UKArchive ID: 27861Presidential Smack-Down Round 2 by ChairmanWow
Originally published on July 9, 2012 in Poetry

In an opulent stadium located in the heart of Purgatory, the first semi-final of the POTUS MAXIMUS wrestling contest of deceased ex-presidents has begun!

The River of Memory
flooded over its banks
like the Mississippi in spring
washing me up here,
a muddy old shoe
that can't forget the foot
that wore it,
Lyndon Baines Johnson
marveled to himself as he watched
William Howard Taft dance
around the mat, too much
of an overhanging gut under
the tee-shirt that read "TRUST-BUSTER"
for a clear shot at racking the Republican's balls.

I set foot in Washington
without a penny in my pockets,
left D.C. with forty million dollars. That's
the legacy that counts, not the failed
brush-fire war I fed to the right-wing
or the failed welfare state I fed to the Left.
Certainly not the stolen election of 1960!
They'll never know all I did,
how close I came to indictment
right before Dallas...plausible deniability.

He charged into the rotund Taft,
grappled with sinewy arms.
The match went on and on.
Finally Taft tired and Johnson
got his fingers inside Taft's mouth,
pulled his cheeks apart where
the referee couldn't see.
Panic registered in Taft's eyes,
Johnson delivered unyielding pain
and Taft tapped out desperately.
The Twentieth Century POTUS
championship won but Johnson
felt no victory just a longing
to leap into the River of Forgetfulness
which surprise of surprises
does not exist.

© ChairmanWow (chairmanwow on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 27861
Archived comments for Presidential Smack-Down Round 2
Texasgreg on 09-07-2012
Presidential Smack-Down Round 2
Aye, Arizonabro! We tend to forget the details of a legacy 'till reminded. You do so in a very clever way.
Super Job!

Greg 🙂

Author's Reply:
You are right about forgetting a legacy, even though the results are with us every day. Thanks Greg.


amman on 09-07-2012
Presidential Smack-Down Round 2
Hi Ralph. This is a very cleverly written satire/social comment and imo much better than Round 1. Don't particularly like 'surprise of surprises' but can't think of an alternative. I'm probably full of s... anyway.

Author's Reply:
Appreciate your comment Tony.


cooky on 09-07-2012
Presidential Smack-Down Round 2
I learn more about america everyday. Particularly enjoyed the second verse for nothing has changed in politics no matter what country your in.

Author's Reply:
Your comment is right on the money.


Andrea on 09-07-2012
Presidential Smack-Down Round 2
Oooooh, biting! Wonder what you'd have to say about Mr Romney 🙂

Great stuff!

Author's Reply:
I have to say I believe the time is past for personalities to effect events on the ground. Thanks for the comment Andrea.


soman on 12-07-2012
Presidential Smack-Down Round 2
Excellent satire, Ralph. Kudos. Soman

Author's Reply:
Thanks Soman


Ionicus on 12-07-2012
Presidential Smack-Down Round 2
The kind of satire that will resonate more with U.S. citizens who are cognisant of their politicians' skulduggery than European like me who are a bit hazy about foreign affairs but I can recognise the mordant comment.

Author's Reply:
Appreciate the comment Luigi. I try not to get into the American weeds too much but sometimes can't resist.


Nomenklatura on 14-07-2012
Presidential Smack-Down Round 2
Inspired lunacy... most entertaining.

Author's Reply:
Exactly what i was aiming for. Thanks for the comment.