UKArchive



UKArchive ID: 23782Breaking free by chrissytotoro
Originally published on August 31, 2009 in Poetry

A poem about a woman who's had enough



Today is the first day
of the rest of my life.
I'm no one's mother,
I'm no one's wife.
I'm starting again from scratch!

For most of my life
I've been forced to share
with husband and children
who don't even care
for a woman losing the plot.

I've saved all my pennies
I've stashed all my pounds
I'm kicking the traces
by doing the rounds
of night clubs and seedy bars.

I'll dance round my hand bag
I'll shout and I'll sing
as loud as I like
and it won't mean a thing
because nobody knows me.

So, tonight is the night
I will lift up the latch
take final leave
of those I can not despatch
I'll start again, from scratch!

© chrissytotoro (chrissy on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 23782
Archived comments for Breaking free
e-griff on 01-09-2009
Breaking free
good luck to you girl! nice evocation of a free spirit ... bounces along and makes you smile - a bit Pam Ayresey

I'm not sure about the exclamation marks

How about taking the 'again' out of the last line of the first verse - IMO it would make it a bit smoother.

the only line I had any real trouble with was:

of those I can not despatch

changing it to: '... of those I can't despatch' is a bit better, but the stress is still tending to 'those' when it should be on 'I' as far as I can see.

best JohnG

Author's Reply:
So, tonight is the night
I'm lifting the latch
taking my leave
of those I can't despatch
I'm start again, from scratch.

Is that any better?
Chrissy

e-griff on 01-09-2009
Breaking free
naw, my suggestion was crap! 🙂

this is one of these situations that we both know where the poet reads it right (and would do so in public) but off-page the reader doesn't know how the poet is reading it.

I just had a thought - you may not like the words (and you should be happy with anything in your poem), but for me the problem would be removed by this:

So, tonight is the night
I will lift up the latch
*leaving behind
those that I can't despatch*
I'll start again, from scratch!

the last line misses a beat, but the caesura created by the comma substitutes it. The word 'maybe' could be inserted before for to give a smooth rhythm, but I'm not suggesting that, just holding it up as an explanatory exercise. You might want to put in an ellipsis instead just to make sure.

best JohnG



Author's Reply:
I think I'll leave it as it is, thanks. I think it gets the point over quite well; she can't get her family out of her life so she's getting out of their lives. I'll let you know how it goes down being read by me in public on the 15th.
Much thanks for your interest.
Chrissy

sunken on 03-09-2009
Breaking free
Hello Ms. Chrissy. There must be so many women who'd identify with this. Sadly, it seems, none of the ukanettes. Perhaps, unlike your good self, it's something they can't admit to in public (-; Very well written, in my sunky opinion. It belts along like a high speed train and no mistake.

s
u
n
k
e
n

they met by a skip full of dead chickens, she wore denim, he wore her out

Author's Reply:
Sunken, many thanks for taking the time to read and comment. You always do and your comments are always very entertaining and very welcome.
Chrissy

pdemitchell on 04-04-2010
Breaking free
Hi. Enjoyable stuff but the last stanza did misfire on the tempo when compared to the preceding ones as the syllable counts varied and the last but one line 'stuck' for me - 'despatch' falls dead for some reason. Enjoyable though! Mitch --- maybe repeating the end line from stanza one gives is circular closure.

So, tonight is the night
I'll lift up the latch
I'm taking my leave
of an ill-favoured match
and starting again, from scratch!

Still not quite right but I hope it helps. Mitch 🙂

Author's Reply: