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UKArchive ID: 14167THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED by chrisk
Originally published on November 4, 2005 in Poetry

Okay, Criticise me hard folks! This is my third attempt at poetry. Well, I am trying hard.



THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
By C R Krishnan



The girl I once loved,
My ex-girl friend, not wife!
Is now looking rather old.
I look in the mirror,
I see a handsome brute.
And I smile and say to the reflection
Hey, how could you look so good,
Even though you are bald and old,
The reflection smiles back, and says
‘You are only kidding yourself, you silly old fool.’






© chrisk (chrisk on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 14167
Archived comments for THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
niece on 04-11-2005
THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
This sounds good, Chrisk! Don't we all keep fooling ourselves into thinking we are what we are not actually. I've stopped depending on the mirror these days...I ask my kids...the result is more or less the same!!!
Regds,niece

Author's Reply:
Niece
Sh......mum is the word!
Was just looking at Baby's photos which I took together with Ian and 'Pazham' Gopi, last year and noticed that she looked old!
Yours confidentially,
chrisk

Claire on 06-11-2005
THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
I gotta say I love the pic hun!

I ain't that good at critting poetry, but I would suggest getting rid of the brackets, I think they look awful in poetry, but that could be just me...

Otherwise, I love your poem, it surely made me laugh... ;^)

Author's Reply:
Claire
The cartoon pic? E griff did it!

chrisk on 07-11-2005
THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
Claire
Thank u my love. I am pleased u like it. Getting rid of the brackets now!
chrisk

Author's Reply:

expat on 07-11-2005
THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
Hi, Chris,
As I've mentioned to others before about non-rhyming poetry: I know nothing about it except what I like.
Well, this one's cool (plus the content applies to me as well).
:^) Steve.

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 08-11-2005
THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
Steve
To tell u the truth I was expecting to be torn apart. To many people here on our site, Poetry is a serious business and I can never be anywhere near them. I am glad u liked it mate.
chrisk

Author's Reply:

soman on 11-11-2005
THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
Chrisk,

Glad to see you strike off on a new track, i.e. poetry. All the best.

And what better topic than nostalgia (tempered with relief, naturally!) on the numerous "misses" you have gone thru in your life.

Soman

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 17-01-2006
THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
Hi there Chrisk,

To say you don't 'do' poetry its dot bad at all...people also say that I don't 'do' poetry but crap to them what do they know...lol

I would change a few things like: My ex-girl friend, not wife!

I would change to: My girl the ex, no, not the wife

Just to change the line by arranging the words makes it more interesting. You already told is it was your ex so no need to tell us it was your girlfriend, if it was a boyfriend well that's different, a shocker.

Also you have: I look in the mirror
Followed by: I see a handsome brute.

Two 'I's' Just like in storytelling just change one of the 'I's' or loose it all together.

This is a small free form poem that I think would benefit from smaller lines IMO.

Still a nice piece and please feel free to rip mine to bits...I probably deserve it.

All the best.
Si:-)







Author's Reply:

chrisk on 17-01-2006
THE GIRL I ONCE LOVED
Si
Thanks mate. I am not very confident when I write poems, thats the simple truth.
I am always grateful when people comment constructively like you have just done.
Thanks.
Chrisk

Author's Reply: