UKArchive



UKArchive ID: 10903Antibiotics with Whisky by chrisk
Originally published on February 28, 2005 in Fiction

This is based on a poem sent to me by grand nephew Nikki in India. The author of the original is 'anonymous' from whom I have borrowed freely. All I have done is to westernise and personalise this to make it more pallatable to people outside India. I wish I had done this as a poem but alas I am not a poet! Thanks a lot Nikki Menon.



                                                             ANTIBIOTICS WITH WHISKY
                                                                         By C R Krishnan


‘Okay, Chris I am going to put you on antibiotics, you have bronchitis and an infection in your lungs’. The good Doctor pronounced. ‘ And, Chris, no alcohol as the effect of the antibiotics will be minimised’. I have heard all that before!
I ring my wife and say, ‘Hey Sarala, guess what?’
‘What?’
‘ Got the old bronchy, getting some pills, okay?’
‘Make sure no drinking on the way as you are not supposed to drink while on antibiotics and keep away from your drinks cabinet when you get home’. (The silly cow!)
I don’t believe in that crap about antibiotics and drinks do not mix. They mix nicely. Washing the pill down with the whisky and soda covers the bad bitter taste of the medicine. My wife says that these pills have no taste, just swallow it with water. I disagree.
I arrive home and as I enter I can smell the cooking and as usual my wife is making a lot of noise with the utensils and the water hitting the metal sink from the tap etc., and do not hear me closing the front door.
I go and take out the bottle from the black drinks cabinet and I see my son Ramu looking at me from his photo. I take out a glass from the shelf and quickly have a large shot of whisky, which I feel warming my throat, as it is getting ready for the pill. This is followed by another large shot, okay I tell a lie, two more large shots. When the pill gets to the stomach it will be sitting cosy between the two layers of whisky and gets absorbed quickly into my organs. This secret is told to me by a very loving cousin of mine who unfortunately died of liver problems at the age of forty-five. After the two large shots I take the glass to the bathroom sink wash it and put it back on the shelf.
My son is giving me a smile.
I peep into the kitchen and my wife is peeling the potatoes. She is not aware of what I have done.
‘Hey Sarala, any news of your niece’s wedding plans?’
‘Chris, you are home, I didn’t hear you coming.’
‘Oh! I just walked in.’
‘No, no news of her wedding, but she is still engaged to that boy form the circus, you know the one who trains the horses?’
I come back to the lounge and there is a clinking noise in the cabinet but I don’t make any sound when I take out the bottle. I also take out the glass from above the bathroom sink and quickly pour two large shots one by one both ending up in my stomach through my throat via my mouth. Great warm feeling. I stand there for a minute or so looking in the mirror above the bathroom sink and wonder myself, ‘Hey who is that handsome brute staring back at me?’ Both the handsome brute in the mirror and I smile at each other.
‘But your niece is not that old, is she?’
‘What do you mean Chris, she is 28! She is going to end up an ageing horse.’
I have forgotten she is 28.
‘Oh! That old?’
I again take out the glass from my black cabinet. What’s the potato doing here? . So I take out the bottle from the shelf and quickly enjoy two large shots in the sink.
My son laughs loudly from his photo.
I keep the shelf in the potatoes and wash my son’s photo and keep it in the black cabinet.
Wife is keeping the sink on the cooker and she still does not know what I have done.
I am getting angry.’ You call your niece a horse? If you say that again I will kick your arse.’
Wife says, ‘Don’t talk stupid nonsense, go and sit there quietly and watch TV or something.’
I take out the bottle from the potatoes go in the black cabinet and enjoy two more large shots, wash the sink and keep it over the shelf in the black cabinet.
Wife is giving me a smile.
My son is still cooking. No one knows what I have been doing.
‘So your niece is marrying a horse?’
Wife says go and sprinkle some water on your face.
I again go to the kitchen and quietly sit on the shelf. Cooker is also on the shelf. There are noises of bottles and glasses in the next room.
I peep and see my wife enjoying a large shot from the sink. None of the horses are aware of what I have done.
Niece is still cooking and I am looking from the photo and smiling at my wife and son and they are all smiling back at me.

The antibiotics seems to be working!




© chrisk (chrisk on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 10903
Archived comments for Antibiotics with Whisky
Apolloneia on 2005-02-28 10:00:29
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Why of course Whisky works with antibiotics :oO did you think that it wouldn't? Whisky works with everything, so go on take your medicine, and don't worry about the whisky :0)

Very nice I liked this humorous story of yours.

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-02-28 10:19:05
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Hey Apolloneia
Thank u. I was'nt very sure how this was going to be received as I myself was confused towards the end, lol. Thank u for the big ten! My wife is not talking to me and the whisky bottle has disappeared!
Regards
Chris

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-02-28 11:45:32
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Ah the medicinal qualities of whiskey! I enjoyed this.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

thehaven on 2005-02-28 15:12:47
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Chris. I told you about that stuff before now you know why i got rid of it.lol

I'm typing on my wife and the computer tastes good with my pills too.

Mike

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-02-28 15:26:08
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Mike
Ya and I should have gone easy on that 27 year old whisky u gave me. Any more hanging around? Lol
Regards
Chris

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-02-28 15:28:44
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Emma
Thank u my dear. Its all Mike's fault (thehaven), He gave me a bottle of strong whisky for helping him to get to the UKA do last year!( 27 year old malt)
Regards
Chris

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-03-02 04:26:43
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
This is brilliant - you've put a big smile on my face and I must go and have a whisky!

Kat *grinning from ear to there*

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-03-02 10:16:54
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Kat
I am glad u liked it. Whatever u do, don't eat the whisky with any antibiotics drink okay? Lol
Regards
Chrisk

Author's Reply:

red-dragon on 2005-03-02 21:04:37
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Taken neat, it's very effective. Glad you're not taking salts, though (especially somersaults) Red

Author's Reply:

shangri-la on 2005-03-02 22:33:10
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Wonderful little tale, I laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes 🙂

Author's Reply:

glennie on 2005-03-03 05:28:42
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Brilliantly surreal. I was told the same thing - not to mix antibiotics and alcohol so I drank wine lager bitter and cider. I was sick for days and couldn't even keep water down. Not so clever now, eh? Glen.

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-03-03 10:44:15
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Glennie
Thats where u went wrong my dear. Antibiotics goes well only I repeat only with whisky!
Thank u so much for your nice comments.
Chris

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-03-03 10:45:20
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
And thank u for the 10, Glen
C

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-03-03 10:47:39
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Hi Red
Lol, thank u. Tastier with soda!
Thanks for the top mark. I am overwhelmed.
Chris


Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-03-03 10:49:22
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Emma
I can't believe I am getting so many 10s, Wow. Thank u.
C

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2005-03-03 10:52:52
Re: Antibiotics with Whisky
Hi Shangri-la
The credit really goes to my grand nephew Nikki for sending this to me. My wife and I laughed so much reading the original Indian poem, amd a bit more when I read my own draft.
Thank u so much.
Chris

Author's Reply: