UKArchive ID: 30387Fitbin
Originally published on May 13, 2013 in Poetry
Please read this little ditty and give me some feedback.
The end of the beginning prompts the beginning of the end.
The birth of your enemy promises the death of your friend.
Eponymous destruction, an echo of dark creation.
Defiling order with chaos delivers hollow elation.
Squaring the old circle with cruel, jaded laughter.
Playing silent music to those forgotten thereafter.
Drowned in burning tears to quench a thirstful demon.
Only to fall in love with the dream of crying freemen.
Broken strings vibrate through every unsullied soul.
As emptiness grows, yearning to swallow the hole.
Like the flowerless rose that grows only thorns.
Nightmares bite deep while the cosmos mourns.
Archived comments for The Cavendish Code
Bozzz on 16-05-2013
The Cavendish Code
Hi Fitbin, I think it is the lack of rhythm in the lines that made it difficult for me to read smoothly. Matching the number of beats in the lines would make it easier. Have you read it aloud to yourself? Best wishes...Bozzz
Hi there, many thanks for commenting. Yes I agree it doesn't flow very well. I was concentrating on the images more than the structure. The disjointed nature does reflect the content to try and evoke a certain something. I should record some audio as this might make me change and adapt parts. Cheers