UKArchive



UKArchive ID: 36380The Folks Next Door by harry
Originally published on April 1, 2016 in Fiction

With apologies to Chas. Addams.



The Folks Next Door

 by Harry Buschman





“Fletcher! You’re going to have to speak to this little dickens of ours. She’s as much yours as she is mine you know.”

He is about to speak ...

“That’s the second cat she’s barbecued this afternoon - it’s that little Addams boy Pugsley next door, you know - he puts ideas in her head ...
“Let’s roast some cats,” he said. Then he painted a Swastika, or whatever it is, on her head - just like the one he has on his. His is natural you know. Mrs. Addams told me he was born with it. Can you imagine?

She says his dad has one too. His is ... well I don’t want to tell you where she says his is. She’s a strange one, isn’t she? Always in mourning. For what I wonder.”



He is about to speak ...


“The trouble is the kids get along so well together. Have you seen the gallows they built yesterday? That little Pugsley is so clever, I declare. Look at it Fletcher - it’s over there by the clothes dryer. That’s his Uncle Fester hanging from it. Mrs. Addams said he’s stretching his spine - suffers from sciatica she says. There’s something strange about each and every one of them, I swear. Have you seen the father? That look in his eye! His name is Gomez, by the way ... wouldn’t you know? And their butler! My goodness! Mrs. Addams told me he used to be a bodyguard for Arnold Schwarzenegger.”



“Fletcher, you’re not listening to a thing I say! What do you intend doing with this little girl of ours?”

He is about to speak ...

“Maybe I’m being a little snobbish. Fletcher, you don’t think I’m snobbish, do you?”

He is about to speak ...



“Well I’m not, it’s just ... well ... they don’t seem to fit in, do they? I knew something like this would happen when the builder said he was going to subdivide.”

He is about to speak ...

“I never see her at the PTA. They never go out, and they have this big gray dog -- you have seen him, haven’t you Fletcher? I mean you are paying attention aren’t you?”

He is about to speak ...

They let him out at night and he howls. Just sits there and howls – I mean, what does a dog like that have to howl about?”

He is about to speak ...

“Were you about to say something, Fletcher?”


© harry (harry on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 36380
Archived comments for The Folks Next Door
QBall on 01-04-2016
The Folks Next Door
It is time to seek accommodation far, far away!
As always the poor dude gets no chance to air his views in this domestic situation. Short piece of writing, but well presented.
Well done - no not the BBQ cats!

Author's Reply:

sirat on 01-04-2016
The Folks Next Door
I almost said that what you've got there was typical of most conversations that I have with women, but just in time I remembered the rules of Political Correctness. It recalls the old question: If a man said something in the middle of a dark forest and there was no woman around to hear him, would he still be wrong?

Author's Reply:
He would probably not be heard.

Mikeverdi on 01-04-2016
The Folks Next Door
Great stuff as always Harry 😊
Mike

Author's Reply: