UKArchive



UKArchive ID: 7865BOTTLE OF INK AND A STEEL PEN by chrisk
Originally published on August 6, 2004 in Non-Fiction

The wedding is on again!



BOTTLE OF INK AND THE STEEL PEN
 By C R Krishnan



That’s what they look like. The bride and the groom, respectively.
I have no problems with large people, honest. Some of my best friends are. I even had a girl friend once who was big.
The groom that is the steel pen approaches me.
‘Hey Chris, can you take pictures? Frankie says you are a good photographer’
‘Well, I am not that good, but if Frankie says so, who am I to dispute?’
‘Well Chris, Frankie is gonna be my best man’
‘Best man?’ I say. ‘You want me to take photos of your wedding?’
‘ Hey. Good guess, ya its my wedding soon’.
So the steel pen is getting married to the bottle of ink, and I who have never taken any wedding pictures, ever, am right in it. Thank you, Frankie!
‘How much will you charge me?’
‘Not much, just pay for the film and processing, O K?’
‘Hey, when is the great event?’
‘August 21st next year’.
I tell the steel pen that’s it’s a long way away as this is only January 2002. I see him the next day and he says as I am not charging him for the shoot he and his fiancé have bought me a bottle of whisky and it is safely stored in a cool place. A bottle of whisky not maturing in oak or sherry casks but in its own bottle for the next 18 months!
A month pass. I come across the steel pen. I can’t really avoid him as we live on the same street. He is taking his dog out for a walkie. He does it in the morning and the bottle does it in the evening. They have been living together for some months.
‘Not long now, Chris’, says the steel pen.
‘ ya, another sixteen months mate’
Frankie, the best man who also lives on the same street as I says he is learning his speech.
Every month and some times every week the steel pen would say, ‘Hey, Chris, not long now’.
Its August the 1st, three weeks to go. I go and buy half a dozen rolls of films. Costs me a lot. I ask my friend Ian if he could operate the second camera, just in case. He asks me if I have an extra wide-angle lens as otherwise he may not be able to fit in the bride let alone the groom.I tell him that I have the same problem when I take his picture. (Ian ain't slim, either!)
The day of the wedding. Ian and moi are clicking away. The priest conducting the wedding says the usual things like ‘ we are gathered etc., ending with let them speak now’. A heavily tattooed man with a skinhead stands up and says’ I wanna talk some’.
He says the bride is his wife. He has been in and out prison for the last fifteen years and has just been released on parole.
Pandemonium rules. Bottle of ink looks perplexed. Steel pen asks the woman, ‘Why didn'tnna u tell me you was married before?’ She says she forgot as he is been away for such a long time. Frankie comes to us and says that he has warned the steel pen many times that the bottle is a bit thick like a sandwich short of a picnic etc.,.
He also says he has been learning his lines for more than a year and it all comes to nuffing. He also wonders whats gonna happen to all the food. I ask him whats gonna happen to all my film rolls?
A few weeks after I come across the steel pen. He says it was all a misunderstanding, as the skinhead was not actually married to the bottle, they were just common law couple. He is going to fix another date for the wedding.

However I ain’t doin no wedding pictures no more!




© chrisk (chrisk on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 7865
Archived comments for BOTTLE OF INK AND A STEEL PEN
thehaven on 2004-08-13 19:03:30
Re: BOTTLE OF INK AND A STEEL PEN
i missed this one! good read written with your usual off beat humour.

Do I get an invite to the next one!

Mike

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2004-08-14 03:15:11
Re: BOTTLE OF INK AND A STEEL PEN
Mike
Thank u for the 9! Wow what r u after mate? Invite to the wedding? Thank u for ur comments.
Chris

Author's Reply:

marym on 2004-08-21 14:58:46
Re: BOTTLE OF INK AND A STEEL PEN
Loved the title -- The narration is good. But the ending was predictable as this is a scene from life and not a story.

Nevertheless, it was a good read.

Regards, Mary

Author's Reply:

chrisk on 2004-08-22 02:07:08
Re: BOTTLE OF INK AND A STEEL PEN
Hi Mary
Thank u for ur comments. I am glad u liked it.
Regards
Chris

Author's Reply: