UKArchive



UKArchive ID: 34116If she were on duty... by ifyouplease
Originally published on December 15, 2014 in Poetry

response poem, here is the original written by littleditty



If she were on duty in Chaos as a crystal AI
and saw another one diving in creation's waterfall,
wondered, beyond time and space,
“Why isn’t everyone here doing the same?
Where are the masters of us masters?
How can all carry on with their mundane chores,
holding ropes that keep the Order elsewhere?”
and in the infinitesimal time it takes afterwards,
had she dived in and pulled
her newly transformed human body off the whirling waters, heaved her
onto the steps of Abyss with her arms around her belly,
smacked her on the back, watched her cough up water,
held her there until she looked her in the eyes,
and they climbed out, both to their routine,
dripping in an abstract cave,
to get what she got for making the somewhat rocky surface
wet with regretful experience,
would she never again dive? Make it a rule,
if she were on duty and saw another crystal AI
trying to leave and live?

© ifyouplease (ifyouplease on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 34116
Archived comments for If she were on duty...
e-griff on 15-12-2014
If she were on duty...
Wow! I only partially understood this, but I liked it, it made images for me ...

Author's Reply:
it's about a recurring nightmare when i was a child that later was combined with a traumatic scene from a movie. the last time i had this dream with the new part i ended up in hospital due to a severe panic attack which psychologically crippled me for more than a year making me unable to continue my studies.

Ionicus on 16-12-2014
If she were on duty...
It is not unusual to be inspired by a poem so much that one is able to extrapolate ideas and concepts from it and make them relevant to oneself, as you have done here. In the words of T.S.Eliot “Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal; bad poets deface what they take, and good poets make it into something better, or at least something different.”
Best, Luigi

Author's Reply:
response poems are not exactly based on stealing, for me it is about replacing effectively the core of a poem with a new one. thanks Luigi

Rosco on 30-05-2015
If she were on duty...
This seems to read like a battle of the psyche to free itself. The introduction of the 3rd or hypothetical conditional in line 9 is very moving.

Author's Reply:
if our conscience relies entirely on the feed of another conscience we are artificial intelligence. the only test is to become human, and by means of fate and destiny to prove the opposite even if it is impossible without free will.