UKArchive



UKArchive ID: 36437Untitled Loss by Fitbin
Originally published on April 15, 2016 in Poetry

This is a short, little piece that I enjoyed creating to some degree.





Wake up, wake up ā€“ I implore you!
Iā€™m standing beside your shallow daydream.
An invisible shadow, that has died in the light.

No home ā€“ nowhere to go back to.
Save for a flooded ocean of lost tears.
Drowning in thirsty and bitter charity.

Repeating your favourite song - until it burns.
Deafened by the silence of dead friends.
Crying over another loss that cuts into my soul.

The Trinity has been cruelly torn asunder.
Strewn over the staring hills and mountains.
Just as the sun sets for the very last time.

© Fitbin (fitbin on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 36437
Archived comments for Untitled Loss
Mikeverdi on 16-04-2016
Untitled Loss
I like the idea of this, the metaphor works. For me,I would lose more of the less important words, employ the use of comers. I think it would give the work more punch. It's only my opinion, others may differ, in the end it's your poem. I would be happy to show not tell on a pm.
In friendship
Mike

Author's Reply:
hi, many thanks for the comment.
Yes definitely PM me with your edits.
Cheers

sweetwater on 17-04-2016
Untitled Loss
A very touching poem, holding great sadness, I didn't quite understand the meaning, but I did enjoy it very much. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi there,
I'm glad you liked it and felt the emotion.
It is really about those types of feelings, rather than specific events.
Although it is an ode to the recent loss of my cat šŸ™