3.99 off Amazon and it seems a few others have said it's their fave book too.

See here: http://tinyurl.com/g6tfn

Hazy x

robbie on 23-07-2006
Replaying
Hey Hazy, love this poem. Took me time to reread , find its music, some lovely lines (spun sugar! - 'skew History rotates'is visual and deep;) Can't find why or what 'toiled back' does in the meaning or sound of the poem. The line ends and line beginnings would make suitable bhagavad gita poems all on their own!

hands
or souls
dissolve
off kilter history

psychodelic providence-
wisdom
for you and
I

OR

dead children
world-
next scew-
forms land-
sugar other lives.

I must read the book you mention.
Thanks for this engaging rich poem.
Rob





Author's Reply:
Hi Rob ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked and love what you did with it!

I'll try and make the explanation brief (erm, 'try' lol)... This guy, Jeff, 'dies' at his desk, goes back in time, relives his life over and over. One of his lives is spent in a somewhat stoned, psychodelic haze. The next is spent in a remote cabin, away from everyone, where he toils the land. I was kinda incorporating the colour of his previous existence into the next - flowers, plants, veg, etc... Each time he 'replays' (lives another life), there's a slight 'skew' and he comes back slightly later at the beginning then it turns into years later, then decades. It's referred to as the 'skew'.

Yeah, read the book! Everyone should! It's wonderful. Love it.

Thought the poem would stand up on its own without people having read the book, but I have to say it'll make a whole lot more sense if you read the book lol!

Ta for the comment,

Take care,

Hazy x


Football's Coming Home (posted on: 05-06-06)
People's disappointment hurts my heart. As much as I'm looking forward to the World Cup, part of me's dreading the England games. Hazy, pessimistic realist x ==============================

The euphoria melts like hot wax Stifling dreams and optimism Flags drip from car aerials and bedroom windows Rain-soaked. Like tear-sodden England shirts Yet another disappointment Boys spit into gutters As girls pander to their every whim Society anticipates violence as tempers swell Fights break out on wet street corners Frustration at being disillusioned. Misled "Football's coming home" Yes. But without the Cup People's sense of failure exaggerated Blown up out of all proportion Divorce rates soar Suicides multiply Jobs, abandoned left right and centre As people's dissatisfaction with their lives Is suddenly made very apparent
Archived comments for Football's Coming Home
scotch on 05-06-2006
Footballs Coming Home
likeable..from scotch

Author's Reply:
Kinda cute yourself ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Jolen on 05-06-2006
Footballs Coming Home
A moving piece on humanity. Nice work Hazy.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Jolen.

I wish I was looking forward to watching England play but I just know we'll end up with that awful gloomy feeling when they lose and I'll just want to cry because other people are peed off about it ๐Ÿ™

Of course, maybe they'll win and I'll be ecstatic, but somehow I think we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment ๐Ÿ™ Keep seeing flags everywhere and can't help but picture them still hanging when we're out of the contest, and the weather will probably have turned for the worse (worst summer on record or somat) and all the flags will be dripping wet and dirty.

God, you wouldn't believe I was actually feeling very perky right now, would you LOL ๐Ÿ˜€

Anyway, ta for the comment.

Hazy ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Abel on 05-06-2006
Footballs Coming Home
And I believe such a reaction when someone's team loses is illustrative of a much deeper unhappiness, which you touch on so very well here, Jo. Very well done.

Ward

Author's Reply:
Aye, I quite agree, Ward. That's kinda what it was about really as you noted. Not just disappointment at England getting knocked out (if and when), but the knock on effect it has on society in general.The whole mood just switches and I hate it. People take it so seriously and it emphasises whatever unhappiness is in their lives. I hate seeing despondent people.

This year, I'll be supporting the Czech Republic lol ๐Ÿ˜€

Hazy x

Sunken on 05-06-2006
Footballs Coming Home
Hello Ms. Hazy. I like your poem. It reminded me of the following - Snogging a girl named Jane on an allotment that whiffed faintly of manure, the glint in the eye of a lottery winner just before they serve papers on their spouse for divorce, citing greed, petulance and Harry Potter, and of course - turnips. Ya know, I actually missed Saturdays friendly with Jamaica (no - she went of her own accord). I don't get these friendly matches - where are the cakes and tea? A top little ditty (to steal a monica). Well done Hazy. Myself, the hamster and Billie Piper all agree - it's a ten. There's also a bag of smokey bacon flavoured crisps for you if you'd like em. Thanks.

s
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soley responsible for his own std?

Author's Reply:
Hmm, are you sure it was Jane and not Jo? That little story rings a few bells :-O

I keep missing the bloody footie. So much for being glued to it lol.

Ta for the smokey bacon crisps. I'll save 'em for a little makeshift breakfast for one along with some microwave sausages.

Hazy x

pencilcase on 06-06-2006
Footballs Coming Home
I like the angle you have taken. You bring a lot into this. Not just the euphoria/disappointment at the event itself, but how we attach ourselves to it. Your references to rain, tears, spit, etc come through well...as flags drip!

I think this a damn fine 'poem of the moment'.

You have put on a good show - let's hope the England team does as well!

Steve

Author's Reply:
Glad you liked it, Steve.

Optimism seems to bring out the pessimist in me LOL.

Yeah, there were a few 'wet' references in there. 'Tempers swell' was kinda one too. I just know that 'if' we lose, it'll start peeing down too and summer will be the wettest on record or somat. If we win (ahem), it'll be the hottest. You just mark my words young pencily person ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ta for the words ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Aitch x

barenib on 09-06-2006
Footballs Coming Home
Jo - I've seen those things too - how life imitates football ! Needless to say, I shall be watching, and hoping, and suspecting that this time we may get Rooney's tears to replace Gazza's. But you never know. Good poem - John.

Author's Reply:
Aye, it's a time for pessimists lol.

I'll be going for a bit of self-abuse and subjecting myself to watching all the England games too lol.

But, then again, you never know... ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care and TY for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Jo x

Macjoyce on 30-01-2007
Footballs Coming Home
Another favourite of mine. A great idea and a great truth being told. Particularly fab opening line, and closing lines. Also really like "Jobs abandoned left right and centre" with its footballing resonance.

Again, I think there are words and lines you could dispense with. I'm thinking "Society anticipates violence..." as a line you don't need. And "Frustration at being disillusioned". I think you should skip the 2 lines between "without the cup" and "divorce rates soar", it'd be more effective and surprising. And I think you should remove 'very' from the last line. Through its shortness and bluntness it would give a greater sense of bleakness. I think.

Hugs,

P xx


Author's Reply:
Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad ya liked.

I do have a tendency to use 'very' too much. Grrr. Will take another look and maybe tweak a few bits here n there. I'm not much of a tweaker though, unfortunately... mainly due to being lazy than thinking I'm right lol.

Anyway, ta for spending time on it. Your views and opinions are much appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Jo x


Greek Tragedy (posted on: 05-06-06)
Was in Greece a few years ago with a friend. Not the best of holidays, especially after the following incident. Hazy x ==================================

We all chinked glasses at one in the morning. Out of all the Greek islands, Panna and I had managed to choose one with the smallprint which read 'couples only'. Mark was nineteen. He'd arrived that night with two friends (a couple, of course). We welcomed him with open arms into our little world of Singledom. He was so young, but had his head screwed on and was good company. He worked in a hospital as a porter but was desperate to get onto the A&E team. At half past one, his wish was almost granted. The motorbike had flown past as we were downing cocktails. We all rolled our eyes and before the word 'wanker' had left our lips, we heard the explosion of metal. There was no need for words; our expressions said it all. Drinks were left on the bar and we ran into the road to help. There was no gawping, no curiosity; we instinctively knew it was going to be something horrendous and that they'd need our assistance. Two motorbikes had collided; three people lay stretched out in the road. We dived for one each while the locals rang for an ambulance. I found myself kneeling on the gravelly, potholed road next to a young woman. Her legs were badly distorted but there was no blood. Unfortunately, that can't be said for the others. She lay unconscious for a few minutes. When she did come round, all she said was her boyfriend's name. I told her not to move but I'm not sure she understood. Her broken legs wouldn't allow her to turn over anyway. Her boyfriend lay behind her. She was near hysterical, crying and whimpering. I stroked her hair and repeatedly said, 'It's okay, honey, it's okay. He's fine.' I'd lied. Blood trickled from his mouth. The other person had no crash helmet on. Blood poured from a headwound as he lay still on the hard ground. I half laid down in the road next to her, still stroking her hair and trying desperately to keep her calm. Should I be crying? Panicking? A strange sense of control washed over me and instinctively I knew we were all coping just fine. Panna was a few feet away from me talking to others. Her eyes were wide and I could hear how concerned she was at the lack of ambulances. Within about fifteen minutes, a car and ambulance arrived. They tried to lift the girl but we were yelling she had broken legs. Mark took control at this time and made sure everyone was put in the vehicles properly, legs straight, the one crash helmet still on. They seemed clueless and we weren't sure who was being taken where. One was on the back seat of the car; the other two must have ended up in the ambulance. There was so much confusion from thereon, it's hard to piece it all together. People yelling, bodies being lifted, blood being ignored. Mark cried when we got back to the bar. A bond formed between us and this young guy who we barely knew. He said how brilliant we'd been and how proud he was of us. In all honesty, he'd been the one in shock initially. Panna and I just seemed to fall into our roles of nurses. He did take charge towards the end, but he was visibly shaken by it all. It wasn't the best holiday we'd ever had for a number of reasons. That, obviously being one of them. A shocking experience, to say the least. You always get rubberneckers on the motorway, gawping at accidents. It's human nature. But, somehow, this was different. There were no voyeuristic tendencies or the desire to have a story to tell. It shook us all, but we just did what was necessary. Of course, we asked around afterwards but we were told several stories. One person said the girl had died. My heart hit the floor. Others said one of the guys was taken to the mainland and that in itself was enough to confirm he was dead. They said if people were shipped to the mainland, their number was basically up. It seemed pretty clear that most people did seem to think at least one of the blokes had died. I always thought I'd fall apart in a crisis. I'd much rather let someone else take the reins. And I'm pretty awful with the sight of blood. But, somehow, we remained strong and supportive. I'm proud of all of us that night. I learnt something about myself and know I'm much stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for. The memory of that evening will stay with me until the day I die. I wonder about them often and hope the reports were inaccurate. Perhaps they're smiling as I type and downing cocktails in a Greek bar somewhere.
Archived comments for Greek Tragedy
pencilcase on 06-06-2006
Greek Tragedy


Author's Reply:
*watches the tumbleweed roll past* ๐Ÿ˜‰

pencilcase on 06-06-2006
Greek Tragedy
Apologies re: previous 'non-comment'. My mistake.

You have mentioned this memory to me before - it's an important one, of course. I think your account is a worthy piece that is true to your feeling that 'There were no voyeuristic tendencies or the desire to have a story to tell'. And you express very well that moment when extreme and sudden circumstances change our behaviour and surprise us at how we can cope. After all, how can you carry on chinking glasses when there is a sudden explosion of metal?

I was thinking about being 'picky' re: your 'I'm not very good in a crisis I don't think' because I think what you mean is that you do think you're not good in a crisis. But maybe that clumsy way of putting it (I know I'm risking a slapping here, but, literally the sentence contradicts itself) is actually an artistic way of expressing the contradictions of the moment.

It's a good piece, Aitch, and you end it well, with a sensitive and rounded last sentence (given the way you begin). So I also hope that they might be downing cocktails in a Greek bar somewhere.

You have avoided over-embellishing this and conveyed much in an econimcal way.

pencil

Author's Reply:
Oh, you know me. Babble on about anything after a few drinks lol.

I seem to have developed this overwelming urge to write about all the things that are important to me. Adoption, my mum, certain memories (happy and sad)... It's weird. Maybe I'm dying!! OMG!! Drowning under 'life' and my memories are flashing before my eyes!!

Yes, I see what you mean about the contradiction. Took a while for the penny to drop, but it's kind of a double negative. I'll go change pronto. Might slap you anyway though, just for the hell of it ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ta for the comment, pencil ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x
PS You could have least pretended not to have enjoyed the slap lol. Ahem!

RoyBateman on 06-06-2006
Greek Tragedy
Very interesting read...none of us know how we'll react at times loke those - and they can occur in a split-second, as this did. What a waste! I'm sure that you're right - tragedy does form in indissoluble bond between people. I hope the good things remain from that night, though clearly the horrific ones will too. Fascinating read, despite the subject matter!

Author's Reply:
Well, we never saw Mark again but Panna and I are still close friends and going away together in July. We do talk about it occasionally though.

Almost straight after the event, we had this uncontrollable urge to go eat. It was the weirdest sensation, not normal hunger. We think it was our bodies' way of dealing with the shock!

Ta for commenting, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Sunken on 08-06-2006
Greek Tragedy
Well done Ms. Hazy for dealing so well with the event and for writing about it so honestly. I'm not sure how I'd cope in that situation. You can only do your best, and it sounds as if that's just what you did.

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Author's Reply:
Bloody hell, who's been feeding you the serious pills ๐Ÿ˜‰

TY for commenting, sweet pea.

Think I'll go write up some more memories, have a feeling I'm on me last legs or somat!!

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 24-06-2006
Greek Tragedy
Hi Haze,

Poor you, sounds awful yet you came through it. Funny how we do cope in a crisis.

Good truthful piece Haze.

We also need to take a mo to think about you and your friends that night. The people in the accident didn't spare a thought for their own safety, by not thinking speeding and acting stupidly others were affected that night.

Si:-)


Author's Reply:
Hi Si ๐Ÿ™‚

Sorry, got here eventually lol.

Yep, there was some talk of that during that night, apparently the guy who'd been speeding was known to them and it wasn't the first accident he'd been in. He obviously had a death wish! The roads were terrible out there, potholes everywhere. Wouldn't even wear heels over 'em, let alone ride a motorbike!!

It was totally his fault, apparently. The others didn't know what had hit them. Bullet outa nowhere.

Anyway, there are always gonna be nutters out there on the road, not a lot will stop them thinking it's 'clever' to drive like an idiot (until they hurt someone they love, usually)!

Take care,

Hazy x


My Mum (posted on: 29-05-06)
Never wrote this with the intention of publishing. Can't write anything else, so thought I'd share... I'm a very lucky girl and wish I wasn't so morbid at times. Hazy x ======================================

A birthday Chinese, as is the usual custom, laid out between us. Me on one side of the table, the five of you standing opposite, arms round each other. Boyzone playing in the background as you all put your right arms forward and synchronise movements from the centre to the left as you sing along to "the smile on your face…". I pretend to groan, hating the song, but we're all too busy laughing to care what's playing. I snapshot the memory. It'll be one I replay when you're gone. I swallow hard as I try and lose the lump in my throat. No chance, so I excuse myself to go to the loo, the tears reaching my chin before I even get the door locked; utterly choked on the fact that we've found a 'funeral song contender'. It'll be something we reminisce over when you're not around any more and, the sad thing is, I knew that as we created the memory. Another contender, which I'm sure my sister will opt for, is 'Heartbreaker' by Dionne Warwick. Even at the young age I must have been, I knew the moment was significant. The memory, now engrained in my mind. We were all in the car – a burgundy Volvo that Dad was to write-off in a serious accident a couple of years later – approaching the flyover on the A12. Vicky and I had our new personal stereos on so I guess it must have been some time after Christmas. When 'Heartbreaker' started playing, we popped the headphones over your ears and nearly pissed ourselves as you sang along; oblivious to just how awful you sounded. We howled along with you, only our excuse was laughter. Any argument now, however insignificant, scars me deeply. I can't begin to describe how upset I am when we fall out. It happens rarely though, thank God. We speak usually at least once every day. I know your mood, what you're wound up about. You and Dad came round in January to help with my garden and decorating. Mum, you tidied the garden while Dad helped me paint. Of course, being the streak of lightning that you are, you finished before we'd barely started. You were itching to tidy my house which annoyed me. It was stuff I didn't want to put away until the decorating was finished. Brought back memories of childhood where you used to tidy my room and throw all the 'crap' away. The 'crap' being my 'treasure' and we fought like cat and dog over my lack of privacy and your lack of control. We argued for the first time in years that winter's day when I handed you a cup of coffee and suggested you use my computer desk to rest it on rather than the bookcase standing in my spare room. You attacked me for treating you like 'some old girl' who didn't know any better. You were horrified that I'd deemed it necessary to tell you not to rest your cup on a polished surface. I shouted back that I'd have said it to Paul, Dad or a fucking five year old. It wasn't something you should have taken personally; I'd never in a million years treat you with anything less than respect and admiration. Of course, we both ended up in tears some time later, arms round each other, fighting back sobs. Dad had warned me of your mood. And I know you well enough to know why. You'd been distressed the week before at gaining years as another birthday loomed. You'd got very upset at turning sixty the year before and you were so grateful for being around to see us grow up and your beautiful grandchildren. Your own mum had died at fifty, shortly after your wedding, and I know you're still not over the loss. The thought of being sixty-one soon was really disturbing you. 'Retirement' or 'taking it easy' aren't words in your vocabulary. You're worried sick about getting old, about not being around to help me, Vicky and her kids. And I think you're even more worried that we might actually cope without you! I don't know how you can think such a thing; I won't last five minutes without you! I'd have to pick up the handset and tell you about my day still while speaking into a purring receiver. I don't know how I'll ever talk about you without bawling. Most of my friends have lost a parent. I hate the thought of losing you and having to continue like nothing happened after a week or two. My life would truly never be the same. You're talking about learning to use a computer, about selling stuff on eBay, etc. You're so proud that you can text now. I begrudge deleting them, or throwing away your last Christmas or birthday card, in case you're not here in a year's time. I don't want to forget your handwriting, your words, the cards you chose. I remember your various ventures over the years. You never could sit still. You and Jean from up the road made these gorgeous sweet and sour spare ribs which you somehow managed to package and sell to a couple of local shops. Then there were the silk flowers which you sold at Romford Market. You never needed the money, we were never really short of that, but you're just admirably motivated. Something I lack dreadfully. The running of a local factory for our neighbour opposite proved the biggest mistake of all our lives, although I guess it brought you and Dad closer in the end. You and our neighbour ended up in court, your marriage pretty non-existent for all those years as you'd led separate lives. Dad even got up in court for you. All this, from the man who couldn't even speak at my wedding. He put the nerves, humiliation, gossip and pain all to one side because of his love for you. You were sadly misled by our neighbour and came away tens of thousands in debt. Dad still supported you. As hard as those ten to fifteen years were, I'm glad they happened. You're the strongest couple I know. His Christmas card to you this year made me cry. In his words, he said he was nothing without you. You're his right hand; his world. He loves you so very much. As do we all. You support me in everything I do. You view houses with me, slip me the odd tenner or twenty here and there, look after my cat when I'm on holiday, do my garden every fortnight… You'd quite happily come round to do my cleaning and ironing if I'd let you – you do all that for Vicky, keeping all their ironing up to date so she doesn't have to find time for that while being a mum. You look after her three kids two days a week when Vicky works; you do far more for them than their dad does. He'll be on the golf course while you drop them off at drama, or sit through two plays on the trot just so you see each of the twins in their own play. You're completely selfless. You take time out for me; you listen about my love life, even though I don't tell you the half of it! I get far lower and sadder than I'd ever let you know. Not because I'm lonely, I don't feel that, I just hate the tick-tocking of life when nothing seems to change from year to year. The last guy who let me down, you'd always said he was a waste of space. Turns out you were right (of course), but I couldn't help my feelings. I so wanted to prove you wrong. I need someone who'll beat down my door to see me, who'll pursue me and think I'm worth it. He couldn't have been further up the other end of the scale if he tried! You don't preach, you just want me to be happy. You tell me Mr Right is out there. I've no idea where, I seem to get it so wrong. You've never talked about me getting older and not having kids. You seem to think it'll happen and say things like, 'Your kids wouldn't be allowed to do that, would they!' You know what sort of mum I'd make, and I guess that's good enough for the both of us right now. You tell me that kids aren't the be all and end all and that I'm lucky in so many ways – yes, I know you're right. I feel so strangely happy at the moment! Maybe I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm who counts, not anyone else in my life. Except Jerry Cat, of course! I'm sure you blame my ex-husband for me being where I am now. Men are in and out of my life quicker than home cooked dinners these days. You know how deeply he scarred me and I think you feel some sort of guilt for introducing us and for believing he was such a wonderful man (along with the rest of us). But none of that matters now. I have what's important in my life. A loving family, fantastic friends and a couple of very close somebodies who would do anything for me, who I could turn to in times of a crisis, who love me unconditionally. You know I love you. You're the most unselfish person I know. I admire and respect you and wish I was more like you. We're both extremely philosophical and sensitive and seem to know exactly why people do the things they do. We see through them like 'angel hair' paper. But I'd love some of your motivation, devotion and drive. Whatever the future brings, it brings. I wish for so many more good times and memories with you. I hope you live past a hundred, I really do. But I pray you don't outlive me or Vicky. Your sister lost a son – my cousin – a few years back, and I'd hate you to experience that level of grief. I want your life to be happy and special. You so deserve it, my irreplaceable, exceptional mum.
Archived comments for My Mum
RoyBateman on 29-05-2006
My Mum
Very touching...you got me sniffing here! It's never easy exploring the bonds between kids and parents, especially when you've seen it from both sides, but this was indeed movingly written. A very fine piece - one to come back to, perhaps, in the distant future.

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Roy. Gets me sniffing every time I read it too! I wrote it back in March as I wasn't really managing to write what I wanted to. I do have a few of these 'snapshots' on my 'puter and read them all from time to time.

Had completely forgotten I'd subbed it and my tummy flipped when I got the email notification this morning!! That'll teach me to sub after I've had a drink or three lol.

Anyway, ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

littleditty on 29-05-2006
My Mum
This really touched me Hazy - your voice is gentle and measured which makes for an easy, enjoyable read, though an emotional one for me. xxxlittlesniffy x

Author's Reply:
Aww, 'littlesniffy' (lol), ta for the comment.

I like to write out my emotions and things that happen in my life. Helps me make sense of them! Not often I share them though. This, along with ramblings about my ex hubby, are two things I wrote without the intention of subbing but, after a few 'shandies', they've both ended up on here!

Cheers ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Sunken on 29-05-2006
My Mum
It stared hailing here as I finished reading this Ms. Hazy. Hail in May, sounds like a film. I don't know why I mention this, maybe it's because I'm not a Londoner? Do you know what I'm on about yet? This is my way of commenting without being emotional. I guess the weather spoke for me (-; Top piece Ms. Hazy. Well done on you nib (keep it away from the cat, they like to chew em).

s
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practicing tourettes

Author's Reply:
Go on, admit it, you bawled, didn't you ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment, the tears ๐Ÿ˜‰ and the number. You're a darling.

Will keep my nibby away from Jerry Cat. He's already eaten my mouse ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

jay12 on 31-05-2006
My Mum
Hiya....!

You are right to cherish her. It is the best way to be with parents.

I'm glad I cherished my parents so much too. Now they aint around I miss them but am comforted by all the good memories.

It's not nice watching people who have both parents argue with them and hate them. But I guess they will have to live with that after they are gone. (Plus not everyone are as lucky as we are...)

Jay.x

Author's Reply:
Hi Jay

It's a toughy as some people genuinely don't like their parents and say things like 'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family' but I can't understand how they can't feel a certain bond. It's not a blood thing as I was adopted. It's just a family unit, isn't it. Mutual respect, love and all that. I guess not everyone's cut out to be a parent though, and not everyone's cut out to love!

You've had it tough, Jay, but you're so very lucky in other ways. You had something a lot of people will never have and I think you know just how special those memories are.

Take care.

Hazy x

Abel on 02-06-2006
My Mum
I am speechless, Jo. Perfect.

Ward

Author's Reply:
Oh! Me too now (speechless, not perfect!! lol)! :-O



Glad ya liked, Ward. Ta for the comment and rating!



Jo x

PS Thanks very much for the hot story thingy ๐Ÿ™‚


Off-Key (posted on: 22-05-06)
Little speed poem written for the Writers' Block challenge. Subject: Key/s. Hazy x ==============================

Tinkling the ivories While drums are scratched Chocolaty vocals Coat sorrowful words She sits alone Nursing whiskey-drowned rocks Singing her own tune Wondering when the harmony to her life Went so off-key
Archived comments for Off-Key
Jen_Christabel on 22-05-2006
Off-Key
Succinct, but so well done.
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Glad you thought so, Jen. I don't like writing speed poems much and wasn't sure if I ought to change it around completely. Pleased it worked for you!

Take care.

Hazy x

Ionicus on 23-05-2006
Off-Key
Good one Jo. Well expressed sentiments.
Love, Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Glad you think so, Luigi! Ta for commenting and rating.

Take care.

Jo x

Abel on 23-05-2006
Off-Key
Cool piece, Jo. I can relate to this sometimes, at least the off-key and bourbon part ๐Ÿ™‚

Good one!

Ward

Author's Reply:
Hi Ward

I'm afraid any whiskey I ever drink is drowned in diet coke lol. A crime, I know!

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Jo x

Sunken on 23-05-2006
Off-Key
Dearest Ms. Hazy of sleepy London village on the green (2nd on the right, just by Spar - opposite a cheese and onion crisp packet) I must voice my concern regarding your speed poem. Oh you say it is little, and it is! I have measured it, so no problem on that score. My gripe is with the speed. Do you know how many cameras there are on the roads these days? You're simply asking for trouble young lady! Sort yourself out! Nice poem. It put me in mind of the following - casting my own shadow over a naked lady, getting chased by the gay police for wearing last years colours, and celebrating Pete of tourettes fame wining Big Bro come the end of summer. I hope this comment meets with your approval (they could maybe take in a movie together or simply go for a coffee). Isn't it May? Thanks.

s
u
n
k
e
n

he's in charge of rulers

Author's Reply:
In charge of rulers? Blimey, I'm surprised they put you in charge of anything ๐Ÿ˜‰

The cameras *are* a problem. Especially when it comes to poems. I've learnt that if you travel slowly from the end of the line to the next one, you should be okay. It's the corners they get you on, y'see. Lurking all the time.

Pete's definitely gonna win BB. No doubt. 'Different' is good. He seems to be a very chilled, easy-going, happy with his sexuality, unassuming kinda guy. I like all that. And him ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care on the corners!

Hazy Jo x

jay12 on 31-05-2006
Off-Key
Very nice bit of writers-block busting poetry!

Jay.x

Author's Reply:
Ta Jay. Not exactly my best stuff, but good to be blowing away a few cobwebs!

Hazy x


A Very Dirty Boy (posted on: 12-05-06)
A bit (maybe inappropriately) funny and strangely disturbing!! Hazy x ============================

With dirty fingernails He picks at other people's property Slow destruction. Bit by bit He shreds already splintered fences And tugs small, fat leaves from hedges He's a dirty boy with filthy knees Squatting on his bedroom floor He pulls the wings off a twitching daddy-long-legs Before rolling it dead between finger and thumb He's called for his tea by pinny-clad mother Which he eats without washing his hands Soon enough, he'll find something far dirtier to play with And he still won't wash his hands
Archived comments for A Very Dirty Boy
dogfrog on 12-05-2006
A Very Dirty Boy
I just wondered - do you often have thoughts boys squatting on your bedroom floor? Dirty boys indeed....tsk.

Author's Reply:
Nah - I prefer them on their knees, honey ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 12-05-2006
A Very Dirty Boy
I'm sueing you for copyright - it was YOU who nicked my diary, was it? Shame on you. Anyway, I'm quite happy being dirty. Can't do you any harm, can i
ps Sorry for that - the old ones are the best (allagedly)!

Author's Reply:
I was gonna keep it all anonymous as well!! Tsk tsk, all these norty boys coming out the woodwork... ๐Ÿ˜‰

And long may it continue :-p

Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

Sunken on 13-05-2006
A Very Dirty Boy
Ahem. Are we on the same page here Ms. Hazy? Is he playing with his twinkle, his todger, his ya know - thingy? I'll have you know that mine is always very clean. I even dab it after I've shaken it, if there's any toilet paper to hand. I enjoyed your piece Ms. Hazy, but I do feel a little hurt - like a bruise. I give it a ten for cheekiness. I can't do commenting so I am currently testing a new approach that is in the early stages of development. It's called, 'Comment share'. All I have to do is direct you to someone else's comment, someone who knows what they're on about. In this case I have opted for Master Bateman (-;

s
u
n
k
e
n

supporting Daz Sampson's Eurovision entry ('cause he kinda likes the skool girl look)

Author's Reply:
'ello Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

The poem is for your own interpretation. If you think that playing with one's 'twinkle' makes someone a very dirty boy, then that's obviously how your mind works, innit ๐Ÿ˜‰ I suppose all you norty boys will read into it what you like lol.

tbh, I'm not entirely sure myself lol. One part of me thinks he's indeed about to start 'discovering his boy-bits' and the other part of me thinks he's murderer or something. There's definitely a bit of an uncomfortable twisted element to it. Not sure which way I'd make it go if I had to choose, I like people drawing their own conclusions ๐Ÿ™‚

Erm, glad to hear yours is very clean lol. Am sure there's nothing filthy about you at all, Smunky lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Can't believe I've missed all the Eurovision build up - hopefully I'll get to watch the actual song contest though ๐Ÿ˜€

Take care, sweet pea.

Hazy x

jay12 on 31-05-2006
A Very Dirty Boy
This is hillarious!!!! I luv it!!!!

It has given me plenty of food for though.

*runs off to wash hands*

Jay. x

Author's Reply:
Glad ya like, Jay ๐Ÿ˜€ Ta for saying so and for the number.


You're obviously feeling much better ๐Ÿ˜‰


Not sure I wanna know any more lol :p


Hazy x
PS ta muchly for the hot story thingy!

Zoya on 02-06-2006
A Very Dirty Boy
There is a black humour here. A feeling of great pathos seizes you from the very beginning, and does not leave you till the end. I heaved a sigh at the end of a poem.
Very beautifully conceived and executed cleverly...
I loved it!
**HUGS**
Love, xxx, Zoya

Author's Reply:
Ta very much for the comment and rating, Zoya ๐Ÿ™‚

No idea how this poem came about or why I was thinking about dirty boys lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad ya liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


He Still Touches Me (posted on: 08-05-06)
Poem... A bit off my norm (I think)! With audio. Hazy x =================

He touches me Not in the way you'd expect Not physically I still love him But pretend he doesn't exist In order to play the game I stick, not twist Did I mention I loved him? He died last year Not physically I mean, I did kill him But only in my head Common sense led There've been others And others And… Did I mention I love him? 'cos I know I still do Not physically Not that it matters 'cos tomorrow at two I'm telling another 'I do'
Archived comments for He Still Touches Me
Bradene on 08-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
A nice tortured piece this Hazybele. Well written and with feeling Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Ta Val, glad ya liked!

Yeah, it's amazing how we can ignore our hearts/memories sometimes...

Hazybelle x

Jen_Christabel on 08-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
Great stuff Hazybum. I like the repetition; I have used that in poetry also, and find it works well.
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Jennifer Juniper ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad to hear you thought the repetition worked. I find it hard to do but, like you, do likey lots in poetry!

Hazybum x

scotch on 08-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
dear Hazy a likable one... best wishes Scotch

Author's Reply:
Me or the poem? ๐Ÿ˜‰ LOL

Ta for the comment! ๐Ÿ˜€

All the best,

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 08-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
Intriguing...needs a little deciphering, doesn't it? I THINK I finally got to the nub of it, but getting there was a pleasurable experience anyway. It seems you agree that, as we grow, our capacity for love increases...in all the ways we define that word, too. Well written and fascinating.

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy

Aye, most poetry needs a little deciphering ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hidden meanings n all that! There are a few in here.

It's telling a few stories, I guess. Typical stubborn Hazy - I'd definitely keep my feelings inside and carry on with the life I'd 'accepted'! I'm very good at wiping people out of my heart - I might be in pieces, but my brain rules my heart when it's broken. Strange, 'cos I'm definitely a heart-ruled kinda gal. I guess I'm a tough cookie when I have to be, life's too short to mope about someone/something who's proved themselves not worth moping about!

Life goes on... Might not be what we'd choose in an ideal world, but we've gotta make the best of the cards that we've been dealt.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

dogfrog on 08-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
That's probably the best poem you've written to date I reckon.

df

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Froggus.

I was extremely iffy about it and kept slipping an extra line in and out the last stanza. Actually been sitting on this one for weeks/months. Dug it out last night when I was keen to write something!

Life don't always go the way we want it to, does it. But gotta keep moving on... Nowt worse than standing still wishing for the impossible! Never waste emotions - bury your head in the sand then move on lol. Good ol' Hazy advice ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

uppercase on 08-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
I like it Hazy. I've missed reading your work...love erma

Author's Reply:
Aww, ty Erma ๐Ÿ™‚ Missed seeing you and others around in the comment boxes! How's life with you now? All okay, I hope! I kinda hibernated this winter but seem to be back on track again (after falling off the rails briefly ;)). Hoping to find time to read and comment on the subs again, too!

Take care.

Hazy x

e-griff on 08-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
I (mistakenly) clicked on the audio box on this post and was taken to a nether world where various propositions floated before me, offering their services, none of which I had cognisance of. I hastily retreated (having NOT heard Hazy read as promised) and was confronted by exit from the site and a need to log on again . Brilliant marketing, whoever...

Not Hazy's fault , but .... er disconcerting.... (hurried retreat)

Author's Reply:
Sounds like you heard me loud and clear, Griffy ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ahem!

Hazy, giving up her day job soon ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

discopants on 12-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
OK so I'm the warped one- for I have to admit to a chuckle at the ending- either no-one else chuckled or they're not admitting it! Nicely written but I don't think the guy has quite been killed off in the narrator's head...

Author's Reply:
Exactly ๐Ÿ˜‰ Yeah, it's meant to make you smile. Or perhaps we're just both a tad warped ๐Ÿ˜‰

Nope, he's definitely not been killed off in her head but she's trying to convince herself he has! It's what us girlies do ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for commenting, DeePee ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

teifii on 15-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
Well, I'll be blowed. For once i actually voted because I thought it wasn't high enough [usually they are all ten which is why i don't vote] and then my comment has disappeared. However, I think the rating worked as even to my innumerate mind it has gone up a bit.
The comment: I too think it's the best I've read of yours. It's lovely and gentle and rueful -- and yes, I too smiled at the ending.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Erm, think I got that lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thanks for the comment, Daff and 'possibly' the rating!! Pretty amazed at the response as I was decidely iffy about it. Maybe I should dig out more of my iffy ones lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ta muchly ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Abel on 15-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
Wonderful, yes among your very best, and your distinctive introspection comes through, as always. Wonderful write, Miss Jo.

Author's Reply:
TY very much indeedy for the comment and the rating, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚ Really pleased you liked!! Flattered and smiley.

Take care.

Jo x

Abel on 15-05-2006
He Still Touches Me
PS And the reading is just sublime!

Ward

Author's Reply:
Ta. Not somat I'd do in public so this kinda suits me and hides my blushes ๐Ÿ˜‰

Jo x

Macjoyce on 02-02-2007
He Still Touches Me
Mmm. Nice. Me dig the pontoon metaphor. I'm hoping he wasn't a long way under 21...

What were you saying about your Estuary drawl? I like it, that's a sexy voice you have. ๐Ÿ˜‰


Author's Reply:
Mmm, flattery will get you everywhere, kind sir!

Nah, 21's a bit young, even for me! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care,

Hazy x


Stacked Odds (posted on: 08-05-06)
A little one! Hazy x =======================

You were one in a million Odds were against us meeting in that crowd Ironically, it's how I managed to lose you again When you failed to take my hand
Archived comments for Stacked Odds
Bradene on 08-05-2006
Stacked Odds
I think this is a clever little poem Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Val ๐Ÿ™‚

I kinda like the short, thoughtful little ones. Bit like meself ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazybelle x

Dargo77 on 08-05-2006
Stacked Odds
Hazy, this one really appeals to me. I found it both clever and well written.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Ta very much, Dargo ๐Ÿ™‚

Have to say, I prefer this to my other sub today!

Glad ya liked. Ta for saying so ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care,

Hazy x

chrissy on 17-05-2006
Stacked Odds
I thought this was lovely and completely captures the important small moments of life.
chrissy

Author's Reply:
Aww, TY for the comment and rating, Chrissy.

I thought this ickle one had got lost!! Just like in the poem lol.

I really must learn to take hold of someone's hand ๐Ÿ˜‰ I'm always getting myself a bit lost lol.

Hazy x


My Curious Room (CHALLENGE) (posted on: 05-05-06)
This is how I interpreted dogfrog's challenge. As some of you know, I was adopted as a baby. I often wonder how it changed my destiny. Welcome to my 'curious room'. Hazy x ===============================

My destiny was altered at birth. I might not have had a better life, granted. But circumstances changed who I was meant to be. I was melted like ice cubes and resculpted into something else. Someone else. My heart first drummed inside a woman – a girl, in fact – who I'd never know. Never love. I remained inside her throughout the winter of 1969. Born into a new spring in 1970. She was about to change my life before it had started and she had no idea whether I'd cope, pull the plug, live to a hundred or get flattened by a bus at fifteen. Apparently, suicides are higher among those born in spring. I don't suppose she was aware of that back then when she carried me through the dark cold evenings; lying awake at night, talking to me, preparing me for the world. Her world – not mine. Perhaps she has a drink for me every April, lights a candle, writes me a card, or just plain forgets… She could be wishing me a happy life when I'm dead and buried. She'd never know. Her body fed me, cocooned me, allowed me to grow. I should have been born as someone else: 'Alison Dawn Kelly'. But Alison disappeared before trying on her own shoes. Instead, she became me – and sometimes I'm not sure whether my clothes really fit me. Identity crisis? Maybe. But do any of us know who we really are? How further confused would you be if your identity had been switched at birth. Your history obliterated, only to take on another family's. 'Borrowed history', I always call it. Memories of Grandad will always be Grandad, as will those of Nan. And, of course, my parents will always be my parents. I'm blessed; truly. But there's no fooling Mother Nature. Nobody to blame but me for my fat arse, my short fuse, tears during sad commercials and the way people's pain pulls at my heartstrings. As I smoke another cigarette, I wonder if there's a history of cancer in the family – Alison's family – not the history I adopted when my parents adopted me. Medical history is a blank. At least I don't have the paranoia of what I might be prone to die from. My curious room is a sanctuary. Nobody else has a key. My mum probably has some idea what would be in there. After all, she's effectively taken a few of the photographs that sit on top of the bookshelves. There's the one of my parents. 'Birth parents'; 'natural parents', whatever you want to call them. He had sandy coloured hair. Hers was brown. I see them in black and white though as there's too many details missing. My blue eyes stare at monochrome pictures wondering if the images I've created are way off the mark. I'd be surprised if they both had green eyes, so black and white's easier on the imagination. My father's father was a Methodist Minister, apparently. He's in the photos too in full get-up. That's the only 'natural' family I have. I can't miss them or love them – it's not like I ever knew them – yet the pure nature of me is as a result of these two people meeting. Nurture is a different kettle of fish. The core of me is different to that of my family, but the values and analytical approach to life is surely as a result of my upbringing. I don't feel the urge to meet my natural family, but I do stare intently at the black and white photos in my curious room. There, I can try and fathom who I am and puzzle over my destiny. I wonder how much fate's been altered. Will I die the same way that Alison would have? Would our environments change our bodies? I think she might have lived in Yorkshire somewhere. Perhaps she wouldn't be so independent or headstrong. There's no photo of Alison in the room; just a mirror. She'd look just like me so there's little point. I keep Alison's shoes by the door to my curious room. I try them on for size occasionally, along with her glasses. I figure she'd have needed them too. I wonder if they're rose tinted and how she'd view her world. Strange to think of a person missing from the role they were born to fill. Is it fate that she became me, or have they somehow disturbed providence by changing identities. I lock the door on my way out.
Archived comments for My Curious Room (CHALLENGE)
Jen_Christabel on 05-05-2006
My Curious Room (CHALLENGE)
This was very moving and an intriguing piece. I loved the line...I was melted like ice cubes and resculpted into something else...it says so much in such a few words - quite lovely.
Great write Hazy.
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Jennifer.

It does intrigue me, I sometimes wonder whether this person who I am now was ever meant to exist!! I feel like an extra in a movie at times. Hard to explain, really.

Anyway, ta for commenting! Glad you enjoyed the read.

Hazy x

Romany on 05-05-2006
My Curious Room (CHALLENGE)
I agree with Jen; this was intriguing. So many unknowns that have never crossed my mind. I thought the line:

and sometimes I'm not sure whether my clothes really fit me.

particularly notable.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting, Romany.

That was probably my favourite line, I was thinking it walking to work yesterday and it really seemed to sum up how I sometimes feel. 'Clothes' was a fitting analogy as it's things like my body that make me feel 'different' to the rest of my family. It's not something I'm conscious of all the time as I'm quite like my mum personality-wise and we're very close, but certainly I wonder about nature/nurture - something most others would never think about! Have done projects on it before for evening class (sociology) and at school.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

e-griff on 05-05-2006
My Curious Room (CHALLENGE)
'who I'd never know.' - tense seems wrong.

in general, does this express your own thoughts? It seems you had a loving family - what else does anyone need? You are blessed. Many don't have your luck.

And you are you, an individual, yourself, not a gestalt of others - maybe a reflection of some, but never a replica.

be good! G



Author's Reply:
Hi Griffy

I'm not sure the tense *is* wrong. It's short for 'who I would never know' and seems okay to me. P'haps there's another way of saying it but the whole situation is full of strange tenses as to say 'who I never knew' wouldn't be quite right for the story. It *is* more a case of 'who I *would* never know', if that makes any sense!

Nope, I'm not sure it does express my own thoughts. When I read DF's challenge, it's what sprung to mind immediately. Some of it's true, I mean I do wonder about fate and what I'd be like if I'd remained as Alison. I've certainly never imagined a room before, or thought about having imaginary photos of my birth family up in it! It's just my way of explaining how it feels for me to be adopted - these things are *fact*, I can't just pretend to myself or others that my family are blood related cos they're not. It's kinda strange to think I have blood relatives somewhere, but that doesn't mean I want to know them!

I do have an extremely close, loving family and wouldn't change that for the world. The piece wasn't expressing any regret at me being who I am today and I totally agree that people are individuals and don't *need* to know about their history or natural relatives to know who they are. That bit was just an exaggeration of the challenge, really; I don't feel that I don't 'fit', just that I'm different in some ways to the rest of my family.

Obviously, it's not all 'nurture' who makes you who you are, 'nature' plays a part too. It's the nature part of me which is missing completely as I don't know where I get certain parts/personality traits of me from. If I felt the need to know, I'd have traced so it's really not that important to me. I am just curious about it, but wouldn't do anything about it. I'm more than happy with my life and am a very lucky girl to have such a fantastic family - a few others have been envious over the years. I actually wrote a somewhat emotional piece about my mum a few weeks ago, not sure if I'll ever sub it, but it makes me cry when I read it! Didn't even think to mention I was adopted in it, so obviously it ain't really that big a deal!

I presume you interpreted it that I was looking for more? Something else? That something was missing in my life? Nope, that's not my own thoughts, I definitely have no desire to find out where I came from and what my birth family's like. It wouldn't be natural if I wasn't curious, but that's all it is.

The Curious Room is one I've never thought about until the challenge. My mum has told me as much as she knew and that's enough for me. I would like to be able to look at photos of my birth family to see if certain features are inherited, but that's about it.

Not sure if this explains any further but wanted to say more as I felt you'd misinterpreted it a tad.

Take care and ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

pencilcase on 06-05-2006
My Curious Room (CHALLENGE)
Aitch,

I think this is a very interesting and well-written piece. In less than 800 words you have succeeded in getting across a very personal expression, but at the same time you open up some interesting, wider points. The manner in which you hop between identities is effective and, obviously, at the essence of your offering. For me, the sentence "There's no photo of Alison in the room; just a mirror." is a powerful and succinct statement that kind of sums it all up. It is a serious piece, of course, but you have used an engaging touch of humour at times (eg. "Nobody to blame but me for my fat arse, my short fuse, tears during sad commercials...") and this, in my view, strengthens rather than undermines your reflections on important personal matters.

Well done, if you don't mind my saying so, on hitting such an appropriate tone.

Best wishes,

pencil

Author's Reply:
Ta for the comment, PeeCee ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad ya liked. Loved the challenge as the subject matter came straight to mind. Flowed very easily. Glad you thought the humour worked. I don't think it was intentional, I just wrote it like I'd speak it!

I was a bit iffy about the mirror line, wasn't sure if people would 'understand' it or find it superfluous. Glad I left it in now!

Anyway, ta again for leaving a comment. Much appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Dance Like Nobody's Watching (posted on: 01-05-06)
The sub's not exactly a true account, but I have been known to dance round the lounge (okay, so that's a regular thing!), smoke the odd cig and drink the occasional glass of wine. Ahem! (Not all at the same time like her below though!) Opted for 'faction', not fiction or non-fiction, as it's a kind of mixture of the two. Oh, and 'philosophy' rather than 'prose' as I think it's more philosophical and definitely only a snippet and not a story. And no, I'm not feeling sad and lonely (as some may interpret it!!). It's not a 'cry for help' or anything and I don't need no shoulder to cry on! Having a ball right now ๐Ÿ˜€ Hazy x ========================

She dances alone. Barefoot on a sheepskin rug concealing cold laminate flooring. Half empty bottle of Pinot Grigio swings from one hand; an oversized wine glass is waved in the other. She's laughing; dancing in spirals. Nobody watches and her comedy moves keep her entertained. She attempts the 'running man' dance move on the spot and laughs until the tears fall. Spilt wine's sucked off her fingers seductively, imagining they were someone else's. The bottle and glass are placed precariously on the flat arm of the sofa. She hangs a cigarette from her pouting mouth and attempts to light it from an almost-hollow fat candle. She's transported back to college with the help of '80s music on the stereo. Her head hangs down, loose waves tickle her shoulders as she sways; cigarette still dangling as she draws deeply before swapping it for the edge of her wine glass. She's no longer sure if she's blissfully happy and carefree, or whether she's hit the self destruct button. She continues to dance alone.
Archived comments for Dance Like Nobody's Watching
e-griff on 01-05-2006
Dance Like Nobodys Watching
good control of the mood here, the contrast - high/then a moment of reality.

I guess we all resonate to that situation... G ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Griffy. Yeah, I'm a tad pessimistic (no shit sherlock lol) and my highs are marred slightly by the thought that something's bound to bring me crashing back down again! I do dance at home, I do get wiggly sometimes (never danced with a bottle in one hand and a glass in the other though!!), I do feel as high as a kite at the moment (on life lol) but when I'm this happy, I question it! This is kinda what the snippet's about - whether she's happy or if she's lost the plot lol. I don't care which it is right now so long as I keep feeling smiley!!

Anyway, ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 01-05-2006
Dance Like Nobodys Watching
Enjoyed it - a private moment that we can all relate to...mind you, there ARE some of us who dance like that normally, to everyone's utter embarrassment. Still, why not? Let go occasionally! As you've already said that it's not the self-destruct button she's pressed, fine.

Author's Reply:
LOL Roy, yep, I love watching them at weddings ๐Ÿ˜‰

I dance pretty 'normally' I think - but when I'm at home, dancing round the lounge, I really do dance like nobody's watching. And it does bring a smile to my face - but in a good way, not a depressed way like the snippet. Everyone should try it when they're home alone lol. I do it for exercise really so I really do try and move around a lot!!

Really pleased to see people are relating to this - I thought it was just me who was the fruitloop lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for commenting.

Hazy x

Andrea on 01-05-2006
Dance Like Nobodys Watching
I rather liked this Haze. Although I think I'd get rid of the spiders - they seem superfluous somehow.

Author's Reply:
Aye, you're right. If I go back and add stuff in, I always regret it!! Best to let it flow. Bit like trying to stick a cherry in a pint, eh.

S'gone now. Like the fastest cake in the west. Or is it a bun. Or a bread... hmmm. That'll keep me awake now ๐Ÿ˜‰

Right, that's me done.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Haze x

Sunken on 02-05-2006
Dance Like Nobodys Watching
Lovely, lovely. I said it in duplicate because I am a big fan of carbon copy paper. Of course you know about my lone dances around the house. Lately they have evolved into purposely dancing in an out of step fashion. I got the idea from a friend who is the worlds worst dancer. It actually takes quite a lot of skill to be so bad. God, if anyone ever saw me Hazy Jo I swear I'd be locked up. Great piece me dears. Glad you're having a ball... lets not mention testicles at this point. Thanks.

s
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surrendering to gravy related urges

Author's Reply:
TY, TY ๐Ÿ˜‰

I'm glad I'm not the only lone dancer. There's something just so liberating in dancing wildly lol. Thank God for curtains, eh. What a marvellous invention! I'm thinking of buying the Saturday Night Fever DVD so I can learn all the moves properly instead of doing my own versions ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment and the number, mister. Give Rudy a monkey nut for me.

Hazy Jo x


Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE) (posted on: 28-04-06)
This is one for the 'Prose Workshop' forum. Okay, so it's a poem, but I'm allowed to stretch the boundaries ๐Ÿ˜‰ It was gonna be prose but would have been the world's shortest story ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hope it's not too subtle ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hazy x =========================

I miss them Now I sit home alone Their voices, obliterated Conversation, dead Since they sorted out my medication, Life's been so empty
Archived comments for Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Romany on 28-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
A bitter feel to this; it is subtle, but at the same time, I kind of know where you are coming from (I think!)

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Romany! I suppose it is sad/bitter, but it makes me laugh too. Strange sense of humour!

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

e-griff on 28-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
I resent being a fragment of your imagination! I really must prot....... *fades away*

the rest is silence.

Author's Reply:
Aww, I miss you already ๐Ÿ˜‰

D'ya think I could've got away with it being a story?! Hmm, I'm not sure. I just knew I couldn't elaborate on it!!

Cheers ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

HelenRussell on 28-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Aww, how sad, yet it made me smile, not sure why.
A very clever short poem Hazy.
Sarah


Author's Reply:
Ah, so you're as strange as me then ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad ya liked! Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Jen_Christabel on 28-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Along similar lines to my prose posting for the challenge, so I could relate to it easily. Short, sweet and good stuff.
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Oooh, I didn't nick it, honest guv! Haven't read the others and penned a version of this one straight away when the challenge was set! Sounds like maybe we both enjoy having the voices stick around then ๐Ÿ˜‰

Will go read yours and the other contributions pronto!

Ta for commenting, Jennifer ๐Ÿ™‚

Sunken on 28-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Very good indeed Ms. Hazy. I like short and punchy, and this is both. It's like having a pillow fight with a girl who's wearing only her pants and a smile... Hazy, my minds wandered... please forgive me... I need to go (-;

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sponsored by feather-lite

Author's Reply:
Aww, TY Smunky.

I'm a bit short and punchy - but only when wound up enough ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hope you enjoyed whatever little fantasy you had going on there lol.

Ta for the comment n number. Take care of you.

Hazy x

discopants on 28-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Never mind 'Voices from the Web'- your version would no doubt be 'Voices in her Head'. Typical Hazy.

Author's Reply:
LOL that's very true!!

But they're all friendly. Except Marvin. Watch out for him. He gets me into lots of trouble whispering norty suggestions to me ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ˜€

Hazy x

Abel on 28-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Love this, Jo. Prose, poetry...these days they're just old labels that mean nothing anyway. I've got a friend, and I don't know what you call what he writes, but I know it's great stuff. Well done, as usual, Miss Hazybelle. I may take this challenge, too?

Wardo

Author's Reply:
Hi Wardo hon

Hope you do take the challenge! There are several running on the forums at the mo! Check out the Prose Workshop and the Writers' Block forums.

I'm not sure this one fits into a box so will do like your friend and not try to write according to labels ๐Ÿ™‚

TY for the words ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazybelle x

littleditty on 29-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Hazy! - i liked this little bittersweet pill - nice one :o) xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:
Ta for visiting and plonking down a comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you enjoyed it!

Hazy x

Kat on 29-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Hazy, full marks on this! Great stuff!

Kat x

Author's Reply:
Cheers Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked me little tale. Or should that be 'tail' what with you being a kat n all ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care.

Hazy x

Zoya on 30-04-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Hey, that is absolutely brilliant!
Emptiness of thought and feelings,
Emptiness of being left alone after friends' leaving
you alone with their task of laying out the medicines.
While all you crave for is some company
to fill that emptiness of heart...
**Hugs**
A very inspired and inspirational piece!
Love, xxx, Zoya

Author's Reply:
Ahah, I like your thinking... but it was more to do with the voices in her head!!

It's a bit of a black humoury one. I'm warped lol.

I don't *think* I'm particularly morbid or sad in real life but a lot of my writing's a tad on the 'dark' side. My next one's one of my worst, it'll be a very lonely little snippet. Felt like pants during Jan-March this year, but now I'm flying lol. Just a bit of SAD thingy (sunlight somat deficiency or whatever it is).

Anyway, thank you very much for leaving a comment and I love that you explained how you saw the poem. I wish everyone would do that!! Poetry for me is partly about interpretation (not necessarily the right interpretation - I bet if you put an ambiguous poem down in front of 20 people, they'd each interpret it differently!!). So thanks again - much appreciated!

Hazy ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Claire on 01-05-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Shame you didn't dabble with a bit of prose, would have been interesting to see what you came up with using this poem of yours.

Like the idea of it all going away when the meds are taken...

Author's Reply:
Hi

I was desperate to do it as prose but the words just wouldn't come!! It just seemed to sit nicely with those 23 words and I didn't wanna lose the ambiguity of explaining it! Maybe now I've told the short version, I'll be able to write a longer one!

Have started a couple of stories and written a strange psychological kinda snippet. My writing's gone off on a bit of a tangent but I'm just going with the flow! Lovin' it again ๐Ÿ™‚

btw, Jennifer and I actually followed similar lines, only she had to keep taking the tablets to hear her voices LOL. We kinda work in reverse!!

Hazy x

Ionicus on 03-05-2006
Where Is Everybody? (CHALLENGE)
Short and sweet and to the point. I thought that my piece was short enough with about 300 words but you have managed to be more economical.
I like the black humour.
Luigi x.

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Luigi. Glad you thought it worked!!

Hazy x


Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE) (posted on: 24-04-06)
The 'writers' block' forum seems to have got me scribbling again. Cheers, Jen, Griffy, et al. I'm a tad late with this one, was meant to be posted for last Friday, but it's only since tonight I've been able to pen more than two lines! Hazy x

Kaleidoscopic days Strobe-lit: A fast-paced standstill Hours flick past Like TV channels on A bored Sunday Encompassing emotions: flashes of colour Alternating from Shy pink, to Virtuous white, to Despondent blue, to Crimson bliss, to Covetous green Before terminating on black
Archived comments for Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE)
Jen_Christabel on 24-04-2006
Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE)
I can relate to this, seems like my daily routine LOL.
Great stuff, I love the way you have brought the colours alive and related them to human emotion. Cracking.
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Cheers for commenting, Jennifer ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked! Was stumbling over it for ages. Never chopped and changed a poem so much! I'm so out of practice. Used to write them all the time so not quite sure why such a mental block. Hopefully I'm flowing again :-p - ta for the 'writers' forum', might actually work for me!

Take care.

Hazy x

Sunken on 24-04-2006
Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE)
Hello Ms. Hazy of London on the village square green (by Spar). Good to see you posting again. A very strong comeback sub in my smunky opinion. It put me in mind of the following - three busses all at once, staring at the ceiling and wishing you had wings and, of course, Turnips. I hope this helps? Top piece - Fave bit -

Hours flick past
Like TV channels on
A bored Sunday

Nice one Ms. Hazy Jo.

s
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sponsored by a snail who would rather remain nameless

Author's Reply:
Aww TY for the comment and the rating, darling munkee ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm so pleased the buses, wings and turnips came through for you. Was so worried it was too subtle!

Ta for sharing your fave bits. Mine are... erm, well, I think I'll whisper those ๐Ÿ˜‰

S'later Smunky.

Hazy Jo x

HelenRussell on 25-04-2006
Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE)
So good to see you back Hazy, and with a punch too. Very clever use of the colours.
Regards
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Sarah ๐Ÿ™‚

It's really good to be back. I've missed writing soooooo much. I'm compelled to write, so I've definitely felt like somat's been missing! I've also missed subbing to UKA and reading comments, etc. It was rare for me not to sub before and, for me to have missed so many months, it feels like I've come home after a long journey ('winter' to you and me!)!

Roll on summer... (we've definitely bypassed spring!)

Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Bradene on 25-04-2006
Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE)
Great way to express feelings with the kaleidescope of colours Hazybelle I've missed your great poems Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks so much for the comment and rating. Glad you like my stuff! I was a bit iffy about this one, but it's been a while so it's no surprise!

Take care.

Love Hazybelle x

Abel on 26-04-2006
Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE)
"A fast-paced
standstill" Love that line...I can sooooo relate. Fine work, Miss Jo. Love the colorful range, and ending...

Best,
Ward


Author's Reply:
Cheers, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

I fiddled with that line loads so it's good to know you think it's working!

Ta for leaving a comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care,

Jo x

Zoya on 26-04-2006
Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE)
Lovely, the last line reminds me of my own poem "Colours"... must post it one f these days.
Excellent little piece f poetry.
Love.Zoya

Author's Reply:
Hi Zoya

Yeah, you must post it! Will keep an eye out for it. Glad you liked my effort ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for commenting!

Hazy x

Kat on 27-04-2006
Kaleidoscope (CHALLENGE)
I think this is great, Hazy - it's clever, got depth and originality - wonderful poetic ingredients!

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
TY for the lovely comment, KittyKat ๐Ÿ™‚

Felt so nervous posting as it's been yonks. The word 'kaleidoscope' just conjured up images in my head and the colours seemed fitting for moods/stages of life. Hoping the 'writers' block' forum will get me scribbling again! Started a story today too. Yippee ๐Ÿ™‚

Cheers again.

Hazy x


Grave Dancers (posted on: 30-01-06)
I hope the imagery works in this. Not sure if I need to add more. Can you see them? Hazy x =======================

Ash-grey robes coil around Skeletal frames as they Dance upon graves. Bony legs Lift in time to the Dead drum beat. Throbs Reverberate around Vacuous ribcages, replacing heartbeats Skulls dip as feet tiptoe to the Dead drum beat. Synchronised rhythm as, Tonight, they dance on your grave
Archived comments for Grave Dancers
Romany on 30-01-2006
Grave Dancers
Yes, I can see them! I enjoyed this. May I make a small suggestion, which you can obviously ignore if you like! I would write:

Throbbing resonates around

rather than:

Throbs resonate around


But that is just a personal thing.
Well done,
Romany.




Author's Reply:
Hi Romany

Ta for the comment and suggestion. I've lost count of how many times I've changed that line. I have a feeling I prefer yours (which is probably one of my previous versions anyway lol) does read better. I try and avoid too many -ings (a lesson from DF) but I think it's probably needed here. I'll have a think about it and come back to it fresh tomorrow.

Anyway, ty again.

Take care.

Hazy x

red-dragon on 30-01-2006
Grave Dancers
I can see the and hear them. Sent a shiver up my spine, Hazy. specially the dead drum beat. Good stuff. Ann

Author's Reply:
Hi Ann ๐Ÿ™‚

I dunno where those 'dead drum beat' words came from. I did a search on UKA in case I'd read it somewhere, but nowt came up so I presume it must have fallen out of my head!

I had a friend stay over a couple of weekends ago and he said, 'Someone just danced on my grave.' I'd already got the outline for this poem in my head, but his words kinda gave me the push to finish it.

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Gerry on 30-01-2006
Grave Dancers
Hazy, I heard 'Dance Macabre' as I read this--so it definitely worked.

Gerry xxx.

Author's Reply:
TY for the comment, Gerry. Hope it wasn't too loud! You don't wanna be the only one hearing it ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 31-01-2006
Grave Dancers
Ladies' night at the cemetery? I trust they were dancing round their spectral handbags! Sorry about that, you conjured up (!) a great picture here - I agree with Gerry about the music. Fair sends a shiver down the spine!
ps Just being awkward - isn't "throbs resonate" a tautology? I'd simply miss "throbs" off completely, as "resonates" implies a dull throbbing...and it flows better. But, it's your poem and if you're anything like me you'll change it half a dozen times while it's up anyway! Good one.

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy

I cannot for the life of me get that line right. It's not meant to continue from the line before, there would be a full stop there. I don't think you're the only one misreading it and can see why you're thinking 'throbs' is superfluous. I'm seeing the throbs as something more solid, even though they're not. Kinda bouncing around an empty ribcage sounding like heartbeats.

Maybe I need to shuffle it around a bit. I didn't like that line as it sounded wrong but after much fiddling it's the best I could come up with. Still driving me mad.

Anyway, I'll have another fiddle.

Ta for suggestions.

Hazy x
PS Just been for a fiddle. Don't know if it's easier to read, maybe. I'm still planning on changing it a bit more though. I'm not so sure about the rhythm now I've tinkered!

Dargo77 on 31-01-2006
Grave Dancers
Hazy, it worked for me. Well written.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Ta Dargo. I've been fiddling with it a tad as I've realised it's being read wrong. Funny how you hear it in your own mind but unless you add the audio (which I might) or use full stops, it's easy to read it differently.

Anyway, ta for the comment. Glad you liked.

Hazy x

Sunken on 31-01-2006
Grave Dancers
Dancing on graves is to be highly applauded. I may have a small dance floor placed over mine for such purposes. I am sure that there will be a few who will enjoy a good jig at my demise. I said 'Jig'. I think your fiddling has paid off Ms. Hazy of London village green square on the rye (I swear your url gets longer). The munky says 10, as does the hamster. Thanks. Eat chips, drink red wine and phone a friend with news of a party that's not going to happen. Thanks.

s
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tomorrow they remove the stitches

Author's Reply:
'ello Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

I too dance on graves. Often, I'll be found in the local cemetery at midnight with my ballet shoes and tutu on. Not so often in this cold weather though. That would be plain stoopid.

Thank Rudy for me. And yourself while you're at it. Ta for the advice ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care.

Hazy x

pencilcase on 31-01-2006
Grave Dancers
This poem has done me no good at all, since I live opposite a cemetery. It's bad enough having to contend with The Cupboard People. But, yes, I can see them, and I can also hear that dead drum beat, which is helped by 'Skulls dip as feet tiptoe.'

The only consolation I can take is the fact that you have made a spelling mistake in your brief description. Hah!

pencilcurse





Author's Reply:
Spelling mistake? Nah, it was the olde English spelling of 'imagery'. But seeing as you young 'uns aren't likely to be familiar with it, I've changed it. Ahem!

I only wrote the poem to freak you out about that cemetery. Mwuhahaha ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sleep well. Teehee ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x
PS What's that noise? :-O

Kat on 01-02-2006
Grave Dancers
Very good, Hazy - lots of great sounds there, and certainly images too... that pencil's a cheeky (but loveable) one! ;o)

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Hiya Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad ya liked! I wasn't sure if it needed more. I've got such vivid images of them in my head and wanted others to see them too.

That pencil's a very norty boy. Don't worry though, I know how to deal with the likes of him ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

barenib on 01-02-2006
Grave Dancers
Hazy - this one works very well for me, full of strong visual language and ending strongly. One suggestion if I may:

Dead drum beat. Throbs
Reverberate around
Vacuous ribcages, replacing heartbeats.

A very enjoyable read - John.


Author's Reply:
Cheers, John ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, you're right. I've changed those lines. They were bugging me and didn't sound right so thanks for that! Much better!

Anyway, glad you liked it and ta for telling me, Mr Roundabout Man ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care and TY again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

MaxPower on 02-02-2006
Grave Dancers
Hi there, I really enjoyed this poem. I thought that the imagery was quite striking and made it a really good read. It put me in mind of another poem called 'The Hanged Men Dance'. Thanks for a good read.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for leaving a comment, MP ๐Ÿ™‚

I'll have to Google that poem. I presume it's not a UKA one you mean...

Glad you liked it. Ta again for saying so ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Apolloneia on 05-02-2006
Grave Dancers
Yes Hazy Jo, the imagery works in this and, no, you don't need to add more. See them? I could almost feel them ๐Ÿ˜ฎ A successful piece.

Nic x.


Author's Reply:
Scary buggers aren't they :-O If I could draw, I'd add a picture!

Ta for commenting, Nic. Pleased you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

jay12 on 06-02-2006
Grave Dancers
I'd hate to be the person this was aimed at, its full of hate, but is not a bad piece of poetry!

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Hi Jay

Oooh, I think you're reading too much into it! Nah, it was just a vivid image I was trying to portray. Had been in my head for a while! No hidden messages or metaphors in this one!

Thanks for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

teifii on 06-02-2006
Grave Dancers
Really macabre. I don't think it needs another word. Pity you have admitted that the 'you' of the poem isn't for real because that 'your grave' suddenly makes go from whimsical to downright threatening.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah, but the 'you' is for ALL of you!! It's intended to freak you all out and, next time someone 'walks over your grave', you'll hopefully picture these skeletal grave dancers. Mwuhahahaha. Unless you meant it's better now it's to everyone not just one person, I'm a tad confused now (nowt new there then lol)...

Anyway, ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Abel on 07-02-2006
Grave Dancers
I agree, the ending is surprising, and a little disconcerting :-). Well done, Ms. Jo. Fine write.

Ward

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad ya liked!

Ta for leaving a comment ๐Ÿ™‚ I did have a little fiddle with this one and am happier with it now!

Take care.

Hazy-Jo x

JuanSanchez on 16-02-2006
Grave Dancers
Creepy stuff indeed and that last line is a killer! ๐Ÿ™‚ I love a good shiver ... Mark x

Author's Reply:
I bet you save a fortune on heating bills then ๐Ÿ˜‰

I'm not here, btw. Just can't be rude and ignore a comment!

Ta for the comment and the rating, Mark ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Andrea on 16-02-2006
Grave Dancers
Chilling stuff Haze - spooky spooky...

*shudders*

Author's Reply:
'tis a bit of a creepy one, innit. Ta for the comment, Andrea ๐Ÿ™‚

Haze (under her invisibility cloak) x


I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE) (posted on: 27-01-06)
This is written for Claire's challenge on the 'Prose Workshop' forum. (flash fiction - under 500 words - based on a song) It's slightly tongue in cheek, btw ๐Ÿ˜‰ Lyrics to 'I Should Be So Lucky' by Ms Minogue can be found here: http://www.jackis.com/lyrics/ss_spring_05/i_should_be_so_lucky.htm Hazy x ===============================

(487 words) You haunted my dreams again last night. We strolled hand in hand down a pure white beach; sparklers danced beneath the shallow ocean. "I love you," you whispered, just before you kissed me. Only I awoke to find the cat licking my nose to tell me his breakfast was long overdue. Isn't it obvious that I love you? Couldn't you read it in my expression across the bar…hear it in my voice when I spoke to you… I guess not. So why does it feel as though it's tattooed across my forehead? I LOVE YOU. Perhaps you just need to open your eyes. They say what you're looking for is always right under your nose. And I don't mean the cat. It's not like I'm thinking marriage here. I should be so lucky! Just a date would suffice. Perhaps the cinema so I could snuggle up close. Or dinner, so we could feed each other strawberries across a white linen tablecloth. Of course, there'd be no expanding stains on it like in real life. One drop of chocolate sauce and five seconds later it's spread wider than a dinner plate. Surely you must know I'd come running if you'd only click your fingers. Snap. I'd be by your side quicker than a dog. Okay, maybe that's not the best analogy. I can't bear it when you turn up and virtually ignore me. Yes, you're polite and sweet enough, but I want more. Not just fleeting glances and hellos next to soggy beer mats and piss-covered peanuts. I'm not even sure you'd recognise me in the street. Please, just notice me. You'd fall head over heels; I know you would. We'd make the perfect couple. Okay, so I lied. I am thinking marriage. Our kids would have your thick, dark hair – God, I bet that'd feel so good between my fingers – and they'd have my green eyes; oh, and your dimples. How I love those dimples. So bloody cute. Do you know your eyes scrunch up tight when you laugh? Already, I'm worrying about you driving and someone beside you cracking jokes. I make a mental note never to make you giggle when our dark-haired, squinty-eyed, dimply kids are in the back of our Audi TT. Actually, I'm not sure that even has back seats. Well, that's scuppered that fantasy then! Perhaps I'll talk to you next time I see you. My heart will break if I don't say something soon. It already aches as I try and sleep at night, thinking about where your body would dent the mattress. Hollow depressions. Oh, I know all about those. Tonight though, I'm smiling. The last word you said to me was "love". I'll never sleep now. I'd batted my eyelashes and blushed as I spoke to you. "That'll be five pounds eighty, please." "Keep the change, love," you said as you handed me six quid for the drinks.
Archived comments for I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
bluepootle on 27-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
Just goes to show how many songs are about unrequited love! Thought this caught the mood of the song well - impish!

Author's Reply:
Ta Pootle ๐Ÿ™‚ That Kylie's a bit impish too!

Wanted to do something kinda 'serious but piss-takey' if you know what I mean. Unrequited love is the most painful, for sure!

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

e-griff on 27-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
At first I thought this was your waiter! Nicely done I think. A simple idea that comes off, and a wee smile at the end can't be bad.

Only niggle: strawberries/gravy doesn't quite gel!

G

Author's Reply:
Hi Griffy

Nah, not the waiter ๐Ÿ˜‰ Although he did just call and I couldn't answer as I'm at work. OH. MY. GOD. How do I get myself into these things lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

The gravy reference did go before the strawberries in that para but I chopped it around a bit. Yep, I see what you mean, mentioning the strawberries then the (already) stained tablecloth doesn't gel. I'll have to replace it with 'chocolate sauce' or something. Mind you, that doesn't spread like gravy... Ah, I'll have a wee think about it.

Anyway, ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

JuanSanchez on 27-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
Good choice of song (it is Kylie after all!) and yes, it does capture it well. I too thought it was a waiter so a nice little twist at the end.

I liked the line: 'Not just fleeting glances and hellos next to soggy beer mats and piss-covered peanuts' - I'm glad I don't eat peanuts in bars - except in Snickers that is. ๐Ÿ™‚ Mark

Author's Reply:
Oh God, another Kylie fan. As if Sunken isn't enough ๐Ÿ˜‰

I didn't even think that people would presume it was the waiter. D'oh, my twists are writing themselves lol.

Glad you liked that line ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for saying.

I've been put off bar peanuts too after all the emails lol. Ewww.

Anyway, glad you think it captured the song.

Take care and ta for commenting!

Hazy x

sirat on 27-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
I'm not sure whether to take this very seriously and feel sorry for the barmaid with her unrequited love or take it as a light-hearted fantsy and laugh about it with her. It could be very poignant, but, for me at least, it isn't. It has a "teenage crush" feeling to it, but from someone who isn't a teenager and "should know better". There is a certain amount of self-mockery going on here, which I like. It seemed okay, competent and readable, but perhaps a bit superficial. Not really plumbing the depths of her soul, so to speak. But in 500 words, what can you really do?

Author's Reply:
Hi Sirat

Ta for the comment. It was a bit of a piss-take on the song, really. You have to read the lyrics to 'get it', I suppose. It's meant to be a bit superficial and, yes, there's elements of me in there too lol. I sooooo believe in L.O.V.E. and love at first sight, etc. I've sat opposite guys on trains thinking they're lovely, nice big hands, nice eyes, smile, etc. But they don't know I exist. I'm always daydreaming about someone just 'knowing' by looking at me. Y'know, thunderbolts that go two ways and all that.

Anyway, back to the song! Kylie actually read this once at a concert instead of singing it. Not that I was there, but I heard about it. At least I think it was her and not Madonna doing Like A Virgin. Anyway, let's trust my memory on this one lol. She read it all out extremely sincerely and acted all the emotions to go with it. Bloody brilliant. Taking the piss out of her own 'somewhat trashy' song. Good on her!! It was kind of meant to be along those lines. Serious in places, but the daydream swings back towards reality...

Anyway, ta for commenting! Nah, it wasn't meant to be a serious (unrequited) love story, particularly. Just some over-emotional young woman who's keen to meet 'The One'! (not all based on me, honest lol)

Hazy x

Claire on 27-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
God we are a romantic bunch ain't we! So far all the pieces I've read today have had a love theme.

I can't stand that song!

Anyways, you have a canny piece here. It's funny the way we have our silly fantasies ain't it. The slightest thing can trigger us off... I quite like the reference with the cat too.

Author's Reply:
Hi Claire

Yep, it is a tad weird that we've gone down that route. I was hoping to get some commenting done today, but been sooo busy at work, it's been nigh on impossible. Just catching up with these before I go home, but will definitely get round to yours and others later!

I'm always in a fantasy world. And I don't mean a pervy one lol. My mind drifts off at anything too! Perpetual bloody daydreamer, I am.

Anyway, heading off in a mo so will just add a final TY for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

e-griff on 27-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
you ain't read mine yet! ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:
Ah, but I will ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Abel on 27-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
I did find very poignant aspects here, the marriage/children references being quite touching...the lonliness of the girl, almost hopelessness. Well written, Jo...I enjoyed it very much.

Ward

Author's Reply:
Hi Ward. Hope all's well with you ๐Ÿ™‚

Yeah, I guess all that was there. But it was kinda tongue in cheek! I was trying to write it the way that Kylie told it. Funny really 'cos I did it as a bit of a piss-take, but once I started writing, I certainly related to bits of her and definitely incorporated some of my thoughts in with it. I would like kids one day and can't help but think about what features they might inherit! Maybe it's because I was adopted and haven't got anyone to 'compare' myself against physically. Mentally's a different kettle of fish 'cos I'm very similar to my mum in the way we analyse everything and try and suss people out. We're both honest, sensitive and keep our mouths shut until we're pushed to the edge, then we defend ourselves to high heaven. My sister's less 'opinionated' and takes more crap than me or my mum ever would. How did I get onto that? God knows. Just bloody psycho-analysing again!

Poor ol' Kylie's lyrics. I do feel slightly sorry for the girl in the story, but I'd give her a right kick up the arse if I could! No man's worth all that emotion. Well, not if he doesn't feel the same! Guess we've all wasted the odd year or so here and there chasing a 'wrong 'un' though! She'll learn ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care and ta for commenting!

Jo x

Sunken on 28-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
Oh what a fine choice Ms. Hazy of London hamlet village town crescent. You just know I'm not going to dis anything that revolves around my lovely Kylie (yes, I said 'my' - the fixation is hitting new heights of late). I have taken to wearing golden hot-pants to bed and spinning like a record in my sleep. None of this is important right now. I just hope my fellow Ukaneers will accept me in hot-pants. Your box seemed like the perfect place to 'come out'. It's warm in here isn't it? Thanks.
Eat a small amount of lettuce between chocolate meals. Contemplate Rosy Webster's future and phone a friend with news of a parsnip.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Wigan 3 - Cream Cracker 2

Author's Reply:
Hi Smunky baby.

I noticed another Kylie song reference a couple of subs below mine! She gets everywhere! (probably 'cos she's so weeny!)

Spinning like a record? I do hope you're not fixating on Pete Burns too. Oh, I do worry about you Mr Munky!

My box is kinda sweet, innit. Bit cramped, mind. Glad you felt able to come out in it though. Ahem.

Yes, that little Ms Webster is having a tough time of it isn't she. Personally, I think they're being most mature about it all. And that young Craig. OMG, wasn't he just lovely on that singing thingy lately. Can you believe he's only 16!!

Anyway, ty for the little chat. I enjoyed immensely.

Hazy x
PS I'll call you later about my prize parsnip ๐Ÿ˜‰

RDLarson on 29-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
This is so young and feeling. I really like it. I would suggest that a cat would be quicker to her side. It's a lovely fit -- cat and anxiety.

One drop of chocolate sauce and five seconds later it's spread wider than a saucer.
This kind of jars as sauce and saucer are so similar -- and I can't think of what else to say either 'wider than a glass? teacup? Very good. I think it's edgy.

Author's Reply:
Hi RD ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for commenting. Yep, you're right about that saucer. I'm gonna change it for 'dinner plate'. I know it's a total exaggeration, but that's the way I wanted it to feel. Like when you get the weeniest pinprick of chocolate on a white top/shirt. Happens to me all the time, I'm very clumsy. I think, oh, I'll just wet it a little and it'll come straight off. But ohhhh no. It just spreads and I end up back at my seat with a 'mahoosive' transparent wet patch on a white top, all ready for a Miss Wet T-shirt Competition ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ta for the obvervation and suggestion. I never work well when I go back and change somat (as I did earlier with 'gravy'. I work much better if it all just flows in one sitting! Yeah, I did tweak, but not that much. Rarely do with prose.

Take care.

Hazy x

Kat on 29-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
I enjoyed this very much, Hazy - well done!

Kat x

Author's Reply:
Ta for the sweet little comment, Kat. Glad you enjoyed ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

HelenRussell on 30-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
Endearing in its way- made me smile and connect with the poor wee thing.
I really liked the conversational feel of this, reinforced how we can talk ourselves into believing anything.
Nice work
Sarah


Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting, Sarah ๐Ÿ™‚

I do feel sorry for her. She is a bit of a sad case, but, deep down, she's just a perpetual romantic like me, believing in fate, the stars and true love!

Take care and ta again.

Hazy x

wirlong on 31-01-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
Well crafted prose. Wasn't too sure what was going on. Stock-Atkein-Waterman are not my thing though.

JK

Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting, Wirlong. Just a little tale of infatuation based on Kylie's song. S-A-W aren't exacly my cuppa either! Just thought it might work in accordance with Claire's guidelines for a 'Prose Workshop' challenge (see forums). We had to write <500 words flash fiction based on a song.

Ta again for leaving a message ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

lostinvenice on 01-02-2006
I Should Be So Lucky (PROSE WORKSHOP CHALLENGE)
that's how psycho killers start... mmmm...

good story Hazy, and good idea to have a song as propeller.

so long

Author's Reply:
Too true, too true! Mind you, that tends to be the other way round as when a bloke's infatuated, it's a thousand times worse! Girlies just seem to beat themselves up about it whereas blokies tend to want to hurt the person they (think they) love. Can't be love if it doesn't go two ways though, surely?!

Could always turn it into a psycho-killer story though ๐Ÿ˜‰

The reason for doing the flash fiction based on a song was 'cos Claire set it as a Prose Workshop exercise (see forums or comments above). A few of us participated.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Tightly Wound (posted on: 16-01-06)
A little, philosophical one (bit like myself!) ๐Ÿ™‚ Hazy x ==================

Wound-up, clockwork people Tick-tocking through years, decades Whatever equates to a life A life then equates to what? Pure existence, living Until the tick-tocking stops
Archived comments for Tightly Wound
eddiesolo on 16-01-2006
Tightly Wound
Just make sure you don't over-tighten your mainspring or your pendulum will stop!

I like it Hazy.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Ooer! I shall be very careful what I do with my mainspring in future!

Ta for the comment and rating, Si ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

shackleton on 17-01-2006
Tightly Wound
I can relate to this, Hazy. I sometimes think my life is a slowly ticking clock which is gradually winding down (I've reached the stage whereby I'm an auld grandfather clock). Enjoyed your poem. Bye for now.

ps. The missus said that you can bung a wash in our machine if you like - do your own ironing, mind.

Author's Reply:
Hi Shacks ๐Ÿ™‚

Ironing? Moi? Never ๐Ÿ˜‰ (I wish lol) Where's that washing/ironing fairy when you need one?!

Yeah, I feel like a clock at times, especially when other people insist on winding me up ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ta for the comment. Glad you enjoyed ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

HelenRussell on 18-01-2006
Tightly Wound
Not sure how I missed this one Hazy.
Absolutely love it, really thought provoking.
I'm also at quite a philosophical, thinking, pondering stage of life. Bit dangerous to think too much sometimes though, so I reckon keep on tick-tocking. Works for me.

Take care
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Aww, TY for that comment. This little one seems to have fallen by the wayside a tad. One usually does that when I sub two!

Anyway, ta for the words. Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Sunken on 19-01-2006
Tightly Wound
Apparently I am digital Ms. Hazy of London square, and therefore neither tick nor tock. What I lack in noise I make up for in illumination, for I have a lovely back-light that makes me shine at the press of a button. I really am talking bollocks aren't I? This is critique in it's lowest form, for I am scared of heights. Thanks. Take care and a crayon.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Warsaw 4 - Cold sore 3

Author's Reply:
Digital must be fab. Your batteries will never run low and your timing will never be crap! Blimey. I need a cold shower now ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thank you for your indepth critique, Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚ What would I do without ya ๐Ÿ˜‰

Mwah.

Hazy x


Paler Shades Of Blue (posted on: 16-01-06)
Looks like I'm subbing a pair of 'shorts' this week ๐Ÿ˜‰ Washing machine problems gave me the ending to this poem, the first line and title of which I've been sitting on for months ๐Ÿ™‚ Hazy x ============================

It should all come out in the wash As heavy loads are amassed A fast-spun week brought about Faded blues and jaded smiles Perhaps the delicate setting Would have been more appropriate
Archived comments for Paler Shades Of Blue
Warhorse on 16-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
Hi there hazy
A lovely way of getting the frustrations put to one side well done with the imagry and the style simple and yet subtle
rgds Mike

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much for the words and rating, Mike ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm glad I kept this one short, don't think any more was needed, really.

Ta again.

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 16-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
I love this line: 'Faded blues and jaded smiles'

Lovely write Hazy, and well done on the WOTM!

Si:-)



Author's Reply:
Ta for the comment and rating, Si ๐Ÿ™‚

That was probably my fave line too, ta for picking it out. I thought the double colour reference (blue/jade) worked with the subject matters of this little poem.

Hazy x

Kat on 16-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
Hi Hazy

I love the word play and the rhythm in this one - a great shorty!

Yes, congrats on WOTM, too!

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚



Yep, it's quite repetitive for a short one, but the rhythm did seem to work. Glad you 'got' the wordplay. There was quite a bit really, considering the size of the little poem ๐Ÿ™‚



Take care and ta again.



Hazy x

Sunken on 16-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
Hello young Hazy of London Cul de sac. I do like a good short, and this is a good short... I daren't say, 'A bit like you' So I won't (-; Tell me, have you used a fabric conditioner on your poem? I am getting a spring fresh aroma Ms. Hazy that is both enchanting and invigorating. Thanks. Take care and a small monetary donation to a local hospice.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Rochdale 4 - Dancing with the captain 5

Author's Reply:
'ello Smunky

I'm delighted the 'ylang ylang' fabric softener came through (wtf is that anyway?). I shoved a bit too much in, that's probably why. Enchanting and invigorating. Actually, that's far more like me than 'a good short' ('cos actually, I'm not that good :-p).

Anyway, ta for the words and the number.

May your smalls always be fresh.

Ahem!

Hazy x

e-griff on 16-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
Interesting that the terse lines with their meanings reminded me strongly of the flavour of a Haiku. Unusual and well done, IMO. Perhaps we should christen the form a Hazyku?

Faded and jaded/blues and green - yes that was my fav line too before I saw it was everone else's!

Well, I'm afraid this is a definite Griffpick!! (sir back and wait for the nib, kid!) ๐Ÿ™‚ G *whistles and hums* (must have a shower).

*off to write a Hazyku*

Author's Reply:
Griffy! My hero, you recognised little haiku 'gingerbread trails'! I had three lines of this which I tried and tried to expand on and they just seemed to go so well as a little haiku, but I took some time out and came back to it and a few other lines grew from it. My other post this week's similar in that it was nearly a haiku too. But there were just things 'missing' from both. I've given up with haikus! I did one once (which fell straight into my head one day) but nothing's ever come to me since. It's a shame, 'cos I really like them when they're done well.

Ta for the Griffpick. No nib, but what's a nib when I got a Griffpick? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta very much for the comment and for the Haizyku reference lol! I'll start a trend now ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Dargo77 on 16-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
Hazy, this doesn't need ironing...smooth and already put away. Great word play.
Best regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Ta muchly for the words and the rating, Dargo ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased at how this little one's gone down. Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Now, if only I could work out how my clothes won't need ironing...

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 17-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
Well, you are in a spin...hopefully, you're not hanging out to dry?? Neat, concise little poem that gets the point across without blathering...hmm., maybe there's something I can learn from that. Good one, and well done with the WPTM too.

Author's Reply:
lol ty Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Nah, not hanging just yet. Too much hot air around ๐Ÿ˜‰

Considering I usually use 300 words when 3 will do, I've surprised myself by my two concice little poems this week!

Ta for the well done, the comment and all that ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Ginger on 17-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
I feel a bit like I should be on the delicates setting sometimes! Nicely done,
Lisa

Author's Reply:
Hi Lisa, ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

I guess it's our prerogative as girlies to need the occasional delicate setting!

Now, they just need to work out how to install an ironing button...

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Ionicus on 18-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
I won't make any puns, dear Jo, nor will I select a favourite line. I love the entire poem. And I agree with Griff. Where are the nibbers when you need them?
Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Oooh, I think you might have just got me a shiny new nibby lol.

Ta for the comment, Luigi. Made me smile ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

chant on 19-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
i agree with griff, there's a precision to the way you've put these lines together that does suggest a formal pattern. sharp piece, Faded blues ... is a lovely line, and the closing couplet's pretty smart too. the only doubt i had was the necessity of 'about' (third line). with the thought that in good poetry you cut out everything you don't need, can that word go?

Author's Reply:
Hiya Chant. Good to see you here ๐Ÿ™‚

I think the 'that' is needed (see Griffy's post below). Usually I'd um and ah about a word like that but this one didn't cause a dilemma. I think it was 'brought about' as in resulted from things that occured during the week rather than 'brought' as in the week happened to bring. Erm, is that any different? I know what I'm trying to say lol.

I actually thought my other poem seemed to comprise more of a pattern as it almost kinda doubed back on itself and was slightly repetitive in such a short poem. But this definitely seems to have had a much better response.

Anyway, ta very much for visiting and commenting. Appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

e-griff on 19-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
I'm not sure (O BTW Hazy - er, I see you GOT that nib!!!! (eventually) *preens* (if only they'd ask me....) that 'brought about' doesn't have a different meaning to brought. 'brought' is to carry something TO you, 'bring about' is to 'cause something to happen'

so I'm with Hazy's original... G

Author's Reply:
Cheers for coming back, Griffy. I've been busy with a paintbrush so haven't had a chance to reply yet (and no www connection for a while either 'cos decorating computer's room).

I think I'm with the original too. If it was something that wasn't needed, I know I'd have been umming and ahhing about it, which I wasn't. Anyway, what I mean is, it's staying lol.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x
PS I see your Griffpick got someone else a nib this time round too lol. You really ought to be granted the 'power of the nib' ๐Ÿ˜‰

red-dragon on 19-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
By the time I read it, everything I wanted to say had been said! Short, sweet and very clean! Ann
Well done on the griff-pick and nib!

Author's Reply:
Ta very much for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

*Short, sweet and very clean* = you talking about the poem or me ๐Ÿ˜‰ (I did have a bath today!)

I've finally got my new washing machine in, but a day later, I noticed a dent in the front. Grrrr. I'm just gonna have to live with it. Can't be arsed with any more hassle!

Anyway, ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

uppercase on 19-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
I swear you can write poetry about anything and make it good..love erma

Author's Reply:
That's just the sweetest comment, erma ๐Ÿ™‚

Not everyone's cuppa, I'm sure. But I'm really glad you and others seem to like this one!

Good to see ya ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

HelenRussell on 20-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
Loved the last line, sums up how I feel a lot of the time.
Not sure how I missed this one last week.
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Hi Sarah ๐Ÿ™‚

The last line was the only one I was really iffy about so glad you liked. I couldn't seem to get it right and expected a few suggestions. Reworded it loads. Maybe it does finally work though...

Anyway, ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Abel on 20-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
I just love poetry like this, simple, spare, beautiful in metaphor. Wonderful, Jo.

Ward

Author's Reply:
Hi Wardo ๐Ÿ™‚

I must've been in a short n sweet mood as both poems were short last time round! Got two I need to write up, and a flash fiction challenge, by tomorrow. Seeing as I'm being kept busy with a paintbrush (etc, etc), it's looking less likely I'm gonna get round to it!

Anyway, ta for the comment and the rating. Really pleased you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Jo x

tai on 23-01-2006
Paler Shades Of Blue
Very subtle poem hazy. Sometimes a good spin gets all the stains out. I wrote a washing machine poem a while back. mine had a sticking door, I had to use a golf club to make it work!lol 10 from grinning at you, Tai

Author's Reply:
Oh, if only it had just been a sticking door. Mine stopped turning and the water stopped heating. RIP my poor ol' washing machine. 15 years in washing machine ages is the equivalent of 105 human years, I'll have you know. 7 years to every 1 human year. Bet ya never knew that!

I've got meself a young one now. It would be alright, but it don't half need a lot of exercise. I keep having to dirty my clothes to keep up with it...

Anyway, ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Cheek To Cheek (posted on: 02-01-06)
A resub! It was previously hiding under 'UKAnonymous' so I thought it was about time I uploaded (both anon poems) to my account. I've tweaked very slightly. Previous comments for this one can be found here: http://www.ukauthors.com/article13110.html. Hazy x ====================

Part damaged glitter-ball rotates overhead Cheek to cheek, as slow jazz plays out live from a makeshift stage Feet firmly on the floor as heels lift in time to a gentle pulse We tiptoe into new songs, the raspy vocals become our thoughts Minds blank, lost to the realisation of falling in love That moment when insides flutter and sighs tumble from mouths Years of pent up emotions are exhaled blended with a heavy dose of cynicism Released into this dank basement, for some other lonely fool to suck in New lives inhaled deeply, thick with smoky air, slow beats and an intimacy found only with dancing and making love Nicotine less damaging than the poisons and pestilent disease it replaces, feasting on slices of broken hearts Our lips meet as the healing process begins
Archived comments for Cheek To Cheek
JayEmBee on 02-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
strange but... glitterballs are found in discos which made it seem out of place. jazz clubs have mood lighting to reflect the genre of music being played

Author's Reply:
And a hello again to you too.

Blimey, you're not that decorating woman off the telly are you that's on the DFS adverts? I know she gets everywhere, but...

The club in my poem was based on one I used to visit in Prague. Perhaps it used to be a dark and dingey dancing club (probably rather than a disco, it would never have suited a disco), I've no idea. There was a kind of disused 'well' to the side, mould up some of the walls and most definitely a (damaged) glitter ball which was actually located over the (makeshift) stage. Our eyes would sting from all the smoke as we sat at small round tables or long wooden benches, but everything just added to the atmosphere. Sound bloody awful, but I loved that place. Full of locals, beer and the jazz was fantastic.

Anyway, ty for your comment. I hope nobody else feels I'm creating the wrong ambience! Can't say I'd given much thought to a glitterball being out of place in a jazz club. Just telling it like it was...

Next time I'm in Prague, I'll be sure to let them know they've got the whole jazz vibe completely tits up.

Hazy x

Sunken on 02-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
Hiya young Hazy of wotm fame. I have a glitterball in my bedroom (-: Nowt wrong with that. I like do to my Travolta when no one's around. Please don't tell me to take it down.

Love this bit -

Nicotine less damaging than
the poisons and pestilent disease
it replaces, feasting on
slices of broken hearts
Our lips meet as the
healing process begins

Nice one Ms. Hazy.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much, Smunky darlin'.

You know I always like it when ppl point out the bits they feel worked.

You can keep your glitterball (and your white suit) lol. I won't tell...

Take care Mr Munky.

The Hazy Girl x

Hazy on 02-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
To whoever voted this one a '4'...

If you're going to give such a low vote, most people believe it only courteous or of any use if you explain why.

Seeing as it was previously nibbed and had many positive comments and scores last time round (when it was anonymous), I'll choose to take it personally!

Thanks lol.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 03-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
Love this piece, Jo. The ending is just superb, and I can feel the rhythm all throughout. I always love the rhythm in poetry, sometimes more obvious than other times. Here it is so real.

Ward

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much for your generous rating and words. Means a lot. Especially from a 'poetically musical bod' like yourself who knows a lot more about rhythm than me!!

Take care.

Hazy x

Dargo77 on 05-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
Hazy, I am not surprised this was well received on an earlier posting. I thought it to be a very good piece of writing that captured the atmosphere of one of your favourite places. A Fav. for me.
Best regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Flattered, Dargo. Thanks so much for the hot story thingy (as well as for the comment and the rating).

Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

littleditty on 07-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
You know what hazy -i am not going to go on about the poem - you know and i know it is a good piece of evocative atmospheric poetry. i don't use these numbers and rating buttons. I have suddenly changed my mind and would like to readdress the balance - so this is for the sly and the spiteful 4 xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:
Oh, thank you lol. Awww, ain't you the sweet one.

I really don't care about low ratings and if someone honestly believes it's worth a 4, then great. TELL ME WHY! As I've said many times, we don't all like the same things and I'm far from brilliant or even good in comparison to some of the poets on here. But if I read something that I personally didn't like and yet others had praised it, I wouldn't go handing out a 4 with no explanation. It's just a tad rude IMO. Wasn't looking for high ratings by pointing it out, I just felt disappointed in whoever left it and thought others should know.

Anyway, ty Ms Ditty. Ta for your words ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

jay12 on 07-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
I commented on this before. So you know my thoughts, really this comment is a comment for comments sake, so I shall not waste any more of your time.

Jay.

PS. I still like the poem. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Author's Reply:
Hi Jay

Thanks for commenting again ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked!

Y'know what? I have a feeling that 4-voting bod took the time to go back and stick one on the UKAnonymous one too lol. Oh, don't you just love 'em? I could be wrong, but the overall vote is lower than this one now, and it had more people giving it numbers...

What a sad, uneventful life some must people lead, eh? I feel quite sorry for them. They obviously don't have much self confidence or belief in their opinions. Or perhaps LD was right and it is just spite... Who knows. Who cares lol.

Anyway, ty Jayster. Appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Dazza on 07-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
Hazy-fantayzee, this is a good 'un, you are a softy without going soft if you know what I mean? Dazza.

Author's Reply:
Hiya Dazza

So you saying I'm soft in some areas but firm in others? Hmmm, you're not far wrong there, sweet pea ๐Ÿ˜‰

Oh, and yes, I'm an ol' romantic at heart.

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Lare on 08-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
Hi Hazy...I love the way you set the mood...the atmosphere...the entire setting to let the reader absorb the imagery without having to digest it...you have superbly done this...and the meeting of the lips...what a well done touch. As for the 4 rating without comment/explanation...this very much resembles a drive by shooting...does it not? By the way...how can you tell that a particular vote was cast as a 4...or...6...or 10....how can you tell...I don't know...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Hi Lare

Thanks very much for the comment and the rating.

To explain the 4, this poem hadn't been up for that long when a comment by JayEmBee appeared. The 4 turned up the same day, a bit later. It said there was just one vote and it quite clearly read '4'. When someone leaves a comment and rates, it shows the author what rating they gave it. Unfortunately, if someone doesn't leave a comment, the rating stays anonymous.

I'm not gonna start throwing accusations around, so people will have to draw their own conclusions. I only take so much shit before I snap, as most people know. Like I said, I'm more 'disappointed' in them than peed off. It's cowardly and somewhat sad. You compared it to a drive by shooting. Yep, I see where you're coming from, but to be honest it's more like a drive by shooting by some muppet with a water pistol. Don't ya think? I'm happy to accept a 4. I appreciate not everyone will like it. But a comment would have been somewhat courteous.

Anyway, 'nuff said.

Ta very much again. Appreciated.

Take care.

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 17-01-2006
Cheek To Cheek
Can't believe that somebody gave you a 4 Hazy, I would have rated this piece at least a 5...no more, no less.

Seriously this is a good piece and I really enjoyed reading it.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Ta very much for the comment and rating readysteadyeddie ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm glad you thought my piece was good and that you got some enjoyment from it (ahem!)

See ya, Si ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta again!

Hazy x


The Lying, The Bitch And The Bathrobe (posted on: 02-01-06)
A resub! It was previously hiding under 'UKAnonymous' so I thought it was about time I uploaded (both anon poems) to my account. Previous comments for this one can be found here: http://www.ukauthors.com/article13047.html. Hazy x ======================

Wrapped in oversized, long-looped towelling robes Stretched out, catlike, on heavily creased freshly laundered Egyptian cotton Flushed cheeks hollow, as passion-bruised mouths draw greedily on post-coital cigarettes Twelve months' deceit Swallowed like a bitter pill A tonic, a pick-me-up Her drug of choice to escape a terminally diseased marriage
Archived comments for The Lying, The Bitch And The Bathrobe
Sunken on 04-01-2006
The Lying, The Bitch And The Bathrobe
Can I comment anonymously young Hazy of London village green? I'm sure you have no idea who I am. Tell me, do you look good on a dance floor? This is easily one of your best pieces Hazy of Joanuary fame. Why oh why you needed to be anon in the first place is quite frankly beyond me - Look out of your window, see that white car? Well I'm talking beyond even that! Oh yeah, that's quite a distance. Rudy the hamster says I must give you ten. How does he communicate I hear you ask.... go on! Ask! He lines up the relative number of nuts in his cage and I score accordingly. Clever int he? Thanks. Take care and no notice (-;

s
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k
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he's slowly falling for Katie of Melua fame

..oh balls, I meant to be anonymous didn't I... I'll be anonyhamster instead... Thanks.

Author's Reply:
Smunky? Is that you? ๐Ÿ˜‰

The anon thing was to see if anyone recognised me, and to see what comments I got when ppl didn't realise it was by me.

Thank Rudy for his generous rating of nuts ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for the comment Mr S. Unken. Much appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care. Happy 2006!

Hazy x

jay12 on 07-01-2006
The Lying, The Bitch And The Bathrobe
So stop me if I'm wrong.....this is about a woman in an unhappy marriage who has just had sex with someone who is not her hubby and is now enjoying a snout in an expensive bathrobe? If I'm wrong I'll wrote the poem I just suggested ๐Ÿ˜‰

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Aye, Jay. Got it in one. Was also set in a hotel room (hence the oversized, (not necessarily expensive) towelling robes and freshly laundered Egyptian cotton sheets). Dunno if you picked up on that hotel reference or not?

Anyway, ta very much for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

HelenRussell on 08-01-2006
The Lying, The Bitch And The Bathrobe
Really clever, nice one Hazy.
Must admit I didn't pick up on the Hotel ref, but it's late and I'm tired. Obvious now though.
Take care
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Hi Sarah. Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

I don't think it was hugely obvious, I also don't think I really meant to be that cryptic. You know when you have a vivid picture of something in your mind and kinda presume everyone will automatically see the same thing. A few of my poems are like that, visual for me, but not necessarily everyone else. Mind you, I guess most poetry's a bit like that!

Take care.

Hazy x

Romany on 11-01-2006
The Lying, The Bitch And The Bathrobe
Her drug of choice to
escape a terminally diseased marriage

Concise summing up of a very complicated situation (i.e love triangle.) Loved:

Her drug of choice to
escape a terminally diseased marriage

Author's Reply:
Ta very much for commenting, Romany ๐Ÿ™‚

I had a few probs with those lines so glad you liked them. I turned them around so many times I got dizzy. And I did change 'escape' to 'cure' a few times, but I decided against it...

Anyway, ta again. Appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Macjoyce on 05-10-2007
The Lying, The Bitch And The Bathrobe
First of all, great title! Made me cackle like a moron.

โ€œPassion-bruised mouthsโ€ is excellent. You seem to have a knack for succinct and powerful little phrases. โ€œUnrequited conversationsโ€ is another one.

You do have a lot of bunny-boiling poems. Fair play to you, though.

Mac the Bunny xx


Author's Reply:
'ello, Rabbit

I love it when my lips go numb/swollen from snogging too much lol. Should be an olympic sport, don't ya think?

Do I have bunny-boiling poems? Nah... women would be getting their own back if that was the case and cutting cocks off or shredding clothes (not that the two things are particularly comparable lol). Mine are often just about naughty women getting up to mischief. Well... they say write about what you know ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy xx


King-Sized Outsiders (posted on: 30-12-05)
I'd like to say it was fiction, but I guess we've all felt it at some stage. I decided on 'experimental/faction' as it's not entirely true (a lot of it is fiction) but it's certainly drawn from emotions I've experienced. It's more of a snippet than a story, really. I guess I can be the 'life and soul' but not usually with people who don't know me. I'm also a bit of a 'dark horse' and only open up to those I trust. Not many friends knew I wrote until recently. Barely anyone at work knows. I'll tell anyone I consider a friend, though. It's no big secret any more. Perhaps I'm finding my voice. Hazy x =========================

Sharp puffs of cigarette smoke are exhaled towards me by the ever-expanding group. Their heads tilt in my direction, but they don't see me. Fags are drawn on heavily, squeezed tight between two fingers then held barely an inch from their pouting mouths in anticipation of the next drag. Background chatter makes it hard to decipher what they're saying. I wonder if, not when, they'd notice if I were to leave. It's tempting, but I stick with the pretence of being out with the in-crowd. The huddle shuffles to the left a little. Gesticulating arms curtail my inclusion. I kick my bag sideways from between my feet as I attempt to shoulder my way back into the throng. Another Bacardi Breezer's poured down my throat. Dutch courage. For what, exactly? Feeling worthy? Desirable? I'm not sure. It's been about twenty minutes since I last spoke. And even then, I never finished my sentence. Daydreams begin as people fight to hog the limelight, engrossed in gossip I'm none the wiser about. Mandy's off again. Legs up to here and tits not down to there. Not since the surgery, anyway. I watch intently, rather than listen, wondering whether Mandy and Warren have started the fling they're so obviously destined for. Their eyes occasionally locking; everyone oblivious to the fact except me. Dan interrupts with tales of last week's pub session. Funnily enough, an invite never reached me. 'Oh, sorry Kelly, we thought so-and-so had asked you.' Like they noticed I wasn't there. It's as if I'm back at school. Reminiscent of being picked last for games, or wishing I were this invisible when someone was being chosen to read out loud to the class. Some three hours later and I'm dirty dancing with Simon from Accounts. Music, my saviour. Drowning out conversation. He spins me round as the room dances. Or perhaps it's the other way round. We're all going home alone tonight. Back to our king-sized beds in suburbia. 'What a laugh we had on Friday,' we'll be saying for the next week. Yes; one big, empty, endless laugh. Our married friends, so envious. I wish I were you (we both say).
Archived comments for King-Sized Outsiders
Sunken on 30-12-2005
King-Sized Outsiders
Excellent stuff young Hazy of London village fame. I think I've been there, though please understand - I refute all allegations made against myself and Simon from accounts. I like this a lot Hazy, more than.... more than.... Katie Melua's perfect little nose. Now THAT is a compliment. Is it normal to have a celebrity nose fixation? Anyway, none of that's really important right now. Great ending by the way. The poem I mean. You wouldn't know about my ending... unless you've been peeking whilst I was pleasuring myself over Katie's nose. Ahem, have I lowered the tone enough yet? Thanks.

s
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n
k
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also available in spearmint

Author's Reply:
Hi Smunky darling

TY for the comment and rating.

Deny all you like about Simon, but I've seen the CCTV tapes ๐Ÿ˜‰ (dirty boy)

I'm deeply honoured that my little offering's been rated higher than whatserface's nose. She has got quite a cute nose, hasn't she. Bloody awful voice, but definitely a decent snoz. I like Judd Nelson's nose (from the Breakfast Club). It's freakily huge but I do have a very strange thang for men with big noses. There's something very sexy about it. They can't be skinny blokes though or they end up looking like one of those nodding woodpeckers that go up and down metal poles. Okay, I'm talking bollox now. You do seem to have this effect on me... ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, I'll leave you and your pleasurations (is that a word? Hmm. It should be) alone now.

Take good care of you.

Hazy x
PS Can I have the peppermint option? I don't like spearmint ๐Ÿ˜‰

jay12 on 30-12-2005
King-Sized Outsiders
Hello Hazy,

This is a very good read and extremely well written. I too have found myself in a similar situation but I feel that walking away from the night out solves nothing. I've done it a few times when I've thought no one's chatting to me, or I'm standing here like a cock, but people often ask "Where did you go?" I find that my own personal relationships with people have changed over time but friends are still friends. Make the effort and all will be OK, and if you make the effort you cannot be accused of not giving a shit anymore. Time and circumstances change people's point of view and relations with people change also. A great friend today may be someone you see twice a year in ten years time, but you will still always be mates. Life is like this sometimes.

And if you feel that there is nothing left in some of your friendships it's better to be polite, make your excuses and go your own way. Don't be rude or nasty, it solves nothing.

Anyways, good read (and rant over)

Jay.x

Author's Reply:
TY for the rating and comment, Jay sweetheart.

Interesting comments. tbh, I think anyone who knows me would be shocked to read this. I don't feel like it with any of my friends, just when you're with people who you know through work or other people. I'm never the one who makes the decisions or shouts the loudest. We've been out from work and I'm always going 'what's the plan then?' or 'where we going next?' etc. Me and DQ are different to the others and we tend to separate off a bit and do our own thing. But if I'm out with the others, I just can't be arsed to compete for the limelight. It's not my thing at all. I tend to stand quietly. If I'm out with the boys, it's different. They listen. Girls just fight to be heard or be popular and when we're all out, I'm the quiet one and can't be doing with all that malarkey.

Some of my best friends I only see once or a couple of times a year. A very dear friend's in Edinburgh and we usually only meet a couple of times a year. We'll always be really close though. I'm lucky, I have some extremely good friends and no matter what happens, they're friends for life now. Most of them I've known since I was 11!

Anyway, ta again.

Take care.

Hazy x

Abel on 30-12-2005
King-Sized Outsiders
Engrossing stuff, and I rarely read anything but poetry. This speaks of open wounds, of course, and self-esteem. Your talent seems so large to me, and comes through as confident and strong. You should feel good about that, because your honesty (whether through "fiction" or not) makes me envious.
Great work...

Ward

Author's Reply:
Thanks for that, Ward. You always find such sweet words.

Yep, self esteem. I am quite shy and don't compete for the limelight. I also wear my heart on my sleeve (which means it's more prone to getting hurt). Especially since I'm so accident prone ๐Ÿ˜‰ Of course, not everyone would agree with you about me being honest, but I guess that's their problem. I hate being called a liar as honesty's something I feel extremely strongly about.

This is something I've been sitting on for what must be a year or so. I just couldn't finish it. Was stuck with a couple of paragraphs and didn't know where to take it. But after going back to it, I realised it should stay as a snippet and not try and develop into a piece of fiction. I love exploring emotions. It means I psycho-analyse everyone (and sometimes try to provide justification for why they behave like complete wankers, usually undeservedly lol). It's a real 'negative' in me but I can't help the way my mind works!

Anyway, ta for the words and rating. Totally flattered.

Jo x

pencilcase on 31-12-2005
King-Sized Outsiders
I like much of this and the overall effect is good. I think Kelly and Winterbottom might appreciate each other. Indeed, there are elements here which are very Winterbottom-ish. Kelly, for example, thinks of 'being picked last for games,' whilst Maurice felt 'sort of shivering in the playground as he prayed that one of the two captains would pick him for their team.'

There's somat very graphic about fags being held barely an inch from pouting mouths, etc. Like that. Also like the tits not down to there since the surgery bit!

You get across in few words a very good sense of the situation. And the penultimate (short) paragraph is in keeping with that. But I don't think the concluding sentence does justice to the piece. To my mind, it would be better to have a concluding paragraph of 2 or 3 sentences that put across that whichever side of the fence you're on then the grass looks greener in a more subtle way, and in a way which utilises the actions/feelings/behaviour/appearance/end of night farewells to suggest rather than simply say 'I wish I were you (we both say).' To me, you've painted the picture very well without being didactic/scientific up to that point. It's a short piece of well-expressed insight that deserves to be rounded off with a better ending. That's my view! What you want to express could be done in a way which leaves the reader to form his/her own conclusion (which would almost surely be the conclusion you want to arrive at) rather than being 'told' and I think that would be a more effective ending.

I think this is a good offering, and the title is very good too. Well done, if you don't mind my saying so.

Steve







Author's Reply:
Hi Steve

Any comments, good or bad are always very welcome! I don't always listen, but then I'm a girlie so that's my prerogative ๐Ÿ˜‰

I think you're right... perhaps we ought to pair up Kelly and Winterbottom ๐Ÿ˜‰ A few similar lines and probably similar characters. A lot of this I've sat on for a year or so. I'm still not happy with the ending either but was desperate to 'get rid' and sub it. It definitely didn't want turning into a story and I really struggled with where/how to end it.

I seem to favour the 'killer last line/two lines' when I write anything. Most of my stuff seems to go that way and a lot of it brings about 'opinions'. I expect it's just the cynical part of me digging knives in.

Yes, you're probably right. I should perhaps be more subtle. I do think this will change. I don't change much, but this probably will be edited. Let's sit down with a cousin of yours (a pencil, I mean) and go through it.

Why the fk are birds tweeting outside at half 3? Don't they have homes to go to?! Arghhhh. Catapult, anyone?

Anyway, night night, pencily person.

Speak soon.

Hazy xx

red-dragon on 31-12-2005
King-Sized Outsiders
Hi Hazy,

You drew me in very well, because it's a scene with which I can readily identify.The need to be seen to be having 'fun' comes across well, though I do echo Steve's comment about the ending. You could have her coming back and seeing the light on in a friend's house, knowing there's a new born baby - well just a suggestion!! Ann

Author's Reply:
Thanks for the comment, Ann.

I love that ending and will probably use it if that's okay. I agree it needs to be more 'subtle'. I very nearly posted it as it was and asked for help lol. It's been bugging me forever, this one. I'm gonna go back and fiddle when I get a chance.

Happy 2006.

Cheers.

Hazy x

Ginger on 31-12-2005
King-Sized Outsiders
Hazy, What a great piece. I am the type to have lots of acquaintances but very few friends. I don't do large gatherings well, and solved it in my younger days by clutching bottomless pints and smoking like a chimney. Now I have a family, don't smoke and rarely drink. Am I boring? Probably. Do I have to face emotionally empty group gatherings? No! (Thank God)
Happy New Year to you, Lisa

Author's Reply:
And I'd love to swap with you, Lisa ๐Ÿ˜‰ You're lucky, definitely not boring!

Thanks for that and the slice of your life/memories. If I do have to do large gatherings, I take a deep breath and can be confident, but that's more 'mingling'. When there's a crowd of people standing round in circle, my voice is rarely heard. I hate competing for the limelight.

Take care. Happy New Year to you too. Now, I really must go get ready cos I'm running late lol.

Hazy x

tai on 01-01-2006
King-Sized Outsiders
Great soul emerging work hazy. I am the same in a crowd, I often feel lost and alone, although, I tend to draw them, in some ways, I am the loneliest of them all. I love that last line. It is never greener on the other side. 10 from Tai, looking forward to love and peace and prosperity in the New Year, wishing you the same.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for the comment and rating, Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

I did have a feeling that most people would identify with this one.

I'm sure everyone has their off days and want to be alone but have to slap a smile on their face and mix or mingle. I am very chatty with my friends, but not with strangers. I tend to stay very close to one or two people who I know or feel comfortable with (where possible). Considering I pour my heart out all over the internet, I'm sure there are some that find it hard to believe or understand!

Anyway, take care and hope you have a really happy 2006!!

Hazy x

HelenRussell on 08-01-2006
King-Sized Outsiders
I started to read the comments on this before posting my own, but didn't want to be put off for fear of reptition.
I am so suprised on the one hand, I always imagined you to be an extremely confident person, yet on the other I have learnt that you (as all of us on here at times) can be quite hurt and confidence shattered by sometimes thoughtlessness.

I too have been there, the scenario could have been witten by you as a fly on my shouldermany times over. It will get better, you will find your feet, and in time you'll discover who your true friends are. I have 'come out of my shell' so to speak since separating from my husband 2 years ago, and the confidence it has given me is amazing.

I really hope you go on to have the courage to tell those who really aren't friends to 'stick it' (in the nicest way of course), and to nurture those who care for you and would not exclude you in any circumstances.

Have I ramled on enogh? I think so.
Take care Hazy. And well done on being writer of the month-well deserved.

Sarah


Author's Reply:
Many thanks for all that, Sarah.

Oooh, it's a tricky one, really. Yes, I am confident to a certain extent. It's shyness I suffer with. Blushed like mad when a bloke in Curry's waived the cost of delivery for a washing machine today lol. He said I looked 'cheeky' which is what started me off I think lol. I'm sensitive and don't like arguments, but will only be made a fool of for so long before my patience snaps.

I'm very lucky in that I have about 10 extremely close friends. Not one big group, just people I know. I'm not shy or quiet with them. It's more the occasional situations where you are with people you don't know so well. I go to a book group every month and although I do join in, I tend to blush if the spotlight's on me for too long. There are a couple of louder girls who talk loads, but I'm definitely one of the quiet ones. And when I go out from work, I'm always the quiet one. Even at the UKA do, a couple of my friends came along later, and I turned up with a UKA friend as I didn't wanna walk in on my own. So, it's not really a case of telling people to stick it, it's more a case of overcoming shyness, or getting to know people before I can be myself. I hate centre stage (believe it or not lol).

Anyway, if you rambled on, my comment went on a bloody long hike lol.

Take care.

Hazy x


Untied Heartstrings (posted on: 30-12-05)
A sad (fictional) one ๐Ÿ™ Hazy x ====================

Stretched candyfloss clouds Spell out your name The taste on my lips Reminds me again Two years since you went I'm still on my own Talking to memories At night down the phone I'm meant to feel lonely At this time of year No longer alone when In dreams, you appear Your toothbrush gets wet As it stands next to mine Eyes closed, I remember Our bodies entwined I cannot replace you My sweet summer sun Two years since you died Leaving heartstrings undone
Archived comments for Untied Heartstrings
jay12 on 30-12-2005
Untied Heartstrings
Very, very sad indeed Hazy, especially at this time of the year. One that tugs at the heart strings this! Take care,

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Ta for commenting, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah, it is a bit of a sad one isn't it!

Take care.

Hazy x

Abel on 30-12-2005
Untied Heartstrings
Miss Jo,
I'm relieved that it's fictional, but the power is real.
"Your toothbrush gets wet
As it stands next to mine
Eyes closed, I remember
Our bodies entwined...
I cannot replace you
My sweet summer sun..."

London must be lonely this time of year. Simply beautiful...

Ward


Author's Reply:
Hi Ward

Lonely? Hmm, dunno about that. But it's certainly a time when you find out who your true friends are (who make sure you're not spending Christmas, New Year, etc alone!).

It's been a crap time of year for me since 2000 (my husband left me that year). Can't say it's ever been the same since and I do get extremely down. Felt better today though... think the cloud's lifting! Feel very positive today.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Jo x

red-dragon on 30-12-2005
Untied Heartstrings
Hazy - glad that you said it's fictional, but i did like the poem. Great images, rhyme and rhythm. Hope 06 brings you much happiness. Ann

Author's Reply:
Hi Ann ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, I'm glad I mentioned it was fictional!

I'm looking forward to a good 2006 thank you, hope yours is too. Not that 2005 was bad, a lot of it was good for me!

Take care. Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Jolen on 31-12-2005
Untied Heartstrings
Oh Hazy,

A very real and sad piece of writing.. Yeah, that would be about it. Great job of bringing this feeling across on a page.
Sending happy holiday wishes your way.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Thnaks, Jolen. Real, maybe, but all fictional.

Don't often do the rhyming stuff, but it seemed to suit it. Not happy with it and would like to change a few lines, but nothing came to me...

Happy holi holidays to you too. Why am I singing Boney M now...

Hazy x

Gerry on 31-12-2005
Untied Heartstrings
Hazy sad indeed, but written with style.

Hope you have a very happy 2006.

Gerry xxx.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting, Gerry!

Hope you have a wonderful 2006, too.

Hazy xx

RoyBateman on 01-01-2006
Untied Heartstrings
I'm so glad it's fictional - reality would be trulu heartbreaking! Though this is in a relatively simpls style, it hits hard - particularly at the end. Maybe that's actually more difficult than over-writing it...but, nevertheless, a striking and moving poem.

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Roy.

Yep, wanted to keep it simple. My rhyming ones do tend to be!

Happy New Year!

Hazy x

narcissa on 01-01-2006
Untied Heartstrings
Another here who's glad it's fictional! But written so delicately and subtly. A lovely piece, very touching.
Laura x

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for the comment, Laura.

I got a few more sad and depressing ones up me sleeve lol.

Feel very perky now though. Seeing the New Year in with a smile on my face was something I so desperately needed to do!

Hope you have a great 2006 ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Sour Grapes (posted on: 19-12-05)
Go with the flow. Indulge, on occasion. Or the opportunity might never arise again... Hazy x ===========================

Tall slender bottle Of vintage red Its contents preserved in Thick olive glass Shrouded in a silvery grey veil Waiting for the perfect occasion To be unwrapped Appreciated Savoured And then spat out As decades on the shelf Had caused it to sour
Archived comments for Sour Grapes
Sunken on 19-12-2005
Sour Grapes
There's a metaphor for singledom if I ever I saw one. Top little piece young Hazy of London village fame. I have yet to meet a girl who will agree to swallow (-; Maybe I am just too sour. That was too much info wasn't it? My comment is now longer than your excellent poem, so I'll shut the fuck up. Nice one Hazy.

s
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k
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'...now she's in purple, now she's a turtle - disintergrating...'
Sorry, I have an old Siouxie and the banshees tune in my head. They don't write em like that anymore do they?

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 19-12-2005
Sour Grapes
'ello Smunky.

Yep lol. I'm in Bridget Jones mode. It's on Christmas Eve and I'm looking forward to sharing my sofa with my cat, quaffing Pinot Noir, a chocolate orange, and watching BJ (ahem!) on the telly in my jammies.

Oh, to be single at Christmas...

๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway. May your New Year be full of swallows (ahem) and wild amazon women.

I really do need that cuppa...

Hazy x
Oh, I used to love Siouxie & Co... "Dear Prudence" tra la la...

Author's Reply:

AnthonyEvans on 19-12-2005
Sour Grapes
sweet, i mean, sour. damn it, i mean smart. best wishes, anthony. ps have just been listening to a ton of siouxie stuff myself, love her punk stuff.

Author's Reply:
Ta Anthony ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased ya liked!

That Siouxie seems to be getting around a bit on the forums today. The tart.

Night night. Ta again.

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 20-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Oh, very neat - clever stuff! A brief summing-up of a life...or, at least, one summarised on a bad day. Short but sour? I'm sure there's another, more optimistic companion piece to this just waiting to burst out - at least, I hope so! If not, stuff the alcoholic comparisons and just wind some down your neck. Works for me....

Author's Reply:
I will try very hard to write another, more optimisic companion! No promises though lol. I don't do happy endings ๐Ÿ˜‰

Have half a bottle of red in front of me and brought a glass upstairs, but decided nah, too tired, too late... wondering if I'm ill now lol.

Ta for the comment, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Kat on 20-12-2005
Sour Grapes
A corking poem, Hazy! :o) And having a chocolate orange without having to share sounds good to me. ;o)

Kat x

Author's Reply:
*corking* oh yes, very good ๐Ÿ˜‰

I had a chocolate orange to myself the Saturday before last. Not had one in years but they keep putting the ads on the radio and OMG I had a such a craving, it wasn't real. How nice are they? I love it when you're left with the chocolately 'core' once you've eaten all the segments. Oh God, I need another one...

Anyway... back to the poem. Ta for commenting! Glad ya liked.

Hazy x

shackleton on 20-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Good one, Hazy - could be love, life and all that. Seasonal felicitations.

Author's Reply:
Ta for commenting, Shacks ๐Ÿ™‚

It could indeed be a lot of things. And someone mentioned the alcoholic reference. Bit of everything, me thinks. Oh, and I don't think I'm quite soured yet, in case anyone's wondering lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Merry humbugs to your good self.

Hazy x

Romany on 20-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Very clever - love the sharpness (pardon the pun) of this!

Author's Reply:
Hi, Romany ๐Ÿ™‚

Teehee. Very good ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ching-ching! TY for commenting! Glad ya liked.

Hazy x

dylan on 20-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Nice piece, young DMH.(the poem, I mean).
I would be tempted to cast the metaphor in the first person-ie.
something along the lines of-
"I wait here,
Vintage red.
Full-bodied."
Then onto
"Shrouded in a silvery grey veil
Waiting for the perfect occasion
To be unwrapped
Appreciated
Savoured "
Perhaps something re the relationship-
"While you play your days away"
and close with a slight sting-ie
"Left on the shelf,
I turn to poison"

Of course, these are only sketchy suggestions-feel free to disregard,or wet yourself laughing.
XXX,
D.


Author's Reply:
Hiya Dylan

*bats eyelashes* (sorry, natural reaction to you being around)

I really appreciate the thought you put into my little poem.

It's weird cos most of my stuff did used to be in the first person but it seems to have changed over the months. Maybe I didn't want people assuming I was writing about me personally which is why I used 'she'. Not entirely sure myself...

Some really good suggestions (I certainly liked the full-bodied line)! You mentioned a relationship, but I had her down as single. So unless I change the angle, I'm not sure about the 'while you play your days away' line.

She's sour towards men as she's been 'left on the shelf' for so bloody long...

Happens a lot with women. They get so sick of rejection and failing relationships, they give up on men and slag them off every 5 mins. I'm not quite at the 'given up' stage yet... but it would be nice to find a nice bit of beefsteak to complement that bottle of red ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ta very much for your thoughts and suggestions. Much appreciated!! I shall give it some thought.

Merry humbugs.

Hazy xx

tai on 26-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Nice poem hazy...if I was a bottle of wine, I'd rather stick to the shelf these days, much safer up there. Merry Christmas. 10 from Tai

Author's Reply:
Aye, Tai (ooh I'm a poet lol ;)). I agree... men just complicate things. I've decided I like being alone... After spending one night with my family, I realise how much I value the remote control and the fact I can eat a whole tub of Pringles, drink a bottle of wine or eat a chocolate orange for me tea with nobody to tell me off (no, I'm not joking lol).

Take care Taister girl. Merry humbugs.

Hazy x

Poet on 27-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Nice job with this one. Better to take that puppy down from the shelf and have yourself a pull now and then...we suffer...we're human. But not necessarily does the former cause a regret of the latter.

I see the idea of the shelf affecting the integrity of the contents but, hey, we're a lot more complex than a bottle of liquid. Besides I am getting ready to tie the knot for the (count 'em) third time but only because I grabbed life with both hands and held on. ๐Ÿ™‚

Bests and happy holidays,
Poet
(gary)

Author's Reply:
Hi Gary

Oi, leave the puppies out of this :-p

Tying the knot for the third time? Blimey! Well done!

Don't worry, I've not quite let go with both hands yet... still hanging on tight with one...

Merry humbugs n all that!

Hazy x

jay12 on 27-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Does wine go off? I never realised, although it never has chance in my house ๐Ÿ˜‰

Nice poem, you piss head!

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Hi Jayster

Yep! Most 'normal' bottles should be drunk within a year. Some of the 'good stuff' can be kept for donkeys' years. I did have some free stuff from spending a certain amount in French duty free once which I kept for a few years. Foul stuff, but I decided to open it one night last year when I was desperate. Eww eww eww. It had turned to vinegar. Absolutely gross.

btw, why do the words pot, kettle and black spring to mind lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Merry humbugs, Jay. Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

bektron on 27-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Hi Hazy, seasons greetings and all :^) I just wanted to say how much I liked the line about the 'olive glass' lovely observation, that has made me come back to this poem,a few times- if I was being pernickety I'd say maybe try and work on longer lines for impact rather than having the one word lines,which tend to detract from a poem for me, but this one works very well as it is, an effective poem.

have fiddled- not to piss u off but because I'm bored-

A tall slender bottle, vintage red
contents preserved in thick olive glass
shrouded in silvery grey, as if waiting
for that perfect occasion, waiting to be
unwrapped, appreciated, savoured
and finally spat out- all those decades
on the shelf having caused it to sour.

bx

Author's Reply:
Hiya

Yep, merry humbugs to you and yours too!

Don't worry, I'm well flattered when people take the time to rework a poem or give their opinions. I tend to go through phases with line lengths. I seem to be in a 'short line phase' at the moment that I'm finding it hard to get out of.

Do I prefer yours? Yep, I think maybe I do. The 'thick olive glass' were my favourite words so ta for that. I wrote it looking at a bottle of red and wanted to find an original way of describing it rather than 'bottle of red' or 'thick glass' or whatever. Olive summed it up perfectly and it kinda makes you think of drinks, too. Actually, I hate olives, but they do seem to appear on tables when wine bottles are around so I quite liked using the word when talking about wine. God, I'm waffling. I'm really bored, too lol. I wanted to lose the 'veil' word and ummed and ahhed for ages. I meant for it to be the dust, but not sure it comes across. I prefer your last line too. I fiddled with that one loads too and couldn't seem to get the tense to sound right.

I probably won't change it, cos it'd be yours not mine, but I'll bear those line lengths in mind and have a go at something for next week. My next one's a rhyming one (which I don't particularly like) but it just seemed to flow that way so I won't be able to fiddle with it. But the one after that, I'll play with the lines a bit more. I prefer longer lines, I think. Oh, I dunno... maybe it's just a phase lol.

Ta for the comment, Beks. Much appreciated.

Take care. Happy New Year and all that malarkey.

Hazy x

pencilcase on 27-12-2005
Sour Grapes
I remember reading some years ago that 'sour grapes' comes from Aesop's Fables. An animal, (a dog, I think) has his eye on some nice juicy grapes. Cor! Look at those lovely juicy grapes, he thinks - I wouldn't mind 'avin summa that! But the grapes are too high to reach easily, so he tries to get at them one way or another, only to spend ages failing to achieve his grapey-goal. In the end, he skulks off, thinking oh well, I bet they were sour anyway.

Hence the expression 'too many cooks spoil the broth'. Er, I mean 'sour grapes'.

So the grapes were probably not sour at all. It's a mechanism for coping with failure. How 'too many cooks spoil the broth' reconciles with 'many hands make light work' is beyond me, but that's not really the point, I suppose.

Moving on from the title, I see your poem is about a bottle of wine. That's a real concidence: did you know that wine is made from grapes? Certain varieties may be laid down for many years and actually improve with age, whilst others don't really have much of a shelf life at all.

I found this poem quite refreshing at first, with a hint of fruit. Shame about that bitter aftertaste!

Succinct, clear expression, hinging I think, on 'Waiting for the perfect occasion'.

pinot-case

Author's Reply:
TY for your little fable, Pencily person.

This is how it would go if it were about me:

A strange hazy creature has her eye on some nice juicy grapes. Cor! Look at those lovely juicy grapes, she thinks - I wouldn't mind 'avin summa that! But the grapes are too high to reach easily, so she tries to get at them one way or another, breaks several limbs, the weather turns and the heavens open, she's drenched, contracting pneumonia, but on she goes, desperate for grapes. Eventually, hurrah, she reaches them only to find they're sour. Oh well, might as well eat them anyway, but one gets stuck in her throat and she chokes to death.

Hmm. Cynical? Moi? Surely not *rolls eyes*

Ta for the comment.

Hazy Humbug x

Abel on 28-12-2005
Sour Grapes
Your work always has that fascinating edge, Jo. And the ending, call me romantic, came as a surprise. That's what our work is supposed to do. Fine poem.

Ward

Author's Reply:
I think the word you're looking for is 'cynical' rather than 'fascinating' ๐Ÿ˜‰

I used to be 'romantic' but I think it's all been knocked out of me if I'm honest.

Cheers for the comment, Ward.

Take care. Happy New Year.

Hazy x

Jolen on 02-01-2006
Sour Grapes
Hi Hazy,
I've read this a few times and I like the acerbic edge that you voice here in the wording and images.

Always a pleasure to read your fine work.
Happy New year,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much for the comment and rating, Jolen! So pleased you liked it ๐Ÿ™‚

Yeah, it definitely has those 'hazy' trademarks of cynicism in those final 2 lines. I seem to do that a lot lol. As I say on my homepage 'sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train' ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hey, at least nobody died in this one!

Ta again. And a very happy New Year to you too!

Hazy x


Full-Creamed Memories (posted on: 05-12-05)
A little poem ๐Ÿ™‚ Hazy x ============================

Dented silver milk bottle tops Threaded alongside cola bottle caps Random glints of gold from Decadent creamy, dreamy Sundays Hazelnuts piled high in faux-crystal fruitbowls Dramatically framed by red velour curtains Spangles sucked, Buckaroo bucked Things certainly ain't what they used to be
Archived comments for Full-Creamed Memories
Jen_Christabel on 05-12-2005
Full-Creamed Memories
I love your reminscent poems Hazy, they never fail to make me smile :o)
I sucked those Spangles, and no things aint wot the used to be!
Nicely done; good descriptions and vivid.
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 06-12-2005
Full-Creamed Memories
Hi Jen

I was trying to get 'Christmas' across without mentioning the word.

I should have added another stanza...but it was bugging me and I couldn't think of more to add to it. It's not one I'm particularly happy with and should have sat on it a bit longer.

I also wanted the 'gold tops' from the milk bottles to come across but I'm not sure they have. They kinda indicated the 'decadent, creamy, dreamy Sundays'. Full fat milk on the weekend n all that... threaded alongside the silver ones.

Ah. Anyway. I'll just have another swig of me wine and ponder over this one some more...

Ta for your comments. I think this one has potential but needs more...

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

flossieBee on 06-12-2005
Full-Creamed Memories
The silver milk bottle tops are enough to take me back.
I love the imagery in this poem



Author's Reply:
Ta flossie ๐Ÿ™‚

I was a bit iffy about this one and sat on it for a few weeks so it's good to get a few positive comments.

Pleased you liked the imagery ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

littleditty on 07-12-2005
Full-Creamed Memories
hazy - you did! its the ghost of christmas past for sure -a fleshy warm full fat ghost though - 'nother stanza? for why? Tis done - promise i got that without reading comments - another stanza would perhaps make it broody - as is -its a perfect little piece of nostalgia...ahhhhhh.....xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:
Hi LD ๐Ÿ™‚



You reckon it doesn't need another one? I can't think of another one so that'll be easy enough lol. It just looked a little bit small and lonely. Awww.



I'll see if anyone else thinks it needs a bit more... I seem to be of the impression that more is less lately. Everything seems to have got smaller! (hmmm lol)



Hazy x

PS. Ta for the comment!

HelenRussell on 09-12-2005
Full-Creamed Memories
Don't worry Hazy, I picked up on the gold tops straight away, and as for the spangles- well who could forget them
Bring back Spangles I say!
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Hi Sarah ๐Ÿ™‚

They did bring them back for a while a few years ago!! Might have been for the Millennium or somat. Oh, what a disappointment lol. Just boring boiled sweets. I have vivid recollections of sucking on blackcurrant Spangles at Christmas! I think maybe they're just symbolic of Christmas which is why we all remember them so fondly, rather than because they were nice.

Glad you picked up the gold top reference ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for commenting!

Have a nice weekend.

Hazy x

Lare on 12-12-2005
Full-Creamed Memories
Hi Hazy...I like this a lot. Nice imagery...swirling lots of memories into the mix...no matter what side of the pond you live...very well done...

Just me, Lare

Author's Reply:
TY for the comment, Lare ๐Ÿ™‚ Appreciated.

It's quite a colourful poem this, I think. I might try using it a bit more in my poems, I quite like them vivid.

Anyway, ta. Glad you liked.

Hazy x

jay12 on 13-12-2005
Full-Creamed Memories
This is a lovely poem but you are showing your age now, grandma!!!

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Oi, little boy. Don't think you're too old to go face down over my knee!! Ahem!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Actually, I never did any any of it. But I've heard of people using milk bottle tops for decorations lol. And I really feckin' hate hazlenuts. The red velvety curtains did exist, as did the faux crystal bowls. Actually, I think my mum still uses them. Or maybe they're 'real' now. I expect they are lol. Funny how things like that get 'upgraded'. Hmmm, idea for a poem...

Ta for the comment. You youngsters of today, I don't know *rolls eyes*

Hazy x


Nine Forty (posted on: 02-12-05)
Not sure if this is too strange... should it be longer? Should I approach it differently? It's been in my head for a while and this is how it's come out. Don't want to add too much detail... want to make people think... Advice or opinions welcome. Hazy x ============================

The kids were playing up. Monday morning. Eight thirty flashed at me from the digital clock. A neon sign illuminating my inadequacies as we battled over the bathroom, breakfast and socks.

 

At nine forty, every morning, I'd remember.

 

"Just get in the fucking car!"

 

They knew they'd wound me up. Stuck pins in until they found one that made me lash out. They hadn't meant to reach that stage; their red cheeks revealed their horror at my use of the 'f' word. But neither would buckle in front of the other, so they laughed instead.

 

I smacked the eldest. Hard. On her left arse cheek. "Car. Now!"

 

Her face would be unrecognisable after one vicious upward blow to her chin.

 

The two of them were singing. Some bloody irritating song from their forthcoming school play. The youngest did the actions which involved lots of hand-clapping and feet-stamping. But we were late, so I yelled.

 

She would die first. Before her sister. He strangled her. During the time that he fucked me. Stopped for about thirty seconds to shut her up after she'd pleaded for the toilet, then clambered back on. Cock still hard.

 

"Mummy, I've got a tummy ache."

 

I rolled my eyes and floored the accelerator. "Nothing to do with that Science test this afternoon, then?"

 

If only she had been ill. Puked there and then in the car. All the 'what ifs' that went through my head afterwards… I wonder if, as I'd been clearing the vomit off the crevices in the back seat, I'd have thought things happen for a reason… I'd probably have just cursed.

 

Eight fifty-five. A couple of roads away from the school. Fucking school runs. Blocked roads, double parking, nowhere to stop.

 

He licked his lips. Patient as a cat.

 

Less than five minutes later, he was beside me in the passenger seat. It was something I'd considered before; in my worst nightmares, perhaps. Always locked my doors at night when travelling home alone.

 

"Drive."

 

The girls were silent as they watched. Their confused faces are still in my head. Half an hour before, they'd been so cocky. So full of life…

 

Words evaded them. They remained calm; didn't panic. Did as they were told. I was proud of my girls. Looking back, I wish they'd been more rebellious; insolent maybe. But they just looked at me for instructions. Perhaps I should have been less compliant…  

 

Nine forty. My worst time of day. Although every minute's my worst time of day now...

 

He sits and waits three roads from the school. Not long now…

 
Archived comments for Nine Forty


blackdove on 02-12-2005
Nine Forty
Hi Hazy,
I was looking for some prose - seems to be 90% poetry in this posting. I went for yours.
Yes it is a bit different.
I did one a couple of weeks ago with two stories going on at the same time, Under One Sun.
It had two different stories with two time sets, interconnecting.
I think your's works better than mine because it's actually the same story only told at different stages through the regret and hindsight.
I felt it might have gone on a little longer. Yet it's quite tricky to get that balance right - under and over telling.
Of course under-telling is better but it's knowing just where to jump off after setting the clues.
I think the suspend is great.
I also enjoyed the layer of not making the family out as angels to begin with, this is grittier.
I also like the way you have retold it through the veil of guilt felt by the mother.
Yes, that works well, it leaves you wanting to know more.
I might suggest it could carry being a bit longer, where usually with stories I would suggest telling less. Difficult call.
Good tension too, the layering of the story adds to that.
It gives it a more cinematic feel.
I can see what you are trying to do and I think it works.
Jem




Author's Reply:
Thanks very much for the comment, Jem ๐Ÿ™‚ Much appreciated.

I think I may add to it at some stage. I'm really pleased you think the layering works. I wanted the guilty feelings of the mother to come across. Y'know, snapping when they're singing and having fun, even if they are only doing it to wind her up. Normal family life, I guess!! The kind of thing, if you could turn the clock back, you'd absolutely treasure. I just wanted to make people think, really. To appreciate what they have...

I also didn't want the stories to run parallel to each other. I wanted to keep the jumpiness about it and not just have the indented sections about him or his physical actions. Wanted the consequences to be part of that.

Anyway, thanks for the detailed comment. Much appreciated and I'll give some thought to lengthening it. When I get a mo, I'll take a look at Under One Sun - I've missed loads of subs lately!

Take care.

Jo x

glennie on 02-12-2005
Nine Forty
Hi Hazy. This certainly holds the attention. I can't think of any way to improve it - it is the complete thing as it is. Of course you could make it a lot longer but it would have less impact. Glen

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for your comment and rating, Glen ๐Ÿ™‚

It's interesting... I guess it is complete as it is, although I don't think another few lines/paras would hurt... but I will take your comments on board that anything too long will lose the impact. So thanks very much for that, much appreciated.

Hazy x

RoyBateman on 02-12-2005
Nine Forty
Just to add my three penn'orth - I think, in this case, that a bit more would be advantageous, certainly to build up the tension at the beginning even more - it's very disturbing as it is, and the storyline's fine...but a longer intro might lull the unsuspecting reader into more of a false sense of security. Just a thought! Good read, if "good" is the right word here! Nightmare stuff...

Author's Reply:
Cheers for that, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚ Appreciated. Yep, I do think a weeny bit more might be what it needs. Not sure about the false sense of security though... I wanted it to wallop pretty much straight away. Maybe I need to make her feel more guilt about snapping at the good times - things she should have been storing as 'happy memories'. Sometimes real life just gets in the way though, doesn't it...

I may write it up one day as a story. Who knows... the suspense would definitely work then.

Thanks again, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Jen_Christabel on 02-12-2005
Nine Forty
oooooo disturbing, creepy and well worth a read!
Nice one Hazy old girl!
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:
Oi, birthday girl. Not so much of the old ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thanks for the comment and really pleased it hit a few right buttons with you. Not sure I've quite finished with this one yet... we'll see!

Take care.

Hazy x

thehaven on 02-12-2005
Nine Forty
Jo This is excellent and full of tension.I agree with the others aboiut extending but I see you are considering it.Take care Mike

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much for commenting, Mike. Hope all's well with you, or at least heading that way.

I do think I'll extend this one slightly at some stage and I'd also like to write it up as a story. Every time (and I really do mean every time lol) I approach my car, I worry someone's hiding on the back seat. I've been known to forget to hit the central lock button and get into my car after it's been left open all night. I always have a check round if that's the case. Sometimes I've driven off before checking the back and my heart's raced. I've been wanting to write a story about it for yonks, but this is as close as I got. Thought it would be good to add a sense of cynical realism and add kids/family into the equation.

Anyway... yes, I'll be doing more with it one way or the other ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks again.

Take care.

Jo x
PS I blame my dad for my paranoia as he's always telling me 'LOCK YOUR DOORS' when I drive off and comes out with tales of people jumping in cars at traffic lights, etc. I'm totally paranoid now!!

Eccles on 03-12-2005
Nine Forty
Wow, fantastic. Yeah I guess it could use some padding or bulking up but that's just nit picking. So here's the advice leave it as it is or add to it but there's no way you could ruin it.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for the comment and rating, Eccles. Funny how these things go... thought this one might bomb, preferred my other sub, but this one seems to have the wind behind it now!

I just tweaked a line to add that he shut her up because she was pleading for the toilet. I'd mentioned a couple of times that they'd been quiet, so didn't want to imply she was hysterical as it contradicted what I'd already said!

Anyway, flattered by your words so thank you very much!

Hazy x

Ginger on 03-12-2005
Nine Forty
Wow, really liked it, the normality of life (I have three kids) and the horror to come. I think the overlapping works brilliantly!

Author's Reply:
Hi Ginger ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, my sister has 3 kids too. 2 of them twin girls aged 6. I kinda know how 'normality' takes over sometimes!

Glad you thinked the overlapping worked well.

Ta for commenting and rating. Much appreciated.

Hazy x

niece on 04-12-2005
Nine Forty
Hi Hazy,
I read this yesterday, but this chilling tale which could be any mother's nightmare, refused to get out of my head. I did find the lines confusing initially but come to think of it. it's perfect over here...the mother's thoughts about that day will always remain like that. There are some parts in here which I will never forget, Hazy...like the part where the mother says the kids were cocky but not anymore...or the highlighted areas where the death of the kids are mentioned. I think you've done a very good job.
Regds,niece

Author's Reply:
Hi Niece

More than anything, I love the fact that this refused to get out of your head and you came back to it. I wonder how many people, since reading this, have thought before they shouted at their kids for having fun (when it was inconvenient), or have locked the doors as they got into their cars. I bloody have and that's without any kids lol.

I'm really pleased you liked it. If 'liked' is the right word! Many thanks for your comment!

Hazy x

KDR on 05-12-2005
Nine Forty
You ought to do this sort of stuff more often. IMO, it's better than some of the humourous stuff you've written by a fairly long way.
The contrast between before and after, using the overlapping technique to illustrate both instead of producing a 'straight' narrative, adds a lot of strength to the overall story - though I agree it could be a shade longer. However, it would be important not to get too carried away - what makes it work is the simplicity and impact it already holds.

K

Author's Reply:
Karl, thanks for the comment. You know I value your opinions, so thanks, it means a lot.

I MUCH prefer writing like this, only the ideas don't come thick and fast. I like to psychoanalyse people. Actually, it's a major fault of mine. I have so many dark. depressing, sad tales to tell, but I find the endings impossible. I never think of myself as writing 'funnies', but that does seem to be what I've written 50% of the time and I seem to have that label stuck on me. I have absolutely no idea how... the funnies just flow, I guess. My funnies have all been written in one sitting (Santa Baby; Cecil; Unarmed...). My deep and meaningfuls don't. Except this one. This one was very much 'wham bam'. Written out and subbed straight away. I knew exactly where it was going.

I'm pleased you like the overlapping. I didn't want it be too specific on the timelines and wanted it to jump around a bit. I thought people might find it too weird or confusing, but it seems to have worked.

Now the mag's finished (until the next one lol) I'm gonna try and get some more prose written/finished.

Ta again.

Take care.

Jo x

AnthonyEvans on 05-12-2005
Nine Forty
powerful stuff, hazy. best wishes, anthony.

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much for the comment, Anthony ๐Ÿ™‚

I presume you were talking about my sub and not your aftershave *flutters eyelashes*

Take care. Lock your doors!!

Hazy x

wirlong on 12-01-2006
Nine Forty
Er, I felt sick reading this. I'm sure I was supposed to. I would like to have seen what happened next. Very well written.

Author's Reply:
Hi wirlong, nice to meet you ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta very much for commenting.

Yep, it kinda makes me feel sick too! I skim over some of it when I'm re-reading as it makes me feel a 'bit funny'. I keep wanting to take bits out 'cos I find them disturbing, but I won't. I'm even worse than usual about checking my back seat when I get in now and locking all my doors when I'm driving lol.

I might still expand on it, I'm not sure.

Thanks again!

Hazy x

JuanSanchez on 18-01-2006
Nine Forty
Ooh, it definitely made me think. The inter-twining story lines worked well for me and it certainly sent a shiver up my spine. Tingly. ๐Ÿ™‚ Very well written. Mark x

Author's Reply:
Tingly, eh? Sounds positive to me :-p

Well, I'm glad you thought it worked. Was something new for me, really. Might try something similar when I get a chance!

Anyway, ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Cranky Ol' Carter (posted on: 02-12-05)
Started off as some sort of story writing challenge ages ago. Reworked it into a (kinda) poem. Been sitting on this one for yonks... (+ audio, but it's somewhat crackly, so apologies!) Hazy x ===========================

I'm a dead man Well, not yet, but I soon will be How do I know I'm a dead man? Well, that'll be the thirty-odd pills I just swallowed A cry for help by most people But I'm not most people Nobody's coming to save me in my final hour Nobody drops in on me unannounced Nobody. That just about sums it up How long before my body's discovered Slumped in a tapestry covered armchair With indentations of elbows and arse And a wide patch of neck grime at the top Harbouring even more dead skin cells Now that my body's here for the count A wedge of sunlight sneaks in Through part-drawn brown velour curtains Dust particles illuminated As they spin like cola bubbles Cranky Ol' Carter Cranky dead Ol' Carter Only not so cranky now
Archived comments for Cranky Ol' Carter
Lare on 18-12-2005
Cranky Ol Carter
Whoa...I guess Carter had drawn up his summation in total finality. Hi Hazy...you give us a pretty darned close up of a situation in desperation. I really like how you move from the first person to the second person narrative...it was absolutely seamless...this is very good....

Just me, Lare

Author's Reply:
Cheers for commenting, Lare ๐Ÿ™‚

Oh, I have this awful habit of killing everyone off. Not in real life, you understand :-O

Glad you liked the first/second person narrative. It just seemed to suit the piece!

Take care.

Hazy x

discopants on 08-01-2006
Cranky Ol Carter
I had a look at this one particularly because it hadn't had too many comments. I like it- it's another one of your pieces that deals with a social isolation although others, such as 'King Sized Outsiders' and 'In with the In Crowd' deal with people trying to fit in with the 'norm'. This guy has gone past that- he's given up completely and it's pretty bleak in that we know that no-one coming to save him- maybe no-one will notice that he's gone, in the same way that you note elsewhere that a big group don't even notice when you've left the pub if you're struggling to fit in. Maybe this is the logical, if extreme, extension to that.

I think it could be more powerful if it was trimmed down a touch- for instance, I'm not sure we need the 'A wedge of sunlight' stanza at all. Give it another look- there's more to come from this one!

Author's Reply:
'ello D.I.S.C.O. ๐Ÿ™‚

TY for your insightful comment. I totally agree with all you said!

I don't think it's anything I've not done before in various guises. My 'Cecil who?' story was very similar to where this one was going, but with humour. I know exactly why it needs a good chop and that's because it started life as prose. I had several paragraphs but couldn't finish it. Sat on the bloody thing for months, kept opening the doc, reading lines to myself, tapping my feet incessantly, then closing the doc again. Hmmm. Got several docs like that now lol. Anyway, I had enough of this one and reworked it into a poem. Only now it needs a good haircut rather than a trim. Actually, I'm not even sure I think it works as a poem at all. The only reason I subbed it with the wedge of sunlight lines is 'cos I really liked the dust particles spinning like cola bubbles line. In fact, that's the only reason I kept the bloody thing in the first place lol. I should have just used the line elsewhere, me thinks.

Anyway, ta for commenting. I do still want to do something with this character but probably not for a while. And it'll probably be prose!

Take care. Happy January and all that ๐Ÿ˜€

Hazy x


Snapshot Smiles (posted on: 11-11-05)
Maybe the camera does lie... Hazy x ====================

Snapshot smiles Belying memories Fancy-dressed emotions Veiled by wide cheesy grins A hollow shell, with Whispers of the sea Ice-creams and band-aids To 'make it all better' Sandwiched between Mulberry paper pages And delicate transparent sheets The photos, still opaque Tempted to spit on each page Rip its spine apart Catalogued lies, almost Indignant in their denial Every wrinkle, analysed Frown or laughter lines… Eyes, scrutinised Questions remain futile Liquefied ground Means sailing solo Floating in a leaky boat Careful not to drown
Archived comments for Snapshot Smiles
Jen_Christabel on 11-11-2005
Snapshot Smiles
I thought I would foray into my old genre of poetry for this week's reading!
I loved this Hazy. It reminded me of my old album and the secrets and lies that were hidden in that!
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Good to see you taking a wander through poetry, Jennifer! I've not written much lately. Well, at least I've not posted much. This one's been itching to get out of me for months but I've only just finished it. Was hard not to personalise this one and use 'me/my/your/our', etc. I wanted to leave it slightly ambiguous, I guess.

I'm sure many smiles on the call of 'say cheese' are masking other emotions or inner turmoil.

Anyway, TY very much for the hot read thingy and for leaving a comment. Much appreciated.

Hazy x

Abel on 11-11-2005
Snapshot Smiles
Wow...so much in this one, Jo. These lines stand out to me:
"A hollow shell, with
Whispers of the sea" not just a sea shell I presume, and...
"Tempted to spit on each page
Rip its spine apart " power, anger? and...
"Liquefied ground
Means sailing solo
Floating in a leaky boat
Careful not to drown" Fantastic ending!
Well done, my London poetess!

Best,

Ward






Author's Reply:
Totally flattered, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚ TY for your words and rating.

Nah, nothing to do with a sea shell actually. Well spotted. It's 'someone' whispering about going to the seaside/holiday, but he's just hiding how he really feels. His body's the hollow shell.

Rip its spine apart - indicating the person was spineless and wanting to make it represent him more.

I've added meanings to it really but tbh, it's how I see my wedding. My husband started an affair 3 days before our wedding. I'd love to be able to look back and at least enjoy the day or even the honeymoon, but I just see lies in his eyes in any photos from around that time.

Anyway, TY very much for your comment. Appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy Jo xx

Gerry on 11-11-2005
Snapshot Smiles
Hazy, I am reading this after your explanation, so I understand the poem perfectly. You captured it well and have maintained your cool admirably. I am sorry to hear of your experience. Hope all goes well pour vous...

Gerry xxx.

Author's Reply:
Hi Gerry

TY for your comment ๐Ÿ™‚

The poem was just kind of an elaboration on my feelings. It's meant to be more general really, not purely just about my experiences. I'm sure a lot of ppl can relate to it. You think someone's happy, in love, remorseful or whatever, but then you find out that's not the case at all. I have photos of me with an ex on holiday and when a bf saw them at a later date, he was saying how my eyes were so sad and my smile wasn't real. The photos of my ex hubby at our wedding showed sad eyes. It's really not very easy to tell though until after the event. You look at these happy, smiling pictures and hold them close remembering the good times. But more often than not, the good times are complete bollox. Hmmm. I'm far too bloody cynical, I really am. I just try and enjoy the moment these days without planning. Once you start looking forward, everything goes tits up!

Hazy x

jay12 on 12-11-2005
Snapshot Smiles
IMO The camera never lies. The beauty of photography is a moment is captured forever. At the time a picture is taken you can be with someone special and look happy together but later the relationship changes.

The picture never lies about the moment, but maybe the people in it do!!

Nice poem.

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Ta for the comment, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

I guess we just see what we want to see in photos, eh? Have you never had your picture taken with someone when they're all smiles and the relationship's already changed before you've realised? Perhaps they're going through some sort of inner turmoil or maybe they're shagging your best mate?! Some smiles are fake. Not all photos show lying/sad/guilty eyes. I think the camera can reinforce a lie rather than actually lie, I suppose.

Anyway, TY ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Kat on 12-11-2005
Snapshot Smiles
Hi Hazy

Really enjoyed this, especially stanza 4 and that super finishing one. Great work!

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Many thanks, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

They were the two stanzas I was iffy about, so TY!! I wasn't sure if they were 'clear' at all but people do seem to be getting them and liking.

Ta again.

Hazy x

Ionicus on 12-11-2005
Snapshot Smiles
Very good work, Hazy, and so true. Marvellous lines which express beautifully the desperation caused by betrayal.
I particularly like: "A hollow shell, with
Whispers of the sea
Ice-creams and band-aids
To 'make it all better' "
Truly deserving of the 'nib'.
Kind regards, Luigi.

Author's Reply:
TY for your kind words, Luigi ๐Ÿ™‚

Yes, it is about betrayal but it's also about that sick feeling when you realise someone wasn't feeling how you thought they were feeling (not just talking affairs, I mean generally, too). To be honest, I think that's actually worse. Everything feels like a complete sham.

Take care and ta again!

Hazy x

Dargo77 on 13-11-2005
Snapshot Smiles
Hazy, I sincerely hope the ice-cream and band-aids work. This left me feeling as if I wanted to give you 'a big hug.' What a great poem.
Best regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
TY for the comment and the rating, Dargo ๐Ÿ™‚

"Ice cream" and "band aids" are maybe given at the time to keep people sweet/protected. In this case, sweetness turns bitter. If only things weren't so sugar coated, we might learn to appreciate the taste of all things bitter. And we all know that band-aids wash off when wet...

Erm, am I making any sense? lol.

Take care and TY again.

Hazy x

flossieBee on 14-11-2005
Snapshot Smiles
I'm so aware of the way that photos present such a blinkered view of the reality of a situation.
Your poem captures this amazingly

FlossieBee

Author's Reply:
Hi FlossieBee ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for leaving a comment on my poem!

Yep, they do present a blinkered reality of a situation, don't they. Your words have shoved this image into my head now of a family posing for one of those studio photos. Dad's probably shagging his secretary, mum's probably hiding vodka bottles in the washing machine, the son's shooting up and the daughter's wearing a loose top to hide her 4 month pregnancy bulge...

"SMILE FOR THE CAMERA, PLEASE" ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

Hmmm. I really am far too cynical for my own good lol.

Ta again for the comment and for taking my thoughts to another depth ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Sundays, I'm In Love (posted on: 17-10-05)
The kind of Sundays I adore ๐Ÿ™‚ Hazy x ==================

Easy-listening afternoon On battery operated radio Gentle fizz, in stereo: Tinny music Alongside G & T bubbles Sloppy clothes And skin exposed Oversized shirt Unbuttoned low Pigtailed hair Scooped back; unbrushed Freckled nose Naked of make-up Legs entwined On oversized sofa Occasional kisses No plans, no wishes Go with the flow On this easy-listening Sunday afternoon
Archived comments for Sundays, I'm In Love
red-dragon on 17-10-2005
Sundays, I
Ah, you've painted my ideal Sunday, too! Ann

Author's Reply:
Heavenly, isn't it. Nice lazy day, all cosy with someone special.

Ta for the comment, Ann ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x
PS Emailed you on 30 Sept about your Christmas poem for Gold Dust mag with some questions. Not sure if you got it? (you can mail me at hazyjo@gmail.com - I'll resend it if needbe!). Ta x

Gerry on 17-10-2005
Sundays, I
Hazy-that's the way to do it ๐Ÿ˜‰

Gerry xxx.

Author's Reply:
Gerry... didn't know you were a part-time Punch 'n' Judy man ๐Ÿ˜‰

Mondays on the other hand are about as bad as they get ๐Ÿ™

Cheers for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Abel on 17-10-2005
Sundays, I
My kind of day, lady. Wonderfully conveyed in this little gem. Sounds like a great memory... ๐Ÿ˜‰

Best,

Ward

Author's Reply:
I'm still waiting to meet the man I can share this memory with, Ward!!

I just have a good imagination :p

Well... s'pose a few lines have been 'actioned' but you need to be in love, really (which I'm not at the moment :p) )

TY for the comment and the rating ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Apolloneia on 18-10-2005
Sundays, I
This was one of the poems that touched me yesterday. It's good, and sometimes not being 'passionately' in love dear Hazy makes one a better poet or something -- generally speaking of course. I hope you see what I mean. The lines are fine. There is energy. And a lot of focusing. Cheers. Nic x.

Author's Reply:
Hi Nic ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks for the comment and the rating.

I can't ever imagine being passionately in love! Passionate AND in love, but I'm sure I'm too cynical and grounded to fall head over heels with anyone ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, TY again. Some positive comments there.

Take care.

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 19-10-2005
Sundays, I
Wonderful image and piece my lazy Hazy!

Thing is I like chilling everyday of the week.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Hi Si ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, lazy indeed!!

I wish I could chill like that every day of the week. Need to find myself a rich blokie to keep me in the life of which I would like to become accustomed ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for commenting and rating ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Bradene on 19-10-2005
Sundays, I
Mmm, nice Hazybelle.. chance would be a fine thing eh? I love it. Val x

Author's Reply:
TY for the rating and for commenting, Val ๐Ÿ™‚

God, I'd kill to be there right now. At home, some sexy bloke by my side... mmm mmm. Unfortunately, it'll be a night in front of the telly with me cat *rolls eyes*

Ah well, a girl can dream, huh ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care. Hope all's well with you and yours.

Hazybelle x

tai on 19-10-2005
Sundays, I
Hi hazy, I bet this one just poured onto the page didn't it?lol I love the weekends too but sunday has something so special about it. I like your poetic voice.

Smiling in a dreamy sort of way.

9 from me

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:
Hi Tai ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for rating and commenting!

Once I knew where I wanted it to go, it flowed. But I sat on those first two lines for bloody months I tell ya. I often do that... lines fall into my head and I save them. I go back to them a lot and wait for divine intervention ๐Ÿ˜‰ Then it just took lots of tweaking ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, ty. Stop that smirking, you're making us all jealous ๐Ÿ˜‰ (ps I lie... saw me toyboy last weekend :p)

Take care.

Hazy x

jay12 on 19-10-2005
Sundays, I
Sounds like every Sunday to me ๐Ÿ˜‰

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Oooh, aren't you the lucky one ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers for the comment, Jayster ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Sunken on 20-10-2005
Sundays, I
Ya know, I only recently realised that Sunday was considered to be the first day of the week? I always thought Monday was the first day. My weeks seem to fly by so much faster now, as in my munky brain I have allocated Monday a number 2 as opposed to its previously allocated number - 1. Hazy, I know what I'm on about, even if you don't. Sunday is now my favourite day of the week. You paint a lovely picture Missy H, tell me - do you favor water or oil based painting products?
Thanks.

s
u
n
k
e
n

just ignore him and he'll go away - alternatively phone your local council and report him for being a constant nuisance

Author's Reply:
Oooh, I don't like thinking about Sunday being the first day of the week. It makes it feel like 'the new Monday'. That would mean we only get one day at the weekend and 6 weekdays :'(

Have to say, I much prefer oil based painting products ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope all's well with you, Smunky. Thank you for commenting! I'll try and get back into commenting myself - sorry I've not been adding much to yours. Will sort you out soon :-p

Hazy x

pencilcase on 22-10-2005
Sundays, I
Right, young Hazy...I like this poem. I think it has a great feel to it. I think I mentioned i wanted to give this a real think. it's your poem, and it's good, but i liked the atmosphere of it so much that I've come up with an alternative version. Allow me this, if you will...I wouldn't have bothered if I didn't feel your poem had a good atmosphere.

Well, here's my 'pencilcased' version! You can dismiss it, of course, or you might consider adopting somat therein. Anyway, here it is (thanks to you):

Easy-listening afternoon
Washed by background radio
With G & T,
In sloppy clothes
And gentle fizz, of stereo:
Tinny music;
Skin exposed;
Baggy shirt
Unbuttoned low.

So I scoop
My pigtailed hair,
knowing itโ€™s unbrushed:
donโ€™t care!
My freckled nose
is nice enough,
no need for make-up:
thatโ€™s the stuff!
Our undemanding legs entwine
On the sofa,
Where we find
We need no plans,
just hugs and kisses,
knowing that the moment this is
timeless, late,
and yet, so soon;
this easy Sunday
afternoon.


Well, I have given some thought to your nicely creative idea.

Best wishes and hope you have a lovely Sunday!

pencil



Author's Reply:
Oooh, TY for the long detailed comment, pencily person ๐Ÿ™‚

I like it when people do alternative versions because you can see which bits stood out for them (ahem!) and how they interpreted your words. I really like your version... would have liked to see reference to the fizz of G&T bubbles too though as well as the radio. That's what sparked the poem off, hearing that fizz (not *actually* of G&T, but it brought back memories of sitting in a friend's brothers kitchen, him slicing lemons, sitting round a huge wooden table, getting slowly sloshed). That was my 'in stereo' bit (hence the colon after it) - the fizz of the bubbles AND the fizzy music.

The shirt was 'his' shirt, that's why the 'oversized' rather than 'baggy' word would have to remain... not sure who 'he' is, he's kinda ficticious, but there you go (sob, sob) ๐Ÿ˜‰

I like the way you've introduced rhyme. You're so good at that... I have tried a few before, but have come to the conclusion I like using the odd couple of rhyming lines in a poem, but not many. Anyway, it's somat you're obviously good at...

I do like the way you finished it. The last 7 lines work particularly well, IMO.

Anyway, thanks for your thoughts and your poem. Very good ๐Ÿ™‚

My Sunday was spent playing at being Mrs Mop. Okay, so the mop never actually came out, but I did hoover the house, did a couple of clothes washes, did a bit of drilling for wardrobe handles and finally put the doors on my 2nd triple wardrobe.

Hmm... not such a nice Sunday as my poem depicted lol. But I guess that's real life for ya!

Take care.

Hazy x

HelenRussell on 22-10-2005
Sundays, I
One of my favourite pieces of yours Hazy. Haven't been reading much of anyone's lately, but should be back on form again soon.
Loved the cozy, lazy, warm feeling- really looking forward to tomorrow now LOL
Helen

Author's Reply:
Hi Helen! Good to see you. You been trekking yet?

Glad you liked the poem, thanks very much for the hot story thingy ๐Ÿ™‚ Flattered!

I've not been reading much of anyone's lately either, but am hoping to get stuck into them all today! Right... back to it lol.

Thanks again.

Hazy x

pencilcase on 23-10-2005
Sundays, I
Hi! I didn't like 'my' ending to this. Here's an alternative...

We need no plans,
just hugs and kisses,
knowing that the moment this is
what weโ€™ve wished for
all week long
and what our hearts are set upon.
Timeless, yes,
but gone so soon,
this easy Sunday
afternoon.

Right! I'll leave you alone and try to think about writing somat of my own!

Best wishes,

pencil-person


Author's Reply:
'ello again

Ooops, I just go to this one after replying to your other... oh, I liked the ending of your other version lol. Isn't that typical!!

I think I still prefer the other one!!

Hope you had a good weekend and that you're making the most of not having a wedding/reception to go to ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

CalvinHobbes on 24-10-2005
Sundays, I
This was passionate and well written...

Calvin

Author's Reply:
Cheers, Calvin ๐Ÿ™‚

Cat got Hobbes's tongue? :-p

Nowt wrong with a bit of passion and being well smitten... ooops, I mean written...

Ta for the comment!

The Hazy Girl x

pencilcase on 25-10-2005
Sundays, I
Hi! I did intend to keep in the G&T (well I would, wouldn't I?!). I think it's a good part of the relaxed atmosphere. I suggested...

Washed by background radio
With G & T,
In sloppy clothes
And gentle fizz, of stereo:


I meant the gentle fizz to refer to both the radio and the tonic. Anyway, I just wanted to say that - I agree with you, however it is worded.

Bit tired now, so I'm off!

Goodnight, Mrs.Mop!

pencilface

Author's Reply:
Ta for the other reply Mr Face ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah, I getcha. Ching-ching with our matching G&Ts then!

Hazymop x

MLAllen on 02-11-2005
Sundays, I
Oh, what a delightful afternoon. This is a lovely tribute to Sunday. Well done. ML

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 02-11-2005
Sundays, I
Thanks very much for the comment and generous rating, ML ๐Ÿ™‚

And welcome to UKA if I've not said it before. I see you've posted a few so I'll try and get some read. I've been a little behind (that's in my reading, not my behind. That's far from little!) lately so will do my best to catch up with some soon!!

Anyway, really pleased you liked! Ta for saying.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

narcissa on 22-11-2005
Sundays, I
I love the way the easiness of the day is reflected in the smoothness and flow of the poem itself - I wouldn't call it "easy" reading... just a wonderful lazy detailed voice.
What a beautiful piece.
Regards,
Laura x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 22-11-2005
Sundays, I
Thanks, Laura for commenting and rating ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked! Makes me wanna go home now and change into me comfies and watch some crap movie on telly!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jen_Christabel on 22-11-2005
Sundays, I
Sounds like me every afternoon, but make mine a coffee!
Quite lovely
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:
Oooh you jammy girlie. Apart from the coffee. Ewwww. I can't stand coffee.

No work for me tomorrow (or next Mon/Tues). Yippee, hurrah, whoop whoop!!!

Ta for the comment, Jen.

Hazy x


Can't See The Wood For The Trees (posted on: 14-10-05)
It's about finding yourself and growing up. Hazy x ========================

Uncover your ears Display your palms by your sides Hear what they say Feel their words sculpt you like clay Sit open-mouthed and cross-legged With your head tilted back Let the lightness fill you The dark, submerged in the depths of your belly Take off your armoured suit A heavy weight upon your body Layer upon layer Year upon year Cast off your restraints and venture forth amongst the trees Their wide trunks Stand strong from fertile soil Reaching high; offering support to branches tiptoeing out into the sky Lay down upon the leaves Envelope yourself in their crispy, veined, russet tones Inhale the woody earth The swollen tree roots Burst up through the ground Ready to trip intruders Shed your skin in private For this is where You will truly find yourself
Archived comments for Can't See The Wood For The Trees
Dargo77 on 14-10-2005
Can
Hazy, this is my kind of stuff. I so enjoyed your poem and know exactly where you are coming from on this one. This will have to be a 'favourite read' for me.

Author's Reply:
Blimey... was beginning to think everyone hated it!! No comments all day. I'm totally flattered by your comment, even more so by the fact you picked it as a hot story thingy.

Thank you, Dargo ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Abel on 14-10-2005
Can
Deeply philosophical, Jo. I, like Dargo, love this stuff. The images are fantastic, with the tree metaphor finishing it at the end.
"Inhale the woody earth
The swollen tree roots
Burst up through the ground
Ready to trip intruders
Shed your skin in private
For this is where
You will truly find yourself"

A definite 10 from me.

Ward




Author's Reply:
I *adore* philosophical. I love deep and meaningfuls. Everyone puts 'GSOH' on dating thingies, but although appreciating each other's humour is important, I think it's far more important to talk 'til the cows come home. It takes me a while to feel comfortable enough with someone to do 'deep and meaningful' but I really do enjoy talking utter bollox ๐Ÿ˜‰ I mean... just what is beyond the universe... how can space be infinite... why do babies hold their breath in water... what would you feel if you were on a plane about to go down... God, I could go on for hours ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, TY for the comment. I'm deeply flattered still and glad to see you're getting it too. The poem I mean, not... ahem.

TY for the 10 (and TY to Dargo) and TY to the nibby person(s), and I'd like to thank my manager, my parents, my cat, God, erm... oops, nope, that was a different speech :p

Catch you later, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Gerry on 14-10-2005
Can
Hazy--I just liked it ๐Ÿ˜‰

Gerry xxx.

Author's Reply:
Well, that's what it's all about in my book!!

Ta for the comment, Gerry ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Claire on 14-10-2005
Can
I don't want to grow up... not sure if I want to find meself either. ;^)

You know I ain't perfect on poetry, but would some punctuation help improve this piece? Tis just a thought.

Author's Reply:
Not saying I've grown up or found meself, either ๐Ÿ˜‰

*pokes Claire on arm* 'Ha! You're "it"!! Catch me if you can!' *runs away*

I did consider punctuation (have got the odd bit in, not much), but figured the placement of the words on lines should really compensate for tha lack of.

Ta for comment and rating ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

jay12 on 15-10-2005
Can
This moves along so quickly, it reads like that because it is so well written.

Excellent poem Hazy.

Jay.

Author's Reply:
TY Jay for the rating and the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

I had a bit of a Tim Burton's 'Nightmare Before Christmas' in my mind when I wrote it ๐Ÿ™‚ Love that film. Something a bit surreal rather than literal.

Take care.

Hazy x

Apolloneia on 15-10-2005
Can
A strong poem Hazy, one of your best and one of your most philosophical, yes.
Nic x.

Author's Reply:
Thanks a lot for the comment, Nic ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased you liked. It was something a bit more 'abstract' than my usuals so really pleased with the response.

Anyway, TY. Means a lot ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

karenuk on 17-10-2005
Can
I enjoyed this too, some beautiful use of language ๐Ÿ™‚
Karen x

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much, Karen ๐Ÿ™‚

Great to know you enjoyed. Ta for commenting! Much appreciated.

Hazy x

eddiesolo on 19-10-2005
Can
'The swollen tree roots' I suffer from these...bloody killing me.

Lovely piece Hazy, really enjoyed reading this.

Si:-)



Author's Reply:
Hi Si ๐Ÿ™‚

Oooh, I'm not sure I wanna know about your 'swollen tree roots'!! Have you seen a doctor?! :-O

Ahem!

Glad you liked my offering! Ta very much for the comment and rating ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Macjoyce on 05-10-2007
Cant See The Wood For The Trees
Yes! Great poem, Hazy-kitten. Every teenager should be forced, by law, to read this.

How about inverting the clichรฉ and calling it โ€œCanโ€™t see the trees for the woodโ€? After all, itโ€™s the individual trees youโ€™re asking us to embrace.

A bit more punctuation would make it less confusing. Also โ€œThe swollen tree roots Burst up through the groundโ€ is a bit clumsy and confusing. It sounds as though youโ€™re telling the reader to burst up through the ground. Also, how about:

โ€œLet the lightness fill
The dark submerged in
the depths of your bellyโ€

instead? I think it makes more sense if you drop the โ€˜youโ€™ and the comma.

Otherwise, no niggles. Superb poemette.

Mac the Hornbeam xx


Author's Reply:
Hmmm. I think I must've been on drugs or somat when I wrote it. I've no idea what I was going on about. I don't think I was seeing people as trees at all. I think I was picturing someone naked, in a forest, on top of leaves and tree roots, all alone, wanting to change/unburden themselves. I wish I could remember what made me write it. There are usually reasons!

I think perhaps people carry a heavy load. They keep adding to it and, eventually, something will give. Sometimes we just need to shed our skins/loads and 'reboot'!

Ta for the suggestions. I'm far too sleepy to think straight tonight!

Catch you soon,

Hazy xx


In With The In Crowd (posted on: 03-10-05)
Erm, not sure this can be explained lol... not sure I even get where it came from!

Hazy x

========================



Jibes and sneers At the freak creature Matted purple hair Round bloated body It bounced, not walked Where had it come from? It certainly didn't belong. Attempts at conversation Drew smirks and outstretched fingers Until one warm toasty day The creature grew legs Long gangly extensions of its oily body It towered above them all Standing tall and proud And it savoured that sense of belonging That's all that had been missing, it believed And as it tried to fit in with the group It pointed its own finger And laughed at normality Look at that one's stumpy legs Do you see what they're wearing? It cackled at those less fortunate In their charity shop clothes and hand-me-downs But little did it know Its peers had been warned If they weren't nice to the creature They'd be grounded for two weeks
Archived comments for In With The In Crowd
Apolloneia on 2005-10-03 08:46:51
Re: In With The In Crowd
Wow, I don't know how to explain this too (yet another 'too' of mine :o) ), but it is original to say the least, the first 12 lines are my favourite, and the last two lines very good too. In with the In Crowd... great title!
I shall return to this, to read again and see what other people have to say. :0)
Cheers!
Nic xx

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 10:17:07
Re: In With The In Crowd
Thanks, Nic ๐Ÿ™‚ I'm gonna try and read the subs today (I know I keep saying that!). This is a slightly 'weird' one, I guess! Nowt wrong with slightly weird though ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

red-dragon on 2005-10-03 11:16:09
Re: In With The In Crowd
Hi Hazy - wasn't sure at first where this one was going and when I got to the end, I didn't know where I'd been! Unusual to say the least!
However, the message of 'belonging' comes across well and being accepted by the crowd is something with which most of us identify. Like Nic, I'll be back.... Ann

Author's Reply:

karenuk on 2005-10-03 12:47:22
Re: In With The In Crowd
I liked the pay-off at the end, it made me smile, something a bit different ๐Ÿ™‚

Enjoyed the audio too, you have a good reading voice.

Karen x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-10-03 19:34:15
Re: In With The In Crowd
Very unique, and well-crafted. Love the reading, Jo...it really makes the work come alive for me.

Best,

Ward:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 20:18:51
Re: In With The In Crowd
Hi Ann, thanks for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

I have no idea either and I wrote it lol. It was a bit of a weird and wonderful one... yep, more about belonging. I started a story months back which I can't finish. I'd love to, but it's just 'stuck'. I suppose this was a take on it. The story's serious. This is somewhere away with the fairies ๐Ÿ˜‰

Oh, and yep, it's all about 'belonging' and people's interpretations on conformity. Oh that doesn't sound right, that word... :s Ah, you know what I mean!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 20:22:18
Re: In With The In Crowd
Hi Karen ๐Ÿ™‚

Didn't want it to be a 'serious' sub... had to end quite surreally lol.

Ta for the compliment... I can bear it here (just!), but I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than get up on a stage and read!!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 20:23:40
Re: In With The In Crowd
Hi Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks for the sweet comment. Flattered.

Glad you liked!

Hazy/Jo x

Author's Reply:

dogfrog on 2005-10-04 00:00:25
Re: In With The In Crowd
I read this as follows

Ugly duckling>Swan>Ugly Swan

I think you should do more idiosyncratic writing, I think you might surprise yourself.

df

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-10-04 16:52:29
Re: In With The In Crowd
A nice poem about wanting to belong.

IMO I dont think belonging matters. We are the people we want to be. If people dont like it they can f*ck off surely! Friends are the ones that accept us for what we are. Nothing else matters.

Good poem, if a little unusual!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

e-griff on 2005-10-04 19:36:11
Re: In With The In Crowd
This is good - and almost complete.

Just resolve the 'legs' question, eh?

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-04 20:12:51
Re: In With The In Crowd
Oooh, yes. I like your take ๐Ÿ™‚

I think I have slightly idosyncratic tendencies myself so might well take you up on that offer ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hmm... actually, maybe that's what you're implying lol.

S'later froggus. Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-04 20:19:14
Re: In With The In Crowd
Ta, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

I'd never try and get in with any in-crowd!! Some would though and you can see their desperation at remaining in favour. It's something I notice at work sometimes and what I remember from school. I'm lucky that my friends aren't like that... we're all close, mature, and there's no limelight hoggers. All pretty mellow and chilled and no backstabbing. I'm lucky! I think the trouble is, some people don't really know who they actually are and they're chameleon-like with their personalities.

Oh, and nothing wrong with a little unusual ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-04 20:21:42
Re: In With The In Crowd
eh? He grew legs late in life, and quickly... long oily ones, at that.

What ya wanna know, Griffy? Haven't you ever known any purple haired creatures that bounced before their legs grew? Blimey... you have led a sheltered life...

Unless I'm missing somat... (which is probably quite likely!!)

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shackleton on 2005-10-05 20:46:08
Re: In With The In Crowd
Good one, Hazy. That oily monster could mean so many different things. I take it to be 'conformity'. Unusual and thought-provoking. Go, girl, go.

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-10-06 08:45:28
Re: In With The In Crowd
Ya know, it's much more interesting to be in with out crowd anyway young Hazy of sleepy London village. I pride myself on fitting in seamlessly with the local waifs and strays. I have even stopped shaving my balls of late! Interesting piece young H. (I can't say great lately as it's to upbeat)

(-;

s
u
n
k
e
n

in his oxfam shirt

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-10-06 11:11:19
Re: In With The In Crowd
You've taken us on a strange trip through the land of distorting mirrors and psychedelia (Only put that in to show that I could spell it, so I hope to **** it's right.) here - so many meanings! The central message comes through, though - this would surely appeal to intelligent children. Oh, that was a compliment, by the way!

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-06 11:49:47
Re: In With The In Crowd
TY for the comment, Shacks ๐Ÿ™‚

The creature does stand for a lot of things... and it's one to make you think and question stuff. We're told that it doesn't matter if we conform or not, or that we shouldn't need to fit in with the in crowd... but in reality it's a different matter. A lot of the time, kids act the way they do because of what they're told by their parents. They take on other people's views when it comes to others. A lot of racism is down to the parents' opinions rather than the child's - and people can be 'embarrassed' by other people's disabilities. I recently dated a disabled guy and had to address a whole heap of issues in my head. It didn't bother me, but I felt very defensive about how other people viewed him. He really played it all down and never mentions it in bios (he's a writer) or anything and has never 'labelled' his disability, although I expect it's cerebral palsy related.

Anyway, thanks ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-06 13:11:26
Re: In With The In Crowd
'ello Smunky. Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚ Sorry I've not done you lately. Commenting on subs I mean!!

I'm not one who shouts to be heard in a crowd... I very much take a back seat. I like non-conformity, btw ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x
PS I suggest you get that razor out again ๐Ÿ˜‰

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-06 13:15:58
Re: In With The In Crowd
TY Roy... ooh I like that "disturbing mirrors and psychedelia" line ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks for the line about intelligent children... it was meant to be quite 'child friendly' due to the way it was told/language! There aren't many of mine I'd show my nephew, but this might be one lol.

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-10-07 11:35:58
Re: In With The In Crowd
This is so good Hazy a really excellent write.

The audio is brilliant....only cos I like ya tones.

Si:-)



Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-07 12:59:44
Re: In With The In Crowd
Oooh, I don't think anyone's said they like me tones... a few other things, but never me tones *bats eyelashes*

Ta for the comment, Si ๐Ÿ™‚

btw, got some more audio subs if you're looking for a bigger kick. Might even read an erotic one or two soon... ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

skinnyscot on 08-10-2005
In With The In Crowd
this sounds like a classic tale of the bulllied turning bully. this was very well written i enjoyed this

Author's Reply:
Thanks, skinnyscot. Good to see ya on the comments thingy... I've fallen so far behind with the commenting ๐Ÿ™ Will hope for some quiet days at work next week so I can catch up! Those who were once bullied do seem to love the chance to exercise their authority at some stage later in life... happens quite often. Half the time though, people still laugh behind their backs!

Anyway, glad you liked. Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

tai on 09-10-2005
In With The In Crowd
Hi Hazy, glad to see your poetry again. I interpreted your poem as a realisation that being part of the in crowd ain't all it's cracked up to be!lol I would be a member of any club that would have me!

Winston churchill and my dearly departed I believe.

You give a vivid picture of this beastly thing. It made me smile. Thank you for that. And by the way, take notice of the froggy poetic one, he is a man ya know!lol Ugly can be very beautiful indeed.

9 from me.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:
Hi Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, I can see you've had a week like mine lol. I kinda got the gist of it though ๐Ÿ˜‰

Oh yes, that froggy one is all man indeed :p lol

Glad to hear you're smiling. Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care. Hope next week improves!!

Hazy x

tai on 09-10-2005
In With The In Crowd
hazy that should have been, 'would NOT be'!lol and the quote could be groucho! I have been having one of those dazed nights...and the doggy comment should have been, 'take NO notice'. Oh dear, this does not bode well for the coming week.

Good write all the same.

Tai

Author's Reply:

Warhorse on 12-10-2005
In With The In Crowd
Hi there hazy,
a very good write and rythm in the lines i hope iam not wrong here, but i see a pregnant lady having the piss taken by her offspring. if i am completely off the ball say a rude word to me but whatever pregnant ladies are beautiful

regards

Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike

Ta for commenting. Glad you enjoyed my words and rhythm :p

Well... I can't say it's what I had in mind when I wrote it, but I'm loving people's interpretations and that they're looking into this one! So 'tits' to you. There... that's my rude word... as requested ๐Ÿ˜‰

Yep, pregnant ladies are beautiful, I quite agree!

All the best.

Hazy x


Both Sides Of The Story (posted on: 03-10-05)
Don't believe all you're told.

Hazy x

========================


He raped me Are you listening? I said: HE RAPED ME There. So now you all know Whoosh The barrage of questions Interrogations Questions Questions More bloody questions Thundering along Like a home-made cart over cobbles Teeth chattering The words sucked from my lips And dropped like foul tasting sweets into their open mouths Before they chewed them around And spat them out So, I say it again In my words He raped me In fact, let me say it again He raped me Are you listening? Everyone? Closer. He raped me. Listen to my side of the story Fuck what he says He raped me Does he deserve to be heard? He. Raped. Me There. How many times is that I've said it? I've lost count. So many times, in fact It must be true by now
Archived comments for Both Sides Of The Story
Apolloneia on 2005-10-03 08:39:13
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Hi Jo, this is very strong, very interesting metaphors Lines 15-20, but the last two lines although they are very good, are quite cryptic and surprised me! I will read it again and see what other people have to say too. I will download your audio file too. So I shall return to this. :0)
Nic xx

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-10-03 08:41:43
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Hi Aitch.

At first, I wasn't sure about this, on a technical level. But I've read it a few times and I find it intense, powerful, creative. The repetition is effective and at one with the subject. I like 'Whoosh', 'home-made cart over cobbles', 'words sucked from my lips... like foul tasting sweets' and 'He. Raped. Me'.

The title and short description are very important, thank goodness. But for these aspects, I would think this so intense that it would disturb me that it were true. It's not easy to convey ambiguity through such a clear and strong expression, but you have achieved that here.

Rape is such a terrible crime, but I have sometimes thought how being falsely accused of rape is not far behind.

This is a strong expression, in my view. That 'whoosh' is really good.

Oh, btw, Mrs. Secretary, you need another 'r' in 'Interrogations'!

An effective, if disturbing, submission.

Steve



Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 10:24:27
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Cheers for the comment, Nic ๐Ÿ™‚

I think this is one which works best with audio, even though it makes me blush doing it ๐Ÿ˜‰

I've been sitting on it for some time, along with similar stories. Still wanna write those up too.

Anyway, ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 10:34:45
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
'ello pencily (ooh, one l or 2?! Pencily, pencily, hmmm) person

I don't do 'technical levels'(usually)! My stuff doesn't follow rules and just comes out as I think it sounds/reads best. I'm glad you liked the Whoosh... I think the few lines after it work well with audio cos you can hear it speed up and run away with itself. Often the case with these convoluted tales... I probably told you about when I was a juror on a rape case. We let him off. Not because we thought she lied as such, but because it seemed the story had run away with itself. Her mother had got involved, there's been blood (his) on her clothes, which she'd hidden. She claimed it was rape, but it seemed more of a case of 'I really bloody regret doing that'. We believed she'd not wanted to, but she was just too young and naive to insist on 'no' and she even went back to say goodbye to him a bit later. They were both 14/15 and the claim had somehow snowballed itself into the Old Bailey.

Anyway, thanks for your comment; appreciated.

Oh, and that'll teach me to write it in Google mail and not spell check lol. Ta for that ๐Ÿ™‚ Off to check the rest too now!!

Jo x

Author's Reply:

karenuk on 2005-10-03 12:38:46
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Yes, I wasn't sure about the ending either, it's left open to interpretation, I think - He didn't, but she wanted to hurt him by saying he did? Or now she has said it so often, she hopes people will believe her? Interesting.

Loved this bit - 'dropped like foul tasting sweets'

Karen x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 14:00:15
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Thanks for commenting, Karen ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah, re the ending... in my mind, she'd actually lied. He was innocent. But, I presumed that people might come up with that second option which is why I kept the ending short and slightly ambiguous. Often the way in these situations. No matter what you hear, or believe, there usually remains an element of doubt even if you don't admit it. And the sweets thing... well, people love gossip, don't they. Spitting out their version of events. I bet they'd all choose to hate him without hearing his side of the story...

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

karenuk on 2005-10-03 15:35:05
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Yes definitely and mud sticks, doesn't it? I was telling hubby the other day about not liking a certain actor-comedian because he had been up on a rape charge. Hubby said "But he was proved innocent." I had forgotten that bit!!! How awful of me!
Karen x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-10-03 19:36:14
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Just wow. The power here is incredible. The realism in the your words...I think this is my fave of your wonderful work. Just wow. And superb ending...

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 20:28:02
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Oh, I know *exactly* who you mean lol. Yep, I have given him the benefit of the doubt, but although it was years ago, it's still remembered. Same with a whole lot of other cases like that, including some child pornography ones (etc)... who remembers if they actually got off or were charged? I can't! I can think of at least 3 out of about 6 which the outcome of the trials has gone from my head!! Shocking, innit.

Anyway, ta for coming back!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-03 20:30:11
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Okay, now I'm really flattered! Thanks for the hot thingy (ahem! - hot read/story, whatever it's called; y'know what I mean!).

Thanks very much, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy/Jo x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-10-04 16:47:59
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
I liked this poem up until the ending. It sounded like a woman struggling to tell people about her ordeal but the ending makes it sound like she could actually be making it up: "How many times is that I've said it? I've lost count. So many times, in fact It must be true by now"

A good poem nonetheless.

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-04 20:10:24
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Ahah, Jay... should've read the comments!! It *is* about a woman who made it up. As Pencilcase says, being falsely accused of rape can't be too far behind the crime itself. How bloody awful... what a thing to be accused of and have people doubt you for. There will *always* be people who automatically believe accusations like that. Without smoke, blah blah... I've been writing a story along similar lines for months but at a bit of a standstill with it.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

chrissy on 2005-10-05 19:14:48
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
A very disturbing poem. The harshness of the language, the punchy way it's delivered, really spells out the fact that she could, might be, probably is lying. I've heard people usually denying stuff over and over in the hope that repetition will make it seem true.
Very well written.
chrissy

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-10-06 11:40:06
Re: Both Sides Of The Story
Hi Chrissy

Thanks for your comments... yep, she's lying IMO! People seem to believe their own lies after a while. If they make up a plausible story, they almost get insulted when people don't believe them 'cos in the back of their minds they're thinking 'but it might have been true, in which case you'd be calling me a liar'. So they continue to insist on their innocence... I think it's a really interesting 'concept' to explore!! I've been branded a liar when I've not lied and it's the most frustrating feeling in the world. Half of you wants to take out a page in every newspaper and the other half just thinks 'oh fk 'em; their problem'.

Anyway, I'm waffling. TY again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

discopants on 10-10-2005
Both Sides Of The Story
A good poem and a good ending.

'Don't believe all you're told', but the police have to start off on the assumption that a rape took place and then work backwards if you know what I mean. I just feel that when it's proven/admitted that the allegation was fabricated, the woman should be prosecuted- they often keep their anonymity even when the allegations are proven to be false, never mind be prosecuted for wasting police time etc.

Author's Reply:
'ello lovely discoey type person

Ta for the comment.

Oh, they do get prosecuted!! There was a case not long ago where the accuser was lying and she ended up inside.

Good!!

It's almost as bad as the crime itself, IMO. I mean, to be raped must be beyond words. But to be falsely accused of rape... oh my god, how bloody horrendous must that be.

Anyway, TY for the comment, sweet pea.

Hazy x

Apolloneia on 11-10-2005
Both Sides Of The Story
Hi Hazy, tried yesterday to add comment but the site disappeared. I just want to say that I listened to your audio and it was very good, a really strong and convnincing reading. ๐Ÿ™‚ Nic x.

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Nic ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked! It's a bit scary doing it. Have done a couple of others since, too!! (older ones!)

Take care.

Hazy x

Warhorse on 12-10-2005
Both Sides Of The Story
Hi there Hazy
this is so powerful it has to be a winner . i applaud the way you deal with threpeated statement.

this is so evocative of Jolen Caspers

'Ribbons and Bows Rape'

aske her to let you see it well done mike

Author's Reply:
Cheers for the comment and rating, Mike ๐Ÿ™‚

It wasn't my usual kinda thing I don't think so wasn't sure how it would be received. Will give Jolen a shout and ask to see her poem! Thanks for that.

Take care.

Hazy x

Jen_Christabel on 22-11-2005
Both Sides Of The Story
The repetition makes this poem.
Well done :o)
Jen x


Author's Reply:
Cheers for the comment, Jen.

It was hard to get the repetition how I wanted it, so glad you thought it worked!

Take care.

Jo x

Macjoyce on 05-10-2007
Both Sides Of The Story
Whatโ€™s that all about, both sides of a story??? What an odd idea. Thereโ€™s only ever one side to a story, you strange woman. Egad!

Yes. Iโ€™ve known some people who argue like this. Maybe we should rape them. That would shut them up.

Mac the Answering Machine xx


Author's Reply:
Very true! But it don't stop others making up their version of events, eh?!

Might shut 'em up, but I wouldn't wanna be that close to anyone who'd shat all over me.

btw, ta for the comment... I love it when you dig out my oldies ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy xx


Just Like Him (posted on: 09-09-05)
So many people shut doors to avoid what their subconscience fears.

Hazy x

====================



Tonight, I poured myself a beer when I got home
Just like him
Moaned about the traffic; the wanker who cut me up
Ignored the kids as I kicked off my shoes, seeking solitude
Shut the door on whines emanating from the kitchen
Pushed the dozy dog off as he bounded onto my lap
Shouted, in fact. His hair on my crisply creased trousers
Switched on the news; argued at the telly for half hour
Picked a fight with the wife later, just for the hell of it
Spent the night flicking through porn channels
As she lay on a tear sodden pillow
With her back to a dip in the mattress
A reminder of my absent body
Woke up to the loo being flushed at three a.m.
When I yelled, my son confirmed that he hated me
My greatest fear had indeed been the more cunning
And taken me completely by surprise
I'd finally turned into my father

Archived comments for Just Like Him
Apolloneia on 2005-09-09 09:30:33
Re: Just Like Him
I think this is a very good poem Hazy. I liked it!
Nicxx

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-09 11:57:51
Re: Just Like Him
Cheers, Nic. Pleased you liked - and ta for telling me ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-09-09 22:06:38
Re: Just Like Him
Great ending, Jo. A picture of regret realized...with no going back? Fine piece.

w

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-11 20:41:21
Re: Just Like Him
TY, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚ Thought this one would go down better than my other one, but the other's blown it outa the water. Funny that, innit.

Anyway, I'm off to rest my poorly head (wedding celebrations last night! - not mine I hasten to add!).

Take care, he with the gorgeous voice *bats eyelashes*

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-09-11 20:52:41
Re: Just Like Him
Hello young Hazy of sleepy London town. I like this piece very much. Ref. 'With her back to a dip in the mattress' That line puts you right there (Ok, not literally in her bed, as that would be wrong). Very well thought out Ms. Hazy. Respect and polo mints.

s
u
n
k
e
n

hangin with tadpoles

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-09-12 00:50:39
Re: Just Like Him
Hi Hazy,

Yes, this is very well done, great depiction of an all too common occurrence. The imagery is so very clear, we can all see it unfold.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

Jay on 2005-09-12 23:55:26
Re: Just Like Him
Nice poem. Well written... the ending was nice. If not a little scary because non of us want to turn in to our parents. lol.

Jenn.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-13 18:01:46
Re: Just Like Him
Ta for the polos, Smunky baby. Glad ya liked me little offering ๐Ÿ™‚

It's horrible when you're sharing a bed with someone you're p'd off with. You always try n sleep with your back to them when they get in. At least you can pretend to be asleep.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-13 18:42:18
Re: Just Like Him
Exactly, Jenn! Especially parents like this. My brother in law's a bit like it and actually broke down in tears recently with my mum after another bickering session with her and my sister. He admitted he was like his own dad and wanted help and wanted to be a good dad but didn't know how ๐Ÿ™ He really is a selfish pig sometimes.

Sometimes, it's inevitable. We think we're doing things to avoid being like our parents but, in reality, it makes us more like them!!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-13 18:43:18
Re: Just Like Him
Thanks for the comment, Jolen ๐Ÿ™‚

It's very common, isn't it. Sad, but true in a lot of cases ๐Ÿ™

You want to give them a shake and point out the obvious, but some people just can't change.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-09-14 02:17:36
Re: Just Like Him
Emotive indeed! I guess we all want to be like our parents if they are loving and good people and of course we all fear becoming them if they are complete c*nts.

Nice poem,

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-20 11:17:45
Re: Just Like Him
Cheers for commenting, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

Sorry it took me a while to reply!

LOL yeah, you speak much sense ๐Ÿ˜‰ Too true.

Glad ya liked.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


On The Rocks (posted on: 09-09-05)
Why do I always pick emotionally defunct men...

Oh, just pour me another. Voddie, I mean, not blokie. Actually, might as well lick the voddie straight off 'em... cut out the middle bit, so to speak.

Hazy x

==========================



as the ground gave way
under her feet
he called to her
"I've got you, babe"
"Let go of the edge"
"Trust me"
so she let go
and he held on tight
until, that is, he looked down
his fingers sprung open
along with his eyes
"But I'm scared of heights!"
he yelled as her body reduced
to Barbie Doll proportions
before falling apart
on the rocks

Archived comments for On The Rocks
steadyeddy on 2005-09-09 11:41:07
Re: On The Rocks
I loved the flow of this poem and the content ,, you get a very well done from me,,,

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-09 11:55:28
Re: On The Rocks
Ooh, TY ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you liked!

Subbed 2 this week which I don't do very often. Had about 5 fall into my head the other night and have been scribbling ever since!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-09-09 11:56:40
Re: On The Rocks
What a strange coincidence I also subbed two this week. This is a beautiful poem Hazy. I loved it. Nic xx

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-09 12:40:56
Re: On The Rocks
Will take a peek later, Nic ๐Ÿ™‚ Hoping to read the subs today.

Glad you liked. I was so caught up with the emotion of it, I wasn't sure if it worked - can't see past the content to the structure, it just kinda 'fell out'.

Ta for comment, and a big TY for the hot read thingy.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-09 12:41:45
Re: On The Rocks
TY for the anthology nomination, whoever! Blimey.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-09-09 19:29:28
Re: On The Rocks
I like this one Ms. Hazy of London village. Of course you won't find me letting go of a nice piece of skirt. I reckon she'd be well grateful after and more than willing to sort out my plumbing problems. I've been told it's my ball-cock. Sorry. I have soiled your sub with my filthy tongue. I shall go before I say something sexist. Thanks. Consider the relationship between feather and cap.

s
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n
k
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n

mixing with the wrong kinda nuns

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-09-09 20:28:48
Re: On The Rocks
You feelings come through so loud and clear in this one, being burned..."falling apart
on the rocks"...so dark, Miss H. And so well done, as usual.

Ward


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-09 21:58:28
Re: On The Rocks
TY Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

You'll have me blushing in a minute ๐Ÿ˜‰

The 'on the rocks' was an alcohol reference, btw ๐Ÿ˜‰ Drink like a fish when I'm p'd off!!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

AnthonyEvans on 2005-09-09 22:00:10
Re: On The Rocks
great picture you throw up here, hazy. i hope you sew her back together for a sequel. and, yes, you quickly find out who can travel with you to those darkest places, down to the abyss as it were, those who don't have the stomach for it are obviously not worth having. best wishes, anthony.

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-09-09 22:02:53
Re: On The Rocks
Good one, Life aint easy is it Hazybelle! Love VaLx

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-09 22:14:22
Re: On The Rocks
Well, I'd never had you down as the skirt wearing type, Mr Munky. Well I never.

I'm far too tickly to think about feathers! :p

Ta for the words. Glad ya likes ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-09 22:16:12
Re: On The Rocks
Hi Anthony and ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah, she's in one piece really. I lied, she's a tough cookie... bounced straight up again ๐Ÿ˜‰

He was literally scared of heights, btw. I loved being able to use that!!

Did the audio thingy on it now! Great that nobody can see me blush lol.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-09 22:18:26
Re: On The Rocks
Hi Val. Good to see ya ๐Ÿ™‚

Will be good to hear ya too... hope you'll do a bit of microphone wotsit.

anyway, ta for the comment.

MC Val, take it away :p

MC Hazybelle x
PS What does that stand for? I'm not sure I even know!!

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-09-10 20:36:06
Re: On The Rocks
Another cheery one I see. It's simple on the surface, but not underneath; I like how you've approached it.

MC is Master of Ceremonies, isn't it?

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-11 20:36:32
Re: On The Rocks
Thank you for the comment, D.I.S.C.O ๐Ÿ™‚

Bit like me that... simple on the surface, but not underneath... ๐Ÿ˜‰

MC is in that case, but I meant the DJ use of it as I've done an audio wotsit thingy on this one!!! Like MC Hammer, etc. Well, I'm not like MC Hammer, I mean I used the mic.

Anyway, yep, cheery as per lol. Smiling again now, had a very fun night at a wedding last night :p Most excellent fun, in fact :p

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jay on 2005-09-13 00:00:36
Re: On The Rocks
I thoughtful way to present the fact that trust is a delicate thing.. and that men will definately, always screw it up. LOL! ๐Ÿ˜‰
I loved the ending.

'before falling apart
on the rocks'

Hit hard.

Jenn.



Author's Reply:

allieuk on 2005-09-13 16:58:20
Re: On The Rocks
Talk about a piece of poetry speaking to me, this one shouted, "OI, been here, done that, got the hangover to prove it"

Brilliantly real. Pour me a voddy would ya?

Allie x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-13 17:27:21
Re: On The Rocks
Ta for the comment, Jenn ๐Ÿ™‚

Some men just seem to think the grass is greener me thinks!! They're scared to commit (the dreaded 'c' word lol) as somat better might come along ๐Ÿ˜‰ Invariably, they just sit around bored for a few years until they settle down with someone cos most of their mates have.

I know, I'm generalising, I hate that... maybe I've just gone out with the same kinda men!!!

Anyway, ty ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-13 17:35:22
Re: On The Rocks
Hi Allie ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks for the great comment. Great to know it spoke to you!!

Okay, so I had a shite night when I wrote it... he was scared of his feelings and 'commitment' and wanted me to 'work with him' and 'support him'. Then I threw the towel in, then we talked some more and he said we could work through this, then he run away. Bloody men *rolls eyes*. I wouldn't have minded, but it was him talking about the future and about going away, etc... I didn't dare! Just kept it cool. Ah well... another one bites the dust ๐Ÿ˜‰

Four nights of alcohol binges, a lot of fun with a toy boy (and I really mean 'toy boy'!!) on Sat night and the world's up the right way again. I utterly refuse to mope about anyone... no bloke's worth it in the scale of things. If he don't know what he's missing, that's his loss, eh? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-09-14 02:19:15
Re: On The Rocks
I'm on the blokes side here! I have a fear of heights and would happily drop you to save my skin!

lol - just kidding.

Nice poem,
Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-15 11:31:18
Re: On The Rocks
Oooh, TY Tai-Li. Reeeeally pleased you liked it so much. Flattered by all you said.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-15 11:33:05
Re: On The Rocks
And I'd let that killer spider loose on you without being able to squish it for you ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment, ickle Jayster!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-09-20 11:24:51
Re: On The Rocks
Lovely write Hazy.
Listened to the audio as I read it and think they complemented each other brilliantly.

Si:-)

PS You have a lovely voice.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-20 15:16:15
Re: On The Rocks
Oh, you ol' charmer, you ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad you enjoyed. The poem and me. (Ahem!)

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


My Rose-Tinted Balloon (posted on: 05-09-05)
One of my usuals, it seems! *rolls eyes* (Sorry Val lol. It was gonna be chirpy, honest!)

Hazy x

==========================



'Any one you like,'
   said the seller
'Pink's nice,'
   said I

Knotted round my wrist
The oversized balloon
Bobbed alongside me
My candyflossed mouth
Beamed at passers-by
Proud of my new appendage

We moved in time
My balloon and I
Until the sky fell in
And burst my rose-tinted bubble
Archived comments for My Rose-Tinted Balloon
Griffonner on 2005-09-05 10:45:47
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
Oh, but this is good... Never mind the apology (I'm sure Val will gorgive you). And though I can see the pathos, it is actually a lovely poem. It happens to the best of us - the bursting oif the balloon - Hazy... sadly.
*Meaningfully*
Griffonner

Author's Reply:

Griffonner on 2005-09-05 10:46:44
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
PS. Maybe Val will also 'forgive' as well as gorgiving you. DUH!

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-09-05 10:59:51
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
Aww I forgive you hazybelle.. I could do with a few lessons in chirpy myelf lately Lol. I love your poem BTW. You should read mine this morning full of irritation amd impatients *Grumpy wrinkly smiling*
Val xx

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-05 11:25:52
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
TY, Val ๐Ÿ™‚ I saw the word 'balloon' somewhere and the rest just flowed as I wrote it. Didn't know where it was going and never planned that last line 'til I got to it. Typical bloody Hazy, eh?! Will hopefully get some reading done today and will make sure I do yours... sounds like my kinda thing ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care.

Love Hazybelle x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-05 11:29:55
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
TY for the comment, Griffoner ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked! Yep, the sky does always seem to fall in, the balloon always bursts and the rose tinted glass always shatters. God, I'm cynical ๐Ÿ˜‰

But, at least I'm an optimistic pessimist... I know things happen for a reason lol!!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-05 11:30:23
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
I was about to reach for my dictionary, btw ๐Ÿ˜‰

x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-05 11:31:51
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
TY very much for the hot read thingy, Tai-Li. Flattered ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked. Yep... it's definitely 'life' as we know it. I just try and enjoy my balloons when they're fully inflated. Ahem!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

steadyeddy on 2005-09-05 11:41:06
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
good poem,,its kind of sad but also really good,,my mouths been candyflassed loads of times lol,,good write from a good writer

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-05 13:51:04
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
Aww, ty for that sweet comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Really glad you liked. Yeah, kinda sad, as a lot of mine tend to be!

Don't ya just hate that sticky candyfloss feeling? Can never quite lick those fingers clean!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-09-06 21:32:44
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
I have a balloon phobia as it happens. Oh yes, I was thrown out of one when I was accidentally entered into an 'Around the world with eighty gays' reality tv programme on channel four in the mid-summer of 1995. It was some kinda gay pride thing. I had made the mistake of wearing my rainbow coloured tank-top to Spar. I only wanted a bottle of milk! I was ejected after dissin Steps debut single. I still say it was crap though and not a patch on their later work. Anyway, isn't it warm? I hope your bubble gets blown up again soon young Hazy of London Village.

s
u
n
k
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n

believing he's published because his name appears in the phone book

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-07 10:33:02
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
Hello there Mr Munky.

I used to work with a girl with a balloon phobia (oops, typed fetish then by mistake lol. It's early, not had me cuppa yet). You don't realise how many balloons there are around when you're scared of 'em. Oh, and not that I believe you are for one second you cheeky munky. Very funny, but cheeky.

I'm still frantically blowing (my bubble!), trying to keep it inflated, but I think it's been torn apart somewhere ๐Ÿ™

Ah well. C'est la vie... Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-09-14 02:15:39
Re: My Rose-Tinted Balloon
Brings back memories of toddlerhood (is that a word) for me walking along the beach front in Rhyl.

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Sorry, Jay... not the first time I've missed one of yours!! Just found this comment, sorry it's taken so long to reply!!

'toddlerhood'... hmmm, well it's a word now ๐Ÿ™‚ a good one! Kinda nice that it took you back a few years.

I remember having a balloon sucked out of a window in my dad's car when I was little. It was one of those multicoloured ones that were kinda stripy. Hmm, I'm not describing that very well. Like colours mixed with oil or something, only not as blotchy.

Anyway... I remember being inconsolable and we all had to get out the car to hunt for my balloon in the park next to where it had disappeared. Needless to say, we never found it. I felt like someone had died that day... ridiculous really, but I loved that balloon :'(

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x


Seventies' Child (posted on: 22-08-05)
Mother and child sharing endless Seventies' hippy summers.

Hazy x

========================



Brown flowered dress Aside blond cheeky smile Buttercup smattered grass Danced upon With daisy adorned hair Richly coloured fields Unfolded in the distance Like an artist's palette Yellow next to red next to green Endless hippy summers Longer than life itself Or maybe it just seems that way When the good times flash back
Archived comments for Seventies' Child
RoyBateman on 2005-08-22 13:26:25
Re: Seventies Child
If it seems that way, it WAS that way - that's how I see things, anyway! Great memories...and it's true, much of the 60s actually only happened in the 70s. Oh, to go back - no student loans and debts, optimism that hadn't yet encountered TOO much of what the real world's about. Stop it, I'm getting all nostalgic! Pass those flowers round....

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-22 16:04:26
Re: Seventies Child
Thanks for the comment, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

I was too weeny to have appreciated the 70s really - born in 70, I was.

Here, have a puff on my (ahem) herbal ciggy ๐Ÿ™‚

Hippy Chick Hazy (well, today, anyway) x

Author's Reply:

Warhorse on 2005-08-22 17:05:00
Re: Seventies Child
Hi There Hazy,

I was a young man then, and went ot endless Jazz festivals, and listened to Trad Jazz and Dylan, Played folk blues, loved lots of girls, even, got involved with an Indian squaw at some point,

But it was a beautiful time, when, the emotional nostalgia of your piece was reality, than k you and well done young lady. Yuor work is superb.

Regards

Warhorse.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-23 00:52:37
Re: Seventies Child
Thanks very much for that comment, Warhorse ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm really pleased it appealed to you. Totally flattered by what you said. Good to know that someone likes your stuff, so thank you.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Griffonner on 2005-08-23 13:01:43
Re: Seventies Child
Oh so very nostalgic - but beautifully picturesque at one and the same time. (Harder to spot, maybe, but there are some good times nowadays. *wry smile*)

Lined that, Hazy. Nicely put together. And I particularly liked the field colours description which matched the pace of the dance idea. Quite clever. As I say, nicely constructed.

Regards,
Griffonner

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-23 17:54:14
Re: Seventies Child
Thanks for commenting, Griffoner ๐Ÿ™‚

Makes me wanna be there right now, dancing barefoot in patchwork fields!!

Oh yes... many a good time still to be had ๐Ÿ˜‰

Actually, I wrote this one for someone I'm close to. Saw a black and white pic his mum had posted to him the other day. She was in a short dress with large flower prints on, both of them were outside, and he was blond and so smiley. It was just my interpretation of it really. He'd said he felt tearful looking at the pictures and remembering how happy he was as a child and he remembered the pic being taken vividly.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-23 17:57:41
Re: Seventies Child
PS. His mum's an artist (living in France) which is why I really wanted that line in about the artist's palette!

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-08-23 20:05:42
Re: Seventies' Child
This is rather lovely young Hazy of London village. I recently held a 70's night at my local hostel. It was a very disappointing evening as the locals here are quite thick. Instead of spending the night with groovy 70's chicks in thigh high boots, I ended up surrounded by old aged pensioners with bladder problems. I shall not be holding any more retro events in a hurry. Eat a spider in your sleep.

s
u
n
k
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n

trading sighs with hamsters

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-08-23 23:44:25
Re: Seventies' Child
Lovely nostalgic piece Hazy. Well written too.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-08-24 16:27:27
Re: Seventies' Child
All I remember about the 70s was the hot summer of '76 and our house having brown & yellow wallpaper (or did I imagine that). I was born in '71 so I'm a touch too young as well...

Er, no singing when you see that I've commented. Do you promise?

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-24 18:06:59
Re: Seventies' Child
'ello Smunky baby. Ta for commenting.

I'm glad you said sighs, not size, btw. Can you imagine, Smunky the size of a hamster? OMG, I dread to think.

Anyway, TY Mr Munky for your little story. Could have been worse... could have been a 90s' night...

Not sure I'll take action on your 'tip of the day' this time though!! Ewww. Mind you, I did notice a dead spider in a glass of d.coke I'd left out! I'd actually debated drinking it, even though it had been out half the day, when I saw this giant 8 legged freak bobbing up and down in it (dead!!). Nearly passed out, I did.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-24 18:08:06
Re: Seventies' Child
Ta for your comment, Si ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked !

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-24 18:12:04
Re: Seventies' Child
Hello D... thingamajig

You just wanna be on a promise, don't you? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Not falling for that one!!

I remember that awful flock wallpaper you used to get in our old lounge in the early 70s. Like an indian restaurant. I also think I remember bold orange flowery wallpaper upstairs in my old bedroom! Ewww. It might have had brown in too, now I come to think of it.

Anyway, ta for the comment, fellow 'spring chook' ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Griffonner on 2005-08-26 10:19:14
Re: Seventies Child
Ah, that explains it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-08-27 15:31:49
Re: Seventies' Child
I only just made it into the 1970s. Sadly I was too young to remember anything about it as I was 2 in 1980.

Nice bit of nostalgia nonetheless.

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-01 11:31:56
Re: Seventies' Child
'ello Jay darlin'

Sorry it took so long to reply but, as you know, I was on me jollies ๐Ÿ™‚

Oi, I'm only a spring chook meself... born in '70 but hardly the age to go dancing round barefoot with flowers in my hair. Well, actually, now I come to think of it...

Anyway, ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jen_Christabel on 13-11-2005
Seventies
Being born in Dec '61 I remember the 70s, mainly for the music, The Sweet, T Rex and the luvverly jubbly David Cassidy (he's yucky now!). My daughter is mad on the stuff! A great little piece Hazy and the colours are just as I remember them.
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 16-11-2005
Seventies
Hi Jennifer ๐Ÿ™‚

I bet you was a right ol' raver in platforms and flares ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad you liked the poem! Ta for leaving a comment.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Mother And Baby (posted on: 29-07-05)
Do you pity her? Hate her? Understand her? Tricky one...

Crit/advice welcome, as per.

Hazy x

============================



"I'm so sorry, Amanda, your baby girl died during the operation. They did everything they could." I stared, trancelike, at the doctor from my maternity ward bed. "Amanda, dear, I'm very sorry. Are you alright? Would you like me to call anyone? I'll arrange a cup of tea for you." He looked concerned, like I was about to explode, and edged backwards to the main desk where he whispered to a nurse and pointed over in my direction. The two of them came over together with the tea; the nurse took hold of my hands. All I could think of to say was, "When can I go home?" I watched them exchange glances. I decided the funeral should be immediate family only. Not that I had much in the way of family. Mum took hold of my hand throughout the brief service and hugged me during talk of a mother and daughter's loving bond. I still didn't cry. Briefly, I wondered if I should try and trace her father, but dismissed the thought. He hadn't known about the pregnancy so why should he know about his daughter's death? At 41, I'd left it rather late to have my first child. Not that she'd been planned, but I knew what the outcome might be when I jumped into bed with Jonathan from a local book group I'd joined. Now I was fast approaching 42 with no partner, no child, no nieces or nephews and barely any family. I'd accepted voluntary redundancy before my little girl was born. The thought of job hunting now filled me with dread. I hated my life. Hated the sense of failure I carried round with me (couldn't even have a baby and get that right) and, most of all, I utterly hated myself. I believed things happened for a reason - and the only reason I could find for my baby girl dying was that she was better off dead than having me as a parent. Depression fogged my days and even getting out of bed proved challenging. Television commercials mocked me. All appeared to advertise baby essentials or depict happy families. I continued to express my milk, sometimes keeping it bottled in the fridge for days before draining it down the sink. It was impossible to break that bond. I would sit for hours, cradling her brand new teddies on the sofa. Usually, I'd have a cushion stuffed up my pyjama top with my hands linked in front of my 'bump'. A thousand 'what ifs' clogged my mind. My neighbours probably hadn't even realised I was pregnant. There were only four houses in my road and, to be honest, I'm not even sure I'd recognise those from number 4 if we were sat next to each other on a train! Julie, next door, had asked about the baby, but I'd said she was under observation in hospital. It had been easier to deflect her questions and sympathy with a lie. One miserable Monday morning after a virtually sleepless night, I forced myself into town to buy Christmas presents. Rather than trail the other cars round and round each tier of the multi-storey car park, I headed straight for the top floor. Two spaces away from my car was a family saloon facing the opposite direction to mine. I double-took as I noticed a sleeping baby strapped into a car seat in the back. She couldn't have been more than three months old, dressed from head to toe in pink and oblivious to the fact her mother was out of sight. Anger first flashed through me. How dare she be allowed a baby if she neglects it like that. My wing mirror showed a woman glancing back towards her car as she made her way through the double doors to the lobby. Perhaps she'd lost her ticket, I could think of no other reason why her child would be in the car alone. The assistance button was out there; surely that must be it. My brain turned over at lightning speed. Before I had a chance to process the thoughts, I'd opened her car door and was grappling with the restraints holding the little girl safely in her seat. I'd never have time to work out how to strap her in again so I grabbed the bag and blanket next to her, plonked her down on the passenger seat of my car and covered her with the yellow waffled blanket. She hollered. I raced round to the driver's side and started the engine. The baby's mother had left the lobby and was running towards my car. Her screams of, "My baby, she's taking my baby!" echoed round the car park. I frantically searched for the Exit sign and bounced over the speed bumps towards it, my left arm extended to hold the baby down. The mother had given up chasing me and was running back towards her car. I snaked my way down five levels and fumbled with my ticket and cash at the barrier but eventually pulled out into the traffic. I knew the back roads pretty well and, at first, headed down the dual carriageway like I was heading for the motorway but then doubled back on myself and took a long residential turn-off which I knew led me to the High Street in the opposite direction. I knew I couldn't risk staying on the High Street for long, so I turned off again almost immediately and continued down the quieter residential roads. The baby yelled constantly. As I pulled up outside my semi, I was eternally grateful that my neighbours appeared to be out at work. Daisy (as I'd now named her) stopped screaming almost as soon as we stopped. I carried her clumsily into the house and bolted the door behind us. "Oh, baby girl," I said, kissing her peachy head. "My little girl, I missed you so much." She looked up at me in confusion, her wide blue eyes darting round at the unfamiliar surroundings. Tears slipped down her blotchy cheeks and her bottom lip trembled. "It's alright, baby girl, don't cry, look..." I knelt on the floor and made sure she was safely wedged into the corner of my sofa. "Peek-a-boo, I see you, hiding under the stairs." My hands lifted away from my face on the 'peek-a-boo', revealing a wide smile. This seemed to temporarily quieten her down, although she'd take some settling in. It's just for a little while, my conscience whispered. Living with someone else's baby proved easier than I expected. Supermarket orders turned up on my doorstep, although by the end of the second week I ventured out, so desperate for people to see the proud mum that I was feeling inside. Daisy was an absolute angel. It did take her a week to stop grizzling, but soon she was crying for my cuddles instead. She took my milk from day one. It was a bit hit and miss as the experience was new to me, but it didn't take us long to get into a routine. Still my conscience told me it wasn't going to be forever. By the end of the fifth week, I'd managed to avoid conversations about 'that poor woman' along with any radio or television reports of the incident. But, as I went to enter the newsagents' round the corner, I couldn't help but notice that a centre spread from a 'red top' had been plastered prominently in the shop window, headed 'MISSING'. It seemed her name was Amelia. Three photographs adorned the pages. In one, her mother was beaming while Amelia's chubby face poked out from beneath a blanket; the father standing proudly beside them, outside the hospital's main entrance. The second picture showed Amelia lying on her changing mat underneath a plastic mobile. She looked so content and I could imagine the gurgling sounds she'd have been making. The final photograph depicted the mother with a rather sallow complexion. Her eyes were dark and her mouth turned down like she'd forgotten how to smile. I'd have guessed her to be about ten years older than in the previous picture. The lump in my throat wouldn't clear, no matter how many times I swallowed. I knew that night had to be my last with Daisy. She slept in my arms and my tears fell at last. Predictably, I couldn't sleep. I kept the yellow blanket along with the few daisy patterned sleepsuits I'd been unable to resist from the local supermarket superstore. The following dark, crisp December morning, I gave up my baby. There was no way I could hand myself in; I couldn't deal with the press, the court case, the looks, the shame... So I left her wrapped up in warm blankets in an open box outside a suburban police station. I'd memorised the station's telephone number and checked that the phone box along the road actually worked before I abandoned her. I called with brief, hurried details, then watched as the large wooden door swung open, throwing light onto the steps, illuminating my little girl. My house sold within a month. Julie was led to believe my baby had died, which wasn't entirely untrue. I was finally ready to face up to my grief. They never traced the 'crime' back to me. I was treated for depression, but never confessed. The worst was over and I'd come out the other side. I made the most of my time at home and enrolled in a teacher training course. It turned out to be the best move I ever made, especially as it now means I get to see Amelia five days a week during term time.
Archived comments for Mother And Baby
sirat on 2005-07-29 11:26:28
Re: Mother And Baby
Excellent plot. I particularly liked the ending, with the prospect of the narrator seeing "her" baby five days a week in term time. The opening is also extremely good. You get straight in to the heart of the story, and you don't bother with any detailed description. Within about twenty or thirty words we can see the entire scene and we even have an inkling of the narrator's feelings. The contemplative section about her returning home and keeping her expressed milk in the fridge and descending into depression is also extremely well told and quite poignant, even for a man. Then the story changes somewhat, and becomes more of a narrative of an action adventure. The emphasis moves away from the narrator's inner life and we hear about car parks and baby seats and the like. Now this is necessary to your story, but I think it might be good to pause every now and again and try to show us the mental turmolil and even incipient madness that the woman is feeling when these events are happening. There is a little of it, but in my opinion not enough. Then we have the woman's guilt at seeing the poster, and you are IMO back on form. The ending is fine plot-wise but I felt there was a little bit of emotional closure lacking. I think I would have liked an actual meeting between the two women, possibly engineered by the narrator, years after the event. You can imagine the possibilities for their conversation, the innuendoes and ambiguities. Is that your only child?... Isn't she beautiful! Me? Yes, I had a daughter once but she died. How dreadful. It must have been agony for you.. etc.

Overall, a first class piece of work. One of your best I think.

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-07-29 11:54:10
Re: Mother And Baby
A well-structured read that pulls the reader's emotions all ways, often in several directions at once! It's unusual for a story on this theme to have anything like a happy ending, so congrats on this one. The final "twist" is excellent, and totally unexpected. Maybe a well-used theme, but a whole new slant on it- well done!

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-29 13:36:30
Re: Mother And Baby
Thanks for the comment, Sirat ๐Ÿ™‚ (I can hear it in your accent now which makes it that much better ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

The ending came to me as I reached the last para... my stories tend to do that. I can't plan one, they just have to flow. Glad to hear people think it worked, I'm never sure about 'twists' and was keen for this not to have one, but I think I prefer it in now that it's there.

I will have a serious think about including more of her turmoil, madness, etc. I would definitely like to include more about that but didn't want it going on too much or round in circles. I'm very into people's emotions and love writing about their feelings, worries, depression or whatever... so I probably will expand on that.

Your idea at the end for the two women to meet was great, I may well include that too. I missed writing conversation in this so that would be a good opportunity to throw some more in.

Your comment was really helpful. Some great advice - thanks.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-29 13:40:41
Re: Mother And Baby
Thanks for commenting, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Most stuff I've seen before on this theme seems to follow those who have actually lost the child. I always knew this would be the angle I'd look at it from.

btw, I can never usually structure anything (they effectively write themselves as I go along and I tweak slightly once I'm done), so am pleased you think it pulled together in all the right places! At least, I think that's what you meant!

Anyway, glad you liked. Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-07-30 03:34:14
Re: Mother And Baby
I agree with Sirat who I think has said it all, this is a fine piece of writing indeed Hazy Jo!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-30 10:59:26
Re: Mother And Baby
Great piece of writing Hazy. I really enjoyed it.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-30 17:03:56
Re: Mother And Baby
Ta Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked! I will be busy tweaking at my leisure during the course of the next week or so :p

Def think there's more I can add to this.

Take care.

Hazy Jo x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-30 17:06:21
Re: Mother And Baby
Ta for commenting Si ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm surprised anyone reached it... my last (more than a) few have all been at the bottom of the subs list and, surprise surprise (looks round for Cilla), this one came in last! Literally! *Cries* I don't wanna be bottom of the subs ๐Ÿ™

Aww well. Worse things happen at sea!

Glad you enjoyed.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-07-31 12:00:38
Re: Mother And Baby
It struck me early on that we don't usually see this sort of incident from this point of view. After all, in real incidents like this the press attention is necessarily on the parents whose baby has been taken.

I think Sirat's comment pretty much hits the nail on the head. If you pursue the conversation between the 'mothers' then a parent-teacher evening at the school would fit the bill, I'd have thought and would thus not have to be contrived in any way.

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-31 18:09:58
Re: Mother And Baby
Ya know young Hazy, I swear you are the unluckiest for positions... er, that didn't come out right. Oh balls - i have a filthy image in my head now - just give me a few minutes yeah....



.... sometimes its quite handy to suffer with PE. Anyway, I did enjoy this. I read it all! Are you proud of me? I have a wide screen now, so reading is a bit easier on the eyes. God, I'm proper waffling on aren't I. I'll shut up. You did good. I'm sure you'll get a good position soon....

s
u
n
k
e
n

turning tortoises into ashtrays

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-08-01 12:59:23
Re: Mother And Baby
Yes, a good piece with a an interesting twist at the end. Sirat has taken the time to make a considered comment that is no doubt useful, but I don't agree with his remark on the lack of emotional closure. To me, that's an important part of the twist - it asks more questions than it answers and invites the reader to draw his/her own conclusions.

That said, as has also been commented, this could be lengthened to include a meeting of the two women, in which case maybe 'Parent Teacher Association' might be an alternative title. But if you did then I think you'd have to change the snatch scene a bit because I think if a Mum who had her baby taken caught a glimpse of the kidnapper then it's unlikely that she would forget some details of that person's appearance, even if she only saw the back of her head. But then, that introduces more possibilities in itself...you know...the real mother just beginning to realise why she'd always felt uneasy about 'that teacher' as a school trip approaches...she denies it, thinking she's imagining things, but still...and, dropping her guard for a moment on the trip, Amanda starts to call Amelia Daisy...hmm.

Well, it seems you've fired my imagination!

Now I'd better get ready for work, or they'll fire me too!

Good 'un.

Steve

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-01 14:48:49
Re: Mother And Baby
'ello D.I.S.C.O tra la la

I always find myself thinking of the problems these women must be experiencing when you hear about them taking babies. It must be sheer hell for the mothers, but I can't help but think the 'snatcher' must have severe psychological problems and depression to go through with somat like that. Most of the time they've lost babies themselves.

When Sirat made his suggestions, I immediately thought I'd do it in a parent-teacher evening. I'm sure that would work. Great minds n all that...

Anyway, ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-01 14:56:47
Re: Mother And Baby
Hi Smunky

Yep, I am very rarely on top (ahem!). Most unfair!

Erm, what's PE? Do I want to know? Do you take tablets for it?

I'm very proud of you. So proud in fact that I'll think about snatching you and bringing you up as my own ๐Ÿ™‚ Awww, an ickle munky child. How cute ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x
PS. Did you know that tortoiseshell is actually made from turtles? Well, there you go. Full of useless information, I am.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-01 15:04:39
Re: Mother And Baby
Hi Steve with the fired up imagination *bats eyelashes*

Well, I can see your point about the end... I'm not sure really about it now. Mine do tend to end on one short line like that rather than slowing them down. I dunno why I do that, I s'pose I go for that quick killer punch rather than a slow and painful death :p

There could be a 'feeling' the mother gets from the teacher... oh maybe this would actually be another story. It could work backwards... starting off with the teacher and mother, the mother could do lots of chin-stroking, thinking 'hmmm, you're familiar in a strange kinda way' and then right at the end the teacher could pull her mask off and go 'hah! it's me... I stole your baby all those years ago'.

Hmm. Maybe I should consider a Scooby-Doo scriptwriting course...

Take care, you. TY for the comment n all that.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-08-01 15:58:42
Re: Mother And Baby
Hey hun,

Hope you don't mind, here's a few things that bugged me:

Up here a nurse wouldn't tell a mother her child had died, that is the doctors part. That way if the mother had questions he/she would be able to answer them. A nurse will be present and she will stay with the mother for as long is needed. I ain't sure if it's different down your way.

I think you have a decent story here, but I found many parts very telly, I would have liked to see more showing, getting deeper with her depression.

What did the baby die of? I think that is needed.

I like the idea of her working as a teacher and watching the child grow up, nice touch. I wouldn't add any more after that. That is a neat ending.

I do think it could be fleshed out more though.

A canny read hun. ;^)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-01 16:41:38
Re: Mother And Baby
Hi Claire ๐Ÿ™‚

Ooh, thanks for that. I'd not really considered the doctor/nurse thing. I think I'll have to change that to 'doctor'. A friend of mine's baby died last year, he was premature and didn't live very long. She dealt with nurses; I suppose I was thinking about that as I wrote it. Def some research needed there! It's hard to know when it comes to babies. Doctors don't always get a look in, it can just be midwives and nurses!! In fact, down here, it's bloody awful. Not much sympathy really if somat happens to the baby when it's born. In my mind's eye, she'd not got her home.

I definitely don't want to go into what the baby died of as I don't think it's relevant to the story. I don't want to elaborate on that and am only using it to open the story with. I'd be quite happy saying 'her baby died a couple of months ago' but it just wouldn't have the same impact. Maybe I could elaborate slightly and refer to the fact she was stuck on the maternity ward with all the mums and babies (which is definitely what happens here!) and how a day earlier, she'd been a proud new mum herself, etc...

Yeah, I can see what you mean about 'telly'. I deleted some of this when I first wrote it, but maybe I should have actually left it in. I tend to get so into the characters and give too much rather than too little. I think in this case, I went the other way. I'll definitely be padding it out with more emotion, etc!

I'm really in two minds about the ending now. I really wanted to do that bit about the teacher-parent evening, but the more I think about it, I'm not sure if it would have the same impact. It would almost be like I'm explaining what I'm trying to say. Maybe the short line works better here.

I do definitely want to give more away as to her emotions and depression, and her time out with the baby.

Sometimes you need other people's opinions to find out what's actually needed for the story and what we get carried away with or what's lacking. I still can't understand people who don't wanna hear it!

Working on a couple more 'emotions' subs. Not much action in those. Hopefully will get at least one finished for next week!

Thanks for commenting and advising, Claire.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

HelenRussell on 2005-08-06 00:15:21
Re: Mother And Baby
A very powerful piece Hazy, you've captured the distress at losing a child very well. From experience, the bit in the ward could be expanded more to explain how empty she feels, hearing the sounds of newborn babies crying, and seeing proud parents with their babies when she has none, leaving the hospital empty-handed. Hard enough with a loving partner, but very tough on your own.
I thought the expressed milk was spot-on, very well done.

The rest of the piece I think is fine as it is, too much elaboration may detract from it's impact, which I think is in hearing it from the snatcher's point of view.
The ending niggles at me slightly though. She has come out the other side, got away with her crime, but still hasn't let go because she is still seeing her. I have mixed feelings about that.

Very well written though.
Nicely done.
Helen




Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-08 01:24:52
Re: Mother And Baby
Thanks, Helen. Good to see you.

It's hard to know which bits would work with some expansion. I really appreciate people saying what they think, so thanks for that. I wasn't gonna say much about the hospital, it was almost like an opening shot in a movie. Maybe I do need to leave her in there for a night and expand on it. I'd presumed she'd have left that same day, but I'll have a little think.

The ending was meant to niggle. I'm sure not one person thinks 'awww, ain't that sweet, she still sees her.' It's meant to make you think and shudder, really. Even doing it from her point of view was a difficult angle... not the sort of person you want to sympathise with, but there do tend to be 'reasons' behind their behaviour.

I saw some programme about the police the other day and this baby (literally a baby, not a toddler or child) was left strapped in the back seat while the mother went to a shop. The baby was out of her sight completely for over 5/10 minutes. I was horrified. Police noticed it and gave her a bit of a talking to, but you could see the mother thought she'd done nothing wrong. The expressions on the faces of the police afterwards said it all. The female officer kept going on about the fact the woman couldn't see what was wrong in it, and they knew she'd do it again.

Anyway, thanks for your comments, much appreciated. Given me food for thought. I've already edited it slightly after some advice from Claire, but I'm pretty sure I'll be adding to it in the not too distant future.

Cheers.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

SALTY on 10-10-2005
Mother And Baby
Such a sad story, though it had me gripped until the end. I cant imagine what it would be like to lose a child, by death or kidnap, but you have shown just what it might have been like, great write, Bob ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 13-10-2005
Mother And Baby
Thanks for commenting, Salty Bob ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you hear you were hooked! Hope it didn't damage your gills ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

wirlong on 12-01-2006
Mother And Baby
I really enjoyed this story. A great obsessional tale.

I wonder if perhaps it would also work if we start by seeing the woman steal the child then get the reason in the conclusion.

Still, it works as it is, and I look forward to more stories.

JK

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much, JK ๐Ÿ™‚

There's heaps I could do with this one and the comments have all been extremely helpful. I really like stories that start halfway through, so your idea would definitely work in my book. Not sure I ever will get round to rewriting it, but I'd like to do a different from scratch incorporating some ideas from here. Ta for input, much appreciated.

I look forward to writing more stories, but I've not been penning them long and have lots to learn. Lack of time and inspiration stops me writing more, I'm afraid. Will take a look at your kids story when I get a sec (must head to bed now) and I'll ask dancing_queen to take a peek if she gets a sec too (we work together). She used to write mostly in the 'kids stories' genre and usually has a lot of good advice.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Sleepy Hazy x


So Very Alone (posted on: 22-07-05)
Ahah, the 'missing sub'! Had to re-post though... A Sestina. Sad and depressing, as my stuff often is! Hazy x (PS. Sorry about all the bold, I had probs as per with spacing, etc and this is a way round it) ===========================

Help me I can't breathe Don't let me die Please help I'm not ready to It can't happen here I don't want to be here No-one to love me No-one to hold on to Finding it harder to breathe Somebody, help Please; I can't die I'm far too young to die Not now, not here Anybody; please help It hurts me Such pain when I breathe Nobody to turn to People to say goodbye to Before I die Can't speak if I can't breathe Wish they were here To hold me... love me Offer their help Never before wanted help Hard to admit to Not being strong, failing me Rather than ask, I'd die But now, here As I fight to breathe I'd give anything to breathe I'm begging for help Is anyone still here Maybe they don't want to Maybe they're watching me die Please. Somebody. Help me Such an effort to breathe, no longer sure I want to Don't need no help, please let me die I just want to stay here, my shadow and me
Archived comments for So Very Alone
Warhorse on 2005-07-22 07:59:18
Re: So Very Alone
Hi there hazy,

As a fan of the sestina format, and an admirer of those able to handle the discipline,

i salute your talent, and award you the highest accolade I can give IMO.

This is very simple but extremely impressive. Top marks.

Regards

Warhorse.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-22 10:16:54
Re: So Very Alone
Thanks for your very generous praise, Warhorse.

Pleased you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

PS. Bollox - I meant to turn the ratings off on this. Now, I'm all for low marks, but I really don't appreciate it when people give ratings (especially low ones) and can't be arsed to comment. If they feel able to offer advice or criticism, I'd like to hear it. It's the only way we can improve!

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-07-22 12:04:24
Re: So Very Alone
Wow! Hazybelle a strong un this week and no mistake. Very Sad and the feeling of aloneness is overwhelming, Good one. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-22 14:58:55
Re: So Very Alone
TY for the comment, Val.

Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazybelle x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-22 14:59:28
Re: So Very Alone
TY for the anthology nomination, whoever ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-07-22 15:43:09
Re: So Very Alone
Hazy!!!!

Wonderfully done, I have never attemted one of these, but have so much respect for those of you that do, and to do them well is great to see, as this one is........ Keep up the good work I enjoy reading .

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-22 15:56:26
Re: So Very Alone
PPS. In case of further misunderstandings... that PS was to the Phantom Rater, not Warhorse!! His comment was wonderful ๐Ÿ™‚ Sorry!! it was said in jest. I'd just like comments as well as ratings otherwise they're pointless IMO.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-22 16:04:12
Re: So Very Alone
Jolen!!!!

Many thanks for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

I attempted it, then checked it against a 'sestina creator'. Did all the last words first and fitted the rest in around it. Took lots of tweaking and am glad it went missing last week cos it gave me more tweaking time.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Flash on 2005-07-22 21:07:18
Re: So Very Alone
Scary, scary morbid girl you are.Are you trying to frighten us to death?

I bet you murder spiders as well?:-0)


xx
Flash




Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-22 21:27:49
Re: So Very Alone
Hazy, I don't like to think of you like this. Please write something girlie by way of an antidote. Include, shoes, the colour pink and really bad directional skills. Three stereotypes in one sentence, I will be a male chauvinist pig! Glad your sub appeared at last. Hope all is well, take care.

s
u
n
k
e
n

digging up corpses and checking their dna against his own, cause he wants to - cause he wants to.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-22 21:49:36
Re: So Very Alone
hey Hazy......
this was wonderfull.... i loved it...i can almost feel it.. and imagine it if you know what i mean.
keep it up
take care
xXx....:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-07-22 22:40:48
Re: So Very Alone
Hey hun,

I can see where you're coming from with this. I understand and in a way relate to it, I think many will relate to it.

But I have a niggle hun. I found the word 'help' a bit too repetitive, I can't think of a way around it though, as you know I don't do much poetry.

Nice content to it though. ;^)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-23 00:03:41
Re: So Very Alone
Thanks for the comment, Flash

I can't help it *cries*. I am a morbid soul... always have been!!

btw, I only murder spiders that poke their tongues out and make 'nur nur nur nur nur' sounds at me ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-23 00:05:56
Re: So Very Alone
Aww, Smunky baby. I just had a bad week last week and this poem was the result ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel smiley again this week so no worries!!

I shall try to fill your needs :p (I mean with the poetry suggestions, of course). Watch this space ๐Ÿ˜‰

S'later.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-23 00:07:11
Re: So Very Alone
Thanks for commenting, Baby Poet ๐Ÿ™‚

It was a hard one to do, but I'm not put off... might try another ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-23 00:12:40
Re: So Very Alone
Hi Claire

TY for the comment. Actually, all the lines end with the same words, in different orders - I'm not sure from your comment if you knew that or if you're saying it was just that one word that stood out more than the others?

I'll include a Sestina definition anyway - if you don't need it, I'm sure someone else will!!

====================
A 'Sestina'
'Definition: The sestina is a challenging form in which, rather than simply rhyming, the actual line-ending words are repeated in successive stanzas in a designated rotating order. A sestina consists of six 6-line stanzas, concluding with a 3-line โ€œenvoiโ€ which incorporates all the line-ending words, some hidden inside the lines. The prescribed pattern for using the 6 line-ending words is:

1st stanza 1 2 3 4 5 6
2nd stanza 6 1 5 2 4 3
3rd stanza 3 6 4 1 2 5
4th stanza 5 3 2 6 1 4
5th stanza 4 5 1 3 6 2
6th stanza 2 4 6 5 3 1
envoi 2--5 4--3 6--1'

====================

It was a tricky one!! They do sound unnaturally repetitive... but I wanted to give it a go. Quite like them, actually and might try some more.

Ta again for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-07-23 00:23:23
Re: So Very Alone
Well I think it IS obvious that I don't know what a Sestina thingy is. As you are aware I don't know much about poetry, don't even know what a stanza is classed as...

The definition has made me understand the poem more. I didn't notice the other words, it was just that one word 'help' that grated every time I read it.

I'm not sure if I like the style of sestina thingys, it is very strange to me. Personal taste though.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-23 00:27:29
Re: So Very Alone
Ah, okay. It was just that when you said about not seeing a way round it, I thought maybe you were saying that 'help' stood out more than the other repetitions. It can be the case that one particular word just doesn't work... it's quite helpful to know that 'help' stood out more. I suppose cos it's a stronger word. Next time, I may try and pick words of 'equal strength', or I may experiment with some weird and wonderful ones ๐Ÿ˜‰ Ta for coming back to me and clarifying. They are weird, as are a lot of poetic forms. They've grown on me over the last year I suppose. Keen to try some different stuff too ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

AnthonyEvans on 2005-07-23 21:56:29
Re: So Very Alone
hazy, i like the breathlessness of this piece.

i read it yesterday was going to leave a comment but thought i'd better check out what a sestina is first. and that's because my suggestion would mess up your poem. but, i'll make the comment anyway. i'd cut out before the final stanza. after all that 'help, i'm dying' business to end on a note of: 'well, ok, just pull the plug' kind of deflates the poem for me at the very end.

but still, very much enjoyed this piece and glad to see that people rate it higher than a 7! and congrats on the anthology nom.

best wishes, anthony.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-24 01:20:29
Re: So Very Alone
Cheers for the comment, Anthony ๐Ÿ™‚

It's difficult really, as the format of a sestina goes:

1st stanza 1 2 3 4 5 6
2nd stanza 6 1 5 2 4 3
3rd stanza 3 6 4 1 2 5
4th stanza 5 3 2 6 1 4
5th stanza 4 5 1 3 6 2
6th stanza 2 4 6 5 3 1
envoi 2--5 4--3 6--1'

Therefore, I *need* that 3 line 'envoi' thingy at the end and it must have the last words of the first stanza in the order as shown above. Basically, the end of the 2nd line of the first stanza needs to fall in the middle of the first line of the envoi and it must end with the 5th word of the first stanza. The 2nd line of the envoi has the end word of the 4th line of the first stanza in the middle and the 3rd line's last word from the first stanza at the end. Last (third) line has the 6th in the middle and the first at the end.

It's all very confusing, isn't it!! I'm not even sure you're still with me...!

The fact the envoi thingy has to comprise 3 lines rather than 6 like the others, I wanted it to contrast completely. I might as well explain now... I had envisaged the person in hospital or a hospice. The 'shadow' is cancer. I think there comes a time when people do just let go. The conversation is signifying a time period really rather than one short conversation.

Anyway, ta for commenting. Hope mine hasn't confused you even more!! Fact is, I *can't* delete any of the lines or it would no longer be a 'true' sestina!!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-07-24 22:55:00
Re: So Very Alone
Oooooooh so nice!

Great read, can't crit a thing about it!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-25 01:45:52
Re: So Very Alone
TY Jay for the lovely comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased you liked.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-25 21:05:52
Re: So Very Alone
Hi Hazy,

Wonderful read, I really enjoyed it.

Well done on the Anthology pick.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-26 14:33:09
Re: So Very Alone
Many thanks, Si ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased to hear you enjoyed.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-07-27 15:18:00
Re: So Very Alone
The darkness here is palpable. As I've said before, I so admire your ability to be so very honest in your work. The depth of emotion almost disturbs. Fantastic piece, Miss Hazy.

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-27 15:38:16
Re: So Very Alone
Why, TY kind Sir ๐Ÿ™‚

I like trying to understand people's feelings and why they do or say the things they do. My next one will be an emotional story so am sure it'll be right up your street!

Really pleased you liked. Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care, Ward, you sweetie.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-27 16:00:17
Re: So Very Alone
PS. Thank you very much for picking this as a hot story thingy. I'm flattered xx

Author's Reply:

Jen_Christabel on 10-10-2005
So Very Alone
Gulp, sniff >>>wipes away tears!
This is a cracking piece Hazy. Strong emotion and written with such feeling, and the last line I feel just seals it.
Great stuff
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Jennifer ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked! 'tis always nice when the older ones get dug up. Poems, I mean... not people :-O

I'm not used to writing poetry in 'set styles' so it was something new!

Hazy x


Playing Games (posted on: 15-07-05)
Wasn't quite sure where to put this one... Trying something a bit 'different'!

Hazy x

=========================



Your go, darling! Nope, your turn, sweetie But you threw a double No I didn't You must have! Says who You moved two spaces with two dice! Nope. Not me Then who? Not me! Your turn But it's only us two playing! Then you're wrong then, aren't you? I don't think so! C'mon, just throw the dice It's certainly not my turn 'tis so But you should want to throw again Why? Because you should But why? Because that's how the game's played! Hmmm C'mon, don't be silly I'm not being silly! Yes, you are! What's your problem? My problem? You're kidding me, right? Well I sure as hell don't have a problem Don't you want to win? I am winning No you're not Am so But you're not playing by the rules! Am playing by my rules Yeah, that's about right What's that supposed to mean? Dunno why you wanted to play in the first place 'cos I'll win Oooh, 'ark at Mr Modesty Don't you know it, babe So why did I bother playing? 'cos you're a fool!
Archived comments for Playing Games
RoyBateman on 2005-07-15 16:29:51
Re: Playing Games
Ooh, how cynical! How dare you suggest that there just might be a difference between the sexes - I'll 'ave the Thought Police on you. Why does this sound so realistic....had me smiling, anyway!

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-15 17:14:06
Re: Playing Games
Thanks, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

It's actually more metaphorical and playing the board game is actually the 'playing games' as with relationships.

I am a fool... no doubt about it. Look for love in all the wrong places and with all the wrong men!!

Gonna book myself a holiday and shake off this gloomy cloud.

Ta for the comment... glad the cynicalness (hmm, that's not a word, is it!) came through along with the difference in the sexes.

Hazy, arrested and charged by the Thought Police x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-15 19:57:51
Re: Playing Games
Have I ever told ya Hazy that I like a base that goes, 'boom - boom - boom'? Well now I have. Right, that's that outta the way. If it helps, we're all fools when it comes to love. I'm a right dick wad. Nice piece Hazy. Chin up and eat only the interiors of malteasers. Thanks.
One day Hazy (surveys the uka horizon) one day, all of this will be yours.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Snorting the equator, cause he wants to, cause he wants to.

Author's Reply:

Kazzmoss on 2005-07-15 20:07:40
Re: Playing Games
I like this, something different, a bit of fun, even dialogue is interesting. Reminding me of playing Monoploly when a child, losing my temper and tosing the board!! Horrible kid! - Kaz

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-16 01:03:47
Re: Playing Games
Do ya? I never had you down as a boom boom boom kinda guy. Not after all that camp pop that you seem to go for... or maybe you're just talking headboards? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad you liked my little piece :p

I do only eat the middles of maltesers... how freaky's that?!!! Mind you... I do have to suck all the chocolate off first...

Ta for the comment, Smunky.

Hazy, eating Ben n Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream for her tea, washed down with voddie n pepsi max, cos she wants to, cos she wants to... (goes to dig out Billie Piper CD now). JOKING !!! :-O

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-16 01:07:29
Re: Playing Games
Ta for the comment, Kaz.

If I'm gonna play a game, I never cheat. I must be the most jobsworthy bloody player going - I double check the rules to check we're both gonna be playing the same version n everything. My sister and I used to play monopoly and stuff and she'd always either cheat or toss the board up and quit like you lol. I shed many a tear over it!!

I'm very serious a lot of the time, believe it or not! When I had Playstation, my fave game was Monopoly on it (oh, and that Abe thing, and a boucy beachball thing). How feckin' sad's that?! lol

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-07-16 01:27:38
Re: Playing Games
I want a relationship where I roll a double 6 every time and feel as happy as a pig in its own fecal matter.

I like this cynical, depressing look at male and female relations!!

๐Ÿ˜‰

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-07-16 01:28:41
Re: Playing Games
OH yes, this is it alright....... how we differ in our 'game playing'........ clever, very clever..... Bon Chance.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-16 02:01:48
Re: Playing Games
TY Jay for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, I want too (that's too, not two ๐Ÿ˜‰ I'm not that greedy) :p

I love being in love. I guess I miss it sometimes. I wanna play board games, not mindfuck games.

Awww, my cat just brought me up a massive toy jangly mouse to show he loves me ๐Ÿ™‚ Bloody great timing that cat ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-16 02:05:22
Re: Playing Games
TY for commenting, Jolen

Glad you liked and understood ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm so very anti-tactics and game-playing. Would rather just throw the bloody dice and see where fate takes me...

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-07-17 14:03:26
Re: Playing Games
Love this, thanks for sharing it Hazy ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚
all the best
Lena

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-18 18:13:23
Re: Playing Games
Thanks for the comment, Lena ๐Ÿ™‚

T'was good to try somat a bit different! Will try a little more experimentation too in the future!!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-18 18:59:31
Re: Playing Games
I hate playing those games too hazy...but unfortunately, it is the way!

In our house it was like the battle of the Titans when me and my dearly departed used to play Backgammon!lol we were very evenly match too. Good fun though. This could be developed into a screen play.

Smiling

Tai x

Author's Reply:

Kazzmoss on 2005-07-18 20:42:12
Re: Playing Games
Hi Hazy, without you serious ones, how can we volatile ones get any satisfaction - Kaz

Author's Reply:

glennie on 2005-07-19 02:53:58
Re: Playing Games
Strange this. In my house its tother way round. Honestly, I don't need to cheat cos I win anyway.

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-07-19 13:44:49
Re: Playing Games
Strange... am I the only one who has picked this up as someones relationship and they are having a tiff and it's not about actually playing games?

*goes to re-read it*

Yup, I still see it as a relationship hitting the fan. Maybe it's just me...

'So why did I bother playing? 'cos you're a fool!' - we are all fools... some are bigger fools than others.


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-19 15:08:36
Re: Playing Games
Ah, TY for looking beneath the surface Claire! It's not actually a metaphorical tiff but you're certainly on the right lines. It was more about the games people play in relationships. There are a lot of people who play games with others who never really know where they stand or if someone's actually interested or not. I prefer straight talking myself. Not everyone does though! I see it as a sign of insecurity if someone's afraid to voice their feelings or intentions.

And some of us never learn and get roped into playing games every bloody time lol.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-19 15:12:43
Re: Playing Games
Hi Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

Bloody gameplayers... should all be shot! Think I'll carry on, erm, playing with myself! Ahem!

I bet how you played games as kids indicates how you'll 'play games' as an adult!!

TY for the comment.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-19 15:19:56
Re: Playing Games
Typical blokie lol. Sometimes, when we 'play the game' we actually let you believe you've won/are winning. Men get in amazingly good moods when they think they've won somat. I love a man in a good mood... he'll do anything I want :p

TY for commenting, Glen ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-07-20 13:00:33
Re: Playing Games
Clever poem Hazybelle, Love it. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-20 13:25:08
Re: Playing Games
Thanks for the lovely little comment, Val ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you enjoyed.

Love Hazybelle x

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-07-20 13:38:34
Re: Playing Games
Playing games ... is not good. Never learning is also not good. This is a pretty clever write Hazy. Enjoyed the read. Apolloneia xx

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-20 17:54:23
Re: Playing Games
Hi Hazy,

I liked this, thought it was simple yet conveyed (for me) that there was more than just playing a game.

I could be wrong...usually am.

Si:-)



Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-21 01:22:23
Re: Playing Games
Hi little rosy Apple ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you enjoyed ๐Ÿ™‚ I suppose you're right about the never learning thing... I suppose we have to gameplay to know their strategies for future 'matches'!

Ta for the comment.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-21 01:24:28
Re: Playing Games
Hi Si ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for commenting and looking a bit deeper. Yeah it was definitely more than just playing a game. More to do with the games people play in relationships - or before they even reach relationship status.

See other comments for further explanation.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


If Bedroom Walls Could Talk (posted on: 11-07-05)
I'm sure this one could have gone on a lot longer!

Hazy x

=======================



If bedroom walls could talk... What stories they would tell Tales of pleasure, secrets and sorrow Convoluted accounts of he said, she said Arguments from a failing marriage The small battered leather case Only used for overnight stops Absent from its dusty home on top of the wardrobe While he fucked his bit on the side in her absence The night her baby girl was conceived When she giggled her way to bed with Roberto - the waiter, from that night's divorce celebrations The early morning phone call Announcing her father's death Teary conversations followed with close family and suited strangers Wedding night consummation with the man of her dreams The one she should have waited for Instead of settling for Mr Almost Right
Archived comments for If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Sunken on 2005-07-11 19:39:07
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Well with a title like that I had to read. A very strong piece young Hazy. You wouldn't be a happy with a Mr right ya know - I hear they are very boring, no - what you need is a wrong un (-; Sorry you got a crap position for this piece, I'm sure the comments will come. I'm using my random turnip assisted commenting system which allows me (via the gift of the turnip) to comment in a completely arse about tit kinda way. Keep up the good work. Hope things are starting to feel a little more settled there. Take care.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Author's Reply:

shackleton on 2005-07-11 23:30:19
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Blimey, just imagine if bedroom walls could talk and SEE! Blooming 'eck what a load of 'orrible sights they'd see. Your poem shows that element of 'different' that I often catch in your poems, Hazy-person. Take care now.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 00:46:06
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
TY Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

I shall keep looking out for a wrong un lol. Not that I think there's many left down south... maybe I should think about moving... ๐Ÿ˜‰

My last few have been crap positions. My subs I mean, not my love life :p Not much positioning going on there, I can tell you ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, I'm off on a mission... (search, not position... bloody hell, you're a bad influence ;))

Take care ickul munky ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 00:49:26
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Hi Shacks ๐Ÿ™‚

Has anyone else's subject box gone yellow, btw when they comment? Or is it just me?

Anyway, back to the poem... Yep, it is rather worrying isn't it lol. My mum's always saying 'if walls could talk'. In fact, I think I made reference to that in my last prosey piece which is probably where I inadvertently got the inspiration. It's why I keep moving house, cos I'm worried if they ever developed the technology for bedroom walls to talk... *shivers* hmmm, let's not go there lol.

God, I'll shut up now. I've been off sick today and I think the lack of human interaction has been getting to me!

I do like a bit of 'different' btw ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for commenting.

The Hazy Person x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-07-12 00:55:24
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
If my bedroom walls could talk they would be mute ๐Ÿ™

Nice poem Hazy-Jo

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 01:08:48
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Believe me, mine wouldn't exactly be gobby! I might be all talk, but my bedroom walls certainly wouldn't be ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for the comment. Really pleased you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy-Jo x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-07-12 12:28:57
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Such is life Hazybelle, such is life.. you did this well and I thought you stopped just where you should. love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 16:06:58
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Ta for the comment, Val ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, I do believe you're right!

Take care.

Hazybelle ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-07-12 17:40:50
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Wonderful, sobering piece, Miss Jo. The realism, and honesty (as usual), is startling. Fine work,

Ward

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-07-12 18:49:46
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Hi Hazy, certainly much can happen in your life between those four walls - this gave me a feel of that old fashioned 'bottom drawer' where a girl prepared herself for marriage, by making linens and sheets to take to her wedding bed. Lovely poem.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 20:28:30
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
TY for the comment, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

It was honest in a fictional kinda way ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad you liked! Ta for your kind words.

Hazy-Jo x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 20:32:15
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Ta for commenting, Emma ๐Ÿ™‚

I love your comparison - that was a lovely idea, that bottom drawer thing wasn't it. Mind you, these days, the drawer would have to be feckin' huge!!!

I think a lot about how your life feels like it's as important as the time you're living right this instant. Somehow, most of us get through the problems and sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't an oncoming train!! Time's a great healer and everything happens for a reason. Now then, any more clichรฉs to add while I'm here? Nah, that's about it lol.

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-07-15 01:39:33
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
It's good thing bedroom walls can't talk... ;^)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-15 16:30:12
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Absolutely! A worrying thought!

Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-15 16:34:28
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Oh, and thanks to whoever gave the vote of '3' last night! Know it's far from perfect (as am I) but would appreciate knowing why you thought it was crap enough to warrant a score of 3.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-07-16 01:26:40
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
I enjoyed this Hazy.

Yes, our bedooms would have much to say, and I'm not so sure I would wish to hear it all..... Mostly mine would say "quit playing with that, you're going to break it" lol

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-16 01:52:51
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Okay, it's sorted ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-16 01:54:31
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
TY for the comment, Jolen...

Erm... (blushing) I did break it rofl.

Hazy, saving up and using the reserve ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-20 17:56:10
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
I thought this was good piece and I think it was just the right length.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-21 01:27:07
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
TY for the comment, Si ๐Ÿ™‚

I don't think you can beat a piece that's just the right length :p

Ahem!

Glad you liked.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-07-21 12:00:40
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Well I utterly agree with Abel! Have read this a couple of times recently, but today I really see it's very honest and very vivid and very realistic! Nx

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-21 13:24:13
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
TY for the lovely comment, Nic. Made me smile ๐Ÿ™‚

It's not one of my faves, but am pleased to see it's been well received ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta again. Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-21 13:24:54
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Many thanks to whoever nominated it!!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Warhorse on 2005-08-06 18:25:45
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Hi There hazy,

i got this one by browsing.

very well crafted, puts the lie to that dream marriage, and wedded bliss. Hard hitting, but, maybe a warning,

well done

Warhorse.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-08 02:40:45
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
Hi Warhorse ๐Ÿ™‚

Nothing wrong with a little late night browsing...

Thanks for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you liked.

Dream marriage? Wedded bliss? Is there such a thing...

Hazy, the cynic (or maybe that's 'eternal optimist', believing Mr Right's out there!) x

Author's Reply:

EMERGING on 2005-08-18 11:31:12
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
this grabs a life...the incidental bits the corruscations...the sharp edges...the moments in time that caused a change...very good...

got me

louis

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-18 18:49:59
Re: If Bedroom Walls Could Talk
And getting you was most enjoyable for me too ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚ TY for commenting!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Mascara-Run Lies (posted on: 08-07-05)
I dragged this out kicking and screaming from Poetry Workshop 7 and re-worked it slightly (and changed the title).

Hazy x

==================



Ears pricked up at the mention of divorce Red crayon poised Head down, eyes up Sneaky glances towards my mum The phone cradled in her hands Reassurances thrown in my direction "Not me and your dad, honey" Lips mouthing yet more deceit, as Her mascara-run face Exposed her lies Blue next to reflect my mood With black "V"s for birds As their wings flapped inside me I rose above the blue-crayoned sky Far away from the tension-filled room I cried myself to sleep that night Conscious only of hatred towards my dad He still thinks he detects it Even now When we're all playing happy families
Archived comments for Mascara-Run Lies
Griffonner on 2005-07-08 10:28:42
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
There is only one word that is worthy of the use for this piece: Excellent.

I think that this is classic - though sad.

Great visualisation. Good construction. I particularly liked 'Blue next to reflect my mood With black "V"s for birds Their wings flapped inside me'

*Appreciatively* Griffonner


Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-08 10:55:45
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Hi hazy, divorce I am sure, feels like the death of the family to kids involved. But it's not.

Great poem

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-08 11:14:35
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Blimey, what a comment! Thanks for that, Griffonner ๐Ÿ™‚

Made me smile even though I'm at work (and wanna be at home)! Thank you lol.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-08 11:23:17
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Thanks for the comment, Tai ๐Ÿ™‚ They did actually stay together btw!

I don't think adults should be scared of divorce if they really can't live together and children have to witness that. I get annoyed at people who 'stay together for the sake of the children', yet the children grow up in an unsettled home, generally being wary of love and relationships. Heard a 17 year old on the radio the other night talking about her parents deciding to stay together and how she'd been put off marriage and she wished they'd split instead of keep arguing or trying to keep things civil for over 10 years. She said they should have split and maybe found love with other people.

If couples have problems they can work through, fair enough. But if they're completely incompatible, I think they should split. Just cos someone doesn't live with their child any more shouldn't make them any less of a parent!

Anyway, take care and thanks for the comment.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-09 08:35:48
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Hiya hazy with a big 'H' - I swore this had a higher word count earlier in the week. That's why I'm late commenting - honest. I do remember this one and I also fink its one of your best. Of course, anything with crayons in it is going to get my vote. I'm only allowed crayons here. I scrawl my poems on the walls of my padded cell and a nice young medic types them into his laptop for me. He's such a twat though as he claims them as his own. Sunken - What a wanker. Anyway, sorry my mind wandered - I'm currently blaming Micheal Fish, the ex BBC weatherman. That fucker has a lot to answer for. I hope you have found this comment both constructive and helpful. Thanks. Take care and one of those keys that they use for bleeding radiators. I think you may have an airlock.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Enjoy the sunshine Hazy, we are blessed.

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-07-10 09:56:54
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Hi Hazy, good poem - children pick up on atmospheres, and see through the sham of lies. Good poem, the use of crayons adding to the stark message in this.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-10 23:34:38
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Hi Smunky baby.

Surprised you didn't comment on the title ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad you liked the crayons... wasn't sure if you'd think I was purposely reminding you that it's all you're allowed. Thought maybe you'd prefer a nice poem about fountain pens and felt tips - but I decided you were a sensitive munky and you might feel the loss of what you're missing.

Ah well, TY for the very constructive and helpful comment.

btw, Michael Fish, IMO, is responsible for a whole lot more - big cover up operation going on if you ask me!!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-10 23:38:09
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Thanks for the comment, Emma ๐Ÿ™‚

I remember hearing that very phone call by my mum. Wasn't drawing, but was at the kitchen table. Parents were going through a 'rough patch'. Remember that awful feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know the world as you know it might fall apart.

Nearly didn't post this one - took a while to do it cos it's a kinda personal one.

Ta again for your words.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-07-12 00:22:25
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
IMO this is excellent, luv your stuff as ever.

Jay (I really wish I had more knowledge of poetry. I write it sometimes and read it a lot and try hard to understand it)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 00:41:55
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Thanks for that comment, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm not a big poetry fan, believe it or not! Never read a poetry book in me life - have just used it as a way of expression all my life. I don't understand some either, but once you get into it, occasionally it's a bit clearer and it's wonderful when you get the gist of somat or work out its entire meaning.

Mine's sometimes quite open and not always metaphorical, maybe that's why you like it. But if it encourages you to read and write more poetry, it can only be a good thing!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-12 20:17:03
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
I remember this one hazy...very good indeed. I know the feeling well, my mother did it twice!lol I loved the image of the birds...crows (death) sprang to mind. Vincent's wheatfield. It does feel like a death in family to kids.

It's a hard one, but it is their lives not ours, so what can you do but try not to take sides, which is so very hard indeed. I was forced to take sides and it wasn't something I like to remember at all.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 20:26:35
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
TY Tai for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

I did tweak it a bit and added an extra line in each verse or jiggled around what I had. Don't you just love jiggling what you got? ๐Ÿ˜‰

There's nothing worse than seeing a parent in tears and them going 'it's okay, nothing's wrong.' It makes it worse. I had butterflies like that for about a year or two in my early teens. Remember it vividly. Was very hard not to take sides.

I like the Vincent's wheatfield quote, btw ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for that.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

EMERGING on 2005-08-18 11:35:04
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
the last line sums it uppppp

louis

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-18 18:47:39
Re: Mascara-Run Lies
Well TY for you comment, Louis ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad the last line worked, wasn't sure if it would have enough impact or not... didn't wanna spell things out any further, so I hoped it would.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Free Spirit (posted on: 01-07-05)
A tale of a slightly unconventional mother and her daughter.

Hazy x (***edited slightly after posting***)

=========================



She wasn't like the other girls' mums. You're so lucky, they'd say. Your mum's fabulous, Cassie. Mother would turn up with her full slap on, dressed up to the nines just to collect me from school. Not that she made it very often. Invariably, Mrs Manning from up the road would be there to greet me at the school gates. Your mam needs to get her priorities straight, she'd mutter as she tugged on my arm and virtually frogmarched me home. I suppose mother was what you might call a free spirit. There were no curfews imposed in our house. We never ate at regular times and we'd sleep when we were tired. If my father had ever lived with us, maybe the situation would have been different; although I'm not convinced anyone would have been able to sway my stubborn mother. Each Sunday afternoon (if she wasn't performing), she'd sit me down in the conservatory on the foam filled window seat and tell me how it was in her day. We'd browse the photos and theatre programmes and occasionally she'd teach me a song or dance routine. We'd dress up in patterned flares and chunky white platform boots - they went all the way up my legs but were really only supposed to reach my knees - before the evening dresses came out, bejewelled with sequins and what I believed at the time to be priceless gems. We talked about travelling together when I finished school or college. She told me of faraway places, portraying vivid images of each country and giving colourful descriptions of the inhabitants along with their cultures. I desperately wanted to visit India first with its heady, spicy aromas. It reminded me of an artist's palette, the way she described it. We'd wrap ourselves up in her silk scarves as make-do saris and sit cross-legged with the incense sticks burning gently in the background. She taught me smatterings of other languages. Oui, I'd say if she offered me fruit tea. And, if Mrs Manning was minding me, I'd answer the phone with Bonjour. Although that was to annoy Mrs Manning more than anything. She'd always roll her eyes and say, Should be speaking bleedin' English properly before speaking foreign. Most of my childhood was spent indoors. There'd be kids out in the street on their bikes, or bouncing tennis balls up against fences, hollering and screaming. Mother and I would close the heavy curtains and light the candles and incense sticks. She loved books and often read to me. I never grew up listening to children's stories; always adult fiction, poetry or something factual. She owned a large 'coffee table book' (as she called it) which was effectively a take on Vogue, filled with glamorous women wearing the latest fashion. I'd flick through it and daydream during the rare occasions she was watching the television or engrossed in a radio play. When we did venture out, it was never to the park or the cinema. For my birthdays, she'd take me to the theatre. We'd always dress up for the occasion. Mother would dab rouge on my cheeks and apply a stroke of pink gloss to my lips. She took me backstage once, but I almost wish she hadn't. The bubble burst for me that night. The decor was tatty, the dressing rooms cramped, and the language! Everyone either seemed to be in a rush or arguing. I froze on the spot when a portly man shouted, What's she doing back here? before realising who I was with. His whole demeanour changed when he found out I was Meg Hamilton's daughter. She was only forty seven when we buried her. I was seventeen. We never did visit India together. But I told her lifeless body of the adventures I would have, knowing her spirit would be by my side absorbing each country with me. I'd ensured her head had been wrapped in her favourite vintage Pucci scarf and her face painted on, along with false eyelashes and penciled in eyebrows. The blue dress I'd always loved her in adorned her tiny frame. I didn't think she'd mind that it was too big for her now. You can never be too thin or too glamorous, Cassie, she'd probably still have said.
Archived comments for Free Spirit
pencilcase on 2005-07-02 01:56:32
Re: Free Spirit
Hi Haze...

An interesting and heartfelt piece.

In fact, a very interesting 'take' on things.

I'm too knackered to comment further, but this is certainly an interesting write!

Steve

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-07-02 02:00:34
Re: Free Spirit
Hi Hazy,

I'm surprised no one else has commented on this. Its certainly an unusual read but enjoyable. It seemed to me like a story that was so real and vivid it made me wonder if you had based it on personal experience?

The final few sentences brought back some powerful emotions for me.

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-02 02:35:25
Re: Free Spirit
Hi Jay

Well, it's a bit like buses, none for hours then 2 come along at once (comments that is) *rolls eyes*

I did want to hit all those buttons it seemed to push with you, so maybe I did get some of it right.

None of it was true, just imagination! Was inspired by a fave book of mine but it certainly wasn't a take on it.

I guess we can all relate to the sad stuff in one form or another ๐Ÿ™

Just me being my usual morbid self - why is it someone nearly always dies at the end of my stories?! I don't even set out to do it half the time!

Anyway, TY for your encouraging comment.

Take care. Big hug.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-02 02:41:44
Re: Free Spirit
Thanks for the comment, Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

I used to know a guy who made his own childhood out to be a bit like this - but I know it was all bollox. I think it's how I'd like to be, actually... bit hippy-ish, free spirited and unconventional... but that's not the outward me at all.

Glad you found it 'interesting'. I could write a whole book on it, I'm sure... I do love psycho-analysing people's childhoods and am sure I've got many more stories in me along similar lines!

Take care you.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-03 03:18:13
Re: Free Spirit
Hi hazy, I liked your story. I found it hard to decide whether the child liked her mother or resented her. It was a real division of positive and negative attributes. That's what you get though, one way or another! Can't have it all.

She reminded me of my Nanna, with the theatre and the stories of far off lands. She was like a star burning out fast wasn't she? Her demise was a bit abrupt. And what did she die of? springs to mind too.

A good read, will we find out what happened to the Kid then?

All the best

Tai



Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-03 03:37:21
Re: Free Spirit
Hi Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad to hear you liked. I think she was close to her mother - but perhaps realised she and her mother were 'different'. I do have this habit of killing people off at the end of my stories. I'm a bit of a morbid soul really. I kinda presumed cancer had killed her which is why I said about the headscarf covering her head (not her hair) and the fact she'd lost a lot of weight at the end.

Dunno if I'll follow it up, probably not. Was just a little snippet ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy Fantazie x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-03 15:32:21
Re: Free Spirit
Hiya Hazy of sleepy London village where tranquility and calm reign. You should be proud of me, I read your latest without a break. You know what I'm like, 200 words and I need a nap. Er.. I don't mean just your work, I mean in general. I too found myself asking the question, how does Sting keep so young looking? No sorry, that wasn't it. I was asking myself if this was fact or fiction. A very good sign if you ask me young Hazy of sleepy... sorry, I did that already. You shouldn't worry about the death thing. I've noticed it crops up in most of my prosy efforts too. I blame Morrissey. A top piece young Hazy, and just the right length too. Thanks.

s
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k
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n

Why not move your furniture around? It can give you a whole new outlook on life. Thanks.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-04 01:06:44
Re: Free Spirit
Alright, Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for that comment. I am indeed proud of you! Maybe you've learnt to multi-task though? Hmmm.

Definitely fiction. Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚ It's very hard to find somat just the right length, innit :p

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x
PS. I have indeed recently moved my furniture around! Yep, I have a whole new outlook (mainly cos my telly's in another corner now so I'm facing a different direction lol)

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-04 11:37:07
Re: Free Spirit
Hi Hazy,

I read this twice and found myself totally absorbed by the tale. Only problem I have is after reading, I wanted more...

Nice piece, I enjoyed it immensely.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-04 11:58:38
Re: Free Spirit
Many thanks for that encouraging comment, Si ๐Ÿ™‚

I enjoy writing prose like this - bit like my last one too - but I lack motivation. Not sure I'd add anything to this one, but may try some more soon!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-07-05 11:54:05
Re: Free Spirit
Well, I grew up in the '60s and this sounded very, very real to me - well done indeed! There are so many characters like this around, gently fading but still seeking attention. Sometimes the most vivid portraits, the ones that ring truest, come from complete wisps of imagination - I know, it works that way with me too! Very good read that hits all the right spots.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-05 12:15:18
Re: Free Spirit
Aww, TY Roy for a lovely comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Good to know I captured somat I wasn't actually part of!

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-07-06 12:34:10
Re: Free Spirit
I loved this Hazybelle and it made me cry at the end. A lovely little story with my coffee thoroughly enjoyed it.Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-06 13:01:37
Re: Free Spirit
Hi Val

Thanks for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚ And thanks for crying lol. I'm sure I'd have cried if I'd not written it! Sad things always start me off.

Take care.

Love Hazybelle x

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-07-06 19:12:29
Re: Free Spirit
A really enjoyable read Hazy, the relationship between mother and daughter seems at once warm in it's seclusion and yet fractured by an insight of wider reality by the occasional intrusion of the outside world in the form of commentary from Mrs Manning and the noting of how other children play. Thanks for sharing this ๐Ÿ™‚
all the best
LE

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-07 10:40:21
Re: Free Spirit
Thanks for commenting, LE ๐Ÿ™‚

Very observant comments there. I did want to bring in bits of 'normality' into the story - like the theatre and Mrs Manning. The first para was meant to make people question where the story was going - other people saw their lives as weird or unconventional - but for the two of them it was their version of normal.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-07-21 11:54:20
Re: Free Spirit
Very well written Hazy, I liked it. Nx

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-21 13:28:00
Re: Free Spirit
Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

I feel this is one I could expand on if I was so inclined! I think the characters (and others) could do with a bit more development and I definitely have more to tell about them. It would probably turn into something quite long though which I'm not sure I'd want to spend time doing. We'll see.

Anyway, TY again.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


''And For My Next Trick...'' (posted on: 24-06-05)
This fell into my head rather suddenly - makes me giggle every time I read it now ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

=========================



The applause filtered out before it had truly begun Just the odd single clap echoed round the auditorium 'Tada...' he said flatly, whilst clutching the freak animal by its cotton wool tail Seemingly half rabbit, half dove It fought for its escape and flapped to freedom Emitting a loud miaow en route
Archived comments for ''And For My Next Trick...''
jay12 on 2005-06-26 01:03:54
Re: ''And For My Next Trick...''
I can't believe no one else has commented!

They must be laughing too much. This made me laugh because it appeals to the crazy in me!!! It's really mad and to quote big brother contestant Maxwell, "Its off the hook!"

hahahahaha classic!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-06-26 03:35:29
Re: ''And For My Next Trick...''
A pearl of a poem, loved it!
all the best
LE

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-26 04:40:41
Re: ''And For My Next Trick...''
TY LE ๐Ÿ™‚ Really pleased you liked it. It still makes me giggle ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-26 04:45:15
Re: ''And For My Next Trick...''
This is one of those ones where I don't give a toss what response it gets cos it cracks me up anyway lol. I know i'm not s'posed to laff at my own jokes, but this just so hits my buttons lol. I really shouldn't laff at my own stuff, should I. Ah fuck it :p

Miaow LOL

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-06-29 19:42:28
Re: ''And For My Next Trick...''
I woke up on Sunday morning with a hangover that no amount of raw egg was going to shift in a hurry. It is hard to laugh in such states, but on reading this gem I found it extremely easy. A very witty little write in my smunky opinion young Hazy of sleepy London village.

s
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k
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n

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-30 14:51:09
Re: ''And For My Next Trick...''
TY for the comment Smunky person. I'm still laffing when I read this little poem. Glad to hear you shared the humour. Hope you're fully recovered now ๐Ÿ™‚

The Hazy Girl x

Author's Reply:


"Wanna Be A Movie Star?" (posted on: 24-06-05)
Erotic, disturbing, sad... I'm not sure which.

Hazy x

=======================



See how she loves it Her mouth filled with fist Thumb and pinkie forcing the corners into a smile Pigtails tugged back hard Fingers threaded through bleached hair Muffled resistance Did you hear that... She begged for more Dilated pupils in wet eyes Open wide Her mind fogged As silent objections constricted her throat My turn he said as he rolled her over
Archived comments for "Wanna Be A Movie Star?"
Sunken on 2005-06-25 07:29:52
Re:
Hiya Hazy. Can't think why this hasn't had any comment yet. I wish people would read randomly instead of working their way down the 100 list. Pff, that's my ickul moan out of the way. I've decided on 'disturbing' for this one. Was the 69 word count intentional? I don't know what films you're watching yung lady, you may want to try 'The wizard of Oz' this weekend as it's far removed from all that nastiness (-; Though to be honest, i always suspected something between Dorothy and that dog. Anyway, a top write young Hazy that I'm sure will get noticed soon. Take care and a turnip.

s
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k
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Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-25 13:35:58
Re:
Hi Smunky baby. Yep, I think I'd go with 'disturbing' too. I did notice the 69 word count, but not before it was finally subbed and up! Very weird lol.

Actually, I subbed 2 Friday, but the other one's not got any comments either *bawls eyes out*. I think I'll just go eat worms...

My mum's middle name's Dorothy btw (for her sins) lol. I shall go put my Wizard of Oz CD on and think/write about happy things ๐Ÿ™‚ Actually, my other sub is a happy one... in fact, I nearly p' myself every time I read it lol - but I really do think the humour just appeals to me!!

la la la The hills are alive la la la. Oh, no, that's the other one innit.

Well, anyway, TY Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚ Take care.

Hazy x
PS. The title of this disappeared after I subbed - I had to go back in and re-enter a title. I've just noticed there's none on this box thingy either. Hmmm, may end up back in the Editing Suite again! Bloody thing.

Author's Reply:

sirat on 2005-06-25 22:50:10
Re:
I wouldn't be too sure about The Wizard of Oz either. Judy Garland's life contained a lot of the kind of incident your poem describes. She was arguably one of the unhappiest film stars that Hollywood ever produced. Have a look at the words of Don Mclean's "Magdalene Lane":

The angels are lost in the city of stars
the wise men are down on their knees.
And the fruitman of freeway will sell you his cars
when he's sure that you can't find the keys.

And the ladies on Magdalene lane
all worship the sun and the sand.
And the migrants who come can't complain
for this is their promised land.


MGM studios can't make the nut
they're auctioning Dorothy's shoes.
Gable is gone, the good witch is a slut
and I've got the parking lot blues.

The wizard brought benzadrine smiles
and he never let Dorothy doze.
She died as she walked down the aisle
and all that remains is her clothes.

Over the rainbow a Kansas tornado
can twist up a little girlยดs head.
Aunt Em's on relief and the tinman's a thief
and even the wizard can't wake the dead.


The prophet has come to this kingdom of lights
but there's no one to listen or learn.
And the savior performs for the prophet's delight
while dissenters are banished or burned.

And the heretics beg to be heard
but the savior's on tour for the week.
Salvation is found in his word
if only he'd learn how to speak.

And Lincoln is laughing with Amos 'n' Andy
concerning the Great Civil War.
And Paul Revere sleeps with the worst looking creeps
while revolution's knocking at his door.


Magdalene Lane is the red light domain
where everyone's soul is for sale.
A piece of your heart will do for a start
but you can send us the rest in the mail.

For we have our own families to feed
and we can't let them starve just for you.
Well, we'd rather not watch while you bleed
so come back in an hour when you're through.

It's just another city full of sorrow,
it makes no difference why I came.
I only know I'm leaving here tomorrow
and only the motel man knows my name.

Back to you poem. It's certainly very powerful. I think without the title though you wouldn't understand the context. Have you read Miss Clawdy's Memoirs of a Hollywood Starlet? Same story told very cleverely in prose.

Definitely disturbing, anything that gets to the core of Hollywood must be.

Author's Reply:

sirat on 2005-06-25 22:57:01
Re:
Sorry, the link doesn't seem to work. Try this one:
Memoirs of a Hollywood Starlet

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-25 23:39:43
Re:
Hi Sirat. TY for those words - the song (I presume it's a song?), the comment and the link! Really loved them all!

Love Don McLean, if we're talking about the same one! He wrote Vincent? That'll be played at my funeral - been saying that for donkeys' years!!

I wrote a poem about Paula Yates not long back called "Suicide Blonde?". I'd definitely like to do something on Marilyn Monroe too. And maybe Judy Garland - you're def right about her. Very disturbing life.

Anyway, TY for the comment and all else. Loved 'em all.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-06-26 01:08:04
Re:
If I where a director that's how I'd cast. If they want it so bad and all that.....

Nice poem!

Jay.

P.S. real talent does not have to suck cock!

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-06-26 01:19:43
Re:
A very powerful piece...Erotic or sad...sad I feel.
And nobody should be subjected to have sex to get a job.

Si.

If I drop my trousers I wonder if I could get my book published? They may do it out of pity.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-26 04:49:57
HMMM, NO SUBJECT...
I dunno why the subject box's playing up. Hmmm.

Anyway, TY for the comment Mr Solo. I wish someone had told me that a week ago though ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy, soon to be movie star... apparently ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-26 04:57:43
Re:
Oh, this is well weird. I left a comment, but now it's not showing. And the comment box is still empty. And it's now saying 68 words instead of 69 and I'm buggered if I deleted anything...

Hmmm.

Anyway, this is what I said young Jayster (I copy everything in case it crashes when I hit send).

================
Well, that's not what they told me, Jay... you sure you got that right?!

And there's me thinking real talent should know how to...

Ah no, I'm forgetting... I got that wrong, didn't I...

Take care Norty Boy.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-06-28 15:59:38
Re:
Loved this dark, intense piece. Great work!

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-28 17:24:23
Re:
TY Ward you sweetie ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-06-30 11:17:46
Re:
I found this dark and very disturbing. you have managed to capture the horror too. Well written hazybelle. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-30 14:45:19
Re:
Ta Val ๐Ÿ™‚ It always was gonna be an uncomfortable one rather than just a porn one! Mind you, might do a norty one soon!

TY for the comment.

Hazybelle ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Author's Reply:

Frenchy on 2005-07-01 19:56:04
Re:
Sad definitely sad! Punchy writing from a punchy young lady.
Bises,
Dave.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-02 00:07:41
my poem ๐Ÿ™‚
TY for the comment Davey Frenchy ๐Ÿ™‚

Mmm, I quite like the thought of being 'punchy' ๐Ÿ™‚ Fanking you for that ๐Ÿ™‚

Shame she was a sad girlie, huh? I expect the poem was a bit of all three things really, but for different people.

Take care ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-07-03 03:39:33
Re:
I'm not sure which either other than it's an intense and well written piece of thinking material for me.

thank you.
blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-03 15:17:17
[insert title here!!]
TY for the comment, Jolen ๐Ÿ™‚

I liked your words there... know you dabble in quite a bit of erotica so glad to learn it's acted as a piece of thinking material ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Just Like Apple Pie (posted on: 13-06-05)
It's about growing old together, still being in love and the way aromas can stir up a wild concoction of memories.

Hazy x

=======================


She stood by the cooker Pinny tied tight at the back Middle aged spread A twenty year old memory The curves he fell in love with half a century ago, grew alongside their love, their knowledge and over the apron strings Home baked, sweet aromas still entice Mouth watering deliciousness stimulating forgotten senses Long-buried memories stirred of family meals round the heavily scarred oak table Individual voices blended into one Competing for centre stage until they each received their very own slice of apple pie Father threw mother a wink as he declined saying he'd save his apple pie for later
Archived comments for Just Like Apple Pie
AnthonyEvans on 2005-06-13 11:22:33
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
that's a very positive image you throw up here, hazy. i thought it was going to get darker after the 'heavily scarred' table but it didn't, so maybe you should substitute something like 'heavy oak table' instead?

(i've put a legal story up this week and would like you to take a quick look to make sure my facts are in order! it's very short)

best wishes, anthony

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-06-13 13:52:06
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
My father did the baking in my house, I eagerly waited for the jam tart pie hhmmmm...

I like the ending of this piece, very subtle.

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-06-13 13:58:41
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
A lovely sweet desert hazy. Very tasty indeed.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Griffonner on 2005-06-13 14:20:20
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Such a charming poem, Hazy. And one which I can fully empathise with (being of more mature years, myself - and having a cooking angel of my very own). Smashing. Sweet and custardy! *grin*

Kind regards, Griffonner

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-13 15:08:03
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Thanks for the comment, Anthony ๐Ÿ™‚

I wasn't aiming for misleading re 'dark' so maybe I'll give that a little thought. I wanted to try and say that it wasn't all good - I love the thought of an old table holding many 'secrets' and memories - good and bad. My mum always says 'if that [whatever] could talk...' I imagine a few things would have thrown at it over the years, along with scratches from kids (I'm sure my neices/nephew would love to scratch a line into a piece of furniture). Anyway, I didn't want it to be too 'sweet' - just sweet enough. Bit like meself *bats eyelashes*

I had a quick peek at your story (been busy today) and I'm afraid I'm no more wiser than you lol. I work in corporate law - no exciting court cases, just an endless flow of agreements, changes within companies, directorships, share sales, etc, etc. All VERY boring!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-13 15:10:23
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Oooh, I remember making jam tart pies with my mum and sister ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for that memory, Claire! We used to cut leaf shapes out that stretched from the middle to the edges. We'd put leaf pattens on them. Ah those were the days...

Glad you liked the ending.

Ta for commening ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-13 15:12:45
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Ta for commenting, Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

I really should have given more thought to my subject matter - I bought loads of Slimfast shakes this morning and have had to read comments on deelish food all day! God I'm craving apple pie now lol. I'm really not cut out for this diet malarkey ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2005-06-13 15:13:13
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
I love the wink from Father to Mother and the line about saving his apple pie for later....good write...love erma

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-13 15:16:51
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hi Griff. Ta for commenting on my appley poem ๐Ÿ™‚

I always say happily pie actually rather than apple pie! And, erm, it's not something I used to say when I was little - I seem to have started saying that now I'm older. Hmmm. Regressing, maybe.

Anyway, lucky you having a cooking angel. I wish I had one. Blimey, what heaven! Oooh, and a tidy fairie too who'd clean up after me and do my housework.

Better snap out of this little fantasy before I get too depressed ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta again. All the best.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-13 15:28:57
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Thanks for the comment Erma ๐Ÿ™‚

That's the kinda thing my dad would say to my mum lol. We'd all sit there rolling our eyes.

It's a nice 'comfort' poem I suppose. I'll probably re-read it when I'm having a pants day! In fact, I've got an urge to write 'comfort food' poems now - but I think that's more to do with the diet than feeling pants! I swear I've already eaten more today than I usually do. If I see another bloody sunflower seed...

Hazy, chirping x

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 2005-06-13 21:09:35
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hazy, you painted a nice picture here---I remember this scene very well ...

Gerry xxx.

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 2005-06-13 21:10:33
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hazy, you painted a nice picture here---I remember this scene very well ...

Gerry xxx.

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 2005-06-13 21:11:33
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
sorry I had hiccups, lol

Gerry.

Author's Reply:

barenib on 2005-06-13 21:57:00
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hazy - an enjoyable picture painted here with built in triggers for the other senses too. My favourite was rhubarb crumble... John.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-14 00:37:31
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
BOO!!! (that was for the hiccups)

Quite finished now are we? *rolls eyes*

I'm a bit worried that you remembered it... are we related?! OMG, surely I'd have recognised you ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

Anyway, ta for the nice little comment, Gerry.

Take care. Keep your pecker up :-p

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-14 00:40:49
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Thanks for commenting, John ๐Ÿ™‚

Amazing what food triggers. Funnily enough, alcohol seems to have that effect too :p

Hope you enjoyed your time in Clogland.

My fave is apple and blackberry crumble. OH GOD. I WANT. With nice custard. I don't actually like pie very much lol. I had deelish rhubarb crumble the other week in a restaurant. So bloody nice.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-06-14 01:04:06
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
The old apple pie wink eh! Just made me think - back then my mum and dad went through a lot of Jam Roly Poly late at night but I could never find any in the cupboards?

A great poem Hazy deserves the nibby!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-06-14 01:11:07
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
A fantastic poem Hazy - very visual and nasal!

I really don't like the bold type though - I think it detracts from your wonderful words which can more than speak for themselves.

All the best.

Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-14 02:31:07
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Thanks for the comment, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased to have stirred up some old memories for you. Weren't parents greedy... I never found half the things they referred to...

Take care sweetie ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-14 02:35:30
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
TY for commenting, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm afraid the bold is becoming a bit of a reluctant signature. I've added comments about it on the forums before. When I sub, it insists on putting all my poems in double lined spacing. The only way round it seems to be to type at the beginning and end of each line. If I go for the paragraph mark, then go back at a later date, they've all vamooshed. It's well weird. I'm kinda used to seeing all my poems in bold now on UKA, but have had comments before. Maybe I need to add an explanatory note in the subject box - I'm not doing it for 'effect' cos I agree... it don't work!! Ho hum.

Anyway. Glad you liked. My diet's out the window already lol. I blame the apple pie reference! Ah well, 'tis only fruit ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-14 02:36:40
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
oh bollox, it 'bolded' half of that lol.

Please ignore it!!

Hazy x
PS. I meant I had to type at the beginning and end of each line. If this goes bold, sod it lol

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-06-14 04:07:36
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hazy: you're a very bold girl!

Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

KDR on 2005-06-14 12:07:35
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
OK, this is where I make myself look a prat, as I know nowt about poetry...

I did actually like this one. I could almost 'see' the kitchen and get the smells of home-cooking. For me, it doesn't evoke a memory - I never really had parents or grandparents who were big on cooking stuff like apple pies - but it does bring to mind something that might be nice for a kid to see. It all seems very relaxed and peaceful.

Anyway, that's my two bobs' worth.

K

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-14 12:32:32
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
*chokes on a sunflower seed*

Blimey, is that Mr R we see in the poetry section? Surely not. Do you need a map to get back out again ๐Ÿ˜‰

My mum isn't the baking sort either lol. We did used to make jam tarts as kids but she's not exactly a perfectionist. When she did attempt to cook/bake anything we'd sit there stifling giggles cos it wouldn't exactly turn out the way it was meant to lol. The only grace we'd ever say over dinner would be for the poor cremated 'object' on our plates...

Anyway, ta for commenting. Glad you liked! I was actually in the middle of your Unfair Price II one when your comment came through! Honest guv!

Hazy, smirking that you actually 'did it' lol x

Author's Reply:

mynci on 2005-06-14 15:29:44
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
that's a really sweet poem hazy and really touching.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-14 15:49:46
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
TY for the nice words, Mynci ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased you liked.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-06-15 01:43:59
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
I liked this warm scene very much - lovely read Hazy...........what about 'marked' for 'scarred' or something around grain ingrained lined etc. I liked scarred - it was the edge to the softness of the rest and gave more emphasis to the competitive need to be heard (?) followed by the warm idea of everyone getting their turn/slice of the pie. Enjoyed! Thank you........littleditty x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-15 11:08:51
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hello LD ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for commenting. I expect I'll stick with 'scarred' for the table as I want to imply that the damage is permanent and deeply ingrained and the result of something emotionally deeper than just a scratch from something. Like it could tell a story of the bad times as well as the good.

Sounds like you got it completely ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for giving suggestions and saying how you saw it. Advice/crit/suggestions always helpful and welcome ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you liked.

Thanks.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-06-15 11:31:40
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Oh!! Hazybelle.. where has the cynic gone?? this is positively as sweet as the apple pie.. I love it. ((-; Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-15 11:53:16
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hi Val ๐Ÿ™‚

Your comment made me really smile. I don't think I'd realised how pissed off I was or how cynical my poetry had become! My last one (a story) was a bit of a happy one too... I think maybe the smiley fairy has waved her magic wand (wish it was the tidy fairy, but never mind).

Life's too short to let the bastards get you down, eh. My 'shaking off shadows' one really did shake off a few gloomy shadows.

Take care.

Hazybelle ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-06-15 19:36:33
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Evenin' Ayze.

Well done on the nib. I got one too. Blimey, they must have made too many this week! Hah!

Yes, smells can evoke memories. Including the aroma of cooking. For example, whenever I smell a chicken roasting I feel like buying a raffle ticket.

Anyway, nice little poem. I like the notion of curves growing alongside love. A lovely idea to think that the couple in your poem managed to overcome the inevitable biting on cloves once in a while and retain their focus on the fruit. Ah well, the proof of the pudding...

Well baked.

Steve

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-16 00:41:45
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hi Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

Congrats on your nibby too ๐Ÿ™‚ I've not got round to doing the subs this week yet. Have had work!! *cries* Will get round to yours and others soon!!

Weird about the raffle tickets ๐Ÿ˜‰ Funnily enough, when I smell gingerbread, I feel like tottering along in platform shoes. Very weird huh? lol. Du du du du.

Dunno about well baked. A bit bloody half baked me thinks ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care.

Ayze x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-06-16 17:54:55
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Wonderful piece, H. Strong, tender love. You've painting a fine one here.

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-16 18:43:40
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
TY for the comment, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

Awww, that's sweet. "Strong, tender love" and the word "painting" makes me wanna write a poem ๐Ÿ™‚

In fact, I think you've just triggered some inspiration!

TY ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

pullmyhair on 2005-06-16 20:46:42
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Really dig the last line, Bek. Only crit is that the phrase "apple pie" being used so close to the end prior to this line detracts from the strong finish a little. How bout "Our very own slice/Father threw...." ? Otherwise, grand, concise poem. My favourite kind. K x

Author's Reply:

pullmyhair on 2005-06-16 20:47:36
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
What am I on? I just called you Bek. Must have Ms Galloway on the brain!

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-06-17 15:10:31
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Go for it girl!! I'm excited that I could trigger anything!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-18 01:28:54
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
I'll have a pint of what she's on ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers for the comment, Pully ๐Ÿ™‚

I took that 'apple pie' out and put it back in several times lol. I'm still not sure... I was convinced I prefered it out until I emphasised the 'his' in italics then it sounded kinda good with it in, like a whispered last line almost - or like it should have been in brackets. But like I said... I'm still not entirely convinced it's best in twice.

I'll have another little think about it. Ta for advice/suggestion. Any always welcome!!

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-06-19 17:59:55
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Good to see you flying high again young Hazy. I always knew ya would. Save me a piece yeah? Apple pie I mean. Eat... apples.

s
u
n
k
e
n


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-20 10:49:16
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Hiya Smunky baby ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope you're doing ok and haven't burnt to a crisp (or got knocked out by freak hailstones - hmmm).

Promise I'll save you a nice piece. Hot and sweet, just the way you like it :p

Take care of you and that munky.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

EMERGING on 2005-06-20 11:01:09
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
really quite magnificent in it smells of home, way...

i liked the beat of it too.

louis

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-20 11:43:35
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Cheers for the comment, Louis ๐Ÿ™‚

Welcome to UKA! Glad you liked my little offering ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x
PS. I'll forgive your fumbly fingers (as discussed :p) ๐Ÿ˜‰

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-06-23 11:54:06
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Don't know how I missed this - very atmospheric, with a neat touch at the end to round it off perfectly. Homely, but the best sort of "homely". Good read, brought a smile to my face.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-23 12:11:48
Re: Just Like Apple Pie
Thanks, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope one of my next ones will bring a smile to your face too... I can't stop giggling over it lol.

Really pleased you liked this slice of life... or should that be apple pie ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for the comment.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


The Spice Of Life (posted on: 03-06-05)
Hazy memories of what feels like a lifetime ago.

Hazy x

======================



The lurid pink gum spread from her dark lips like a cartoon speech bubble. "See, easy-peasy!" I tried again, achieving a half hearted pfff as it collapsed over my mouth. "What about this instead, Jodie," she said, before singing, "And pop goes the weasel," only she substituted 'pop' for a loud noise from her mouth using only her finger. "Wow, Naveen! You gotta teach me that!" She looked smug as she leant back against the wide sweeping banister. Their hallway must have been as big as the upstairs of our semi. "How about I teach you to fly?" "You can't fly," I said without total conviction. "I can so! All you need is an umbrella." She led me to the jungle of a garden. "There. Stand on that," she said pointing to a concrete wall about two foot high, whilst holding out an umbrella for me. "Don't be daft, I can't fly." "I flew round the whole garden last week. I just jumped off when the wind came and, honestly Jodie, I went the whole way round!" She was so convincing. Her brown eyes open wide and her hands gesticulating wildly. We both gave it several attempts, obviously without success. "Maybe it's just not windy enough." The corner of her mouth lifted as she frowned, as though deep in thought. For the next hour or so, we played hide and seek. Of course, she won. She knew all the best places. The grass in their garden was higher than my head; great for games. Down the far end was an open concrete pit with what appeared to be tunnels coming off it. Naveen told me they were put in there when they were naughty - sometimes left for days - but, after the flying episode, I wasn't sure I believed her. One section of the garden had been cleared and a wooden 'tardis' stood in the middle. Apparently, it was called a 'sauna'. She told me it got really hot inside and they all sat in there and sweated, occasionally making it hotter by adding water to burning coals. Nobody was allowed to go in there alone, not even during hide and seek. I wondered if such a thing existed and whether or not it was actually a shed. I tried asking her about it, but she just said, "Don't you know anything?" Her mum called us in for snacks and I tucked into what I presumed was burnt chicken. It nearly blew the top of my head off. I tried to be polite and swallow, but my eyes watered and her mum fetched me a glass of water as Naveen giggled at my red cheeks. The water only made my mouth burn more. "I love your hair," she said to me that afternoon whilst we sat in the cleared area by the sauna. I'd worn it down loose that day, held off my face by a stretchy pink Alice-band. It appeared iridescent in the bright sunlight as she trickled the strands between her fingers. "It's not as long as yours, though," I said, picking daisies. "That's because I've never had mine cut." I didn't answer. Surely her mum would have made her get her hair cut. I know mine did. I'd cried the last time she cut just an inch off and kept the remains in my jewellery box. Uneven strands poked out the bottom of her plaits like frayed rope; maybe she was telling the truth. "Your mum and dad said it's okay for my sisters to babysit us tonight when they go out. We can have fireworks, but don't tell. It's a secret." I hated secrets, but agreed to keep it. We spent the afternoon in her room reading through her Rupert the Bear annuals. Strangely, the bedroom had a sink in it. I knew they had a couple of bathrooms so couldn't really see the point. Both our parents left for their do about six o'clock, leaving Naveen's two sisters in charge. I was scared to talk to them, they seemed so grown up. In reality, there was probably only a handful of years between us all. As soon as the car had crunched off the gravel covered drive, the sisters turned up 'Angelo' on the stereo and pulled the box of indoor fireworks out from behind the peacock-patterned sofa. I was too scared to hold so much as a sparkler but watched the short display with reluctant enjoyment, convinced the long velvet curtains would go up in flames. We danced round the lounge that night with the lights dimmed low. It felt weird not being in a party dress at what most definitely felt like a party. When our parents returned, my mum's cheeks were flushed and she was certainly very chatty. I was embarrassed at how loud her laugh was as they relayed the evening's events. My dad was poured a large brandy and I kneeled on the floor in front of him begging for a taste. He allowed me to dip my finger in and I felt the warm liquid evaporate in my mouth. I managed one more before my luck ran out. The chitter-chatter of conversation soon echoed round me as I dozed on their oversized sofa some time after midnight. I woke to find myself high above my mum's head. Initial panic set in as I thought I was flying, until I felt my dad's strong arm round me as I hung over his shoulder. I smiled that delicious sleepy smile when you know you'll soon be tucked up in your own bed.
Archived comments for The Spice Of Life
Linear on 2005-06-03 15:32:28
Re: The Spice Of Life
A golden day from childhood. Very Nice.
Most of my memories feel like a lifetime ago. It's amazing how fast we move sometimes.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-03 15:46:15
Re: The Spice Of Life
There's not much that gets me moving fast lol. Like to take my time :p

TY for the comment, Linear. Nice with a capital N huh? Must be good ๐Ÿ˜‰

Big mwah.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-06-03 16:13:11
Re: The Spice Of Life
Hazy, this is a very interesting read. It's me ponder of my days as a wee girl, which has made think of how lucky I am... ;^)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-03 16:33:06
Re: The Spice Of Life
Thanks for commenting, Claire ๐Ÿ™‚

Yeah, I was soooo lucky too. Really appreciate that now that I'm older! Think your background/ childhood makes a massive difference to who you are as a person when you're older and how you handle certain situations.

This little story was a mix of several memories of time spent with the same family. Naveen was a year or so older than me and she had a younger sister called Nucey (God knows how you spell it). My sis was there too, but I opted to keep the younger girls out the story. Their dad was my dad's business accountant.

Take care. Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-06-03 17:46:52
Re: The Spice Of Life
I found this to be an enjoyable, gentle read. The thing I like about it is how the adult's recollections do not intrude on the child's experience at the time. For example, your relating how you felt embarrassed at your Mum's 'animated' state, rather than putting the adult interpretation on it and saying she must have had one too many!

The feeling of getting roped into doing something you'd really rather not also comes through well - a nice example of that stage of development when you know that indoor fireworks might not be a good idea, but you haven't developed enough as an individual to go against the group.

The flying reference at the end brings a roundness to the piece and that feeling of security at the end is dead sweet, but appropriate as, no doubt, you would have been feeling relieved that the curtains hadn't gone up in flames and you could at last relax after just another day of not doing so much in particular - but these are the sort of days that are important in our development.

I really like 'she knew all the best places'! Again, the adult does not intrude.

Good 'un.

Steve

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-03 18:31:37
Re: The Spice Of Life
Thanks, Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

It was really hard keeping it childlike and not like a children's story. I think you'd need to be adult to really 'get' it so it is an adult story.

My mum's one too many is one glass of wine btw lol. Not like me :p

I'm not sure I've grown up much either... I still get roped into doing things cos I go along with the majority ๐Ÿ˜‰

It was hard to find an ending for it which is why I brought back the flying reference. Something had to knit it together.

A couple of my favourite books (Easy Peasy and White Oleander) are through the eyes of a child. I've been wanting to try it for ages. Might do some more actually.

Take care. Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

glennie on 2005-06-03 22:33:47
Re: The Spice Of Life
Liked it very much Haze. The art of a skillfull writer is to make the reader forget that they are reading and that is what you have done. Good characterization, it helps when the people are real. Long live the past! Glen.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-04 12:47:46
Re: The Spice Of Life
TY and congrats again, Glennie for your story ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked, TY very much for your lovely comment. I love snippety things about life and think I may well do some more now.

Long live milk (they do 'long life milk'... geddit?) I know, my wit is blinding. Actually, I'm not even sure it's funny or bordering witty. And I'm not even sure if it's actually called Long Life Milk. Ah well, I've not had a cuppa yet (with fresh, not long life milk), that's my excuse ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care. Happy Saturday ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-06-04 17:40:02
Re: The Spice Of Life
This made me ponder my own childhood. I look backwith great fondness and maybe one day will write about it too.

This is a lovely read... and I too love the feeling of getting into my own bed when dog tired!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-05 01:51:23
Re: The Spice Of Life
Hazy these little snippets of life are best wrote down lest we let them get into some far off corner of our minds and become almost forgotten.
I wasn't sure if this was fantasy or real at first but was so believable, enjoyed the read...Tony

Author's Reply:

TheGeeza on 2005-06-05 16:36:35
Re: The Spice Of Life
Nice gentle story of childhood. I liked the reference to the loud laughing mother - spot on.
Steve.

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-06-05 16:38:12
Re: The Spice Of Life
Sometimes young Hazy, of sleepy London town, I wish I had been born a girl. Indeed, the nurses did originally shout, 'It's a gir!' when I popped out of my mum's thingy. Of course, they soon realised their mistake and I was quickly thrown into an incubator whilst my mother watched a documentary on birth control. Anyway, that's beside the point as well you know. I wish I'd been born a girl because you all seem to write with such passion about the past. If I do that, I end up shaking uncontrollably with a handful of paracetamol and a can of Guinness (extra cold for added affect) in my hand. A lovely ickul snapshot Hazy that makes me want to get a sex change. Thanks ๐Ÿ˜‰

s
u
n
k
e
n

wishing that bloke from E17 all the best.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-05 17:20:15
Re: The Spice Of Life
Awww poor ickle munky. I hope it's grown a bit since then. Fancy thinking you had girlie bits instead of boyie bits.

I can't imagine you as a girl for one minute. Whatever would you do to amuse yourself if they chopped off your boyie bits? Hmm?

Anyway, TY for the comment. Pleased you liked. Now go dig that lippy and eyeliner out, grab a mirror and pretend you've pulled :p

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-05 18:06:12
Re: The Spice Of Life
Ta velly much Mr Geeza. I've gone for the Chinese accent btw. I always want to say 'velly much' but end up deleting it. You can tell I'm feeling particularly wild today ๐Ÿ˜‰

My mum's pissed after half a glass of wine, btw lol.

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Hope all's well with you.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-05 18:34:43
Re: The Spice Of Life
Hi Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm gonna try and recall some other childhood things... mind you, you know what my memory's like lol.

I have to wait til I'm dog tired to get in my bed or I can't sleep ๐Ÿ™ Ah well.

Anyway, ta for the comment. Really pleased you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-05 18:40:40
Re: The Spice Of Life
TY for the comment, Potty ๐Ÿ™‚

Was real in a kinda fictiony way. She did teach me to blow bubblegum bubbles and to make that pop noise with your finger in yr mouth. And she told me she could fly with an umbrella and had me jumping off that bloody wall. And we did the fireworks things with her sisters and the brandy thing was a very vivid memory. My dad always had a brandy round there and I'd always try and taste (might explain a lot lol). God, actually, yeah it was ALL true... but obviously I can't remember how the conversations went! That was all made up. And it didn't all happen on one day - lots of different days.

And the 'snippet' certainly wasn't put straight down on paper - happened nearly 30 years ago! Blimey! I feel old! I know I knew her before I went to junior school, and I'm 35 now.

Anyway, I enjoyed recalling/writing, so glad you enjoyed reading ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

glennie on 2005-06-06 00:45:23
Re: The Spice Of Life
You may not have had a cuppa yet but I think you've certainly been drinking something!

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-06-06 05:13:20
Re: The Spice Of Life
A very nicely told tale, Hazy - enjoyed.

Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-06 13:23:23
Re: The Spice Of Life
Thanks for the comment, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚ Like your new website, btw.

Glad you enjoyed.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2005-06-07 00:29:12
Re: The Spice Of Life
Very good story told through a childs eyes. I liked it a lot...love Erma

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-07 10:45:08
Re: The Spice Of Life
TY Erma ๐Ÿ™‚ Good to hear from you.

Pleased to hear you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

KDR on 2005-06-13 12:26:31
Re: The Spice Of Life
Hi Haze,

As has been said, it's good how you've not allowed an adult interpretation to spoil the child's view. It enhances the quality of it as a memory, rather than reducing it to nothing more than anecdote. It's also quite an achievement: not many people can keep the adult they are from 'speaking over' the child they were.

K

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-13 13:19:59
Re: The Spice Of Life
Hi Karl. TY for reading and commenting. Unlike you to read somethat that don't go BOO! halfway through ๐Ÿ˜‰

I think my fave style of writing (to read) is when it's done through the eyes of a child but this is my first attempt. I've got another total fiction one that I'm working on. Once I stop though, I find it hard to pick stories back up again. I wrote this one out the night before sub-day. I work better to deadlines!

Ta again for lovely comment and praise ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe I 'managed it' 'cos I'm a bit of a child still myself ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Shaking Off Shadows (posted on: 27-05-05)
Ever feel like you're being watched or followed? I do... actually, quite often lately...

Hazy x

=====================



You think I can't see you?

Lurking behind lamposts
Chin stroking as you feign interest in shop windows
Watching my every move in the reflection
You share my train home
Alight behind me
I wonder what you're staring at
as I slip-slap up the platform
in my bright red sandals
Are you trying to analyse me?
Or just get inside me?
Incessant d้jเ vu
As I turn and see your face
There. Always there

Wherever I tread
Your size 10s spread my footprint
Are you trying to step into my shoes?
Maybe I'm already one ahead
Or perhaps I'll step back and surprise you
Do the opposite to what you'd expect
Next time. Maybe next time
Do you want to know me?
The real me?
Or are you content with your carbon copy
Faded words, smudged round the edges
Do you hate me?
Wish me dead?

You read my newspaper now
Along with my magazines
Your shopping basket overflows with my food
I've seen you driving round in my old car
Perhaps you're trying to replace me
Bit by bit
Make me change into someone else
To lose the shadow that is you

Until there's
   nothing
    of me 
  left

Archived comments for Shaking Off Shadows
tai on 2005-05-27 10:35:04
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
A lot of questions in this one hazy! I assume you know this geeza then? the size 10s kind of give that away. I hope this is pure fiction. I would hate to be in this position. Stalkers are scarey as hell.

Enjoyable read

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-27 13:34:09
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
Nah, he's kinda imaginary... but based on the fact that I know what it's like when someone watches your every bloody move and starts imitating you in one form or another.

Two exes were kinda borderline stalkers! Not so much watching me, just hassling really and making it their business to know exactly what I was up to and when: phonecalls in the night, death threats (theirs and mine), giving me serious abuse - at home and work, the lot. Had to report one to the police as I was actually quite scared.

There are some nutters out there. I seem to attract them!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-27 13:35:06
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
PS. ta v much for commenting!

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-05-27 16:01:14
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
"You read my newspaper now
Along with my magazines
Your shopping basket overflows with my food
I've seen you driving round in my old car
Perhaps you're trying to replace me
Bit by bit
Make me change into someone else
To lose the shadow that is you..."

Very well written, Hazy. The imagery takes us to these places (real and mental)...enjoyed immensely.

Ward


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-27 17:35:05
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
Thanks for that lovely comment, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

I nearly left a lot of that out cos I felt I was personalising it too much (I chopped lines)... but I can see your point. It is meant to make you feel a bit creepy, taking you there mentally, like you're being watched by a stalker so I suppose I do need to mention the everyday personal things - and the last 2 lines of what you picked out wouldn't have worked without the rest of it, and I definitely wanted those in.

Anyway, ta again for your kind words ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-28 00:05:07
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
There seems to be a lot of real feeling in this one, or you have a really great imagination. Hope its the latter! I read the other comments about the stalker ex's! Perhaps you are so hard to give up Hazy like a drug that your men can't go without you!

A lovely poem,

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-28 00:36:40
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
Blimey Jay, you're popping up rather a lot tonight ๐Ÿ˜‰ Keeping me busy, anyway! :p

I most definitely have a good imagination btw!

And it's not me that's the drug... it's what I slip them that does it ๐Ÿ˜‰ Ooh, that sounds rude lol

I shall try reducing their doses...

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚ Pleased you liked!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-05-29 12:35:08
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
Now just relax, or we shall have to send for the men with the big net....arghh! Gerroff!!!! That's no way to get out of here, is it?
PS Sorry for taking the pee - enjoyed it really. And it wasn't me following, you, honest. Well, not all the time....

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-05-29 19:36:35
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
Hiya Hazy. I once advertised for a stalker but no fucker answered. What's there problem with me!? Twats! (-;
Nice piece. Thanks.

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Wishing Billy Piper all the best with her future time traveling experiences.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-30 18:59:34
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
Thanks for the comment, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

So that's another one I can cross off the list then... hmm, I wonder who it might be lol.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-30 19:01:06
Re: Shaking Off Shadows
Hi Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for commenting.

Glad you liked my piece ๐Ÿ˜›

I bet you forgot to give your address on the stalker ad. Here... have one of mine instead ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


My Baby Girl (posted on: 23-05-05)
What an empty feeling it must be to lose a child - to another couple.

Hazy x

==============



I saw it all, baby Your clumsy steps That first wonky smile You cried for me "Mummy, Mummy" Kind of ironic really But you're mine I made you Created you Dreamt you Maybe even imagined you Were you ever real? I'm no longer sure My body says yes; provides proof But my mind slaps away the memory Like they slapped the first scream out of you I may not have witnessed anything since But I've seen it all, baby And I nearly crumble with pride So content, so beautiful My eyes, your father's hair Or, at least, that's how I see you My baby girl
Archived comments for My Baby Girl
AnthonyEvans on 2005-05-24 10:22:23
Re: My Baby Girl
hazy, i think if you didn't have this line in your description box: 'what an empty feeling it must be to lose a child - to another couple' explaining the poem then i wouldn't get it. maybe you need a line or two more to clarify things. i know you have: 'my mind slaps away the memory' and 'I may not have witnessed anything since ' but still, is that enough to let us know that her child has been adopted/taken away? (then again, i'm no poet). best wishes, anthony.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-24 10:33:32
Re: My Baby Girl
Thanks for commenting, Anthony ๐Ÿ™‚

Blimey, I'm surprised - I thought it was obvious that her child had been adopted. There are some giveaway lines in it - in fact, I thought most of them were giveaway lines. And the 'Mummy, Mummy' line was ironic in that she said it twice (2 mums).

I was adopted btw, I just tried to turn the subject round and look it from the other side.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚ Good to see a comment on here at last!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-05-24 13:31:26
Re: My Baby Girl
Who you pissed of hun? Not many comments, very unusual for one of your pieces.

I did pick up the adoption bit in this. To me it is very clear. I think you've done pretty well with this one.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-24 13:45:17
Re: My Baby Girl
Hi Claire ๐Ÿ™‚ TY for commenting.

My usual commenters have deserted me lately!! Things have been very quiet!! I wonder if someone took out a centre spread to say all the things my other poem did about me :p lol

Glad you 'got' the adoption reference. Pleased you liked.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-05-24 18:09:12
Re: My Baby Girl
Hey Hazy, Look - I'm commenting on another - And I'm not even wearing a condom! Er... I meant to say seat belt. Sorry, anyway - Keep ya chin up young Hazy, I'm sure people will come round. Its early yet and I guess people are still reeling from eurovision - lol, yeah right. It will all come good, you'll see. Eat cheese. Oh, a fine piece by the way.

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Time traveling with Rachael Stevens, cause he wants to, cause he wants to.

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-05-24 18:58:56
Re: My Baby Girl
I thought this was lovely hazybelle, very sweet and nicely written Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-25 01:19:06
Re: My Baby Girl
Aww TY Val. Really good to see you ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazybelle ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-25 01:22:03
Re: My Baby Girl
Blimey, Smunks. That's a bit risky: no protection. Or should that be a bit frisky...

Anyway... Eat a fine piece of cheese you say? What's that all about then?

Nutter. Him... not me *rolls eyes*

Fanking you for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy, birthday-sharer with Rachel Stevens!! x

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-05-25 03:22:46
Re: My Baby Girl
Now that I understand the conceit of your poem better I think you did really well with this Hazy. Strong words for a strong poem.

Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-25 10:55:47
Re: My Baby Girl
Thanks v much for the nice comment, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased you liked.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-26 16:58:09
Re: My Baby Girl
Hi Trevor ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for commenting!

Definitely not so common these days. Mind you, I suppose where there are fewer babies up for adoption, there are other ways and means to help childless couples to have children.

My birth mother was just a child herself, really - maybe even still at school. I think she came from Yorkshire but had me in London. She gave me a name (with my father's surname, so I guess they were still together) but they took me from her straight away. I was in foster care for about 5 weeks while the paperwork, etc was sorted out.

It is sad, isn't it. I do wonder if she's still alive, what she looks like, what our 'history' is - and what she thinks about and imagines. I read somewhere that to be adopted feels like all your history is 'borrowed'. I can kinda understand that - especially when it comes to medical history: you can't assume your adoptive family's medical history.

I've always been different from my family (very similar to my mum though in the way we think and express ourselves), but I think that's just through me being me, than me being adopted.

Anyway, glad you liked the poem ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2005-05-26 18:03:54
Re: My Baby Girl
Beautiful poem..love Erma

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-27 23:57:42
Re: My Baby Girl
I agree with Erma, this is beautiful.

Nice one Hazy!

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-28 00:18:22
Re: My Baby Girl
TY for the comment, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚ I missed Erma's comment so will do her under you. Ooer!! :O

Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-28 00:22:32
Re: My Baby Girl
TY Erma for the lovely little comment ๐Ÿ™‚ You must have snuck in the back door yesterday cos I somehow managed to miss this one!

Hope you're doing ok. Good to see you. Ta again.

There, I've done you now :p lol

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Head Held High (posted on: 23-05-05)
If someone puts you down often enough, do you start believing it?

No f'king way, Jos้.

Hazy x

=====================



I've heard it all before by the way So carry on Badmouth me Hate me Wish me dead See if I give a fuck Like I said, I've heard it all before Hope you die a slow, painful death With no children to look after you Cold, selfish heartless bitch Bitter, angry controlling slut Vile, twisted and stubborn Fading looks through lack of sleep Your diet will eat you up in return Failing marriages Now and in the future It won't last… Nothing you do, in fact, will last… You'll carry on fucking it up Because you always do And live your life in mess and confusion Too pathetic to be pitied Men will use you Others abuse you You'll fall in love with the wrong guys They'll walk all over you What pleasure in seeing you fail A result of your own arrogance Superior, holier than thou attitude Maneater, or is it manhater You pretend to love Yet destroy them all Tear them up into little pieces Discard them in the gutter And walk away, laughing Detatched, cold as ice It's all a game to you Lying fucker You don't know how to care Burn in hell On midnight's strike The good stuff outweighs the bad by far So why do we care Why do we listen Why do we waste breath defending ourselves Next time, I'll just walk away Let them wallow in their own self pity And their prejudgement of me Bite my tongue While theirs curl round their lies
Archived comments for Head Held High
Sunken on 2005-05-24 08:19:26
Re: Head Held High
Blimey. Strong stuff Ms. Hazy. I reckon people are too scared to comment. Full of passion (even hates a kinda passion, or so I'm told) Some great lines in there. I shall be trying to stay on your good side from now on (-;

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Take wheels, I predict cars.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-24 10:20:04
Re: Head Held High
I'm a bit scared of it too, Smunky lol. I certainly don't blame them! I subbed 2 this week - and I think they might think the other's true (about me, I mean) - which it's not! Well, not in so many words, either... only kinda, but in reverse.

I'm not making much sense, am I lol. I need a cuppa tea.

This was sparked off by reading old emails from an ex. He's so bloody volatile! He's now singing my praises from the rooftops and telling me how bloody wonderful I am.

I'm not 'exorcising ghosts' like I usually do - this was meant to be a bit more lighthearted than it's actually come across (to me, and everyone else... it really is a bit scary, innit lol).

Anyway, I'm off for that cuppa before I talk any more bollox.

Take care ickle munky ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for being brave and commenting!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-05-24 13:16:35
Re: Head Held High
If you've ran out of chill pills hun give me shout I have plenty. LOL

Nice aggressive strong poem hun. I like the point of view of this one and some of the vicious lines are pretty good too.

Keep holding that head up high. ;^)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-24 13:36:44
Re: Head Held High
Ta for commenting, Claire ๐Ÿ™‚

Nah, I don't need a chill pill, honest guv! I'm not stressed over anything, just felt like writing a poem about all the arseholes I've known lol. It's not a 'therapy' one or anything - you know me, I'd say if it was!

Let people think what they want - that's a conclusion I reached a very long time ago!! And the arseholes I've met since have only reaffirmed that belief! It's not meant to be quite as scary as it sounds!

Anyway, ta again.

Hope things are going ok with you and yours right now. Thoughts are with you all.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shackleton on 2005-05-24 21:35:29
Re: Head Held High
Spitting it all out there, Hazy-One. Good to write something like this occasionally - saves a body from swallowing it all the time (causes indigestion). I know you're not really this harsh - I have it on good authority that you're a lovely lady wot likes puppy dogs an' puddy tats an' bunny wabbits an' fings. I enjoyed your poem and I reckon you won by a knockout. Take care now.

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-05-24 22:00:22
Re: Head Held High
Dear dear! Well if you took that much crap in the trying girl, all I can say is, 'you are extremely patient'! I would have made him one!lol

Nice rant hazy, but stop them in the second mouthful next time!lol

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-25 01:28:53
Re: Head Held High
Hi Tai (ooh, you remember that group Mai Tai? I think they sung 'your love is his-tor-y... la la la sending me la la la')

Oh God, I'll be singing it all bloody night now - well, my own version of lyrics, anyway.

TY for the comment. And yep - I've heard such bollox from at least 2 people actually. Funnily enough, they're the ones who came crawling back saying the complete opposite some time later. I dunno if it's just me - but men don't half come out with some bollox when you dent their ego by telling them you're not gonna take any of their crap any more. I never once retalliated with anything nasty about them - and there's plenty I could have said... they were far from perfect!!

Most of it was said to me by email - I have them still!! Does you good sometimes to look back at the nasty things people have said, especially when you nearly let your barriers down and let them back into your life. I like reminders of what people are really like - keeps me grounded ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway - take care. Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-25 01:31:38
Re: Head Held High
Hi Shacks ๐Ÿ™‚ Blimey, I'd best go get changed... I saw your comment in the forums. Could do you some serious damage right now :p

Anyway... where was I. Ah yes, my poem.

I wonder who's been telling you stuff about my love of pussies, puppies and rabbits... hmmm. I'm VERY worried now lol :p

Glad you enjoyed. The poem, not... ah, let's not go there ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-26 17:37:36
Re: Head Held High
Hi Trevor ๐Ÿ™‚

TY for the comment!

Blimey, you seem to have me pretty much sussed... I hope I've not left that bloody webcam on again ๐Ÿ˜‰

You're right, btw. It's only the ones who were in love (or thought they were in love) who gave me grief. Personally, I just think if it's not reciprocated, just hold your head up high, say 'thank you very much' and walk away. Love has to go two ways - if it doesn't - you're not with the right person. Dust yourself off and move on. Tada! Simple!

How you know I've got a waterbed btw? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Kidding! OMG, can you imagine?! You need a nice firm mattress really, don't you for a bit of, erm... I'm sure a waterbed's alright to sleep on - but for anything else, you'd kind of lose the... erm, ah you know what I mean lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

God, I adore Jack Nicholson btw. I drove past a little place in Herts called Eastwick the other day and quite fancied the idea of living there ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta again.

Take care.

Hazy, nice witch x

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2005-05-26 18:01:17
Re: Head Held High
Well you're stronger than I am. I'd have to kill the bastard who talked to me like that. Course you could beat me to death with a wet noodle. I don't have much self confidence and when people talk bad about me it sticks to me like gravy on a biscuit...great poem by the way..love Erma

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-26 18:47:01
Re: Head Held High
Thanks for the comment, Erma ๐Ÿ™‚

I left out all the really personal insults! That was just the half of it! There've been about 3 people now who've insulted the hell out of me when we've split up or fallen out.

I wouldn't mind if they were all bloody perfect but they're all far from it!!

Trouble is, if you get defensive with these people, they either think they've hit a weak spot - or they turn round and say 'Ha! see... you're only getting defensive because you know I'm right'.

No win.

I've just decided that people can (and will) think what they like anyway, so fk them! So long as I'm happy and their sad little lives don't affect me, then let them wallow in their own self pity.

Be strong, Erma. Remember, only you know yourself - nobody else - and there's no reason why any of us should have to justify ourselves to people who obviously don't know us at all. I could never be rude like that to someone. Even when I took a lot of that crap from an ex, I never said anything personal and nasty about him - and, believe me, there was plenty. People are only able to be that cruel when they have inferiority complexes of their own.

These days, I just think (and say) 'well, you're entitled to your opinion - I know you're wrong, so that's all that counts'.

Take care ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-05-26 21:58:23
Re: Head Held High
Way to go Pedro! Lol.. love this hazybelle. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-27 01:41:02
Re: Head Held High
"Amigo! Underlay! Underlay!" Or somat like that lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cheers Val, glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for comment

Hazybelle ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-28 00:01:24
Re: Head Held High
Hazy my friend you are surely too nice. Anyone who spoke to me like that would regret it. I'd twist there heads around and around and clean break there lil' necks!

A nice poem, and I agree - don't let the bastards grind you down!

Take care,

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-28 00:32:11
Re: Head Held High
TY for the comment, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

I do seem to attract them lol. One of them was 6'3" and built like a... erm, outside toilet thingy. I don't think I'd have started on him lol. Trouble with me is I'm defensive (when attacked). I find it very hard to bite my tongue. I've learnt over the years that whatever you say just sticks a smile on their face cos they only reason they're giving you grief is to get a reaction from you!

I shall call on you next time I need a real man btw *bats eyelashes* My hero...

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Dazza on 2005-05-30 20:56:38
Re: Head Held High
Its a shame we have to get so feisty in response to this wacky world but feisty we do. You feisty-strong strumpeter! Respect. Dazza.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-31 00:46:47
Re: Head Held High
Oooh, I'm a strumpet am I? ๐Ÿ™‚ lol. You cheeky boy :p

Love that feisty word. Like a bit of that ๐Ÿ™‚

TY for the comment, sweet pea ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get? (posted on: 20-05-05)
Get busy living!!

Hazy x

==================



Who says life's not a dress rehearsal? The whole bloody thing's a rehearsal! Unscripted in the early years Until we find the right lines So many bloody lines We learn what, when and how to express them Holding some back, like favourite sweets For some grand deathbed finale Haunted by ghosts of unspoken words And scarred from beating ourselves up We should all be Oscar winners With the performances we put on 'Encore,' they cry - Well - in so many words Again and again, we role-play Keeping our true feelings in check Several hitches along the way Masks slipped, words slurred First night nerves, maybe But we learn from our mistakes Time and time again, though? Perhaps we need to get it so wrong To know when we've got it right? Maybe - just maybe - We're on our final performance Well, let's hope lessons have been learnt And we put on a bloody good show!
Archived comments for How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get?
Sunken on 2005-05-20 08:30:11
Re: How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get?
Well I think you put on a bloody good show here young Hazy. I get tired of people moaning (I know, I'm as guilty as anyone). Thing is, if you spend too much time moping around you'll be too old (or dead) to enjoy what life does have to offer. I hear it's eurovision this weekend.... Jeez, life sucks (-; Anyway, really like the flow of this bit in particular -

Again and again, we role-play
Keeping our true feelings in check
Several hitches along the way
Masks slipped, words slurred
First night nerves, maybe

Good stuff Hazy. Well done on your nibby, it looks great.

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Take nails, I predict scratching.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-20 10:39:05
Re: How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get?
TY for your comment, Sunks. I'm still in shock that it all related to the poem lol. And no sex or wanking! Blimey, there's a first! I'm deeply honoured *bats eyelashes*

I lurrrve Eurovision. Gonna watch it on vid on Sunday ๐Ÿ™‚ God, I'm so geeky really lol.

Ta for showing me what you liked :p Always helpful. The 'words slurred' is kinda alcohol related if you didn't guess.

Glad you think my nibby suits me *does a little twirl* TY

Ta for the 'advice' - I shall sharpen my nails in anticipation of the weekend. Grrrr! ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-05-22 19:19:29
Re: How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get?
I particularly like the exact lines that Sunk has quotedand I think that's a theme that you could maybe explore further. One thing though- the use of the word 'one' in the title makes it feel a bit formal or stiff and and doesn't reflect the content of the poem itself.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-23 02:02:52
Re: How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get?
TY little D.I.S.C.O for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Actually, I wish I'd called it 'Get Busy Living' now, instead of putting that in the subject thingy. I used 'One' cos it was meant to be a bit 'luvvy/theatrey' if you know what I mean. And the 'Bloody Good Show' line at the end could be taken a bit luvvy-ish too. I think maybe it's come across a bit too seriously though.

Well, TY for the comment, I shall have a little think about that title.

Take care la la la

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-27 23:54:28
Re: How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get?
Hi Hazy,

This is an excellent read. A very impressive poem indeed, one of your gems IMO. Keep writing them, they are great.

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-28 00:15:45
Re: How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get?
TY for the lovely comment, you little sweetie ๐Ÿ™‚

Made me smile ๐Ÿ™‚ Really pleased you liked!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

EMERGING on 2005-08-18 11:38:57
Re: How Many Dress Rehearsals Does One Get?
a bloody good show...interminable acts of self defiance levened with umbrage taken to easy...valediction of casual sins...and unremitting pondering over supposed big ones...life a mistake actaully...it was supposed to be badminton...played with socks...smelly ones...

louis

Author's Reply:


Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile (posted on: 16-05-05)
A hazy memory of 1980-something house parties!

Hazy x

==================



"You look just like Taylor Dayne with your hair brushed over like that," I said "You know, you look just like Molly Ringwald with that hat," you said We smiled our Twilight Teaser smiles as we shared roll-on lipgloss and electric blue mascara "Donkey Kong decides who gets to walk in first," you said "Best out of three," I said You won, of course I clutched the bottle of cider trailing behind "Ohmygod, A's here," you said I looked for his friend, covertly known as B My white heels carried me, staggering already, while your pixie boots led you in comfort "Cherry brandy!" someone exclaimed as the drinks cabinet was discovered Madonna, Cyndi and Soft Cell stacked up on the record player Tales of so-and-so getting off with whatsisname spread quicker than chicken pox Mouths hit floors in disbelief "Meet you in the lounge in five minutes. If you're there, I'll get off with you." Confident words spoken by an insecure boy The bee's knees The anarchic rebel The love of my life A kiss off Brandon Honoured indeed! My Twilight Teaser stained his B&H while he put matches out in his mouth "Laters babe," he muttered When my dad pulled up outside as the clock struck midnight A smile slapped itself across my face all the way home Giddy on love and cherry brandy
Archived comments for Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
tai on 2005-05-16 12:21:39
Re: Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
Hazy I was confused with the date. In 1980 I was just 21....that would make you 10 wouldn't it? I enjoyed the poem and the cute interaction with studman. Cherry Brandy though.....omg! 9 from me.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-16 12:30:43
Re: Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
Tai, it was '1980-something'... maybe I should have said 'mid 80s'.

I was going to house parties like that between the ages of 12-16 (1982-1986). Great fun ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol

Actually, I think it was apricot brandy. Ewww, so gross.

Ta for commenting and rating ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-16 13:41:04
Re: Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
Really great poem Hazy,

Brings back some fond and amusing memories... Those where the days... makes me feel old though to have to search back so far!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-16 14:27:21
Re: Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
Feels like yesterday to me, Jay! Actually, not a lot's changed... I'm still a bit like that these days ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care, TY for commenting. Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-05-16 18:32:16
Re: Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
Aww, this is kinda cute. Hope you don't mind that description. Hats off to you for admitting that you wore white heels. Ahhh soft cell, they don't write em like that anymore. All of those nights waiting outside the pink flamingo young Hazy, only to be told that it was one of 'those' bars. I felt so stupid. I got some great interior design tips tho and my hair never looked better. I have to admit to putting out matches with my mouth too. Tell me, does that impress girls or what? Enjoyed this Hazy, felt like I was there. Bring back electric blue mascara!

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Take Marc, I predict Almonds.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-16 18:46:25
Re: Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
Hiya Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for the lovely comment. I don't mind cute at all... in fact, the cuter the better :p

Actually... I had 3 pairs of white heels lol.

And I bet you were one of the boys who wore black eyeliner...

This poem makes me smile every time I read it which can't be bad, eh? I love the memories. Yep, Brandon was just cooler than cool putting those matches out. Actually, we first snogged in a field next to the house! Then he came up with that mad line about meeting him in the lounge (maybe up to half hour later, I can't remember) to prove I was interested I suppose lol.

He got expelled, he was that cool ๐Ÿ˜‰ Got sent to 'special school' to try and control him!! He'd made a teacher cry. Was a bright boy, but had so many problems! Of course, I just fancied him more lol.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-05-24 12:44:49
Re: Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
I enjoyed reading this, hazy. I'm sure it prompts 'puberty parties' memories in everyone! Like the detail of the old-fashioned record player ;). Also the reference to cider - you were always allowed to take cider, that was seen as acceptable. Dunno why. I mean a couple of 'Party Sevens' and the kids would have been happy and sober - copious amounts of Strongbow led to all sorts of trouble! Possibly the most embarrassing experience was when J's dad gave her and a few others a lift home. The car being full, J sat on my lap in the back. I threw up. Oops! J's dad stopped the car, someone elses dad doing the home run also stopped...'car trouble?' 'No,' said j's dad...'passenger trouble'.

:p

Lots of aspects to this straightforward poem that can be related to.

Steve

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-24 13:07:25
Re: Cinderella's 'Twilight Teaser' Smile
Hi Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you enjoyed these little hazy bits (of my memory, I mean... I'm not being norty :p lol)

I took bits from different parties and kinda merged them.

That was weird about cider, wasn't it. I'm sure my parents thought it hardly had any alcohol in it. Mind you, so did everyone else's parents as there'd always be bottles of the stuff! Woodpecker, I seem to remember. When we got to 16/17, we matured onto the Thunderbird, Pink Lady and Pomagne (that how u spell it?) lol. God, I'm such an Essex Girl ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for your little story. I remember throwing up out my dad's car window once after he picked me up from the pub... soooo gross lol. He was convinced I was ill though rather than drunk, cos ppl can't really tell when I'm drunk - I still appear sober. Apart from the fact I talk a lot (of bollox if I'm being honest). Blimey, this comment's gone on a bit, maybe I'm still wiggly from last night!

Ta for commenting. I'll shut up now!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


True Poetic Licence (posted on: 13-05-05)
Ever found just the right words in a card? Perhaps in a poem? They know exactly how you feel, don't they...

Are you sure about that?

Hazy x

=====================


Vulnerability revealed Achilles heels exposed With selfless expression Words weep Onto sodden pages Perpetual dreamers In the face of adversity Steady knocks from life Form their pulse Hearts exposed And worn on sleeves Soothing words Comfort the wounded As empathetic charlatans Masquerading as poets Pour shot-sized words Down the throats of the gullible
Archived comments for True Poetic Licence
Sunken on 2005-05-14 19:31:34
Re: True Poetic Licence
Ref -

Soothing words Comfort the wounded As empathetic charlatans Masquerading as poets Pour shot-sized words Down the throats of the gullible

One of your best ever lines young Hazy. This is a really strong piece in my munky opinion. I hope our fellow Ukaneers catch up with this one. It would be a shame if they missed it. Keep up the good work Ms. Hazy.

s
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k
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n

Take anadin, I predict a headache.

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-15 00:52:49
Re: True Poetic Licence
"As empathetic charlatans
Masquerading as poets
Pour shot-sized words
Down the throats of the gullible"

This describes me !!! (hehehe)

Nice poem.

Jay

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-15 23:53:46
Re: True Poetic Licence
TY very much Smunken one ๐Ÿ™‚

TY TY TY for liking my lines ๐Ÿ™‚ I mean my poem, not my girlie edges. Well, maybe those too, who knows :p

Big mwah.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-15 23:56:19
Re: True Poetic Licence
Ta for the comment, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

I think it describes all of us on occasion lol. I'm sure we've all written for the masses rather than ourselves!!

Saw some godawful poem about fostering in a newspaper today. It's horrible when you get critical over somat that's meant to touch heartstrings or emotions! I wonder if it was written by a child or by some overpaid media exec without a clue about poetry...

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-07-12 17:13:43
Re: True Poetic Licence
Holy hell dear!

This one is wonderful...... I loved ever word...

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-12 17:35:28
Re: True Poetic Licence
TY Jolen for the lovely little comment ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm a cynical bitch really lol... hope the sarcasm came across in this!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta very much again for the comment! Really pleased you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-09-27 10:56:31
Re: True Poetic Licence
Great piece Hazy, I loved this.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-09-27 12:48:20
Re: True Poetic Licence
'ello Si

TY for the comment - and TY very much indeedy for the hot story thingy! ๐Ÿ™‚

Always good when an old one gets dug up! Sub, I mean... not person! :O

All the best.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


This Week's Must Have (posted on: 13-05-05)
I'm so fickle... as soon as I get what I want, I wanna throw it away or destroy it.

Hazy x

=================



I simply would have died without it I exaggerate not! Palpitations at first sight Quite frankly, bloody gorgeous This is it The One Tried so many on Wrong fit Not flattering enough Too boring My heart dripped on the floor Literally! I kid you not Melted before my very eyes Just had to have it Wow! Look at that fit... Fancy that Wore it socially once Compliments galore So right for you Perfect, in fact But - you know what - I'm bored with it now Something else did catch my eye though Quite frankly, bloody gorgeous Just have to have it Or at least try it on…
Archived comments for This Week's Must Have


Sunken on 2005-05-13 20:01:56
Re: This Week's Must Have
Hiya Hazy. This is a cheeky little write and no mistake... Unless I have my mind in the gutter again? I do get things wrong, it goes with having a penis I think. Certainly deserves more than an inane comment from a passing munky. Take care and a favourite aunt.

s
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k
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n


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-14 00:22:37
Re: This Week's Must Have
If your mind's in the gutter, it's keeping mine company ๐Ÿ˜‰

TY for that, Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

I was starting to feel a tad invisible. You're the only one to comment on either of my subs today *bawls eyes out*

I know I'm behind on the reads n all that... and owe you one or three... but I'll get there in the end!!

Big mwah for a little munky.

btw, yep, it is a bit of a cheeky write. So many men, such little time, as I often say ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-05-14 08:09:28
Re: This Week's Must Have
You invisible? I don't think so young Hazy. These are just strange times. For example, I awoke this morning without an erection! How fuckin weird is that? I'm actually a bit worried about it. I should have woke up raging as I watched Kylie's Showgirl tour last night. I know I go on about Special K a lot, but she really is something isn't she? I never realised that she could sing. I just thought it was her arse that was famous. She was great. Oh, I went off the subject. Worry not young Hazy, I'm sure our fellow Ukaneers will wake up to your subs soon. Have a good weekend - Go out and try a few things on (-;

s
u
n
k
y

Take Daft, I predict Punk.

Author's Reply:

Dargo77 on 2005-05-14 13:28:05
Re: This Week's Must Have
Hazy, good fun write with lots to think about. Read this one out to my wife.
Best regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-15 00:55:28
Re: This Week's Must Have
Sounds to me like your typical woman! Please dont think me sexist, even though I appear to be one!

Nice poem,

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-16 00:01:04
Re: This Week's Must Have
I love it when you come back for more :p

I saw a bit of Kylie actually. Very good... I was pleasantly surprised too ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you think it's ok to try things on now n again ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-16 00:01:54
Re: This Week's Must Have
Hi Dargo, thanks for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, lots to think about indeed. And not actually shopping lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-16 00:04:30
Re: This Week's Must Have
Thanks for commenting, Trevor ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, very honest! More so than people are maybe twigging.

TY for the compliment *bats eyelashes and blushes*

Cheers again. Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-16 00:06:03
Re: This Week's Must Have
Cheers for commenting, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm not sure I can speak for the masses - everyone else seems to find somat they like and stick with it. I guess I'm just fickle!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Intricate Carvings (First Half) (posted on: 09-05-05)
Not a first chapter - more half a story. It's not been split at a particularly 'end of chapter' style point. Wanted it to be as much about the character as the story - not sure if that's working or not. It's going to borderline horror/drama if/when it's finished.

Just want to know whether to continue with it, really - it's very 'different' for me. Does it make you want to know more? Any advice, crit, suggestions, positives, whatever, welcome. I may or may not take you up on it! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Would prefer to just sub it than use the crit forum for this one.

Not sure whether to chop it wildly and make it a more succinct short story. Various opinions welcome!

Thanks.

Hazy x

=================



"Here he comes. Come on Plank, we need to get these deliveries out today, not next week!" The guys laughed.

"Ha ha, very funny," Gordon said with a deadpan face. Fuck off and die, his true thoughts read. He'd learnt to ignore their jibes by picturing their death faces. Dave would be all bulging eyes and screams whereas Larry would cower in the corner, a gibbering wreck.

With his usual lumbering footsteps, Gordon made his way over to the white transit van. He had 35 deliveries to get through - no mean feat for any driver. Especially one like Gordon who defied all white van drivers and stuck rigidly to the speed limits and never so much as jumped an amber light.

Sitting in a lay-by on a quiet country lane, Gordon unwrapped his cheese and pickle sandwich from its re-used, heavily creased, tinfoil. As he sat eating, he noticed a young girl, probably about 16 or 17, approaching from the opposite direction. She crossed over the lane before reaching the van. Good girl, Gordon thought. You never know when someone might take advantage of a vulnerable young woman. His imagination started to wander as he watched her slender legs scissor forwards and back beneath her short denim skirt; breasts bouncing lightly under her flimsy strappy top, along with blonde bobbing ponytail. I could grab hold of that, Gordon thought, not taking his eyes off her. Scissor her legs open in the other direction. Squeeze her tits… her neck. Oh, to touch that skin. He was well aware of how hard his cock had grown just watching this girl. It wasn't sex he craved though.

With a quick flick of the key in the ignition and foot flat down on the accelerator, he sped away. Beads of sweat now formed on his forehead and top lip stubble as he tried to force obscene images out of his head.

Gordon managed to get through the rest of the afternoon with no further demons attacking his mind. Reluctantly, he stopped for food on the way home at his local grocery store. As the can of beans and packet of sausages bleeped at him, the girl serving snapped him out of his daydream.

"And how are you tonight?"

Gordon almost jumped at the question. He wasn't used to strangers talking to him. As soon as someone started to recognise him and engage in conversation, he'd shop elsewhere. On occasion, he'd been downright rude - even leaving his shopping behind once when he'd stopped in an out of town grocery store. It had been virtually empty and the middle aged man serving tried to pass the time of day. "Fuck off," Gordon had spat, just inches away from the man's face before leaving the shop with nothing but a wide smile and shaky hands.

"Okay, thanks," he mumbled. Not elaborating further.

"Been quite a day here. Bleedin' fire alarm went off, didn't it. And then poor ol' Mrs Brandon from Oaklands Road… you know her? Well, she only went and slipped in the chiller aisle, didn't she."

Gordon looked astounded.

"Sorry," she continued. "I see you in here a lot. I'm usually on the other till?' She said it like she was asking a question. "You always come to this one though, don't you? Funny that." She giggled a little.

Gordon wasn't entirely sure he saw the humour, but found himself saying, "I'm a creature of habit," by way of explanation.

She giggled some more.

"Listen, I don't suppose you fancy taking me to the pictures next Wednesday, do you? I'm not usually this forward, y'know, but you got a nice look about you and I seen you around a bit."

"Bu… bu… but you don't even know me! I could be anyone!"

"Oh go on, live dangerously!"

"I… I… erm, alright then," he said, not meeting her eye.

They arranged the finer details and Gordon left, not quite sure whether to be flattered or wary. He wasn't used to attention from women. In fact, he'd never really had a proper girlfriend. A bit of rough fumbling when he was in his teens, along with a few dates through the lonely hearts; he'd come to the conclusion that all women were the same. Sluts, mainly. The rest, liars. For the next few days, he drove past the store at every opportunity. He wasn't sure what he was looking for exactly, but three days later he thought maybe he'd found it. There was Dave, standing by her till. They were both smiling and chatting like the best of friends. Gordon's heart pumped so hard he could feel his neck pulsate. His face flushed and his stomach coiled tightly.

A couple of roads away, Gordon parked haphazardly. Bitch, he thought. How could I be so fucking stupid? He wondered how many of them were in on it. "Yes, ha ha, very funny," he imagined saying yet again as they all stood outside the cinema waiting to point their fingers. He drove home to his narrow terraced house and headed straight for the basement. He'd created a workroom of sorts where he could lose himself in his carpentry. Intricately carved wooden animals filled the entire house. Gordon would never sell them; he felt he'd breathed life into them all. To give one away, where it might end up in a dustbin or gathering dust on a sideboard, would hurt more than losing his father had. The two of them had never been close. Looking back, Gordon realised his father had been nothing more than a bully; a control freak even. Mealtimes were something he'd dreaded. If he'd so much as knocked a drink over, or scattered a few peas on the floor, his father would find some overzealous way of ridiculing or punishing him.

Gordon's mother died when he was 14. A slow, painful death as the cancer languidly filled her insides, slowed to a snail's pace by the chemotherapy. Two weeks after her death, his father started bringing women back to the house. Slut after slut. Fuck after fuck. Gordon worried more if his father didn't bring someone home. That's when his temper emerged and Gordon found himself on the receiving end.

Of course, Gordon had vowed never to turn out like his father. Over the years, he'd given up trying to gain respect or appreciation from a man he'd always felt obliged to look up to. It was the lack of respect from society that was his personal cancer. Resentment, gnawing away at the cables inside that kept him normal. Gordon was concerned that, sooner or later, a spark would be ignited. Something was bubbling under the surface of his skin. He felt it in the pit of his stomach and the dark recesses of his mind. He'd often experienced the desire to snap at his tormentors. Lately though, those desires had taken on more sinister forms.

That night, as usual, sleep eluded Gordon. He let his mind wander back to Dave and his death face. Gordon wondered if he'd have the courage to pop those bulging eyes straight out of their sockets with his bare hands. What about sucking them out? Swallowing them down like some Middle Eastern delicacy. That, he really wasn't sure about. But it made him smile nonetheless. Would Dave's body twitch as he pulled out the eyeball shaped plugs from his body?

Perhaps he could line up Larry and Dave; tie them to chairs, maybe. He wanted centre stage, to have his audience watch him - sheer terror in their eyes as they realised their fate. He'd want to kill them fast. Painfully, but quickly. Maybe they'd be tied whilst kneeling on their chairs. Gordon would be standing on his own chair. Higher than the two of them. "Now tell me what you think of me!" he'd bellow, chest puffed out. The vision he'd created comprised a gold crown perched on his head and an ermine trimmed cloak gracing his shoulders.
Archived comments for Intricate Carvings (First Half)


KDR on 2005-05-09 15:03:40
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
Hmm... Do I want to know more?
Well, I think I can see where this is heading. Obviously, that leaves a lot of scope for surprises, so long as they're not sloppily done.
It's good...intriguing...I do want to know how it ends.

I think it's good that you are trying to break new ground and expand yourself as a writer. This isn't bad for a first wander into new territory, although the main character seems to echo Barry from Claire's series of stories.
I also think the whole 'abused as kid, becomes unbalanced' thing is a cliche. Worse, every villain of this type seems to rely on a shit childhood as an excuse. Kids in the past had it worse, but there wasn't a rash of maniacs back then. It's a bit lazy to always attribute psychotic characteristics to that sort of background, espeically as nutters are still rare, even given the 'causes'.
Couldn't Gordon be bad (or be going bad) just because. That's a far more scary thought, IMHO...

I noticed an extraneous comma near the start, too.
"Gordon unwrapped his cheese and pickle sandwich from its re-used, heavily creased, tinfoil."
IMO, the comma between 'creased' and 'tin-foil' isn't needed. It's even debatable whether you need to have 'heavily creased'... ๐Ÿ˜‰

Good stuff. Please carry on with part 2!

K

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-09 18:23:06
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
Thanks, Karl

(and thanks to DF who mailed his advice)

It seems I have a fair bit of editing to do with this one and am beginning to think that maybe I should have actually used the crit forum!

I see what you mean about stereotyping... but they are usually stereotypical, aren't they? That's a tricky one, I'll give it some thought. I don't know if I want to do anything 'too different' with it.

I'm not actually sure if I've read Claire's 'Barry' series or not, I don't think I have. I can't even remember what I've called my own stuff half the time and have to open them to see, so I've got no chance remembering what someone else has written lol.

Ta for the 'tinfoil' advice - DF advised changing some of that line too. I'll give it a thorough going over in the next week or two! It's bloody hard editing your own stuff as opposed to someone else's!!

Ta very much for your time and assistance ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-05-10 00:07:44
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
Well don't give up on this for sure hun. I'm intrigued to know where you are taking this and how it will end.

I'm no good at pointing out other people's errors with their writing as you know. Editing is a bugger.

The dialogue has no problems. But there's something about the style that I can't quite put my finger on that doesn't seem right. It could be just me though hun.

Gordon is a strong character. I want to know more about him.

Looking forward to seeing more.


Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-10 01:37:03
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
A nice story Hazy, its very good indeed. The character is strong but I think you can flesh him out even more. As an opening its excellent and could go further. It seems horrific already to me as it's not monsters, its people and it could happen.

Like Misery! Oooo errr!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-10 10:47:36
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
Thanks for commenting, Claire ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm still not entirely sure where I'm gonna take it. My stories usually write themselves - usually quickly - but this one is taking forever and I'm not actually sure I'm enjoying writing it. I'll give it some thought (and some work!).

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-10 10:52:11
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
Cheers Jay ๐Ÿ™‚ Yep, it's scary when it's people, isn't it! I think it takes a certain type of person to lose control. I suppose that's what psychological profiling's all about... I may use KDR's advice and write another one about someone who doesn't fit the classic profiling!

Anyway, I'll work on it when I'm feeling motivated! Ta for commenting.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

steadyeddy on 2005-05-11 11:13:05
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
I thought this was a really good story.I can't wait to read more,,thanks for the good read

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-11 11:28:04
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
Oooh, you're so charming *bats eyelashes*

Thank you. It does need quite a bit of work (thanks to others' suggestions) and I've no idea where the 2nd half will go! I will get round to it soon though, determined to finish this one now!

Thanks for the comment. Glad you enjoyed.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

glennie on 2005-05-13 04:39:17
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
Loony on the loose! Has promise, you could do a lot with this. I would like to see what the checkout girl looks like and Gordon too. Also I'd like a drip feed of what makes Gord what he is rather than big chunks. Which wil take time. Novel extracts are difficult on this site - I know, I've tried. Hope you fare better. Glen.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-15 23:50:02
Re: Intricate Carvings (First Half)
Thanks for commenting, Glen ๐Ÿ™‚

It certainly needs lots of tweaking and padding out. I agree I need to make the characters more solid. It was gonna be a short story, I'm not actually too sure where to take it or how much padding I can do if I keep it relatively short. Am having a think about this one and waiting for divine inspiration ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Tulips and Goths (posted on: 09-05-05)
Following a recent visit to Hyde Park...

Many thanks to Pencilcase for inadvertently coming up with the title, the subject and the inspiration! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

====================


A plethora of tulips standing slender Heads together as though in deep collusion They bow respectfully to the sun Resigned to their destiny From this grassy vantage point Through the stems Dark shadows emerge Heavily kohled eyes peep through heavy, black hair Ghostly faces, illuminated In denial of spring sunshine In fear of rain, ready to reveal their true colours Let them become the backdrop A non-spectacle, a non-entity All created to die They huddle together Waiting for fate to intervene If tulips had legs They'd probably join them
Archived comments for Tulips and Goths
Apolloneia on 2005-05-09 09:28:05
Re: Tulips and Goths
tippety top as chant says (if I remember correctly).... I'll probably dye my hair black after reading this....and get in touch with my inner gothic self again... Cheers! imo this must get a great read.
x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-09 10:25:50
Re: Tulips and Goths
Blimey, TY little rosy Apple ๐Ÿ™‚

Chuffed you've got it as a fave read. Must find a new word for chuffed, it's rude too y'know (as I keep saying). OK, I'm flattered. That's kinda the same ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta again!

Hazy, managing a smile after about 3.5 hours sleep - and it's Monday! x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-05-10 01:07:50
Re: Tulips and Goths
This made me think of RObert SMith, when I was at school all the goths then seemed to dress like there where him!

A nice poem Hazy!

Jay.x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-10 11:28:57
Re: Tulips and Goths
Thanks for commenting, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

We didn't have many goths at my school. They seem to be everywhere now! I wonder what the collective noun is for goths... 'a darkness of goths'; 'a doom of goths'. Hmm, I wonder.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-10 16:25:31
Re: Tulips and Goths
Thanks v much, Trevor ๐Ÿ™‚

Ah, just ignore the bold - it's on all my subs apart from prose. It's the only bloody way I can get the sub up without it being in double lined spacing! Even the prose stuff ends up being fiddled with after I've subbed - it looks alright on the day, but when it goes up, it loses the paragraphing again. Nightmare. Truly. Tried everything! Bold seems to be the easiest way for me to work it out!!

Anyway, ta for letting what you liked. Always helpful ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-05-10 19:44:10
Re: Tulips and Goths
One of my fav lines from corrie -
Boy goth to girl goth -
'She's not my girlfriend, she's my partner in darkness'
I have a soft spot for Goth's and pale people in general, its born of the fact that I often disappear when standing naked against white walls. Luckily this doesn't happen often, tho once at the local swimming baths I caused quite a stir as many regulars reported poltergeist pants wandering the length and breadth of said pool. Cheeky bastards! Anyway, another winner form the pen of Hazy.

s
u
n
k
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n

Reclining, 'cause he wants to.

Author's Reply:

barenib on 2005-05-10 22:19:27
Re: Tulips and Goths
Hazy - I wish Steve would inadvertently inspire me sometimes ๐Ÿ˜‰ Only joking of course Steve. Anyway, it certainly seems to have done the trick here, an unusual contrast with, for me, an unexpected and pleasing ending. John.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-10 22:58:42
Re: Tulips and Goths
TY Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

Love that Corrie line lol!! Sorry to hear about your swimming pool hell. Trouble is, it's hard to get a tan innit cos you just reflect the sun!

Anyway, ta muchly for the comment. Glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy, 'wannabe goth' really x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-10 23:02:02
Re: Tulips and Goths
Thanks for the comment, John ๐Ÿ™‚

Yeah, let's talk about him while he's not here lol. I dunno, I kinda dedicate a poem to him (well, ok, slight exaggeration lol) and he don't even turn up to read it!! Typical!! Give him a boot for me, will ya?!

Glad you liked. Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Leila on 2005-05-12 18:18:43
Re: Tulips and Goths
This is nicely done and liked those last two lines lots...L

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-13 00:53:54
Re: Tulips and Goths
Thanks for the comment and the praise, Leila ๐Ÿ™‚

My final 2 lines often cause disputes lol. Nobody's told me to lose these 2 which is quite unusual!! I was expecting at least one person to say ditch 'em!! Glad you liked. Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-05-15 16:06:28
Re: Tulips and Goths
How I enjoyed this!!!! So well penned, and I think you described this vision so well... mmmm mmm good.

Blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-15 23:51:49
Re: Tulips and Goths
Thank you very much, Jolen ๐Ÿ™‚ Really pleased to hear you enjoyed! There were some really dark purple, almost black tulips. It was kinda weird how the goths seemed to highlight them even more! They did look pretty good together!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-08-26 18:53:32
Re: Tulips and Goths
Many thanks for the anthology nomination, whoever ๐Ÿ™‚ !! x

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 25-08-2007
Tulips and Goths
Are tulips suicidal? Are they in fear of their lifeblood, rain, in the same way Goths are in fear of their lifeblood, life?...

I don't know. What's worse, what is rottenest, I'm not a botanist.

It's a good idea though, comparing tulips to Goths, and a very amusing one, being as they are so ostensibly not-the-same-thing-at-all-by-any-stretch-of-the-imagination.

Love and begonias,

Mac the Goth



Author's Reply:
Yep. Tulips are suicidal. They live for about, oooh, a day (well, they do in my bloody garden). Roses are tough old boots (erm, my middle name's Rose!) and lilies are just so bloody prim it makes me sick (although they are one of my faves - but don't tell 'em, they have big heads).

Thank you for the begonias. They're the only fking things I can't kill!

Have a daffodil in return. I'm nice like that.

Kiss kiss.

Haze x


Lying Beneath The Surface (posted on: 29-04-05)
Poem as a result of watching 'Real Crime' on telly virtually every night last week!
Hazy x
================


Look deep at your reflection Do you like what stares back? Look deep within yourself Do you have any depth? Suppressed images for your mind only Frenzied knife attacks or death by telephone cord Cradling limp bodies as tears mix with blood Colours swirl, like an artist's water jar Convoluted dreams blend fiction with reality Your virtual world provides the justification Television adverts mock you People's success undermines you Wine glasses ching ching in the sunshine as they toast to 'best friends forever' Lovers taunt you as they stroll hand in bloody hand You envisage them, lifeless Body next to bloody body Repressed emotions, buried under cold, resilient shell Afraid of penetration, worried what freak might flee Don't suffocate under your blanket-covered world Sooner or later You just know - you really do know - that it'll all come undone at the seams
Archived comments for Lying Beneath The Surface
RoyBateman on 2005-04-29 17:08:22
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Clever title - could be taken two ways, so I didn't know what to expect. This is very...bitter. I reckon you've been watching too much telly, young lady! Keep those carving knives locked away, now. Serously, a powerful read.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-29 17:33:18
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Thanks for commenting, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Blimey, it's been well slow today with the reads and comments generally, I think everyone must be making the most of the sunshine!

Well done with the title - that is very true. Dual meaning indeed (along with one or two others).

I will keep the knives locked away - it's others I don't trust - not myself!

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

steadyeddy on 2005-04-29 18:02:45
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
another good write from you,,you keep writing and I'll keep reading


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-29 18:21:16
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Oooh, so if I keep drinking, will you keep buying? I like the sound of this ๐Ÿ™‚

TY for the nice words. I'll hope the writer's block don't set in then!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-04-29 18:40:59
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
wow...double barrelled shotgun of an explosion, of fireworks.......BANG - brilliant! littleditty x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-29 20:21:13
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
That's a nice little comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for that LD.

Chuffed (not in a rude sense) that you liked it ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-04-29 23:56:44
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
You need to watch more TV and I mean that as a compliment, dear hazy hun.

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-30 01:48:38
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
i agree with claire, this is excellent. you have taken something like a tv show and made it sound so majestic. your use of words is always a pleasure to read.

jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-30 02:26:13
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Cheers, Clairey ๐Ÿ™‚

I was glued to that prog every night! I knew about all the murders they covered anyway as I'm a huge Crimewatch fan! My mum don't know how I can sit and watch that, living on my own. But I think it's important to watch these things.

Anyway, ta for commenting.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-30 02:30:15
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Thanks for the nice comment, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

It's not from one particular episode, or referring to one individual... it's just a kind of a psychological look at 'them' generally.

I wrote it last night - I think I've got writer's block all week until the night before the deadline, then somat kicks in and makes me write! I'm terrible for leaving stuff til the last minute, so I guess this is what works for me!

Anyway, ta again for your kind words ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-04-30 16:58:43
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Nice play on words with the title and so very true that it is more frightening than any 'reality' program on the tube, imo. Of course I don't usually watch it as it's all too real.........

Loved this powerful piece and I applaud your pen power.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-03 01:13:48
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Thanks for that comment, Jolen ๐Ÿ™‚

It's on again this week! Missed tonight's though. Will hopefully catch it tomorrow if it's on. This wasn't about one specific person, just the mindset of some nutters, I guess.

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-05-06 17:08:56
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Damn, what intensity! Superb, powerful work...hope it is fictional, by the way. ๐Ÿ™‚

Best,

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-06 20:09:34
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Not sure I can answer that... whether we know it or not, there's probably someone not a million miles away from this description, who we see every day!! You always get the neighbours or colleagues saying how they just kept themselves to themselves and how shocked they are!!

Plenty of nutters out there! Lock your doors! lol

Thanks v much for the fab comment, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-05-09 09:19:53
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Read it last night and I liked it very much. It has a feeling.... you know it's like a song by Faithless (I like Faithless a lot) if you see what I mean - hope you don't mind my saying so. Cheers! and well done! x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-10 18:39:49
Re: Lying Beneath The Surface
Thank you little Apple ๐Ÿ™‚ I just found your comment!

I quite like Faithless too ๐Ÿ™‚ Not got albums, but will def add them to my 'wish list'.

Glad you liked. TY ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Suicide Blonde? (posted on: 25-04-05)
Is it really better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? Maybe. Until you lose them, that is.

Hazy x
==================


"Mummy's asleep" she said Tainted innocence Introduced prematurely to death stares and hysteria Vibrant personality Stubbed out in a soiled ashtray Dead, drunk on lethal cocktails She lay like a negative Bleached white on black background Snapshot of a life Once lived Twice loved No more the coquettish flirt No more curious spectators Just Heavenly
Archived comments for Suicide Blonde?
RoyBateman on 2005-04-25 10:59:28
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Blimey, this doesn't half send a chill down the spine...horribly realistic portrait of a sordid, sad end - with the added poignancy of the child, unable to understand. Truly terrifying stuff, and very effective.

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-25 11:31:57
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Hi hazy. Yes suicide can often be long, drawn out and incredible painful to all concerned. Great read

10 from me.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 12:35:38
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Thanks for the comment, Roy. It's probably realistic - because actually it's about someone in particular.

I think people are missing the 'hints'!

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 12:37:40
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Was about someone in particular, Tai. Someone famous. I'll name her later if nobody clicks.

Her death wasn't classed as suicide. Personally, I don't believe it was either... but I do think she'd reached a point where she thought 'fk it' and left her life in the hands of fate. We'll never know really.

Thanks for the comment and the rating ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-04-25 13:25:39
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Paula Yates.

Twice loved- Hutchence and Geldof, Suicide Blonde being the title of an INXS album. Heavenly- isn't that the name of one of her kids?

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 13:34:40
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Yay!! Well done, D.I.S.C.O. ๐Ÿ™‚

Wasn't sure if I should mention it was about someone in particular, or not. Glad I did, or the meaning might have got 'missed'. Yep, you got the references.

She was found by her daughter, Heavenly Haraani Tiger Lily - hence the last line of my poem (implying that the only 'curious spectator' was Heavenly') - as well as it being 'just heavenly' that she was at peace, dead, y'know. Heaven, n all that.

When someone phoned for Paula, Tiger Lily (as they called her) said 'Mummy's asleep' - hence the first line.

And the 'snapshot' line went under the 'photo negative' line. I also wanted to use the 'negative' word as she seemed that way after Michael died.

I found it all so sad ๐Ÿ™

Ta very much for commenting and 'getting it'. I wonder if you, or anyone would have if I'd not said it was someone famous? What you reckon?

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-04-25 13:41:44
Re: Suicide Blonde?
I had it pegged before I read the comments. The fact that I'd already thought that the title was the same as the INXS album before I read it probably helped. Now that you mention it, I remember the "Mummy's asleep" bit as well.

*Exits triumphantly*

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 13:44:54
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Smart cookie ๐Ÿ™‚

Thank you!! Reeeeeeeally pleased you got it without my 'prompts'.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-04-25 14:06:58
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Catchy title, I started to sing along to the original song before I started to read this, I know this song so well, but it never crossed my mind it was about Paula till I read the comments. Nicely done.

It is better to love and lose it all than not love at all...

Author's Reply:

dogfrog on 2005-04-25 14:23:09
Re: Suicide Blonde?
I blame Hughie Green.

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-25 14:24:11
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Hi hazy. As soon as you said a famous person, I thought of Paula, but what I meant by my remark is that there are a huge amount of people out there, who spend most of theirs lives committing suicide. Just the slow way! Great little poem though. Paula's death was a tragedy and one which could have been avoided if only her many so called celeb friends gave a shit imo!!! She was cannon fodder from way back.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 14:44:16
Re: Suicide Blonde?
I totally agree with you about the slow suicides, Tai. I don't have a lot of sympathy for the 'poor old mes' of this world who can quite easily change their circumstances. I've had friends in their 30s talking like they're in their 70s going 'oh I don't love my partner, but it's easier to stay put' or 'I'm too old to go out these days, easier to stay in and count the pennies'. Grrrrr. Wish some of them would just bloody well get up off their arses and live a little!!

Yep, I also agree about the cannon fodder. People wanted to hate her and wanted to see her fail, IMO.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 14:46:58
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Thanks for commenting, Claire ๐Ÿ™‚

The story of Paula is such a sad one, I think. So many things went wrong for her.

I agree it's better to have loved.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 14:50:49
Re: Suicide Blonde?
To be honest Mr McFroggus, I think you're actually right for once!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

The hate she felt for that man cannot be put into words. How awful for her to realise she was half him biologically.

Anyway, ta for the very little comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Leila on 2005-04-25 17:20:41
Re: Suicide Blonde?
From everything I've seen and read about Paula I think you captured this very well and I especially liked...
she lay like a negative, bleached white on black background...L

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 17:57:04
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Thanks for commenting, Leila. I think they were my fave lines too.

Anyway, ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-04-26 12:34:51
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Hazy - having read through the comments I can see that this poem has poignant references to the subject and is a strong and effective expression.

There seems to be something going around this week regarding 6-year-olds dealing with death!?!

Steve

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-26 12:53:23
Re: Suicide Blonde?
You're right y'know... I can't help it if you keep nicking all my ideas, can I?! lol

That's several weeks now, I believe, where we've written along similar lines! Hmmm. I'm definitely a bit of a witch (in the nicest sense, of course)!

TY for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-27 01:26:51
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Shocking!!!!! But a great poem!


Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-27 11:34:20
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Thanks for commenting, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

The whole thing was shocking, as was Michael H's death. I don't think his was suicide either, but that's what 'they' decided it was!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

steadyeddy on 2005-04-27 15:04:27
Re: Suicide Blonde?
it was a sad episode , which you portrayed beautifully,,brilliant

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-27 15:13:21
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Hi readysteadyeddy ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks for the nice comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Really pleased you liked!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-04-27 23:54:23
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Simply one of your best young blonde bird. Well done. Should have been nibbed (as opposed to ribbed, which I am often requested to obtain for the ladies as my penis isn't that big). I hope this comment helps (-:
A seriously good un tho H. Congrats.

s
u
n
k
e
n

People in glass houses have very high window cleaning bills. Thanks.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-28 01:35:33
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Ta very much, Smunky honeybun. Glad you liked.

This and my little 3 liner from last subs are 2 of my fave writes of my own - not the language, just the subjects or styles I think. I enjoyed doing this one and I wanted the stanzas to 'count down' which I not sure anyone picked up on. I think there's a lot missing of Paula, like she should have been more iconic but it never happened really, did it. Maybe she was born before her time, huh? She was quite cutting edge and seemed to hit each nail on the head - what with The Tube and the Big Breakfast, but I bet 'young people of today' (how old am I? lol) won't know who the fk she was!!

Anyway. 'nuff said ๐Ÿ™‚

btw, maybe you can invent a 'platform condom' like platform shoes. It can have a bit of an extension on the end or somat. Great for the 'less endowed'. Mind you, you'd have to put it on alone... wouldn't want the girlie going 'oooh there's somat inside it already' now would you. Didn't mean to make you size complex worse ๐Ÿ˜‰ Just being helpful ๐Ÿ™‚ I'm sure you're more than enough for any girl :p

Take care and ta again for the nice words ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-04-28 21:04:15
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Sad and poignant read Hazybelle. Nicely done though. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-29 00:01:43
Re: Suicide Blonde?
Thanks for commenting, Val ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope you're doing ok, you've been hiding.

Cheers for words. Take care.

Love Hazybelle x

Author's Reply:


And The Winner Is... (posted on: 22-04-05)
A Haiku - following these rules:

"A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons."

Hazy x
==============


Mother Nature hosts the awards show, with only four costume changes!
Archived comments for And The Winner Is...
red-dragon on 2005-04-22 11:01:02
Re: And The Winner Is...
Nice one Hazy! You've captured the essence of Haiku and neatly turned the tables on show biz. Ann

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-04-22 11:39:20
Re: And The Winner Is...
Short but very sweet, and a neat twist too. Not bad going in 17 syllables!

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-04-22 11:56:31
Re: And The Winner Is...
A wry observation, neatly expressed ๐Ÿ™‚
all the best
L

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-22 12:22:30
Re: And The Winner Is...
TY Ann ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked! I've been dying to try a Haiku for months, but they're so much harder than they look! I thought, 3 lines? Pah. Doddle. Only, not so! I had to wait for divine inspiration - I couldn't sit down and push an idea.

Anyway, ta again!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-22 12:24:10
Re: And The Winner Is...
Thanks v much for the comment and the hot author thingy, Roy ๐Ÿ˜€ Well chuffed.

Pleased you liked, amazing what you can do with 17 syllables, eh?!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-22 12:27:36
Re: And The Winner Is...
Cheers for that comment, Elfy ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased you liked! Been wanting to try a Haiku for yonks.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-04-22 12:37:05
Re: And The Winner Is...
I've been meaning to look up what a Haiku is for ages, I need an education methinks. I think you've done a smashing job with this, I love the idea of the four costume changes. I really must try it some day, I can't imagine it's very easy so well done!

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-22 13:41:30
Re: And The Winner Is...
Hi shangri-la ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, I'd realised most people didn't know what one was from looking back over old postings. There are several slight variations on the Haiku theme so I thought it'd be best to post a short definition of what I'd adhered to.

It was easy once the idea fell into my head - but I must admit I've had to wait months for it! Absolutely nothing came to me, despite being very keen to try one!

Ta for the lovely comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-04-22 15:23:13
Re: And The Winner Is...
Love this form of verse...great job here, wonderful, HazyJo!

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-22 18:06:37
Re: And The Winner Is...
TY for commenting, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked!

You know me... like to try something different every now and again!

Ta again for really nice comment.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-22 18:23:25
Re: And The Winner Is...
Certainly a winner for me hazy. 10 from me.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 2005-04-22 20:34:26
Re: And The Winner Is...
Normally haikus leave me cold but this one is so clever that I am surprised didn't get a nib.
Top marks.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-22 21:01:32
Re: And The Winner Is...
Cheers Tai ๐Ÿ™‚ Blimey, I'm well chuffed with the response my 3 little lines are getting ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-22 21:08:20
Re: And The Winner Is...
Wow, what a comment ๐Ÿ™‚ That's got me smiling ๐Ÿ˜€

I think this is gonna stay one of my fave writes, nib or no nib lol. I think the trick with things like haikus is to just wait for the idea to fall into your head! I realised months back that I couldn't just sit and write one. I think it was Kat who did a very clever 'spring' a while ago. I think it used 'trampolining' in it. I only got it once I knew a haiku should ideally relate to the seasons in some way.

Cheers again for that, Ionicus ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-04-23 01:12:23
Re: And The Winner Is...
This is really inspired Hazy - a super lead in title. Excellent work!

Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Planck on 2005-04-23 03:34:51
Re: And The Winner Is...
Clever! I like the little twist - it means you have to read it more than once, so it stretches out the few words you've been allowed.

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-04-23 08:36:46
Re: And The Winner Is...
I still don't get this hakiu thing (I thought they made yogurts) - This made me smile tho, not an easy thing to do these days. Eat fish.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Take a freezer, I predict heat.

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-04-23 16:10:35
Re: And The Winner Is...
I still don't understand these Haiku things... but from your description it looks like you've succeeded.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-24 19:53:47
Re: And The Winner Is...
Cheers Trevor ๐Ÿ™‚

I enjoyed this one! Won't be trying another unless an idea falls into my head again though!

Glad you enjoyed ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-24 19:55:03
Re: And The Winner Is...
Hi Claire ๐Ÿ™‚

I feel like I did, so am very pleased with it. It's amazing how such a simple little poem can be hard to write and has turned out to be one of my faves!

Cheers for commenting.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-24 19:56:17
Re: And The Winner Is...
Pleased you liked, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚ Was it yours with the trampoline? I loved that.

Cheers for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-24 19:57:44
Re: And The Winner Is...
Thanks for commenting, Planck ๐Ÿ™‚

This is my first (and possibly last) attempt at a Haiku! I'm not usually into restricted verse of sorts, but the idea for this hit me and I had to get it down on paper ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you liked.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-24 20:01:09
Re: And The Winner Is...
Hi Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

Yoghurts, you say? Hmmm. Are you thinking of Yoplait or somat? Or Petit Filou or however it's spelt?

Anyway, I'm glad you smiled. That's always a good thing in my book ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care, Smiler

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-25 00:12:34
Re: And The Winner Is...
I was not too familiar with Haiku's before I read this. I will keep my eyes open for more in future.

Nice work.

Jay

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 10:55:30
Re: And The Winner Is...
Hmmm. I'm not so sure you have the syllable count entirely right there, Wolfie. Presuming of course you were attempting a Haiku and not just telling me about your weekend?

Hope you enjoyed, either way :p

TY for the little comment!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 10:57:27
Re: And The Winner Is...
There's a whole section for them, Jay! You can select the haiku genre and take a look at some! I'm not too keen on them myself, but funnily enough this has turned out to be one of my fave writes! Weird, innit.

Anyway, TY for commenting, glad you liked.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-25 10:58:29
Re: And The Winner Is...
It's petits filous. They had an ad on telly for them last night! du du du du. Weird. Not seen an ad for them for years!

x

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-05-01 01:42:46
Re: And The Winner Is...
*Boing* Yes!

Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:


Flirty Dancing (posted on: 18-04-05)
A rhythmic little foot tapping poem. Everybody up, please and wind those bodies down ๐Ÿ™‚
Hazy x
=================


Feet tapping Fingers snapping Crowds clapping Throw the beat back Wind it down Rotate it round Rhythm found Throw the beat back Hips gyrate A figure eight Moves translate Throw the beat back Flirty eyed A kiss denied Arms out wide Throw the beat back On the floor Left wanting more Know the score And now the beat's back
Archived comments for Flirty Dancing
tai on 2005-04-18 10:50:17
Re: Flirty Dancing
Hi hazy, snappy little number! Not sure about the last line. Maybe removing the And would do it for me. Just a thought. I love dancing, don't do enough these days. Have to think about the bloody whip lash, damn it!lol

9 from me.

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-18 12:49:09
Re: Flirty Dancing
Thanks for commenting, Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

The last line did read the same as the others... but I got up after half hour in bed to change it as I wasn't happy with it. Love lines beginning with "And" it just kinda carries it for me and keeps it flowing... Didn't want it to be a line on its own, I wanted to keep the rhythm going.

Ta for saying though - any advice, opinions, crit, whatever, welcome! And ta for the 9 ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-04-18 13:13:48
Re: Flirty Dancing
Ouch! *Holds back in agony* I shouldn't have tried that!

Nice one Hazy, hun. Great rhythm to it, very snappy. A bit of flirty dancing does no harm, apart from a sore back! I disagree with Tai, sorry Tai my dear, but I think the 'And' makes it a stronger sentence for the ending.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-18 13:32:48
Re: Flirty Dancing
Cheers, Clairey ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you liked.

Plenty of the ol' flirty dancing last Friday from work... not sure if I ache from that, or from the drive to and from Brum on Sat/Sun!

Glad you thought the last line worked. Just personal preference, I guess - no right or wrong!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-04-18 14:23:55
Re: Flirty Dancing
A good, strong and 'sure-footed' poem - loved the rhythm and very punchy repeated line.

Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-18 14:57:52
Re: Flirty Dancing
Cheers for commenting, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Makes me wanna dance when I read it lol.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-04-18 18:18:03
Re: Flirty Dancing
Well, I thought that changing the last line was inspired - it gives "closure" to a piece with a very strong rhythm, makes it complete instead of what could be just an excerpt. Only my opinion, though! You could have a good party with this...enjoyed it.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-18 18:33:39
Re: Flirty Dancing
TY for the comment, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

I couldn't sleep cos I wasn't happy with it. I'd tried to change it earlier, but nothing came to me... that one just popped into my head as I lay there fighting off the sleep fairies! Would never have dozed off if I hadn't found a substitute! It definitely needed closing.

Glad you enjoyed.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 2005-04-18 20:32:39
Re: Flirty Dancing
Yes indeed hazy, I know about this---It's highland dancing. Isn't it? lol.

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-04-18 20:54:27
Re: Flirty Dancing
I think you've got a cool song here, HazyJo...I like the play on words with "score" (i.e. music) and the song approach. Well done...rock on!

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-19 00:12:39
Re: Flirty Dancing
Now that in itself can be very flirty, Gerry. Lots of eye contact and hand-holding! Been there, done that ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-19 00:48:30
Re: Flirty Dancing
Oh yes, of course I meant the play on words with 'score'... ahem lol. Well, mebbe that was more luck than judgement!

Glad you liked, TY for commenting, Ward ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-04-19 00:55:54
Re: Flirty Dancing
Wonderfully catchy poem. I enjoyed the repeated lines, as it did add a dimension to the piece for me..
nice rhythm..... and I did dance on down the hall after reading.. lol...

Thanks for sharing.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-19 01:19:03
Re: Flirty Dancing
Nice little poem.

I tried to keep up but looked like an arse!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-19 01:54:33
Re: Flirty Dancing
Cheers, Jolen ๐Ÿ™‚ I tried something a while back which was quite rhymic, in a norty kinda way (Hey, Webcam Girl). Wanted to try somat similarly lyrical... but with different styles.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-19 01:56:46
Re: Flirty Dancing
Glad you liked, Jay ๐Ÿ™‚

Here, take my hands... I'll guide you :-p

Ta for commenting!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-04-20 10:30:31
Re: Flirty Dancing
This is impressive, I've actually got the beat going on in my head - how did you manage to get such a great beat in a poem. Reminds me a bit of school country dancing. The thing is the beat enters your head within those first three lines thats whats so impressive. I love the way you throw the beat back too it's really effective.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-20 17:00:26
Re: Flirty Dancing
Hi shangri-la ๐Ÿ™‚

Well, I saw my mate Jaspa's band on Sat night and as I was sitting there, foot tapping, I thought 'this is gonna inspire me this week - gotta do somat rhythmic!' Glad it worked! The only time I've really done somat similar was on 'Hey, Webcam Girl' (rude one!). I still feel the beat of that one in my head sometimes - and I'd say that one has even more of a 'country dancing' rhythm to it (certainly not the wording though lol). Almost like that 'Buffalo Girls' song actually, that kinda thing.

Cheers very much for commenting. Really glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-04-20 21:33:04
Re: Flirty Dancing
ya know, if you get me pissed enough, and the musics right, I make a proper twat of myself - What do you mean, 'nothing new there.' I even dance to the radio in the privacy of the shower. Nearly broke my bloody neck last week. It's not clever dancing on slippy surfaces. Hope my critique was ok Hazy woman. Thanks (-: I'll be reviewing for the book programme b4 ya know it.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Take boats, I predict gravy.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-21 00:13:57
Re: Flirty Dancing
Ahhhhhhh... Bisto ๐Ÿ™‚

I love a good dance, I do. I'm very wiggly (not pished, I mean wiggly literally). I'm not sure if I love or hate that slippery feeling (ahem!) I mean on surfaces... have you ever stood on a slippery surface, like a table, in socks? It makes your tummy go all butterfly-y. Actually, I think I like it more than I hate it. It's the thrill factor. God, I lead such an interesting life... that's my evening's entertainment disclosed!

Anyway, TY for the insightful comment, Smunky. I dread to think where we'd all be without ya ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care - and lots else ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

steadyeddy on 2005-04-21 11:12:06
Re: Flirty Dancing
good write I liked it a lot ,,which is a good sign lol

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-21 12:47:26
Re: Flirty Dancing
TY readysteadyeddy ๐Ÿ™‚

Another good sign is a 'no entry' one or a 'one way' one. Would be chaos without them as nobody would know not to enter, or that it was a one way street!

Glad you liked!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Like Soda Bubbles (posted on: 11-04-05)
[ending changed 11/04/05]
Recalling dreams is like trying to writing a poem, in my experience.
Like when you're trying to remember something that's on the tip of your tongue...
This one's been revamped from one I wrote some time in the late 80s/early 90s.
Hazy x
===================


Grasp the bubble of vision
Prevent its explosion
Dreams elope with reality
Want it as much as you dare
Hold tight on the
merry-go-round
of the dream fair
Twist the circle around
Snatch what you can
Turn your back on the vision
A wispy haze, a
n apparition
Haunting unlived memories
Archived comments for Like Soda Bubbles
Emerald on 2005-04-11 09:47:56
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Hi Hazy, Dreams can be very elusive at times, yet so vivid at the time. Enjoyed this.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-11 10:13:22
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Cheers for the comment, Emma ๐Ÿ™‚

It's weird when you try and recall a dream and you get tiny snippets in your head but you can't find the words to describe it. Like when you're trying to remember a song and you've got the gist of it in your head, but you can't grasp enough of the tune to sing it!

Glad you enjoyed.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-04-11 11:34:26
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
'Grasp the bubble of vision
Prevent its explosion'

I like this description, it really is like that sometimes. It all makes so much sense while you're dreaming, yet when you attempt to describe the events you can no longer make sense of them. I can only ever recall the vivid ones that seem more like watching films when I'm dreaming them.

'Hold tight on the
merry-go-round
of the dream fair
Twist the circle around
Snatch what you can'

This bit is the best for me, especially the 'Twist the circle around, Snatch what you can'

it nicely relays the awkwardness felt in trying to describe dreams that are fast eluding our memories.




Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-11 12:06:16
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Thanks for that comment, shangri-la ๐Ÿ™‚

I remember when I wrote the gist of that, donkeys' years ago, I had that box in mind from the film Hellraiser. You seen? I loved the way it lifted and turned round with different outcomes. I started writing about it, but the dream thing kinda developed from it.

I keep getting weeny snippets of my dream last night but now I can't remember any of it, it's fading fast! The snippets aren't even enough to get the outline of my dream from. It's more a 'feeling' about it than remembering something solid from it.

Cheers again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-11 12:13:13
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Oh! I just remembered some of it!

I was waiting for a bus at a bus-stop and it was really late!! Probably cos that's exactly what I did yesterday afternoon lol. Was on way to Greenwich and bus was late.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

red-dragon on 2005-04-11 14:23:21
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Hi Hazy - great poem with some vivid words and images - just not sure about the last line; it's a bit too pedestrian for the delicate lightness of the poem. You could have the elusive memory vanishing somehow. Ann

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-11 15:04:11
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Yep, I'm not gonna argue with that one lol. I think I cheated with this a bit as I was rather lamped yesterday (birthday celebrations)... it got to about midnight and I was extremely disppointed to be suffering from Writer's Block (funny that lol). I dragged this old one out, kicking and screaming, and chopped its legs off. It did finish with somat like 'create a memory in the past' which I didn't like at all... I was very hasty in changing it as I was just so bloody sleepy.

I'll have a little think about it ๐Ÿ™‚

Right, I've had a little think about it and changed it for somat else ๐Ÿ™‚ That may change again though as it was a tad hasty again lol. Prefer this to the last one though.

Ta for commenting and pointing out weaknesses - I do agree!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2005-04-11 15:22:21
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
It is strange you think you can recall your dream, but if you try to tell someone about it it doesn't make sense..good poem dear one...love Erma

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-11 16:21:31
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
lol I know... some of mine read like scripts and I remember every bit clearly... others are a complete jumble of emotions and actions that don't seem to link at all. Different people or surroundings, sometimes the ground turns to water and I'll be swimming rather than walking. Used to dream about fire a lot too, but not so much now.

Take care, TY for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-04-11 17:55:35
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
You caught the weird nature of dreams so well (not easy) - and the last line was a classic.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-11 18:08:19
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
I love dreams - find them fascinating ๐Ÿ™‚

The last line I added today - the last one let it down. I wasn't happy with it, then Red pointed it out too, so I got busy editing ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you think it works now... looks like it's staying ๐Ÿ™‚

Cheers for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-04-12 00:22:25
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
I've enjoyed reading the dream thread, I love to know what others have been dreaming. And I've enjoyed this too.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-12 01:13:28
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Thanks for commenting, Claire ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you enjoyed.

I'm loving the dream thread too... also hoping to hear more!! Yours are well weird, girl!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-04-12 15:27:22
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Ah.......to dream!.....even a whispy one. Ive got Dreamer's Block....is that why we write poems?

loved,
Grasp the bubble of vision
Prevent its explosion
ld


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-12 20:29:48
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Thanks for commenting, LD ๐Ÿ™‚

I do think writing poems is like dreaming cos your mind kind of disappears off elsewhere!

Ta for letting me know the lines you liked.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-04-14 10:23:29
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Has all the elusive confusion of a dream state, nice one Hazybelle. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-14 10:42:27
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
TY for commenting, Val ๐Ÿ™‚

Been a bit quiet, this one! Was starting to wonder where everyone had got to... thought I'd missed my party invite!!

Hazybelle x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-04-14 20:40:07
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Hi Hazy! Well, this little dream sequence has a nice jolty (?) feel that still manages to hold together in an interesting way. The absence of punctuation invites the reader to impose his/her own interpretation/pace. Appropriate, I feel, for seemingly disconnected 'snatches' of dreams and the breaking thereof. Like bubbles: where do they come from, where do they go, and how can they be grasped?

Wish I'd had more time to read around this week, but I s'pose I've got to pay the bills somehow!

This thoughtful poem is an interesting read for me, though.

Steve

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-14 21:10:54
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
love the title hazy, and the poem too. almost delicious like soda and icecream.lol 9 from me. But not all dreams don't come true.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-14 23:21:10
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Hi Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

TY for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

It was the only way I could describe what memories of a dream can be... grasping in terms of taking hold of something - and grasping in terms of understanding.

It is meant to be a bit jumpy, like you picture one scene, but then you view the 'bubble' from another direction. Mentioned elsewhere the idea came from the movie Hellraiser when the box turns round and you see something from another, perhaps distorted, view.

Take care ๐Ÿ™‚ Catch you soon!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-14 23:22:46
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Thanks for commenting, Tai. Was just trying to describe the definition of a dream - or at least the definition of trying to remember a dream - like when it feels like it's on the tip of your tongue...

Ta again. I'm still dreaming btw lol. Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-15 12:30:25
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Nice poem Hazy.

Dreams I think are strange things indeed. But so are human beings!!!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-15 15:42:47
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Ah, yes... but which are stranger? I go with 'dreams' actually cos a lot of people are predictable whereas dreams aren't!

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-05-07 02:07:56
Re: Like Soda Bubbles
Ooops, I spelt wispy wrong! I had it as whispy! Just thought I'd correct that - only just spotted it lol.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Over the Hill (posted on: 08-04-05)
"Age is but a state of mind"
As some of you know, it's my birthday on Saturday (9th). And yes, I know I'm still a spring chook, but I really don't like the idea of being another year older! I think they should do away with numbers and base it on state of mind ๐Ÿ™‚
Hazy x
==========================


So which bright spark suggested
to climb this bloody hill
I would have bought some hiking boots
and made him foot the bill

The ground's proved quite unstable
Friends slipped along the way
I'm sure there's a more scenic route
than mountainous terrain

There's light on the horizon
A new age has begun
We've almost reached the summit now
It's downhill from now on!

Archived comments for Over the Hill
discopants on 2005-04-08 09:27:44
Re: Over the Hill
If they determined your age by your state of mind, would that make your age 'Blonde'?

Happy Birthday for tomorrow, by the way.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-08 10:16:58
Re: Over the Hill
rofl, you're a cheeky one D.I.S.C.O!! Bad boy!!

OK, so you're right to an extent... my new age can be 'blonde' from now on. I wonder what comes next year...

I'll try and enjoy tomorrow, TY for the happies ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

teifii on 2005-04-08 16:34:13
Re: Over the Hill
Very funny. But I don't think it's necessarily downhill -- well, not in the negative sense [myarthritic knees just pointed out that downhil can be a bloody fine thing],. Anyway have a good birthday.
Daff

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-08 16:52:56
Re: Over the Hill
I don't think anyone actually reaches an age where they think they're old! From what I've been told, nobody feels their age and can't believe they're the age they are.

I've got a few years to go anyway before I'm classed as 'over the hill' ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thanks for the comment and the birthday wishes ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 2005-04-08 19:42:10
Re: Over the Hill
Blimey Hazy---I thought I was reading my own poem. LOL. Mine just has a bit more detail...

Gerry. xxx.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-08 20:07:46
Re: Over the Hill
Just been to read it... ooh, I see what you mean!! Was yours meant to metaphorical too, or was it just the description from where you trained? Well written, Gerry. Very vivid and extremely descriptive ๐Ÿ™‚

"The hill are alive..." la la la!!!

Ta for commenting.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-08 20:09:32
Re: Over the Hill
'meant to be' and 'hills'. Blimey, my finickiness is a bit off course today!!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-04-08 20:38:09
Re: Over the Hill
Happy birthday for tomorrow - it was my mothers today. I hate my birthday too - always get a fit of the blues just before it. Enjoyed your poem, and have a great day tomorrow.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-04-09 04:09:02
Re: Over the Hill
Really enjoyed this Hazy, and I like the italics which seem to give an 'uphill' impression!

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Have a great day.

Kat x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-04-09 11:57:48
Re: Over the Hill
Happy Birthday young 'un ๐Ÿ™‚ I really like this especially -

'The ground's proved quite unstable
Friends slipped along the way
I'm sure there's a more scenic route
than mountainous terrain'

Im sure it's not going to be all downhill... anyway downhill can be fun if you're sitting on a sledge weeee

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-04-09 17:12:14
Re: Over the Hill
Get away! Over the hill? Never. Only one day older...oh, and have a good one today. It's an excuse for all kinds of self-indulgence, so enjoy. And as far as writing's concerned, I think Harry's showing us all the way!

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-09 17:31:33
Re: Over the Hill
Cheers for commenting, Emma ๐Ÿ™‚

I feel fine today... quite happy. It's the build-up that gets me too. I'm ok now though. Phew!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-09 17:32:46
Re: Over the Hill
TY for the comment, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad someone spotted the italics... that is what I was trying to do!! Blimey, it worked then!!

Thanks for the birthday wishes ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-09 17:34:23
Re: Over the Hill
Thanks shangri-la ๐Ÿ™‚

Always good when people say what bits they liked! Nah, I don't think it'll be downhill either... things are good at the mo ๐Ÿ™‚ And I can always get me sledge out if not...

Take care, hon.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-09 17:36:22
Re: Over the Hill
TY Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Well, not quite over the hill... lol

So far today, I've indulged on chips and have been shopping. Bought jeans and top with Next vouchers, and got shoes elsewhere. Woohoo!

God, what a lovely day it's proving to be ๐Ÿ™‚ (apart from a bloody speeding fine and points arriving with my cards this morning. Grrr!)

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-04-09 17:42:39
Re: Over the Hill
Happy Birthday Hazybelle. I hope you have made suitable plans for a knees up tonight and don't I wish I could come too.. I could just do with a good booze! the poem was priceless. Love val xx ;~D

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-09 17:51:40
Re: Over the Hill
Glad you liked, Val. TY for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm seeing family tonight (mum, dad, sis, her other half, nephew, twin nieces) - all having dinner at sis's. Can't drink cos driving, but will no doubt have one or three when I get home! Out for lunch with a friend tomorrow!

Take care. TY for the birthday wishes.

Hazybelle ๐Ÿ™‚ x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-04-09 20:04:43
Re: Over the Hill
Hi Hazy, and...hope you're having a happy birthday!

There's a suitably reflective tone to this, with nice touches of humour, of course. But, buried at the heart of it (as it were) are the lines

The ground's proved quite unstable
Friends slipped along the way

I find that pretty good, being an effective and punchy balance to the seemingly lighthearted mood.

Hope you are still able to balance later on!

Steve


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-10 00:50:32
Re: Over the Hill
Hi Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

Most of my funnies are made of deeper stuff, or are quite reflective. Not all though, not sure about those Oojamaflips lol. Just about to have my first glass of red of the day ๐Ÿ™‚

Had a nice birthday TY ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for commenting and the birthday wishes.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-04-10 01:17:52
Re: Over the Hill
By the time you read this your birthday will be over and done with, so I shan't wish you a happy one, plus I already did so in the shout box. We now wanna here how fun your birthday was.

Nearly forgot... nice poem. That last bit, it's a stanza ain't it? Is really good, plus it made me a wee bit sad. Is it really downhill from now on? I thought life started at 40 you ain't even started to live yet hun. xxx ;^)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-10 01:36:20
Re: Over the Hill
Thanks for commenting, Clairey ๐Ÿ™‚

It wasn't all true btw... and nope I don't think I've quite reached, or come close to, the top of that hill yet!!

Let the fun begin ๐Ÿ˜€

Spent it with family and (apart from the noise level) had a really lovely time. Topped off by most of us sitting in my sis's lounge with the volume turned down pissing ourselves listening to my mum and Harry (my 9 year old nephew) singing 'Summer Loving' from Grease upstairs on karaoke lol. Very amusing to say the least and a few mascara stained cheeks at the end of it lol

Take care. Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-10 03:48:22
Re: Over the Hill
hazy....they don't say, 'life begins at forty' for nothing you know. Age can give as you say, it's a state of mind. I am firmly in my twenties head wise, some may think younger....I love being immature! I love being unpredicable and I love being spontaneous. All immature traits, but I love em.

36 six is a great age, enjoy every moment of it, remember your words. The thing is, being happy takes years of most peoples appearance, imo. So do stuff that makes you feel good, by next birthday you will be several years younger!lol

Like the poem by the way. Only one line jolted a little with me, 2nd stanza last line. 9 from me.

All the best

Tai



Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-10 04:03:52
Re: Over the Hill
36? OMG who mentioned 36? 35, if you please dear girl ๐Ÿ˜‰ That year makes a big difference ๐Ÿ˜‰ I only look about 25 so age is totally irrelevant to me! lol.

My life begins every year, Tai ๐Ÿ˜‰ Would be nice to find someone really special to share it with... but I got some pretty special close friends, so all's not lost ๐Ÿ™‚ Loving it at the mo and have one or 2 lined up ๐Ÿ˜‰

I totally agree with that comment about the 2nd stanza last line. It was the only one I had to keep fiddling with. I still don't like it!!

Cheers for adding somat ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-10 13:06:14
Re: Over the Hill
Oh sorry about that hazy! Well you wait till you reach 40 then....my lord what a time you will have.

Glad you didn't mind the comment re stanza 2.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-15 12:33:18
Re: Over the Hill
Hi Hazy, I think we can all see the meaning in this with great sorrow! Getting older is terrible but if we base it on how we feel I would be 87 already, my bones ache and I feel tired all the while (although I do like gardening and bingo!)

Hope you had a good birthday.

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-15 12:40:19
Re: Over the Hill
Got someone else lined up for Saturday, Wolfie :p Sorry 'bout that ๐Ÿ˜‰

Another time mebbe... lol. That's one I haven't tried, btw!! Always up for a challenge.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-15 12:43:59
Re: Over the Hill
Hi 'ickle Jayster ๐Ÿ™‚

I quite like watching bowls on the telly, but don't tell anyone lol.

Ta for the comment... if you ever feel like a change of garden, you're welcome to help trim... erm, oh let's not go there.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-04-15 14:47:19
Re: Over the Hill
I'm with you, sister. Sounds like great lyrics to me, HazyJo. But chin up...you're just a baby. Fine work here.

Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-15 15:34:17
Re: Over the Hill
Cheers for the comment and hot author thingy, Abel ๐Ÿ™‚

Chin's up, and all the other bits are in, out or sucked in ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, might work as lyrics!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Open to Interpretation (posted on: 04-04-05)
Wouldn't it be a boring world if we all liked/appreciated the same things? Or maybe we kind of live in that world already...
Because the majority love something, does it make it perfect/brilliant/a classic? Think of all we may be missing for one reason or another. An unrecognised artist, an unpublished novel, a flavour we've never tasted, a colour that's never been seen...
Decisions, decisions. Dolly Daydream's off again! I'll never sleep now!

Hazy x
============


A solitary line
Depicts well rounded thigh
Charcoal on paper
Share one artist's vision

An ensemble of notes
Harmonised by assorted strings
A definitive classic
To many musicians' ears

Daisy-chain words
Each one purposely linked to the next
Writers' thoughts spelt out
Although not every reader relates

Ingredients combined
Sweet concoctions entice the tongue
Flavours tantalise
Still nauseous to some

Two people in love
Bring a new life into the world
Half him, half her
Far from perfect to nearly everyone

Archived comments for Open to Interpretation
Apolloneia on 2005-04-04 08:44:05
Re: Open to Interpretation
Hazy this was written with your distinct personal style, you have a voice, loud and clear, and this poem is very meaningful -- great ending to prove how open to interpretation are all things... well done!

Author's Reply:

Dazza on 2005-04-04 09:41:57
Re: Open to Interpretation
I can't remember the last time I licked a painting! I enjoy a good scratch and smell...Nice work and nice to have communed with you late Friday night...Dazpacho.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 10:24:53
Re: Open to Interpretation
Oh bollox, where's me stanzas gone?! I'll have to go put them back in! Hmmm.

Anyway, back to you. TY for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Yep, that little 3-way 'thing' on Fri was kinda fun... I don't remember it all, but I think I enjoyed :-p

btw, you should try the red paint... much nicer.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 10:45:32
Re: Open to Interpretation
Thanks for a lovely comment, little Apple ๐Ÿ™‚

I've put the stanzas back btw, I doubt they were showing when you viewed it before. Bloody html or easy edit thingy. Confuses me every time lol.

Chuffed that you liked ๐Ÿ™‚ (I still hate using that word 'chuff', it has rude connotations, y'know!)

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-04-04 10:54:15
Re: Open to Interpretation
A universal truth, eh? Strong stuff for a Monday morning! And you're quite correct, too - everyone has their own taste, and perhaps we shouldn't deride them because they're yahoos compared with ourselves...well, we can't all be perfect like me, can we? Whoops, sorry. A good point well made.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 11:19:57
Re: Open to Interpretation
Well, not everyone or everything can be everybody's cuppa tea at the same time!

Yep, those people who think they're perfect really annoy those of us who are. Teehee, remember that quote from years ago - I think an old boss used to have a plastic sign with it on. His work partner had one on his desk saying 'to err is human, to really fk up takes a computer'. I can't remember mine... prolly somat about having a crap memory ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, TY for the comment, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

steadyeddy on 2005-04-04 13:00:30
Re: Open to Interpretation
likes this a lot , so my hats off to you

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 13:29:58
Re: Open to Interpretation
Blimey, how many hats you wearing then? Isn't it a bit warm for hats? Actually, it was a tad nippy this morning. In fact, I just looked out the window and it looks bloody horrible. Maybe it was just my mood that was bright this morning ๐Ÿ™‚ Bit unusual for a Monday... must be the drugs :-p

Erm, TY for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

red-dragon on 2005-04-04 14:29:06
Re: Open to Interpretation
Well said, Hazy, and well written, too. I really cannot understand what people see in liquorice (most nauseous!), but my love of olives baffles many! And isn't it only your little darlings which are perfect? Ann

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 15:08:05
Re: Open to Interpretation
We commented on each others' at virtually the same time... du du du du (twilight zone music). Well spooky.

Anwyay, TY for that comment.

I adore liquorice, but hate liquorice flavoured drinks. Pernod, etc. Ewww.

And I can't stand olives lol.

As for my own little darlings... I've only got me cat lol.

Take care ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-04-04 18:31:49
Re: Open to Interpretation
Hi Hazy, I think its a pretty good thing we all have our own individual tastes. Life would be sooooo boring if we like the same things. Enjoyed this.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 18:46:56
Re: Open to Interpretation
Yep, and everyone would nick your sweeties!! I'm quite glad not everyone likes orange creams ๐Ÿ™‚ And at least I can palm off the coffee centres...

TY for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you liked.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-04-04 21:16:57
Re: Open to Interpretation
Now I do like that last stanza/bit what ever you lot call it. Especially that last line...

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 23:16:32
Re: Open to Interpretation
TY for commenting, Clairey ๐Ÿ™‚

I had a deep discussion on Saturday night (about 10pm... but please bear in mind I met friends at 2pm) and I learnt what the difference between a stanza and a verse is.

For some strange reason... it seems to have gone clean out my head though! Funny that.

Anyway, ta again chick ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-04-05 23:29:41
Re: Open to Interpretation
Interesting thoughts. And, although in some senses the meat is in the sandwich, the beginning and ending appeal to me. I get a very clear image of a solitary charcoal line depicting that well-rounded thigh, and I enjoyed the inference at the end.

Enjoyed reading.

I also enjoyed the reference in your introductory remarks to 'Dolly Daydream'! Haven't heard that for years, but rings a clear bell. If I remember, I must try to find out the derivation of that little phrase!

Steve

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-06 00:27:18
Re: Open to Interpretation
Hi Steve, ty for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm nosey, so I looked it up and found this:

"Little Dolly Daydream" was another successful Leslie Stuart minstrel song which dates back to 1897.

So there you go. I guess that's where it originated from. Or maybe it was a saying before then and he incorporated it into his song... oh who knows lol.

My fave bit was the charcoal line. That's what the poem was gonna be about in the first place - a charcoal nude, but it got me daydreaming as per. I wrote a poem once about paintings and how they're windows of the world reproduced on canvass - but not everyone likes or appreciates. The poem kinda came from a mixture of both my ideas.

Anyway, speak soon. Night night.

Hazy/Dolly Daydream ๐Ÿ™‚ x



Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-04-06 11:30:58
Re: Open to Interpretation
I loved this poem. liked the idea and structure of stanzas - cool last line..littleditty

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-06 12:09:36
Re: Open to Interpretation
Thank you for the comment, LD ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you liked. Thanks for your kind words ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-06 13:15:57
Re: Open to Interpretation
Hi hazy I like this little poem on interpretation of yours. The first line especially brought a smile, because as the artist knows, it's the weight of line that determines just how well rounded the thigh may be.

9 from me. The bold is very eye catching and also gives weight too!

smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-06 13:42:50
Re: Open to Interpretation
Cheers, Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

Uhuh, I love using charcoal. Ooh, I sound all arty - I'm not really, I've just tried it a few times ๐Ÿ™‚

Nearly all my poems are in bold... it's actually (1) cos I like the look, and (2) cos it's the only way I can get the para marks in the right feckin' place!! lol

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

KJKeller on 2005-04-06 18:54:08
Re: Open to Interpretation
So beautifully written, and so very true!
You have a lovely talent with blending just the right descriptive words...I enjoyed this very much!
Kathy

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-06 23:40:01
Re: Open to Interpretation
TY very much, Kathy for such a lovely comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased to hear you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2005-04-07 00:13:21
Re: Open to Interpretation
Since I don't know the first thing about poetry. I don't understand half of the poems I read. I got this one. I really liked it. Maybe there's hope for me after all..love Erma

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-07 00:31:37
Re: Open to Interpretation
Hi Erma

Thanks for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Awww you always get mine!! You always seem to comment!! Glad you liked and 'got' this one ๐Ÿ™‚

Love Hazy x
PS. I don't understand half of them and don't comment either!!

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-04-07 11:42:56
Re: Open to Interpretation
Loved this poem Hazy exactly life like especially the last stanza.. Great one. Love Val x

Two people in love
Bring a new life into the world
Half him, half her
Far from perfect to nearly everyone




Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-07 12:11:15
Re: Open to Interpretation
TY very much, Val ๐Ÿ™‚

I was a bit iffy about the last stanza, I have to say. It felt a bit too 'sugary' for me. But it seems to have worked from what people are saying! It did need a 'closing' stanza like that, so I suppose it 'fitted'.

Cheers ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazybelle x

Author's Reply:

Capricorn on 2005-04-07 15:51:09
Re: Open to Interpretation
A great message here Hazy -- we are all individuals after all! Really enjoyed the read.

Author's Reply:

Capricorn on 2005-04-07 15:51:11
Re: Open to Interpretation
A great message here Hazy -- we are all individuals after all! Really enjoyed the read.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-07 16:18:17
Re: Open to Interpretation
TY for commenting, Capricorn ๐Ÿ™‚

Are you trying to be individual by commenting twice, btw? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad you enjoyed ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

teifii on 2005-04-07 17:59:41
Re: Open to Interpretation
So true. It reminded me of my annual task of organising the local art society's show. I have to do a catalogue and then, with help, the hanging. It always interests me how different the paintings of different painters are and how totally unlike pictures sell.
By the way I thought as I saw it coming that the last stanza was going to be sugary but then the last line really knocks that on the head, doesn't it?
Daff

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-07 18:12:29
Re: Open to Interpretation
Hi Daff ๐Ÿ™‚

I really wanted that last line to knock it on the head... I wouldn't have included it if I didn't think I could get away with it. I was just worried people may misinterpret it as sugary when it wasn't meant to be like that. I'm really not into all that.

I just sent my first ever competition entry off and was sitting here thinking 'how do they choose from all those entrants when there's no subject matter, genre, restrictions? I find it so strange! I suppose we know what we each like on here, but we're all so different with different tastes. My head hurts now lol.

Cheers for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚ Really pleased to hear you didn't think that final stanza was sugar-coated!!! Relieved now that nobody appears to have misinterpreted or missed the impact of the last line!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-08 00:26:29
Re: Open to Interpretation
I'm half asleep reading this poem and it seems to have gone right over my head! Its a good read though and has your distinct voice in it! I'll read through it again when Im refreshed and awake!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-08 00:50:30
Re: Open to Interpretation
Aww, poor sleepy Jay. It's quite a straightforward one really, so yep come back when you're awake! It's basically saying that just cos one person likes somat, don't mean everyone will. Bit more than that, but that's the gist of it.

Sweet dreams little Jayster. Kissy kissy.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-04-10 14:04:29
Re: Open to Interpretation
WOW I can't believe I almost missed this one...I am soooo behind with reading atm. This is by far one of your best yet and a fave for me.

This is perfect -

'An ensemble of notes
Harmonised by assorted strings
A definitive classic
To many musicians' ears

and I love those Daisy-chain words, a perfect ending too.



Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-10 23:22:12
Re: Open to Interpretation
Thanks shangri-la for the hot story thingy and the lovely comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased it ticked all your boxes, so to speak! TY for pointing out the bits you liked best - always helpful.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-04-11 20:09:04
Re: Open to Interpretation
I found myself (underneath a bus) trying to sing this young Hazy Fantazie. I stopped however, when I realised that I had the tune all wrong. Well done on your nib, well done on your number one (and I don't mean shit - that's far too personal, and I have no intention of getting in to that right now - or ever if I'm being totally honest) Phew - Fuckin commenting, I do hate it. Thanks.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Take mints, I predict garlic.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-11 20:26:13
Re: Open to Interpretation
TY ickle Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

Erm, I thought that No 2 was...

and No 1 was... erm

Well, in any case, I think you're a bit back to front (no offence - not implying your boy-bits are in the wrong place! ;))

TY for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Catch you soon.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-04-11 20:28:46
Re: Open to Interpretation
Actually, a number one is a wee wee isn't it? I was just enjoying a cuppa and thinking to myself that shit is number two's and not number ones. I really need to get a life. Now please, let this be an end to it! If there was ever a reason for banning me from commenting, then surely this is it. For gods sake someone, get a petition going!

s
u
n
k

Take a pen, I predict signatures.

Author's Reply:


Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous (posted on: 01-04-05)
Not my usual thing, I don't think!
Ever felt like you're missing something really major, although you can't quite put your finger on what, exactly?
Hazy x
====================

I can't believe I didn't miss it 'til I got home. My right arm, that is. Only went and left it on the bus, didn't I! One minute, I was sorting out change for the driver, arm attached; the next thing I remember, I'm waking up at my stop and rushing to get off the bus in a blind panic. It was only when I got to my front door and needed my key that I noticed its absence. The handset nestled against my face, propped up by my shoulder, as I punched out the number with my left forefinger. "Hello, hello... Bus Garage," I blurted. "Excuse me? Sorry, no. This is the Bus Garage, I think you've dialled internally, love." Clunk. The monotone, presumably blonde, woman hung up on me. Infuriated, I tried again. "Is that the Bus Garage?" I tried the idiot-proof version. "It certainly is, sweetheart. What's your problem? Sock it to me." Oh, here we go. Mr Flirt-with-anything-in-a-skirt. I imagined him straightening his tie as he spoke. I cut to the chase. "I appear to be missing an arm. I last had it on a bus heading to your depot." "Had it on a bus, did we, love?" He roared with laughter. "You could have been arrested for that, y'know." "Look, I'm serious. I'm half armless. It's not funny!" "Not funny?" He cracked up further. "Half 'armless, you say?" Giggles jerked his words out. "So, what, you got like an unloaded gun or something, have you?" I held the handset away from my ear as his guffaws nearly deafened me. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply. "Yes, I'm sure it's the highlight of your day. But I really need my arm back. Please can you check if anybody has handed a right arm in within the last half hour?" "I'll have a look for you," he said, sounding suitably chastised - although I'm sure I heard sniggering in the background before he returned. "Now you come to mention it, sweetheart, we do seem to have acquired an arm in our lost property section." "Oh, thank God, I'll come and collect it immediately. "He drew a sharp intake of breath. "Sorry love, twenty-four hour administration. We got to log it, see, before we can release it. "But, but… Oh, this is ridiculous." "I know, but what can you do? Company policy, darlin'." "Right. Well, it's lunchtime now, so any time tomorrow afternoon, you reckon? Or do I need to make an appointment?" I added sarcastically. "Three pm should be alright," he replied in all seriousness. "Oh, and you'll need to bring photo identification, proof of address and we'll obviously need a full description. We don't want it falling into the wrong hands, do we? Oh, wrong hands!" He chuckled some more at his choice of words. "You need a description? You're kidding me, right?" "Erm, it's company policy…" "Well, let me see now. It's arm-length, it has four fingers at the end, one thumb…" "What about identifying marks… tattoos? Anything? You are being rather vague, y'know." Deep breaths, I reminded myself. "It has a silver Celtic ring on its little finger and the nail varnish should match that on my left. That do you?" "I'll have to double check with the boss, but I can't see it being a problem," he muttered sheepishly. "Right, well I'll see you tomorrow. Many thanks for your kind assistance." I rolled my eyes. "Oh, you're more than welcome," he said, probably beaming his little head off. The following day, I arrived ten minutes early and, for my sins, was made to wait an extra ten minutes past the hour while they shuffled papers and looked at their watches. It was easy to establish who it was I'd been speaking to the day before. Little round blue glasses resting on a chubby ruddy-cheeked face. Wispy hair combed over his balding head, curly ginger sideburns in need of a good trim. He virtually elbowed the others out of the way in a bid to serve me. "Hello there, Miss. What can we do for you? It is Miss, isn't it?" He sounded hopeful, while I regretted wearing the low-cut top as he spoke to my cleavage. "Isn't it obvious?" I tried to make light of the situation by waving my empty sleeve at him. He laughed nervously, unsure which of his questions I was replying to. "Erm, nope, I'm sorry. You'll have to elaborate." The corners of his mouth turned down as his eyebrows lifted, like a puppet on strings. "I called yesterday? Y'know, about the arm I left on the bus?" "Ah yes. How could I forget you, sweetheart." He leant on the counter as though trying to chat me up in a bar. "So, if you don't mind? I am in a bit of a rush, actually." He looked disappointed. "Oh, of course. I'll be right back. Don't go running off now, young lady." He returned with my arm obviously concealed behind his back, keeping it out of eyeshot in anticipation of the formal identification process. "Now then. I just need to take down your particulars." He threw me a wink. I flashed a curt smile back. Twenty minutes, four forms and a mini-ID parade later, I stood proud, reconciled with my long-lost arm. "Wow, thank you. You've no idea how wonderful that feels. I'm such a plank. Really, how embarrassing. Fancy leaving my arm on a bus. I bet you don't collect many limbs during the course of a day." "Oh, you'd be surprised. You can bet your bottom dollar there'll be at least one passenger crawling off the bus, completely legless, on a Saturday night!"
Archived comments for Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
RoyBateman on 2005-04-01 11:19:13
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Oh, well done! I should have seen that coming a mile away, and didn't - I was too busy going through the 'armless jokes. Mind you, your loss could have been worse...imagine ringing up and saying you were looking for a right tit. They'd have been spoiled for choice. (Sorry!)

Author's Reply:

TheGeeza on 2005-04-01 11:57:15
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Have you been watching "On the buses" whilst intoxicated?
Totally cheesey joke at the end!


Author's Reply:

Jen_Christabel on 2005-04-01 12:01:12
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
LOL LOL LOL and even more LOL
Great fun
JayCee

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-01 12:11:55
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
TY for the comment, Roy ๐Ÿ™‚

Like your version ๐Ÿ˜‰ Maybe I should do a sequel lol. The joke kind of 'came to me' when I was halfway through writing it and then I knew where to take it.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-01 12:14:52
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, that's about as good as my jokes get lol. My fave joke ever is Q: what do you call a sheep without any legs? A: A cloud!!!!

See??!!

I remember On the Buses lol. Olive used to make me laugh.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-01 12:16:18
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Ta JayCee ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad I got you LOL-ing. Nowt wrong with a bit of a giggle on a Friday. I've got a day off, so I'm even more smiley than usual that it's Friday!!

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-04-01 16:13:58
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
A funny story Hazy, I enjoyed the read and your fave joke too. :^)

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-04-01 17:08:12
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Hi Hazy, enjoyed this!

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2005-04-01 18:08:34
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Liked it Hazy. Where do you get ideas like this one from? I don't have any imagination, your post are never boring. I never know what to expect from you...Love Erma

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-01 19:20:00
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Cheers little rosy Apple ๐Ÿ™‚ Blimey, someone else who appreciates my cloud joke!! Amazing!!

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-01 19:20:49
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Ta Emma for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Pleased to hear you enjoyed!! I loved writing it ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-01 19:26:34
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Hi Erma, TY for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

I get my ideas from daydreaming and going off on a tangent! Sometimes, all I need to see is one word and an idea for a poem falls into my head. The idea for this story came from missing my friend, Paul. He was down for a week last month, and 4 nights over Easter. Me and him are very close and I s'pose I got the feeling like somat was missing when he went - or that my right arm had fallen off!! Once I started this one, it just flowed. The jokes, everything. I didn't 'construct' or outline it first like sometimes, it just seemed to write itself ๐Ÿ™‚ Most of my writing is an 'interpretation' of somat. That's how I write. I need a word or a thought to inspire me. I hate having to sit down and force an idea, cos it just don't work with me!

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

red-dragon on 2005-04-01 20:46:22
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
I gotta "hand" it to you, Hazy, this was "humorus". An 'armless story that 'ad your "print" all over it! You didn't "palm" us off with any old rubbish! Well done! Ann

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-01 22:16:49
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
TY Ann ๐Ÿ˜€

Blimey, you nicked all the hand/arm jokes now ๐Ÿ˜‰ I won't even try and match 'em cos, as you now know, my jokes are awful lol - especially the ones I try and make up myself ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, ta for the comment, made me smile. Glad you liked my little story ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

glennie on 2005-04-01 23:31:51
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Ak! Ak! Ak! That was me laughing, not a machine gun. A bloke with no arms and no legs was waiting at the bus stop and, recognising him, the conductor asked: "Alright, mate, How are you getting on?" Sorry, you had to be there.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-02 01:02:30
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
What do you call a man, with no arms and no legs, in water? A: Bob.

I can see we're on the same wavelength here. Liked yours lol ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for the comment (and lose the laugh, you'll never pull!)

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-02 13:39:33
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Hi hazy. A very well written piece of nonsense.lol That that feeling though of losing your right arm, is one many can indentify with I am sure. I get it whenever my boys have been out of sight for too long. I didn't notice this when I had my first ever week away from them recently! Funny that.rofl

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-02 13:55:51
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Cheers Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

Good for you, taking time away from your boys - it does them good to appreciate you!!

Ta again for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-04-02 14:10:42
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
I'm soooo sorry!!! I was having nasty thoughts of what that man was going to do with her arm alone... me and my one track mind!

This is certainly not your usual thing, but it is very daft. ;^)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-03 01:35:32
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Cheers for commenting, Claire ๐Ÿ™‚ Nah, I'm sure it's not normally me lol. I'm not into the 'daft' humour. But this was definitely daft rather than humour.

Nowt wrong with a bit of variety, eh? :p

Trust your mind to travel to the deepest darkest corners of its mind lol. btw, if I'd have thought of it first, I may have taken it in that direction ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-04-03 18:44:36
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
I found a Peter Pan DVD on the bus a few weeks ago. I left it there as I hear that Whacko blokes into him. I didn't want people talking, what with my love of munkys too - I have to be careful. Anyway, that aside (don't you just hate nasal hair?) Its so unfair that blokes get that and not women. I've been tweezering like made today, Anyway, that aside, isn't it warm? Did you know that some people have more than one belly button? Isn't that bizarre? I'm always worried that mine will come undone. It's amazing that it stays knotted for your entire life isn't it? Anyway, thanks. I hope that was a suitably daft comment for a suitable daft piece? Well you said it, not me! Thanks.

s
u
n
k
e
n

'He's just an idiot in a munky costume'

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-04-03 20:30:08
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
A 'different' sort of piece, which is nice. Enjoyed the humour, and thought it well written, but the main thing that struck me is the way in which you've allowed yourself to just go with it on this one.

A sort of creative mystery tour!

And there's no arm in that!

Steve

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-03 20:31:38
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
TY Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚ Oh. I was kinda hoping for my daily 'advice' from you. How will I know what to take out with me??!!

Nasal hair. Hmmm... they do these electrical things that you poke up your nose and it trims for you. A friend of mine had one!! See, some girlies do get it!! Not me, I hasten to add. Well, not really blokie ones anyway!! I've never trimmed there. Of course, there are places a girl needs to keep trimmed. Haircuts, I mean. We have to have a regular trim to keep it looking good now, don't we. Blokes only pay about a fiver, we pay more like ยฃ50. It's so not fair. And of course we have to shave legs, etc. You boys have it easy. Bit of hair on yr faces, and tada. That's it. You don't shave elsewhere do ya Smunky? I'm still getting over the fact that you tweezer nose hair. Do all boys do that? Don't they just snip it with little scissors?? Ouch. Eyebrows are bad enough. Do you tweezer those too??!!

Hmmm. Not sure about this comment lol.

Ta for yours ๐Ÿ™‚

I shall "take tweezers" and presume your comment was forewarning me about nose hairs. God, I hope not.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 00:25:57
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Cheers, Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, it really did flow. I only stopped the first night cos it was about 2am and I had work the next day. I didn't start writing it til about 1-ish, and the next night I came home and finished it. Course, I had to go back and tweak every day for a few days after, but most of the humour and conversations just flowed as I wrote it. I love it when that happens with prose ๐Ÿ™‚

No 'arm indeed ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-04-04 15:44:06
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
ROFL this is so funny, even the title made me laugh. You should write more humour this is great. I've never been able to write funny stuff, I'm told my humour is a little too insane for popular consumption.

Anyway it has to be said I really enjoyed this 'armless bit of fun. ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-04 16:23:37
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Thanks for that comment, shangri-la ๐Ÿ™‚

This one was very different for me. I don't mind doing 'humour' but this definitely fell into the plain daft category - especially that final joke lol. I think I prefer writing the dark and depressing stuff. Even my funny ones tend to have a dark side to them - like with my "Cecil who?" story.

Anyway, ta again... I'm trying to get more prose written so maybe I'll think about doing another funny! Not everyone's cuppa tea, that's for sure... but glad you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Archie on 2005-04-05 15:17:45
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Hi Hazy,
I thought this was very skillfully done - the pacy and lively style reads effortlessly. Lots of nice touches like "spoke to my cleavage".
Maybe some of the dialogue is a bit bad-sitcomish - e.g. "It certainly is, sweetheart. What's your problem? Sock it to me." - but I suppose you might have intended that.

I've started the Magnus Mills - fantastic.

Archie




Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-05 15:32:58
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Hi Archie ๐Ÿ™‚

TY for the comment - the dialogue was meant to be like that - almost naff lol. It was the 'plain daft' element of it. I could have done it as 'humour' but I don't think it would have worked as well. I think there'd be a lot of 'eye-rolling' if it was done as a play ๐Ÿ™‚

Really pleased you're enjoying the Magnus Mills ๐Ÿ™‚ I loved that book lol. Such individual style and so different. Might re-read it myself.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-08 00:23:19
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
This is like a carry on film mixed with LSD. I don't know where you get you ideas from Hazy!

Nice read!

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-08 00:46:45
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
I was missing a very close friend. He's back in Belfast now. Felt like I'd chopped my right arm off when he went... hence the story ๐Ÿ™‚ I might be a tad blonde, but I'm a real deep thinker, Jay! Most of my stuff is an interpretation of one thing or another - sometimes you have to scratch the surface to see it, other times it really is as shallow as it looks lol.

Anyway, cheers for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

KDR on 2005-04-11 15:39:53
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
*groans at last line*

Can't really add much. Everyone else has said pretty much everything. :-/

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-11 16:32:40
Re: Unarmed and Not Very Dangerous
Thanks for reading/commenting, Karl ๐Ÿ™‚

It was 'plain daft' so the ending really had to match, didn't it lol.

My mum was telling me at the weekend a bloke from Tesco rang her on Sat who was just like my character. My dad had left his phone in the store (2nd time he's lost it in as many months) and he wouldn't tell her what it was that'd been left. She suggested her credit card, and he said 'ahah, no but it does have numbers on it' and then she worked out it couldn't have been her, must have been my dad, but she had to say the times they would have both been in there, he wouldn't give nothing away. Such an arse, honestly lol.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Bottle Fed (posted on: 25-03-05)
Poem. Can't give any more away!
Hazy x =====================

Shabby, old pushchair with stripy blue seat Handles gripped tight by cracked, stained fingers Rancid odours of sour whisky breath Skin scented with eau de tobacco Fag ash drops from stumpy roll-up A protective hand brushes it off her baby: A fat, bonny two litre whisky bottle She smiles that maternal smile as she places kissed fingertips on its lid Wrapped up safe in waffled blue blankets
Archived comments for Bottle Fed
Griffonner on 2005-03-25 09:42:35
Re: Bottle Fed
You saw this, didn't you? I did too, when reading it... and all in so few words. Bravo, Hazy.

Author's Reply:

thehaven on 2005-03-25 10:37:14
Re: Bottle Fed
Great read ,so much in few words,

Mike

Author's Reply:

mynci on 2005-03-25 11:46:49
Re: Bottle Fed
i liked the imagery.
Mynci

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-25 17:50:34
Re: Bottle Fed
TY Griffy. Yep, the image was very clear and I just had to put it down on 'paper'.

TY for your lovely comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-25 17:51:16
Re: Bottle Fed
Cheers, Mike ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you liked! TY for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-25 17:51:55
Re: Bottle Fed
Glad it came through for you, Mynci ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for the comment! ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-03-25 22:32:28
Re: Bottle Fed
Not bad actually. ;^) whiskey, hhmmm...

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-26 00:35:29
Re: Bottle Fed
Ta for commenting, Clairey ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm not a massive whisk(e)y fan. More of a voddie girl actually if on the spirits.

God, now I think I prefer the look of yours with an (e)... I always used to spell it with an e. I checked the Glenmorangie site to check before I posted this and they don't use an e. I know you can spell it either way - but I was always a 'whiskey' person rather than 'whisky' too. Hmm, decisions, decisions. I'm so crap at them! Now neither spelling looks right lol.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-03-26 02:10:40
Re: Bottle Fed
Thought this poem was about me until I got to 'her baby'!

Yeah, think I've seen this woman. The placing of kissed fingertips on the lid is both graphic and shocking. If anyone should dare to come near that baby then you can tell how strong the 'maternal' instinct would be.

BTW, 'whiskey' is Irish - 'whisky' is Scottish. Don't blame me, that's just the way it is!

Think I'll have a nightcap and go to bed. Now, where did I leave that pushchair...?

Nice effort though, can almost smell the cheap scotch...

Steve

Author's Reply:

Warhorse on 2005-03-26 08:08:13
Re: Bottle Fed
Hazy,

Wish that I could say what you say in so few words,
very perceptive and true. Excellent

Regards

Warhorse.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-26 13:30:12
Re: Bottle Fed
Cheers, Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

TY for the spelling info! God, you know what I'm like about things like that lol. I think I'll stick with the no 'e' seeing as my mum's half Scottish then.

When you find the pushchair, I hope you're gonna share the bottle!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-26 13:33:31
Re: Bottle Fed
Ta for commenting, Wolfie ๐Ÿ™‚

Do you think it would work without the last 2? I have to say, I nearly chopped the last one off. I def want to leave the "A fat, bonny two litre whisky bottle" line though. I really think people would take it too literally otherwise.

Really pleased you liked ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for the suggestion... I'm gonna think about losing that final stanza.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-26 13:35:06
Re: Bottle Fed
TY for the sweet comment, Warhorse.

Seeing as my motto is 'why use 10 words when 300 will do', I dunno how I managed to keep this, and others of mine, so short lol.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-03-27 13:03:21
Re: Bottle Fed
Brilliant Hazy bell sounds as though you have had some bitter experience. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-03-27 13:19:16
Re: Bottle Fed
Hi Hazy, I'm inclined to agree with Shywolf on this, the last bits water down the image for me, although I liked

A fat, bonny two litre whiskey bottle

Maybe that could be inserted or fiddled with in the earlier part.

Hope you don't mind my opinion, but its a good poem, with great imagery, that I just feel the ending lets it down.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-27 16:45:50
Re: Bottle Fed
Fanking you, Val ๐Ÿ™‚ Good to see you around and ty for the little comment on my website ๐Ÿ˜€

btw, I'm not some ol' bag lady y'know ๐Ÿ˜‰

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-27 16:47:38
Re: Bottle Fed
TY Emma ๐Ÿ™‚

Nah, course I don't mind the opinion or advice. I do agree about that final stanza and when I've got a bit of time, I'll go fiddle :p

Decorating at the mo with a friend. I'm just about to go off and paint again. Poor sod's had to do laminite flooring and God knows what else! I'm very demanding ๐Ÿ˜‰

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-03-27 18:20:39
Re: Bottle Fed
I love the way you write it exactly the way it is. So realistic, clear and to the point that the imagery positively jumps up at you.

When I was a child I used to see a woman exactly like this, wandering the streets with an old battered pushchair. OMO, people used to call her. There was a washing powder called OMO and when I stood behind her in a queue in the Co-op one day I breathed in deep expecting to smell washing powder and was almost knocked off my feet....needless to say it certainly wasn't washing powder I was smelling that day.

And needless to say I enjoyed this piece amazing that you painted it so vividly in so few words.


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-27 18:47:26
Re: Bottle Fed
Ta very much for the comment and hot story thingy ๐Ÿ™‚

What do you think about that final stanza? Shall I lose the last one completely, or rework that '2 litre whisky bottle' bit into other lines? Advice would be very welcome. I'm tempted to lose the last stanza completely now.

Really pleased you liked it so much. Doubt if I'll get anything up for tomorrow (ahem). My friend Paul's got me chained to paint brushes, etc. The house is coming along wonderfully though... I'm well impressed.

Anyway, ta v much.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-03-27 19:04:08
Re: Bottle Fed
I can definitely see what Shywolf and Emma are getting at... I just read it again but only up to
'A protective hand
brushes it off her baby:'

and it certainly does make it a more impacting piece....trouble is...

'A fat, bonny two litre
whisky bottle

She smiles that maternal smile
as she places kissed fingertips on its lid'

... I loved the lines too...can't you tell I'm rubbish at critique ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-03-27 20:31:29
Re: Bottle Fed
Another bite sized smunky friendly chunk young Hazy. I like. It put me in mind of one of those push button ashtrays, ya know the type? Where two flaps open and the ash drops in to the tray and then it er... closes again. Well I know what I'm on about. Thanks.

s
m
u
n
k
y

Take a day off, I predict bank holidays.

Author's Reply:

shackleton on 2005-03-28 00:06:08
Re: Bottle Fed
You bopped me on the nose with this one, Hazy-Jo. Good poetry!

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-28 00:10:10
Re: Bottle Fed
Yep, I feel the same, lol. I find it so hard to lose lines I like, even when I'm not sure they do justice to the piece. Ta again. I'm still thinking... ๐Ÿ™‚

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-28 00:12:40
Re: Bottle Fed
Ta for the comment, Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep, she really should have carried one of those ashtrays. Aren't they the really tall ones? I remember my nan and grandad used to have a kind of chrome ashtray on a stick. I think it all went down the bottom or somat. Or maybe it was their bathroom one and you could put toilet rolls up the length of it. Hmm, actually... maybe I dreampt it.

btw, you're getting bloody good at this prediction malarkey... it's only a bloody bank holiday tomorrow!! Amazing. Truly.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-28 00:14:53
Re: Bottle Fed
Cheers, Shacks. Or do you prefer bottoms up? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sorry about the bopping... I couldn't help myself. Must learn a bit of self control lol.

Hazy-Jo x

Author's Reply:

shackleton on 2005-03-28 00:24:59
Re: Bottle Fed
Bottoms up? Steady now, Hazy - you'll send me all wibbly-wobbly again.

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-03-29 11:43:53
Re: Bottle Fed
Okay Hazy don't have to give any more away, I think I got the picture, a very vivid poem, nice flow, nice layout.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-29 12:16:02
Re: Bottle Fed
TY little rosy Apple. It wasn't meant to be metaphorical, but the more I psycho-analyse what I wrote, I think maybe it was!

Cheers. Flattered you liked ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

steadyeddy on 2005-03-29 17:31:48
Re: Bottle Fed
good write I thoroughly enjoyed read this poem...

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-29 17:55:28
Re: Bottle Fed
Fanking you, steadyeddy. I'm always going 'ready eddy' when I'm with someone and ready to go out. Dunno why I told you that... well, I do actually, I guess it's cos of the Eddy thing... God, I'm really waffling. I just want someone to talk to ๐Ÿ™ It's so bloody quiet today. I'd go catch up on subs, but I'm too sleepy to read. Will do that tomorrow. Gonna book Fri off... I've switched right off after 4 days from work. Oh to be a lady of leisure. I don't suppose you're loaded and looking for a stay at home wife are you? Hmmm?

Tumtetum. Worth a try...

Anyway, ty for the sweet comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Slovitt on 2005-03-29 18:03:50
Re: Bottle Fed
Hazy: You've an instinct for what makes a poem, both in terms of substance, and a feel for the need for concrete details. Or else you've stumbled upon this, it being so ingrained. In any case, THIS is the way to make a poem. A good piece. Swep

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-29 18:50:51
Re: Bottle Fed
TY very much, Swep. I'm a bit lost for words now (blimey!). I'm not a poetry planner and have never learnt about structure, etc. I do feel it's instinct as I turned to poetry in my teens to express my frustration, pain, or as a means of escape. This one was written quickly, as most of mine are - then I go and edit, and re-edit. Most of it goes down straight away though and just odd words or lines are changed. It's almost like I'm sleepwalking, like I close my eyes and let the thought take hold. Very weird. Although maybe that's just the blondeness ๐Ÿ˜‰

I find it very hard to sit down and 'construct' a poem out of nothing - that doesn't do it for me at all. I have to wait for an idea or an interpretation of a thought, image or whatever to literally snake into my head.

OK, so I lied about being lost for words ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thanks very much again. Appreciated.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-03-30 13:05:13
Re: Bottle Fed
beautiful lines, vivid ugly picture - like this a lot Ms Hazy...

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-30 13:28:50
Re: Bottle Fed
Cheers for that little comment, LD ๐Ÿ™‚

Welcome, btw. Hope to catch up with some reads/comments today so will get round to yours soon, I hope.

Glad you liked!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

HelenRussell on 2005-04-01 10:27:05
Re: Bottle Fed
Loved the imagery. If you're confused what to do about the last lines, how about moving the waffled blue blankets further up the poem, because they are an essential image, I thought they were great. And that way the bottle and the lid has more impact still at the end without being "watered-down" so to speak- and besides, who wants to water down scotch! LOL
Great stuff Hazy

Helen

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-01 10:56:26
Re: Bottle Fed
Thanks for commenting, Helen ๐Ÿ™‚

That's a good idea - I'd have to jiggle it around a bit to be able to move the lines, but I do agree that would work and be a way round it.

I'm not very good at jiggling (yeah right) so I'll come back to this when I'm feeling ruthless!!

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

SueRed on 2005-04-02 07:46:59
Re: Bottle Fed
Very good! I've much enjoyed your work! Do you know who said the line about the oncoming train?? you?? I love it as well!
XXX
Red

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-02 12:19:29
Re: Bottle Fed
Ta very much for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Nah, unfortunately it wasn't me who came up with the 'oncoming train' quote. Yep, I love that one so much lol. My other fave quote is:

"How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak"

Teehee. Dunno who came up with that one either!!

Well, anyway, TY again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2005-04-03 02:15:15
Re: Bottle Fed
A lovely poem, very descriptive and well written.

I just wondered when reading it - what inspired you? Did you see a person really doing this?

Jay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-03 16:42:54
Re: Bottle Fed
Hi Jay ๐Ÿ™‚ TY for commenting.

You expect me to remember now? Blimey, you know what my memory's like lol. I think it was from a story I've been trying to write about an alcoholic mother - I've been going back to it for months but keep changing it - I'm sure I'll be inspired to finish it one day, but at the mo it's just sitting there, along with heaps of others. Anyway,
this was about more of a bag lady using the pushchair for her 'baby' - a bottle of whisky. She doesn't have kids. I used the line about kissing the lid in my story and now it's in here too! My imagination just runs away with me sometimes! I'm a right dolly daydream.

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

margot on 2005-04-05 09:13:27
Re: Bottle Fed
hi, I've just read a few of your submissions and this one for some reason has had the greatest impact. I really like the contrasting descriptions, and the tension this creates in the images of child and mother, and the pathos.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-04-05 10:20:01
Re: Bottle Fed
Thanks for that comment, Margot. It's good to know you read through a few of my subs! Cheers for that. I really like to try my hand at different things and images. Glad to hear this one worked for you ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 04-09-2007
Bottle Fed

Ha ha! Very silly! Reminds me of you looking after me when I'm drunk!

I suppose a fag's a bit like a dummy. Both replacements for the nipple. I packed up smoking a long time ago of course, and I was breast-fed. You can tell by the way my nose tilts slightly upwards. I shudder to think how your children's noses will look.

"eau de tobacco"? Tobacco water? That's a scary thought.

Top pome, Kitten.

Mac the Suckling x


Author's Reply:
Yeah, I'm getting in practice looking after you. This'll be me in 30 years' time lol!

Replacements for the nipple huh? P'haps I should try being a lesbian for a while...

Don't think I should have kids. They'll look like something out the League of Gentleman!! :-O

TY for commenting, Mac the Suckling - Now I've got horrendous visions of you being spit roasted. Ahem!

Puss x


Exorcising Ghosts (posted on: 21-03-05)
A bit of history.
Hazy x
=======================


"Miss you already" the text message read. The pounding in my chest began immediately - my husband's phone in my hand - the text message not from me. He'd only had the phone a couple of weeks and had offered me a closer inspection of it a week or so ago. Knots of suspicion and disbelief coiled in my stomach. He had seemed reluctant to show me when I'd remembered earlier that I'd not shown interest in his new toy. "Stuart" I called from the edge of the bath. The tone of my voice indicating an impending question. "Uhuh, what's up, babe?" My ears strained trying to pick up on any signs of guilt in his reply. The soft padding of his bare feet on floorboards as he lightly jogged up the stairs, echoes to my galloping pulse. "What's this?" I held out the phone, the accusation already showing in my eyes, despite trying not to jump to conclusions. He took the phone without meeting my eyes. "Wrong number" he laughed nervously. "You didn't think… Oh God, I'm so sorry. It came through the other day - you know I'm crap with phones. I don't even know how to send a text message!" "Let me see again…" "Okay, oh I don't know how to work this thing, where's it gone now - hang on a minute" "Just give me the phone, Stu." "I'm just checking something, two ticks." "What are you doing?" My cheeks now burning. He passed it back, but the text had gone. "You deleted it!" "Sorry, I didn't mean to, I must have cleared it by mistake" Somehow we managed to sweep the episode under the carpet. The doubt had seeped in though; suspicions swirling round my head like Satan whispering sweet demonic nothings. Four weeks earlier we were exchanging wedding vows in front of all our friends and families. We'd been together for six years prior to that. I don't suppose it was a match completely made in heaven, but generally we gelled together pretty well. Stuart was the first guy I'd actually felt total trust for. Never having been a hit with the ladies, there had only been one woman before me, in every sense, and that was his ex-wife. They'd been childhood sweethearts but she'd taken advantage of his generous nature and trampled all over him. There had been rumours of her having an affair, but that may have just been hearsay. Eventually, Stu realised he was being taken for a mug and got himself out of the relationship. But he continued to look out for her, ferrying her to and from airports for holidays with friends, he decorated her bedroom for her and continued paying some, if not most, of her mortgage. He knew she was seeing other men by now, but he found it so hard to completely cut ties. Stu and I met on holiday. Actually, we were in the same party of ten. My mum knew him through work. We had met briefly once before, but I'd thought he was about 20 years older than he actually was and had pulled a face when my mum had later said, "What about Stuart, he's a nice boy". "Nice isn't enough," I'd replied. "I'd end up having an affair within 6 months!". On the holiday, however, I realised I was slowly falling for him. He was a great conversationalist, we laughed, played cards and pool, staying up hours after everyone else had retired to their beds. Towards the end of the holiday, romance blossomed between the two of us. I realised I wanted to spend time with this sweet, kind man. I found myself looking out for him when he wasn't around, we sat together at dinner and people noticed the chemistry between us. My mum was obviously delighted when, back on home soil, Stu and I became an item. There were rough patches over the years. Obviously, the fact that he felt unable to cut ties with his ex-wife were a major issue in the beginning. It was a year or so later when we were talking about living together that I insisted he sort his past out and get the house sold and the money divided. I could see Sharon for who she was but Stu still felt obliged to look after her. I loved Stuart, but I hadn't felt that thunderbolt the first time I'd laid eyes on him; he always knew that deep down. I'd never gone for stunners, it wasn't that I was waiting for 'Brad', it's just I believe in fireworks. Y'know, that WALLOP that they say you feel. I'd always expected to feel that when Mr Right came along. You see these old couples in the movies, sitting together holding hands, looking adoringly at each other and saying 'You just know, instantly.' Since finding the text message, I'd tried to even joke about it. But Stu hadn't been near me in weeks. One day, after he'd picked another argument about nothing, I snapped and demanded to see his mobile phone bill. He tried to palm me off at first, but eventually agreed to bring the bill home from work when he'd seen his accountant. He and his work partner, Martin, sold office equipment and stationery and reupholstered furniture. His hours were fairly regular, with the odd weekend job if a large contract came up. Needless to say, I never saw that bill. I noticed over the next few weeks that he'd started leaving his mobile phone in his work van at night. Also, whereas he'd always answered it at a weekend if we went shopping, for example, he was ignoring it or not bringing it with him now. It was Stu's birthday in July, six weeks after our wedding. I suggested he meet me from the station and we could go for a drink at the pub nearby. It wasn't something we usually did and he took some persuading. Twenty minutes I stood outside the station, unable to reach him on his mobile. He turned up with tales of traffic and congestion. We had a few drinks, but I sensed he didn't really want to be there. A couple of weeks later, he was changing a tail pipe on my old VW Beetle. The sun was shining and I felt happy with the world. I virtually skipped outside to see if I could get him a cup of tea. He uncharacteristically snapped at me after I said "mind your head if you sit up quick." Tears stung my eyes and I went back indoors with my tail between my legs. When he finished, he came in and stomped upstairs. I grabbed my car keys and went for a drive for half an hour or so, wondering how my marriage had gone downhill in a matter of weeks. He started working late and I confided in my mum. She adored him, as did my sister. He used to take my nephew swimming once or twice a week and would pop in to see my mum for a chat on the way home to me. I felt like I was betraying him by even thinking him capable of things that I was sure he wasn't doing. I cried down the phone and, rather than my mum saying "don't be insane, Stu would never do that," she agreed with me that things weren't right, that I was right to be suspicious. That bloody hurt, I can tell you. I think I'd expected her to tell me I was being mad, suspicious, doubtful, but instead she agreed with me. I never usually share personal information like that with anyone, especially my mum, and I think she knew things must be bad for me to voice my concerns. A couple of weeks later, she talked about following him as she worked near him, but I just laughed it off and said I thought I must have made a mistake; that things had been fine lately. My job had been very stressful around that time. Stu had tried to be understanding and, following indepth conversations, we'd decided the best thing would be for me to hand my notice in. I could temp until the right position came along - although the thought filled me with dread! I'd always been a bit of a 'safety girl' and this was only my second job after 13 years of working. It was a massive step to hand my notice in when my battle for a higher salary proved fruitless, but with his support it felt like the right thing to do. One Thursday night, I came home from work with talk of cheap flights to Prague. We'd had such a wonderful time there once before and I'd been a couple of times with friends. It was one of my favourite places in the world. "I can't take time from work." He'd first said. "But Martin's taken two weeks already, with a week booked in September. How come you aren't allowed two days?" I pushed until eventually he broke down. "I don't think I love you any more." "What? You just married me!" "I'm sorry, I feel awful." He began to sob. "Come on honey, you've told me now, that's the worst over, surely. We can work through this." The true horror of the situation sucking the breath out of me. I tried to be understanding, to reason with him. Yet I wanted to scream and shout. I was so scared of adding fuel to a smouldering fire though. As far as I was concerned, we had loved each other and had made a commitment to each other. I'd planned to spend the rest of my life with this man. My heart thumped in my chest that he could be rejecting me after such a short time. Somehow, we got through the rest of the night in tears with no decisions being made. The next night, Friday, comprised much of the same thing. His sister rang on the Saturday. I'd been forcing him into a corner saying either we were going to agree to work things out, or he should leave. He'd tried to convince me he wasn't having an affair, but I still had nagging doubts. I overheard part of his conversation with Leigh. "So how's things at home? "Ok, thanks." "She's not buried you under the patio yet then." I grabbed the phone, much to the disgust of Stu. "You might think it's fucking funny that my husband isn't sure he loves me any more, but I'm going though fucking hell, here Leigh." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" I threw the handset towards the floor, not wanting to hear any more. "You've talked to her about it, haven't you." I said after he'd hung up. He tried to placate me and told me we should maybe go to his niece's party that night and talk about it tomorrow. That was the final straw. I was amazed he could be treating this so lightly and trying to pretend it wasn't happening. He took a bath and, betraying my entire make-up and personality, I sat crouched on the bathroom floor, curled up into a tiny ball, pleading with him to stay, to work at our marriage. He seemed so calm, it scared me. I suppose he was in control though, not me, for once. Eventually, he took the gamble and left me on the Saturday afternoon. The shame and humiliation I felt cannot be put into words. Firstly, I phoned my friend, Kim. She came round the following day. I didn't phone my mum until the Sunday. I wasn't eating, was smoking myself to death, but felt too scared to touch a drop of alcohol. I knew once I started, I'd never stop. Didn't drink anything for a few weeks, actually. Stu went to see my mum at work on the Monday where he managed to admit to her that he'd been having an affair with his secretary - just as I'd suspected. My mum had put the words in his mouth and eventually he'd broken down and admitted it. I'd realised if he was having an affair, it would be with someone who knew him pretty well. All of my friends were told by text message during the course of the following week. I had to let their own shock sink in before I spoke with them. Not one of them believed Stu would be capable of such a thing. They'd all worshipped him, spoken about him to their own friends saying what a wonderful bloke he seemed and how lucky I was. I felt such a failure. That people were making judgements about me. Paranoia was something I wasn't used to, but I expected everyone to be thinking 'bloody hell, she must have been hell to live with for someone like Stu to go looking elsewhere". I remember shopping in Sainsbury's a few days later. I didn't buy anything that needed cooking and forgot to check sell-by dates. I lived off pre-packed Thai chicken and just ate when I was hungry. Luckily, work extended my notice period. I'd had 3 interviews lined up but had to cancel them. There was no way I could handle an interview not knowing where my personal life stood. It was bad enough trying to get through the Monday at work. I was participating in a conference. We had six overseas senior staff members over and myself and another girl had to give a presentation on the Monday morning. Somehow, I struggled through it and managed to evade their questions on how married life was treating me. I left for home that afternoon and my manager signed me off work for about two weeks. I wasn't even ready to go back after that, but life has to go on. The day before I was due to go back, I met my line manager, Annie, in a coffee shop round the corner and just bawled my way through the entire chat. I was hurting so much. I did phone his work number a week or so after he left to see if she was there and was horrified when she answered the phone. "Who's that?" "Gemma. Who's that?" "You bitch. Have you no pride? What kind of mother are you, leaving your two kids with your sister while you fuck my husband." "Look, I'm sorry, Sal, it's you he wants. I'm not seeing him any more." "I wouldn't touch him with a fucking barge pole. You're welcome to him." "Look, there are things you don't know. Talk to Stu." "No. You tell me. What things?" "You really ought to let him tell you." "Tell me. You know he won't be honest with me." "It started three days before your wedding. And his sister, Leigh, and her husband met the two of us for dinner one night, before he left you." "But you came to my wedding." Tears choked my voice. "You and your husband. How could you do that? My memories count for nothing now." "I had no excuse not to come. My husband would have been suspicious. Look, it's you he wants, not me." "You manipulative bitch." I slammed the phone down. A few weeks later a job fell into my lap through an agency. A few grand more a year and totally stress-free with no responsibility. I jumped at the chance and sailed through the interview. You might wonder what became of Stu… well, Gemma left her husband shortly after Stu left me. I had said to him that if he steered clear of her for three months, I would consider giving our marriage another go. But, my mum had seen him with her, even though, at first, he tried to deny it. He spent the next couple of months crying down the phone at me, or standing on my doorstep, begging forgiveness. But Gemma became pregnant within weeks of our marriage ending. They had a daughter together. I'd been praying it would be a boy, because I'd always been convinced we'd have a daughter. That had been our 'next step' really. The loss of my marriage, along with my unborn daughter, came back to haunt me on that overcast day in May. And what became of me… well, opinions might vary on that one. I like to think of myself of independent, happy, settled. But at nearly 35, single, childless, and someone who runs a mile from relationships when someone seems keen… I'm really not so sure.
Archived comments for Exorcising Ghosts
uppercase on 2005-03-21 12:45:03
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Maybe if you hadn't gotten married. I like to look into other peoples lives. This was a very enjoyable read...love Erma

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-03-21 13:20:48
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Men can be bastards at time, hun. Mr Right will be there round the corner waiting for you, I can assure you you will know when it is him, that feeling you get is amazing.

You have been very brave to share this piece of your life with us Hazy. The best therapy for writers is to write about their problems/worry. I can't believe he started the affair a few days before the wedding, the fucking bastard!

'someone who runs a mile from relationships when someone seems keen' - I understand why you would do this. You will know deep down who to trust, you need to start listening to your heart again, but if you have the slightest doubt don't run straight away, have a good think first if possible talk to someone about it, then if the doubt is still there, run.

I wish you luck.



Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-21 13:49:14
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Me too, Erma. I'm very nosey and love to analyse lol.

Ta for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-21 13:55:08
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Oh I think women are far worse than men, Claire!! Men aren't bastards, they're just easily led ๐Ÿ˜‰ I know my ex wasn't a bastard - he'd just never really had anyone fancy him or come onto him before. It is all a terrible shame, but I think in the long run, he did me a favour.

I do use my writing for therapy. I'm not actually sure it does any good though lol. But never mind, it's good to get it all out. I've been sitting on this for a while and decided to finish it yesterday and be brave and post! I'm not sure I like people seeing my life in prose, but I really wanted to write it up. Poetry's much easier in that respect cos people can form their own opinions and interpretations of it.

Ta for commenting, luvvie.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-03-21 15:50:07
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Firstly I want to say you are one helluva gutsy lady, I know how much courage it must have taken to share this. You have written and expressed your feelings so well in this. I know from my own attempts to write about my life how difficult it is to get it onto paper, I fail constantly.

It's a heartbreaking story and I really feel for you. There's so much in this I can relate to having gone through a painful break-up myself a couple of years ago.

Although my circumstances were different I felt a lot of what you felt... yep, shame and humiliation even though the blame was not on you...noone believed my hubby was capable of being anything but angelic either, he put on a good show to others, people thought we were the perfect couple and in the beginning I guess we were.

I understand too the trust thing, I've always had issues with trust. Takes a lot to really open yourself up to trusting people, it makes you vulnerable because you know it's those you love and put trust in that can do you the most hurt and once that trust has been betrayed it's hard to believe you can ever want to again.

It's important to remind yourself that not everyone is the same and the healing will take time, a bloomin' long time if truth be known but it does happen and with luck and a following wind you get there in the end.

I'm sorry I've rambled on so much, I do that when I'm nervous...this was a very hard thing for me to reply to and have had two ciggies while sat here (_(______()~


I wish you all the happiness in the world, anyone can see how big a heart you have so I think he was the loser in this. Well done for writing this and for doing it so well.




Author's Reply:

thehaven on 2005-03-21 21:50:15
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
It takes a hell of a lot of courage to bear your soul like this and you have my admiration.

Love is blind ,or so they say, sometimes it takes somone on the outside to see.



Mike x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-22 00:16:44
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Thanks Mike. Sometimes, I pour it all out, other times, I keep the real important bits close to my chest. Things like this, I really don't often share. Yep, brave-ish, but I know it's nothing in the scheme of things. There have been far 'braver' things admitted on uka, as you well know.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-22 00:30:53
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
TY ๐Ÿ™‚ Blimey. What a comment!

It happened in 2000 btw, a new Millennium. Fuckin' great start lol.

I'm sorry to hear you can relate to it. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Rejection I could cope with, but it was facing people I had the problem with.

You know what it's like with work; people you don't know that well who were were still saying 3 months later 'so how's married life?' when you saw them in the kitchen, just to make conversation. I felt guilty over keeping gifts and money from the wedding. Such 'shame'. I kept thinking people were thinking I wasn't telling them the whole story. I'm crap with sympathy. I remember, about 2 months later, our DG's secretary found out and gave me a big hug the next morning. I'd been fine at work, but OMG my bottom lip went straight away and my eyes filled up. She found out cos we were out on my leaving do the night before and when I left for the night, she'd made a comment about my hubby waiting at home for me. I welled up and told her to speak with a mutual friend - which she obviously did.

I still, even to this day, feel that I need to defend him. Not over what he did, but I want people to know I didn't marry some Jack the Lad who shagged around. He really wasn't like that. I think, actually, that makes it harder for me to accept and brings on the paranoia.

I get real close with people, I'm extremely honest, open and psychological with people. But, that doesn't mean I'd trust them. I still have little trust and find it hard to really open up about my actual feelings. I need to be 'adored' and sometimes go about that the wrong way. People make judgements about me... not always the right ones.

I know what you mean about the ones your trust and open up to hurting you the most. Been there, done that since.

All the best to you too, hon. I hope all good things await you.

TY for your wonderful comment.

Slightly Wiggly Hazy x
PS. Alcohol acts as a truth drug with me, hence the almost-midnight ramblings lol

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-03-22 01:53:18
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Very well done on this honest write Hazy - I had a nightmare with my first marriage, to a 'Stuart'!

I reckon you've got a hell of a future still waiting for you, but the secret to a successful and happy life is about living in and enjoying the present. I think you seem to do that, and just being YOU is going to get you the man of your dreams - when you're ready! ๐Ÿ™‚

Owing to life expectancy rates etc these days, we are all 10 years younger than our parents were at our age! You're only 25 - plenty of time to enjoy life yet.

All the best to you Hazy.

Kat x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-22 02:30:35
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Cheers, Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

Actually, he wasn't a Stuart, but I changed the name to protect the 'guilty'. I dunno why, I just felt it was the right thing to do!

People usually guess my age at around 25 anyway, so I don't really care about numbers lol. Age is totally irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. A few people thought that 'Stuart' was my dad lol. He was only about 7 years older, but looked much older than me. I came out of a wisdom-tooth operation once and they told me my dad had phoned to see if I was out yet. Took me a while to realise they meant 'him'. There were other occasions too... much to his embarrassment lol.

I've also been asked if I'm old enough to buy alcohol in my 30s, and ciggies in my 20s. I think I at least look old enough now to not worry about carrying ID!!

Sorry, I'm waffling. Been out for wine and food with a friend tonight and feeling a tad wiggly!

Ta for comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

KevTheRev on 2005-03-22 08:53:48
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Hazy,

Can relate to this piece, I had the same problem, and guess what Happy new year 2000!

I must admit I worked 16-18 hours, but the work was important and I had little or no option. She felt neglected. But she waited after a holiday in Kenya! Bitch..

She left for a man that was a club owner, it was the fast car and promise of a model line that did it. I broke his nose ( Not advised, I'm irresponsible and have a temper).

She came back after a few weeks, with a sorry and she was confused, I gave her the key to the flat, told her I was going away for a couple of weeks and never returned. Perks of the job, relocation.

Sad, really, since I still have strong feeling for her, but thatโ€™s life.

I feel that you venting will help, just feel consoled you donโ€™t have a child involved, and your still young(ish) SLAP!

Fancy going out for a meal some time ๐Ÿ˜‰


Kevin -x-


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-22 12:04:05
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Oh you charmer you ๐Ÿ˜‰ *bats eyelashes seductively*

Sorry to hear you've been through something similar. It's 'pants' innit. You did the right thing, IMO. I can't imagine being with someone I couldn't trust - and once the trust went from our relationship, there wouldn't have been enough to hold it together. Besides, it's not like he gave me much choice really!

Part of me's glad there were no kids - the other half wishes there had been. I'm not in a rush any more for them, but if I get to 40 and am single, then I may regret not having them with him. I'd probably save and 'go it alone' if I got to 40 and still wanted them! Who knows.

Ta for the hot author thingy. Flattered ๐Ÿ™‚

Mwah.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 2005-03-22 19:47:22
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Hazy,

This is indeed a brave submission: heartfelt and well-written. It would have been bad enough, whatever the timescales, but this I can barely imagine...

I agree that being a 'bastard' is not gender-specific, and in fact it's not even the right term (unless someone acts like a complete bastard habitually, as an expression of their deficient personality). I mean, no-one's perfect and we're all susceptible to temptation. I suppose the 'mature' thing to realise is that if we decide that we are really attracted to and love someone (or it is decided for us) then keep in mind that human flesh is weak and prioritise the focus of one's attentions.

I think that couples often spend years together and then get married because it 'seems like the thing to do' - I'm not suggesting this was your attitude, but, you know, people start to expect wedding bellsand it's possible to fall into the trap for the wrong reasons. Anyway, you don't need me to tell you about these things.

From the writing pov, I think that you have expressed the devastation very well. I haven't been in that particular situation, but have certainly experienced the sort of symptoms you recall.

It must be an effective piece, because I really felt sad for you. I hope to goodness you don't think that sounds patronising, and I hope that writing this has helped to exorcise such a disappointingly rotten experience.

Steve


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-22 20:52:47
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Thanks, Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

It was a pretty horrendous time in my life and I probably didn't want to admit how low or depressed I actually was. I know I'd been so down before it, my job had been so stressful and when I found myself in tears down the High Street one day for no reason, I knew I had to quit. I didn't really get a great deal of understanding from him over my job as he had his own business and couldn't accept I could be stressed. But he had people dealing with the financial side and he loved his work and took pleasure in knowing it was him who would benefit from the business. You just can't compare it to a stressful office job when you're working for other people.

I went from relief from handing my notice in a couple of months after the wedding, to utter shock and disbelief a couple of weeks after. Having to go to interviews after 6 years in a stable job, when my husband had fked off, was nigh on impossible. Nobody at my new work knew I was married for months lol. I bottled the lot.

I've been 'the other woman' myself (he lied, told me he was single - until his wife phoned ranting down the phone at me!!) and have done more than enough 'norty things' to know sometimes, people are just weak.

I def agree that couples stay together for the sake of it. I'm so bloody cynical about it and would put the number over 75% (and I am being very kind, if I was being honest, I'd go higher!!)

I'll shut up now, I'm doing my usual storytelling in the bloody comment box.

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-03-23 09:42:17
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
This must have been a tough write - and takes courage posting. You're much braver than me. I suppose in a lot of ways, it is about trust - once that has been broken it is very hard to completely trust another person again. I think though by writing this - you have got the right idea - its an exorcism of the past - and you can now go on from here. Well done, I'm full of admiration for this

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-23 10:53:26
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
I wrote a lot of it when I was very wiggly. Found a few spelling mistakes when I read through it on UKA next morning lol.

Thanks for your sweet comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-03-23 18:07:43
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Hazy. I admire your courage in writing this piece very much. I hope it does the job. It certainly shows your skill with prose and with coping with life too. Everything happens for a reason and what does not kill you, surely makes you stronger.

Well done for dealing with what was a very painful time in your life with such finesse and good judgement.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-23 18:29:15
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Thanks for that, Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm not sure it will do the job really, but I do think that it does no harm in putting things on paper. I have lived with someone since and, of course, there've been boyfriends.

I strongly believe things happen for a reason and the fact there weren't thunderbolts, maybe in a few years it would have been me having the affair. Who knows what the future might have held.

I think it was the timing of it that upset me more than the affair itself. And he wasn't even man enough to admit it. I really fkin' hate cowardly men. Grrrr!! I'd sussed the whole bloody thing out and he kept telling me I was wrong and making ME feel bad ๐Ÿ™

Take care hon ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Jen_Christabel on 2005-03-23 18:36:32
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Well exorcised! A difficult thing for you to write, no doubt, but well done!
JayCee

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-23 20:03:25
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Thanks JayCee. It did pour out once I started! Difficult to admit to my feelings in it... the rejection and feeling of inadequacy and paranoia. Not all of it's changed me for the better and sometimes I get annoyed at myself for being suspicious, outspoken or intuitive. I really hate being mucked about now. I like to be in control and, apart from the odd one I misjudged horrendously, I've not done too bad.

Ta for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-03-23 20:16:38
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
I never quiet understood which is worse, having to exorcise demons or ghosts? An honest write, very courageous to speak like that publicly about your life and this helped me understand you so thanks for sharing Hazy. xx

Author's Reply:

KevTheRev on 2005-03-23 20:41:31
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Hazy, sorry I just read the comment from Kat ( Purrrrr) But we grow up faster, so that is lost. Ah, for a male it is simple we get castrated and have 10 years put on to our lives! That means we can live together to the end since men die 10 years younger. The question is now,good thing? I have lost myself in the numbers thing, why did I reply? It must be you -x- Well done again

Kevin

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-23 21:58:29
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Thanks for that, little rosy Apple ๐Ÿ™‚

I tell you what, I'm really pleased with the way people have responded to this - empathy rather than sympathy (I really don't do sympathy very well, and certainly didn't want it) - and the way that it's helped people see 'me'. I dunno why I felt the need to write it or post it. I started it months ago - maybe as therapy to me. And yet I found myself writing it up like a 'story' and felt I wanted to show it, and do what I do best in the comment boxes, ie give away my life history LOL. If anything, I've understated it rather than overstated - there were other causes for suspicion, and his work partner knew about it and covered for him, his family knew about it (and went out with them more than once to dinner). Every affair entails lies, etc... but, so soon after our wedding, I was just so very disappointed/betrayed/rejected by my family-in-law and his best friend/work partner/best man at our wedding.

TY for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-23 22:01:18
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Mmm, you just couldn't keep away, could you ๐Ÿ˜‰ Norty boy.

You're trying to impress me with figures now aren't you ๐Ÿ˜‰

I'm well confuddled - speak a little slower next time please... I'm borderline blonde!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Mala on 2005-03-24 11:12:04
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Hazy,

Well done for writing this piece. It take s great courage to write about something so personal. Dogs are not worth running after. let them run after you. Enjoy your life.


Regards

Mala



Author's Reply:

bektron on 2005-03-24 11:31:38
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Well H. it's uncomfortable reading isn't it?
plays on our fears and has an intimate confidential tone, so I think it was brave of you to open this up to us all.
I don't know quite how to take these sort of confessional pieces, this is like something a friend might tell you after you've had a few and you'd all end up in tears.
I don't know what to say but, having read it felt that I should just say I was, here I read it.
You got through it, therefore you're stronger, you're still here.
try not to let it put the kybosh on future relationships,coz it's true that you never do know
when the real Mr Right might turn up.
a good write.
bek


Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-24 11:34:24
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Thank you, Mala ๐Ÿ™‚ Never a truer word spoken - I shall take heed lol. Done my fair share of running of chasing a dog or 2 LOL. No more!! Let them do the chasing if they're interested!!

Will do my best to enjoy ๐Ÿ™‚ You too!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-24 12:05:46
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Thanks, Beks.

I was in a 'blurting' mood. I get them a lot - I think it does me good. Maybe I should just keep a diary - mind you, an ex read one of mine once (I landed myself right in it) and I've never kept one since lol.

I find it hard to talk like that in person cos I get really emotional. I cry far too easily and am extremely sensitive. Writing's definitely easier for me.

Sometimes, when I've been let down or feel rejected, those feelings above creep back. I'm usually 'very sure' before I let anyone into get close. Of course, I occasionally get that wrong, but life goes on and like Tai says, what don't kill you can only make you stronger (or a complete paranoid, cynical bitch, but we'll forget that, eh? lol).

Ta for commenting.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-03-24 12:12:31
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
An excellent write, Hazy - if I can call something so raw and painful "excellent". I'm so sorry - yes, it was the timing that causes the pain - why did it have to happen and fail when...oh, there are a million questions and I'm sure you know them all better than I do.
I've been a lucky bugger personally, still married (since 1971!) - but something very similar to this happened to our eldest daughter soon after we'd busted our guts doing our best for her wedding, and I hope the bastard fries...

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-24 12:48:14
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Cheers, Roy.

Well done you, that is a long marriage! My parents, aunts, uncles, etc are all still together. I don't think divorce is somat my family's particularly used to. I think marriages should be worked at and if temptation's lurking, then get the fk away or try and talk to your partner about it. Anyone can be tempted, I'm sure about that.

Sorry to hear your daughter went through somat similar. It certainly feels like one almighty slap round the face, doesn't it?

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

AnthonyEvans on 2005-03-24 14:35:56
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
dear hazy,
i'm coming late to this so it has all been said already, really. it's well-written and keeps one glued to the screen. i too am impressed that you would put out something so personal.
i think one of the worst things about this kind of scenario is how it puts you out of balance as you have to get these basic things sorted out before you can move ahead again with your life/career. and, of course, all that network around you which you felt you trusted you had to reaccess.
i also think that he missed out by moving away from you, at least from what i can see from your writings on this site.
best wishes anthony.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-24 14:53:59
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Ta for comment, Anthony ๐Ÿ™‚

I love the 'therapy' of it! lol

You're such a sweetie, btw... but I can assure you I'm far from perfect ๐Ÿ˜‰ But, it's some consolation that I know he totally regrets it now and I felt very strong when he wasn't able to hold it together each time we had to see each other after it happened. For what it's worth, I don't think he's particularly happy now. My mum still has dealings with him occasionally through work, and speaks with his work partner, and he's apparently not a happy bunny.

Oh well! I'm not gonna say 'I'm glad', cos I don't know if that's what I feel. But I really hope he's learnt lessons from it.

Ta again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Pilgermann on 2005-03-24 16:23:20
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Your write very well, and the emotions are spot on. From ghosts to knights?

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-24 16:40:05
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Thanks Pilgermann ๐Ÿ™‚ Emotions were spot on cos was all true and I remember how I felt like yesterday.

Things are good at the mo ๐Ÿ™‚

Ta for commenting.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

TheGeeza on 2005-03-25 18:06:33
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Hazy,
What a great piece of writing. Straight from the heart - as 2,700 words can easily tie themselves in knots - but this didn't.
Don't give up on men and relationships - we're not all bad. Okay ... we're not all very bad. Not all the time, anyway.
All the best,
Steve.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-25 18:31:07
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Cheers, Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

Nah, there's no chance of me giving up on men. Blimey lol, I wouldn't last 5 mins. I know there are a few wonderful ones out there (have one staying a few nights, actually :p)!

Anyway, I'm far naughtier than any blokes I know :p

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-03-27 21:30:30
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
After all the lengthy comments I'll break the trend and say simply: 'Respect to you for writing this.'

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-28 00:07:34
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
TY very much for your ickle comment, D.I.S.C.O ๐Ÿ™‚

I finished it and posted it when I was a tad wiggly. I even gave it the wrong title lol. It was meant to be called somat completely different, 'shooting down the bad memories' or somat like that. Oh well lol. Alcohol's my truth drug, so I guess I went with what my heart wanted it to be called.

Cheers again.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-03-28 21:17:42
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Bugger- there I was trying to leave a short, pithy comment but I got to thinking about this piece a bit more (and you're going to pay for making me think in my own time).

You touched upon this point yourself but one of the strengths of this is that it is done in such an understated manner yet with a discernible darker undercurrent bubbling just beneath- the key line of the whole piece for me is the one about if you'd had one drink, you knew you wouldn't have stopped drinking. It underpins the whole thing for me because I guess that plenty of us know someone who has gone down that road and spiralled deeper and deeper into their own troubles.

The other reason I've come back to this is that I'm 33 and of all my mates that I grew up with, I'm the only one who got married and is still married. I'm not sure what that says about:
a) me
b) my mates
c) society in general
but it's something that many people, and seemingly most of those I know, have to try to deal with.

The title is just right, by the way.

A more philosophical Disco...

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-03-28 21:18:40
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Double bugger- it was only the word 'think' that was supposed to be in italics!

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-28 21:41:55
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
Aww, ty D.I.S.C.O. for coming back.

It took til my 30s for some of my friends to start settling down and having babies. I've never felt huge pressure to rush into it cos I still have a few friends without kids - at least one of which never wants them. Those with, I usually just see them, not their kids anyway. None of them are tied to the kitchen sink! I'm away this summer to Lisbon with at least 5 female friends - none of whom have kids - and they're all in their 30s and 40s.

I did definitely tell this as a 'story' I think - and, yes, that alcohol reference is a huge line (and admittance) for me. I had heaps of bottles of red, white and fizz left over from the wedding still - let alone the half-empty (not half full - I'm more pessimistic lol) bottles from parties, etc. A few weeks after, I certainly did raid that cupboard and got through fk knows how much. I've definitely never quite recovered from that psychologically and it's alcohol I turn to when I'm feeling pants. I don't drink much when I've company at home, unless I'm nervous - and I never drink just watching tv alone - my weakness is my computer which is where I spent about 3 months after he left (after I bought it first, I'd never had one before that). I find it very hard not to have a glass of wine beside me. Thank God I gave up the ciggies, cos I used to light them constantly too.

Anyway, we both found more to add lol. Catch you soon. Ta.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Abel on 2005-03-28 23:42:46
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
I rarely read anything but poetry, but this is so well written...and so courageous. I envy such honesty, as I tend to stand behind, rather than in front of, my work. Enjoyed your testament, HazyJo...you are just fine.


Ward

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-29 00:33:45
Re: Exorcising Ghosts
TY for your continued support, Ward. You're such a sweetie.

I'm too bloody honest lol. It really doesn't always do me any favours. I'm just so not into taking hints or playing games. I truly wish he'd have said 'ok, hands up' when I first found that message, or that he'd have been strong enough to tell me about it in the beginning. Mind you, I suppose I've lied in similar situations before... But, I believe marriage is such a massive bloody step. I waited til I was 30 to be sure and I really hate that I had no choice but to give up on it so soon after it'd begun.

TY for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Dead on Arrival (posted on: 21-03-05)
Speed poem.
Hazy x
====================


Hands up, I surrender Walls close in as I draw my last breath Images fade to a tiny square Like a TV screen after programme closure End of the night One for the road Drunk on the way to oblivion Fortunately, dead on arrival
Archived comments for Dead on Arrival
Emerald on 2005-03-22 19:08:45
Re: Dead on Arrival
Hi Hazy, can't think why this hasn't had more comments yet - the only sticking part in this for me was

Like a TV screen after programme closure

Somehow didn't feel as if it fitted into the rest of the poem

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-22 20:40:38
Re: Dead on Arrival
Ta Emma. I felt that line was a tad clunky too. Maybe it would have been better split on 2 lines (ending 1st line with screen).

I didn't change any of it, just wrote it out in about a minute. Maybe in that case I should keep the wording so I can still call it a speed poem, but just move the line. Yep, I'll do that for now.

Ta for adding somat. I hate it when poems are all lonely with no comments on!

TY ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy, waffling x

Author's Reply:

Mehitable on 2005-03-23 00:59:12
Re: Dead on Arrival
Hazy, I think this has the makings of a great short poem (and God knows the short ones are the hardest) but I agree with Emerald - a TV screen doesn't sit right. How about the last credits going on a great film - or a film you didn't want to end?
Hope you don't think I'm being intrusive - I love all the rest of it.
x Mehitable

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-23 01:17:46
Re: Dead on Arrival
Cheers, Mehitable ๐Ÿ™‚ Nah, any advice, crit, suggestion, whatever welcome with me.

It's hard with a speed poem - it was just tapped straight out and I feel like I'm cheating if I call it a speed poem and then go change it lol.

I do agree, though. Maybe I should have hung onto it and 'fiddled'. I was very wiggly when I wrote it btw. I didn't think I was gonna sub last sub day, then after I subbed that, I went and finished my 'biography' genre sub, so I ended up with 2 up. I really should have kept it back. Ho hum, always good to try new things :p

Ta for comment ๐Ÿ™‚ I may fiddle and remove the line saying it's a speed poem!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-03-23 10:38:45
Re: Dead on Arrival
Hi Hazy 10 for morbidity from me.lol Very powerful imagery.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-23 11:14:39
Re: Dead on Arrival
Thanks for the comment and rating, Tai ๐Ÿ™‚

Glad you thought it worked. Ta for that ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Dazza on 2005-03-23 12:39:15
Re: Dead on Arrival
Fantayzee how bout "channel shutdown" or something? "I surrender", that talks to me big time! A lot said in your short, shriftness baby, Dazza.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-23 13:03:39
Re: Dead on Arrival
Cheers for the suggestion, Dazza. I can't get my thinking head on with this one at all - will have to come back to it at a later date. It'll definitely be changed one way or another!

Ta again ๐Ÿ™‚

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-03-24 08:17:50
Re: Dead on Arrival
I was talking to the man in grey last night. He stands outside looking up at my window as I sleep, I'm getting a bit tired of it. I've tried pissing on him but he just seems to take pleasure in that. Anyway, he agrees that your ickul speed poem is 'semblinetranatic' - I have no idea what that means as I don't speak 'man in grey' - I liked it though. Bite sized is always good in my book. It's a time thing, as in i don't have any.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Take a dictionary, I predict wordplay.

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-03-24 11:27:02
Re: Dead on Arrival
I have a blue man. You really ought to replace yours... blue's much nicer. He keeps me awake occasionally too, but no complaints from me ๐Ÿ˜‰

Glad you liked my little offering, Smunky ๐Ÿ™‚ Ta for finding the time to comment in your busy schedule ๐Ÿ˜‰

Mwah.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:


Hoity-Toity Bitch (posted on: 18-03-05)
And you'll probably think you know her too...
Hazy x
PS. Please read with the rhyming pattern of the first verse - should be straightforward, but just in case you're not sure where the emphases are later on. Sorry if I'm stating the obvious...!
=====================


Just who the fuck do you think you are With your hoity-toity ways and your off-road car Command respect from the likes of us You'll just hail a taxi cab While we get the bus Dressed to the nines in Armani suits While your walk-in closet stores unworn hiking boots