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UKArchive ID: 25989The experiment by chrissytotoro
Originally published on February 7, 2011 in Fiction

Do criminals deserve the right to lie to defend themselves? (Not sure about this. Anyone like to comment?)



The experiment

We're hiding behind the Greek chippy on Landsdown Road. The mosque is at the top of the hill, he has to come right past us. He's always well behind his dad and his brother. He has to come this way and we'll get him.
He's cocky, that's why he deserves his arse kicking. It's not racial. I'm not a racist.
There's five of us. Me, my little brother Jimmy, Saga, Nogger North and Div. The little toe-rag doesn't stand a chance.
Nogger's out on the street. He whistles, we know that means Raj has left his house and is on his way up the hill.
Nogger stops him. We can hear his surprise. I come out from the back of the chippy with Saga and him and me and Nogger drag the little shit in to the yard at the back.
He's wiry and he struggles but Saga's got his hand over his mouth.
"You little twat!"
Saga belts him one.
"Little bastard bit us. Twat!"
It all starts then. We can't risk too much noise. Not that Stavros would do anything. But there could be one of them have a go heroes in there, some old biddy with her bag full of bricks, so we do what we have to do to keep the little sod quiet.
Div grabs him and smacks him against the back wall then turns him round and punches him in the face. His nose sort of explodes, there's a lot of blood. Then we all start in on him; punching him, kicking him when he falls on the ground.
My boot goes into the back of his head. Jimmy kicks him in the gut.
Then Nogger bends down and picks him and stuffs him in the wheelie bin. Saga's laughing like a drain at that.
Nogger nips out on to the street to see if there's anyone about and we follow him.
There's this girl, Asian girl. She's just standing there staring at Nogger then at us.
Div grabs her and we're back behind the chippy and doin' her.
Jimmy's not interested, says if he wants a fuck he'd prefer a white girl.
Then we smarten ourselves up and go down the boozer leaving the girl with her trousers round her ankles and we're laughin' cause she fell on her face trying to run after us.

"That's it?"
"Yes."
"Let's go through the names. The scrote we've got is Chris McGovan and it would be James."
"Jimmy. 'bout five eight, mid teens blond hair."
"That's Jimmy. Div?"
"Tall, skinny, black guy. White streaks in his hair."
"Horatio Divine. He hasn't been on our radar for a while."
"Just got out, guv. Three months, taking and driving."
"Dozy bastard. Nogger North."
"Could be either of them."
"Short, thin, red hair."
"David. Oh dear me. Now who the bloody hell's this Saga? What's he look like?"
"Five ten maybe. Medium build, lanky brown hair, early twenties, acne."
"Could be anybody on the Blakely. Could you go back in, dig a bit deeper?"
"If you want him brain damaged."
"Personally that would be a very good outcome for me, son, but I take your point."
"Guv."
"Susan."
"Samuel Garret? Sa Ga."
"A stroke of genius. Right. Thank you very much, Christian. Not a pleasant case for your first one but I think, if we lock these pricks up, we'll definitely be calling on you again."
"I'm sure the director will be very pleased to hear that."
"It's never easy, son. It's horrible and dirty and all you get from it is a vile memory and a good feeling that you've done good. And that's the way it has to be."
"I'll leave a statement on your desk, yes?"
"If you would be so kind. Right, ladies and gents, let's go and shovel some shit."

"James Edward McGovan, I'm arresting you on suspicion of aggravated assault. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence, if you do not mention when questioned, something which you will later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence..."
"David Philip North, I'm arresting you on suspicion of aggravated assault and rape. You do not have to say anything...."

© chrissytotoro (chrissy on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 25989
Archived comments for The experiment
e-griff on 07-02-2011
The experiment
I found this rather confusing. the narrator is one of the offenders. one of the other offenders is his brother. It seems he 'shops' them, does he? But would he shop his brother? And why do the others not identify him in turn? as I said, I'm confused. 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hi e-griff.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Yes, this is confusing. Mia culpa.
1) I should have put the 'perp's' thoughts in italics or at lest made it more obvious that he wasn't speaking.
2) I should not have called him Chris. That was just sloppiness and inattention to detail on my part.
3) I could maybe not have cut the first bit I originally wrote but that a) made it longer and from my last sub I suppose I thought it wouldn't get read and b) would have made it really obvious.
I will go back to this and tinker before I think about putting it into a collection.
Much thanks.
chrissy

geordietaf on 07-02-2011
The experiment
The first section is very effectively written, but I have to say i got very confused by the following parts. Usually 'less is more' but in this case I think more is definitely needed as there is clearly the basis for a very good piece.

I also couldn't understand how this all related to the 'right to lie'.

I would be interested in seeing an expanded and clearer version of this.

Author's Reply:
Hi geordietaff.
Thanks for reading and commenting and for saying that it was effectively written.
Yes, this is confusing. Mea culpa.
1) I should have put the 'perp's' thoughts in italics or at lest made it more obvious that he wasn't speaking.
2) I should not have called him Chris. That was just sloppiness and inattention to detail on my part.
3) I could maybe not have cut the first bit I originally wrote but that a) made it longer and from my last sub I suppose I thought it wouldn't get read and b) would have made it really obvious.
I will go back to this and tinker before I think about putting it into a collection.
Many thanks.
chrissy

Nomenklatura on 08-02-2011
The experiment
Well I found it a little confusing too.

I think the story involves an undercover policeman/agent provocateur
called Christian, or perhaps as said above "Christian" is Chris McGowan. Less is more, but I think you need to be a little less opaque here.

I agree that the first part is well written, I found it immediate and compelling.

Author's Reply: