Originally published on December 31, 2004 in Non-Fiction

This is what Frankie did after 'The Eskimo Trick' episode.

By C R Krishnan

Truman Capote, the American writer wrote a book called ‘ Answered Prayers’ and the moral of the articles he wrote was that sometimes answered prayers can be a curse.
This is what happened to Frankie, my neighbour but never a friend! After the Eskimo Trick episode Frankie kept well out of my way until I got back from my holidays in India recently.
After the death of his father a couple of years ago his mother had taken in a lover and Frankie soon got kicked out. A friend of his fixed him up with a couple who were on benefits and had a one-bed council flat. Frankie had moved in and slept in the lounge on a sofa.
I did know that the landlady was the object of his affection at the time of the ‘Eskimo Trick’. The husband was a no good alcoholic and was drinking more than ever since Frankie moved in, for that brought him extra money. Not a lot, but Frankie was paying some money for board and lodge. Most of the time the husband was dead drunk and sleeping it off on park benches. Frankie told me that the wife was feeling very cold at night when the husband was sleeping elsewhere and he just wanted to oblige and be a teddy bear. ‘Nothing sexual ever happened ‘, Frankie said. I was not surprised.
Frankie was never really a great talker about women or sex. However, the woman now wanted more than a teddy bear as the husband, according to her, had a permanent brewer’s droop.
‘ What’s a droop?’ Frankie asked me.
‘ Something that hangs down’ I said.’ What’s this all about Frankie’?
‘Well it’s my girl friend, my landlady, says her husband has a droop, something to do with a brewery.’
‘Frankie, she means a brewer’s droop meaning he can’t make love as he can’t get it up because of too many drinks, too much alcohol in his system'.
I suddenly realised the reason why he was after me to help him out with his problems with the landlady. Sometimes you can’t help feeling sorry for the man.
‘But Frankie you are not in that category since you don’t drink much’.
‘ I drink a sweet cider once a week’.
‘Frankie, that’s not drinking and that’s not going to give you a droop’.
‘But I am droopy Chris mate that’s why I came to you before and that penguin egg business didn’t work. You gotta help me mate or I am gonna be kicked out, please mate’
I wondered why this bugger was giving me all these things to sort out as though I am a qualified sexual counsellor. However I just wanted to get rid of this fellow from my face.
‘Frankie, there are two kinds.’
‘Of what Chrissie baby?’ He was trying to be intimate!
‘Of droop Frankie baby, of droop.’ People who drink whisky for example have no problems. As a matter of fact it makes them opposite to droopy. So I suggest you start drinking whisky and then things will naturally progress from teddy bearing to the real thing.’
With that I went inside my house brought out the cheap whisky he had bought me which still had a few drops left in it, about one third at least and asked him to try that at least an hour before going to bed etc.,.
The next day he came to me grinning from ear to ear and said that he owes me a half bottle of whisky.
I always like a good ending!

But it was never to be. Frankie said to me that things were so good between he and the woman they wished the husband was out of the way like having a fatal accident or illness. A few months after that conversation the husband got killed by a truck while walking in the middle of road, dead drunk!

          The last time I saw Frankie he said how he enjoyed drinking the whisky and the reward this brought about and has increased his dose from one third of a bottle to half a day.

© chrisk (chrisk on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 10117
Archived comments for FRANKIE'S ANSWERED PRAYERS
ish on 2005-01-17 08:13:01
Chrissie, baby

I didn't think this was up to your usual standard of Frankie episodes. It was more 'sober' (??) and not so funny. I still enjoyed it though


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